how deep is deep enough?
how far will I sink?
will i touch the bottom before my lungs
have no oxygen left to drink?
will i just dissipate into the water?
they say 70% of the earth is made up of the ocean
and I too have 70%
I think I'll blend in nicely

I come from an environment
where change is an everyday routine
and people can flip their switch
at the strike of a match
so I apologize if every instance
of difference sends me spiraling
downward into a self inflicted
illusion that may or may not be real
but I can’t help that every small
indication of separation
makes me cringe.
I have fallen in love
and fallen accustomed
to hyper sensitivity
and hyper awareness
because the only love
I’ve ever been apart of
was unrequited and
I was inadequate.
And the only love I have
ever been shown
was intoxicated
by madness
and left in the cold
with mental scars
and bruises on young arms.
I don’t want my past
to destroy my future
but if you’ve seen the life
I have been shown
you would think there were
roaches in diamonds
and disease in gold.
Love is not
what makes me paranoid
it’s loyalty,
because how can I learn
to receive
what I’ve never in my dark past
been shown or reciprocated.
I need to learn to trust
in mostly myself and I
because I’m tired of thinking
every beautiful day and genuine person
is all just an a illusion of my mind.

There's three or four poems I'm working on
At any given time
It's hard not to let that happen
With a head that's filled with rhyme

The hardest part about it
Is keeping the words straight
I know if I were to mix them up
It would be a huge mistake

Don't want a line of death and destruction
Next to a simple I love you
Or a phrase that talks of the best of times
Followed by we're all *******

Keeping all these poems straight
And in an even flow
Is a whole lot harder
Than you will ever know

Anyone with a lick of sense
Would work on one poem at a time
Creating piece by piece
Writing line by grueling line

But me in my insanity
Would go out of my mind
If I worked on only one idea
And left the rest to wait outside

So I bring all of my thoughts
And toss them in a pile
I pick and choose which ones to let loose
In hopes the end result isn't to insanely wild