Everything
is a trap.
Everywhere I go
the monster is waiting
to eat me alive.
The sensation starts
on the inside, in my
Stomach,
turning and churning.
It moves to my
heart,
causing a beat that could
be heard around the world,
gripping terror
speeding up the thumps.
From there,
It can reach my whole body.
My head,
whispering words of discouragement
My hands,
trembling and spilling everything.
My legs,
refusing to let me run
away from the monster.
And so
I go only where I am
safe.
I don't go out
because the monster that is
me
always knows where I am.
It's all in my head
which makes it harder to
fight off.  I have
no chance.
I will never
escape
this
trap.

I look across the room and see a girl.
She's staring off into the distance,
too jaded to even see the room she's in.
Dark blue circles, under the dark blue pools of her eyes,
are the only souvenirs of her late night.

I look across the room and see a man.
He's leaned back in his chair,
too tired to even open his eyes.
Dark blue bruises, on either knee,
are the only memories of his night in prayer.

I look across the room and see an old woman,
She's sloped forward away from the chair,
too hunched backed to even sit up straight.
Dark blue needles, wrapped around dark blue yarn
are the only sign she's still alive.

I look in the mirror and see myself,
I'm wide-eyed looking for a way out,
too lost even to blink.
Dark blue thoughts circle like dark blue vultures,
haunting my every move.

Loss
LossOne persons answer to deaths finality
Nancy what do I do I had things to write that I wanted to show you. The flame of your life dwindled to a flicker and then only a glowing ember. Now all that remains is the coldest coal nothing of your beauty and resonating life to earth shows there is no place to rekindle the glow the life you did show. Like a candle in a dark room all the burning finished but the day is so far away. In this dungeon darkness to sit alone unutterable words bind the tongue as strong as deaths cruel unyielding grip. All that is left all that anyone can do is speak to your memory. I know it is not as strong as death a body without breath my defeat the impenetrable veil all semblance of human emotional depth it repels without effort or mercy. Only Saul pierced the pall of this blackest wall spoke to one through evil device to great the cost for briefest utterances he lost it all. I want the peace we shared in common those days without end so cluttered and full with bits and pieces of life that we both shared and knew in detail. Strangers left outside the circle of our hopes and dreams now I to face a barricade the first parameter the mist of gray sorrows dark lined and drawn face. The second mythical beings that taunt with illusion and promise that evaporates at the feeblest attempt to get your attention. You fall to the ground the most familiar and comforting knowable existence then you convulse at the knowledge this is where my friend is defined defamed a better word she walked on the soil she ruled earth and sky like a gull playful exciting your eyes always filled the air with contentment. There was the airy feel that nature was dancing to an enthralling tune that you alone could hear and as you passed you would offer your hand and then two would swirl seemly even able to captivate the wind. Where can you replace the irreplaceable the grave bares this truth and comfort one of our own has found peace among the thorns man’s life is short and full of trouble only a vapor to be consumed. I guess that is the great rub as William so eloquently stated it. There is this rock hard fact determination is birthed at life’s going before we can be as the willow bent by every breeze our heart our limbs react to regret with a stiffing resolve we will go forward they are honored as it should be but by God’s unerring hand we will sacrifice on this damnable altar of pain to speak to act in accordance with their cherished memory that knows no bounds we the keeper of the flame the body grows old but the spirit ever renews. It isn’t cheap tears sorrow the legal tinder you present buying them back from the abyss never wavering you keep their lives not in dark foreboding corridors by sorrowful disdain but in living streams ever coursing. Through knowing and holding to the promise. “I go to prepare a place for you”

It’s fragile and fleeting and filled with fear
Tentative, uncertain, uncomfortably near

Loss

The losing of you; horrifying, insane
Picking and tearing, hurting my brain

Loss

Of you is foreign, extreme
Never considered even in wildest dream

Loss

It hangs on nothing though intrinsically tied
To my life and your life, it waits as it hides

Loss

Of your breath will suffocate mine
Turn me inwards and upwards and over the line

Loss

It’s fragile and fleeting and filled with fear
Tentative, uncertain, uncomfortably near

If only you could tell,
If only you could know.
I call your cell,
But nobody's home.
It is you that I lack.
I miss your presence beside me,
But I know you're up there,
To watch and to guide me.