Sometimes i sit and ponder is there an after light
A bright light to a new life?
Or perhaps a silent white nothingness
Maybe a stunning bright light to stare at for years
Or the tunnel of birth
Really it’s all kinds of crazy to think right?
Reincarnation
Ah yes that's the word for it right?
When loved ones become butterflies
While the hated become snakes
But that’s kind of like love right
A two faced plate
Love or lust

Im erasing you from my memories
But you used me abused me
Left me in pieces
Now your with someone new
I would’ve waited for you
I hope it hurts when you see me again
Just be careful cause I was Held at gun point for you
And This is what you do ?
I was so down a little too down for you
I never thought I’d say goodbye to you
I Cared for you
Took care of you
Would’ve killed for you
Ah but **** that
I got no time lames
But somehow I’ll find me again
Man I hated you
Made me wish I never dated you
We could’ve stayed strangers
I know I should’ve drank that night
Lost it all because I was so down for you
Now ******* out here with remorse and ****
It’s not the same since you left
You was nothing but lame
I gave you my all
And gave me nothing back
Why sit here and go through pain and ****
I don’t need none of that
So **** that
And ******* for what you put me through

Maybe there's a reason I never told you.
Sometimes I get stuck in this state of Darkness
where my eyes can see
but it's like my head is just pitch black
and I almost wish I couldn't see anything,
like I wish I could just curl myself into a ball so tightly that I disappear from space for a while
sometimes I get stuck in this space
and I feel like my tears and my thoughts
are climbing up my esophagus and clogging my throat
blocking my airway
suffocating me from the inside
maybe I never told you I was depressed because who wants to relive that moment
that choking hazard moment of cotton ***** in my throat
maybe I never told you I was depressed because there are no words I can use to describe it that don't transform themselves into their meanings
that don't take over my mind
crawl through my head like little worms
eating away at my brain
my thoughts
my skin
have you ever thought of a traumatic experience and then felt those events happening again
felt the dark hole of life-threatening-trauma attack your mind
Shiver through your body
like it was a demon you let in through a memory-
through a word
maybe I didn't tell you I was depressed
because I wasn't strong enough
my depression fills me to the brim
fills my head and my chest
my arms and my fingers
I can feel it moving through my body
I can feel it expanding and engulfing everything inside of me
every last vein, nerve, and tissue
how can you expect me to have the energy to fight
how can you expect me to have the energy to pick up the phone
to open my mouth
how can you expect me to have energy-to have the courage to utter the words of how I feel
I feel so worthless
in those moments I feel like there's this black whole inside me and it's consuming everything
it's taking everything but my skin
and it disgusts me
can you imagine the feeling,having something so utterly repulsive on your skin you had to scrape it off immediately
It felt like you needed to be cleansed
like you needed a shower
take that feeling
now imagine it being under your skin
imagine, every muscle, vein, nerve every cell in your body underneath your epidermis disgusts you
imagine all you wanted to do was to
GET
IT
OFF
and you can't
no matter how hard you try
you can't scrape it off
you can't claw It off
imagine you're scared of spiders
now imagine you're covered in spiders
and someone's holding down your arms
so you can't get them off
imagine them walking on your skin
in your mouth
crawling on your open eyes
in your ears
you're cringing at your own skin
You can feel them going down your throat
Their disgusting tickle in your stomach
in every crevice of your body
their tunneling under your skin
and you can't get them off
what are you supposed to do
but cry

Your head feels foggy,
you sense yourself unwind;
It’s the same dreadful demons
toying with your mind.
They wait till it’s dark,
or the lights are down low;
unnerving sickly attacks,
through your blood and bones.
You can’t hide your black heart,
the demons can see;
they don’t allow any space,
in your head to breathe.  
Tear your reason to shreds,
you need fixing.
A worn stone sinking,
in an ocean that’s rotting;
decaying miserably, and
forced to bend the knee.
How much more agony
can the universe bring.
Not even your screams
can get you out of the cold;
and you’d rather give up
and drown,
than go it alone.