Here I stand
In the aftermath of the chaos
The hall that once held the heat of your anger
Now lays empty

Your screams have been replaced by a rich silence
A silence that permeates the walls
A silence that circulates the rooms
Of the house
You no longer call home
A silence that slices through the concealed hurt
And reveals the pain
That is still,
So fresh

Love him.
Please.

Take a chance.
Have faith.
Leap.
Let go of your doubts, your reservations
And just go,
Go for it.
Please.

I know you don't want to.
I know you don't want to hurt him.
I know you don't want to get hurt again.
I'm not going to even start to pretend I fully understand
But I get it,
It's ******* terrifying

But he deserves it
Yes,
He deserves a chance.
He deserves you
And more importantly,
You deserve him

Around each other,
You both become better versions of yourselves
You light up
He lights up

No, he's not exactly what you pictured
But God never promised picture perfect
Sometimes His plan is entirely different
Than the plan you had imagined

And it's okay

I think you know this.
All of this.

So why are you still fighting?
You don't always have to be
The one in control,
The one who cares more,
The one who loves more

You were hurt
Bad
Actually,
Your heart was violently thrown at the ground
And the pieces?
They flew everywhere.
The hurt?
The hesitations?
They makes sense.
But he is willing,
He is ready.
To love you fully
To love you freely
With all his heart

So what are you waiting for?

Humble yourself
And let him fix you
Let him destroy the hurt
And replace it with a love
So big,
So all-encompassing,
You can't even begin to imagine it
Let him show you
The compassion you deserve
The respect you deserve
The love you deserve

You have to believe
He is not going to disappoint you.
He is not going to hurt you.
He is not going to leave.
He is going to love you,
Forever.

So please,
Love him.

No.
Stop.
You can't do that.

In one breath
you tell me how much your girl means to you
In the next breath
you tell me that you are attracted to my best friend
In the moment after
you look me in the eyes, lean in, and try to kiss me

And I slap you.

Because you're confused
And hurting
And I love you

Because that's not okay.

Oh,
And if you wanted to mess with me,
Well,
Congratulations,
You succeeded.

It was all a fantasy
A feverish, fast, incredible dream
Your hand reaching for mine
Your lips slowly slipping their way down my torso
Hot against my skin
Igniting my insides
Your fingers, running through my hair
Your smile, crooked, but so **** cute
Our talks,
so deep
so raw
so real

But it wasn't real
None of it, not a second, not a single word
It was a terrible, wretched, ******* lie
And I knew it.
All along I knew it.

But I played along
I let you in
I trusted you
I believed you
Because in that moment,
It felt good
It felt right

People warned me about you, I had heard all the stories
But I thought you were different
I gave you a chance
Because you made me believe you deserved one
Because I wanted so badly to believe,
To believe that I was different than those other girls
That you had changed
That we, together, were unique

You told me I was beautiful,
You told me that my laugh made you smile,
So I laughed more
And you smiled more
You made me jello jiggler santas in June
We ate the whole tray
and we ripped their heads off
and we thought it was the funniest thing in the whole world
You opened doors for me
You kissed me in the rain
You would hug me like you never wanted to let me go  
You listened so attentively
You were so sweet
So genuine

You did everything so right
But it was the farthest thing thing from right
It was so wrong
You are so wrong
I was so wrong

You held my heart in your hands
And then you dropped it
No.
Scratch that.
You threw it, chucked it
You hurled it violently into the wind
Not caring how or where it landed
And it shattered
A million unanswered promises left blowing in every direction

And no one even knew.

I want to make a list
Of everything,
All the things,
You hate about yourself.
All the imperfections,
You think
You have
But don't.

And then destroy it
Tear it apart
Rip.
Shred.
Annihilate it.

Along with the very idea
of hating anything about yourself

You are surrounded by amazing people,
People who love you to the ends of this earth
And these people,
They care about you
More than you will ever know

And then there's God
He's here
He's everywhere
And He loves you too
With a crazy, unfathomable love

So quit telling yourself that you are nothing
Because you are everything
Except nothing

You are appreciated
You are loved
Your life is worth it

You are beautiful
Everywhere
All over
Outside
Inside
Yes, you
*You are so beautiful

I'm slipping into nothing
Into everything

With every sound not heard
I slide
Further down,
Alone,
Disappearing,
Forgotten

I'm losing my whole world
To the silence of my cries

There's so much I should say
So many thoughts
Words waiting to tumble
But I just can't let it flow

It's too early; it's too fresh.

If I say it all out loud
I can't take it back

It will be stranded in the air
Splattered above me,
Hanging.
Heavy.
Weighing down the atmosphere,
Beyond repair.

I'll show you my scars I've been hiding for so long

I'll tell you of all my pain and how it stung

I'll bleed out to you and you can watch me cry

Because eternally I watch myself die

I'm afraid though of all the judging you will do

Because I can never no if ones feelings are TRUE

I'm tired and weak gazing at the stars

As I unconsciously rub my scars

If someone offered you a burnt rose you would scrunch your nose up for sure

It would be frail,weak and lack so much allure

It would be black and crumble between your fingers

You would cringe and the hurt would linger

Who wants a burnt rose lost of colour or a pleasurable sight

No one,you give someone that out of sheer spite

So I ask again,who wants a burnt rose that will crumple with the wind?

That the bees stray away from and the birds refuse to sing.

Mother nature forgot that rose as fire consumed it

Everyone forgot as the rose swiftly lit.

You were the blade and of course I was the skin too weak to defend itself

What?