What are you doing in your life,
Besides what you think is right?
Going under with the main stream downtown,
Forgetting you could be glowing and you can't drown.

Your mind is bigger than your years,
Broader than the galaxies.
And with ease you surpass all of your peers,
Despite the many different mentalities.

Don't limit yourself to an island,
Go to 196 countries.
Let your horizon widen,
You have that potent will, guaranteed.

The smoke,
That you claim clears up your mind,
Clouds your vision and makes your goals broke,
Forcing you to think you properly invested your time.

You have a unique rhythm, no question,
You're not ordinary, you're much more.
I know you're not the same, this is just a phase.
Close the pages and open some doors.

See what's real, set yourself on it- it's all achievable when you clear up the
*haze.

The road is long, rough, tough and winding, it needs a pair of strong and stable feet,
And though I despise anything man-made, I might need and have to learn to accept an automobile to help set me free.
This road is forever engraved in my mind. It just lingers, sort of like fog and I am stuck with this altered and tainted view for the rest of my life. Seems like there's no other way.
It's the road I always go back to, and sometimes the fog clears up, it clears up for seasons time, but it comes back, *always and all day.

To move things you have to have emotional muscle. You can't ask someone to love you and they don't have the emotional muscle to pick up your love.

Out of all the things I've said and done,

The scars on my arm are the deepest ones.

I'm pouring out the sorrow,

And letting the grief run.

But, some day it will flow no more,

And like a druggie on an overdose,

I'll be half sitting, half laying with a deadly weapon in one hand,

And my life on the floor-

My time oozing to a stand.

I know we put on a show,
Trust me, I know.

I know* it's hard,
I know people like us don't have it easy.
But it's effortless to pick up a shard,
And mutilate ourselves until looking in the mirror makes us queasy.

I know we can't talk even if we wanted to,
I know our emotions aren't always crystal clear.
But if it's one thing we want and so desperately pursue,
Is to be able to utter an "I'm okay" and for it to be completely sincere.

I know we can't trust,
I know it's been broken so many times.
But we've wrongfully learned to adjust,
To someone who isn't worth it, to someone who just hurts and lies.

I know what it's like to need and not get,
I know what it's like to be told "just forget".
But they don't know what we've been through,
They don't know all we've had to endure.

I know ending it seems unquestionable and inevitable,
I know the pain seems irrevocable and inequitable.
But I just want you to know that I'm here,
And it's hard to speak but I'm all ears.

*I know we put on a show,
Trust me, I know.

I always thought we were great for each other, even though I knew good things never last..

It's so sudden like, what?
You don't even get a chance to process the pain you're about to endure.

Just yesterday they were telling you how madly in love they are with you and how the fire will never burn out.
How you'll make it and it'll be better than anything you could ever imagine.

But as soon as the clock hit midnight all those words were lost.

How can they do that?
How can one day they wake up and decide they don't want you anymore?
Is it hard for them? Do they feel bad?
Are they just not feeling well? Are they confused?

All these questions are running through your mind..
The sad thing is if they are,
then you don't need to be with the person causing them.

Love doesn't hurt when it's true, love doesn't break you.


You need to be strong for yourself,
Time will help.

I'm not saying time heals all wounds but it lessons the pain.
No they won't be completely gone, completely out of your mind.
But there will be times when you don't feel it,
when you don't feel their toxic presence.

...Just like there will be times when it's excruciating.
When you can't help but sob you're heart out.
All you do is mope,
With seemingly no way to cope.

As you walk you can feel the shards of your heart dropping and being crushed by your own feet, breaking you all over.

It will not be easy.

But look how far you've come, all the battles you've fought,
no matter if you've won or not.
You're here today for a reason,
don't let them make you wave your white flag.
You're strong even if you don't see it.

After all of this, they might come and apologize.
I'll just let you know one thing; you don't need to accept it.
You don't need to feel like the least you can do is forgive them,
As if;
It was you who caused all these horrible things to happen.
It was you who purposely made you have sleepless nights,
And no will for anything.
It was you who gave yourself that blank look in your eyes.
It was you who killed you..

Insanely, they come expecting you're accepting of their apology.
As if it's the most normal thing to do.
As if it's okay to go about breaking plates, not even bothering to clean them up.

Just leaving them there to rust away on the floor..

I think the most appropriate way to respond is:

Sorry *doesn't fix a broken plate.

I can't wait to lay my eyes on you,
For my hands to hold you.

For your tight grip on my one finger,
For your barely opened eyes to be filled with wonder.

For my breath to catch with yours,
For your heart to beat steady in my arms, you're already adored.

I'm going to protect you and be your savior,
*You're my baby girl.

We commit many errors, through misadventures.
We do things we're not supposed to, out of pleasure.

We choose to forget, we don't want to remember,
Then complain about not knowing ourselves- being our own transgressors.

All because we're

*Old enough to know better,
Young enough to do whatever.

An injured arm,
A broken heart,
I meant no harm,
Still I got torn apart.

Blank eyes,
Crazy thoughts,
Can't set them aside,
In this tangled web I'm caught.

I hurt,
You try.
I've been cursed,
I don't know why.

I need a friend,
I need to be held.
It'll soon end,
There's no *help.

I have to learn how to do what I want, how to not care about the careless.
How to not pity the ones that destroy homes and make the least seem best.
How they ruin a world you thought was yours, a world you thought you had conquered but since then has been torched.
How they turn life into a cold, dark, bitter thing, a thing you think you can throw away with no consequence.
How can they turn something so grand into something so ominous?

How can I care about something that does more harm than good?
I want to learn how to spoil myself with soul food.
I want to be good, do good and spread the good,
I want to help the poor evil become someone congenial.
I want to do unto others what I want to to be done unto myself.
I want to be rich with an untouchable and unseeable wealth.

I am not feeling anything,
I am numb.
My heart is encased in something so impenetrable,
Not even I can set it free.
As I lay, I try to feel,
Even the tiniest bit of emotion,
Impossible.
I'm searching for something, anything.
A tear to roll down my face, some hair pulling...

I hear the faintest palpitation of a heart beat.

Get me a doctor, a cure-er,
A poet, a writer.
Someone who can either give me drugs to help cope or stitch me up with a pen.
I'll wait, I'll even count to ten...

...

Didn't think so,
What now?
Do I cut myself open,
Just to test if I bleed?
Or do I keep feigning cares?
Want me to repeatedly say I Love You,
With a blank stare?

Don't call me emotionless, heartless, etc.
I hate it when people point out the obvious.
Use new adjectives,
Like scarred, or a giver-upper, a try-hard,
You know, something that isn't easily seen on the surface.
Something you have to search deep to discover.

What if you dig deep enough and find a treasure?
Imagine finding gold and pearls.
You've set me free, I'm finally happy.
But I'd hate to imagine what comes after.
After you discover what I'm made of,
Will your motives change?
Before it was to help now it's to use me.
Now you want to lather yourself in my riches until I've run out straight to the core.
Might even nibble on what's left,
And then I am left.
As always.
Left for dead.

I heal bit by bit,
I don't remember anything.
I feel hollow but start filling up with nothingness.
I feel softness but only for a split second until that all too familiar hard shell forms.

I'm back.
I feel normal in this terrifying state.
I want to feel, I want to touch and taste and rejoice but-
there's nothing.
No matter how hard I try.

All too soon I hear some news,
Some poor soul hit rock bottom after being rotten rich.

Don't come seeking for comfort in me,
Don't try and use me for your selfish needs.
Just like you I am needy, a loner,
I am a sucker fish hoping to find and taste even the smallest amount of life,
A roamer, searching for *something, anything.

Deadened* eyes and sugary lies,

We spill our guts and plan our demise.
From these withered roots we rise,
Count your breaths and swallow the sighs.

Lie awake and hope to die
,
Never let them hear you cry
.
Swallow the fear and say goodbye,
Whisper to the starry sky.

Like soft strokes of a lover’s hand
,
The wind carries voices of the ******.
Drained and weary they demand
,
To return to the warm embrace of land.

No more can we see the sun,
In the clouds and mist we run
.
Regret, there is but one
,
*That they had put down the gun.

I'm broken,
Wishing someone will realize, but no one notices.
I'm hurt,
Hope you choke on all your cursed jokes and words.
I'm alone,
Whether it's my fault or yours is unknown.
I'm done,
But pills, blades, and shots don't always fulfill their purpose.
I might as well live this life tragically numb,*
And fight all these urges.

Cover up the emptiness,
they won't look in the light.
Make them feel the bitterness,
know that they won't fight.

Never keep your promises,
watch them while they bleed.
The only truth ever told to them is,
they're not the only ones in need.

Crush the shallow dreams they make,
burn the frigid world they believe.
So now they are at last awake,
to look into the souls they deceive.

Tentatively they reach out a hand,
to try to mend what they have broken.
Unable to save those already ******,
"sorry" being a word too readily spoken.

Have they learned the lessons taught,
or are they just pretending now?
These hearts are too often bought,
they hope to feel the love somehow.

Look away and see them smile,
they're showing what you wish to see.
The darkness has gone away for a while,
they'll let you live this *fantasy.