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Dánï Dec 2014
Feeling a heart (break) I don't have,
I'm soft skinned yet thick skinned, don't let it confuse you.
Emotionless, careless but extremely pensive,
I've encountered all shades of blue.

I'm a strong non-believer of chance,
I've had countless of calculated mishaps,
Wish I had my memory on infinite photographs,
Could've evaded so much nerve damage, perhaps.

Numb and restless,
My body is filled with a void.
The emptiness is something I detest,
Along with being toyed.

I thought my non-existent emotions couldn't be voiced,
It's been the cause of why so many opportunities have been soiled.
So many moments unexpressed,
So many feelings repressed.

I don't believe pure happiness exists in this life,
But I've been content lately.
Oh how many conversations went on in strife,
because I was too confused on how to accept my reality.

How many times I fought for love I didn't believe in,
how many times I pushed out a hate I didn't have within.
Believe in the good and the bad, too.
Believe in monogamy and one meant for two and-

Vice versa.
I believe in opposites and in similarities,
I believe in exacts and uncertainties.
I believe in the truth being a lie,
I believe in hello's but am more prone to goodbye's.

It's not my fault I have a big heart but am heartless,
It's not how I intended to be,
I have an immense amount of regrets,
All of them made of satisfactions I wasn't able to see.
-d.***
Dánï Dec 2014
I feel like I'm always going to be alone, mentally and physically.
But then I get to thinking and realize I'm so young, yes I feel old but I'm so very young. Someone/something might come into my life that'll fill that void tomorrow, next year or in a decade. We're alone for a reason, to better ourselves, to have to do so because going into anything incomplete will never leave you whole. You need to be whole to be able to share a part of yourself because everything takes something from you and when you're at pieces you can't afford that to happen, you don't have enough to let that happen.
Everything has a process, some longer than others. Some of us are complex broken glass and some of us are just a simple incomplete puzzles.
Regardless, we'll find the pieces, we'll take as much time as we need because patience is a virtue we can't live without. Being realistic is another crucial one. We need good balance because the wrong type of balance has a tiring and heavy weight that'll only crush you into more pieces.
We don't have control over anything but ourselves, and even thought it might not seem like it, it's up to us to decide how we complete ourselves.
Of course being whole isn't something we know or know how to acquire, especially if we've never been but once you're there, and you can only get there with the right steps, you'll know. I'm far from it, I know it'll take years and years for me to feel whole, but I'm good with incomplete, I've learned to accept it, and that helps. I don't believe in luck or chance, I know whatever is meant for me won't miss me and whatever isn't won't ever hit me.
Be accepting, balanced, realistic and patient.
-d.***
Dánï Dec 2014
Too much of everything is sometimes just that- too much.
When you're at your lowest you get closer to the high yet think you'll never be high again.
And when you're at your highest sometimes the air gets thick and no breath is let in.

The lows are so painful, so dark and so fearing. You see no way out and your open sky develops a ceiling. You're surrounded by smooth walls, no place to help you grip your way up,
and when the top seems too far you start to look at things through a half empty cup.

The cup being smudged with finger print stains doesn't help, you see all your efforts gone to waste and lose faith in yourself. The water at the bottom blows everything out of proportion, and your failures are brought to sight in a new light, your hopes and dreams start to seem foreign. We think the world is cruel and whoever allowed it is, too. Why are things the way they are, why do we deserve such horrible things, why can we be scarred? Why aren't things perfect, I'd be so happy if things were perfect, if I didn't care about anything and no harm was felt. If no one was possessed by something so evil, if mutual respect was a given and acceptance was pressed. If only there was no one to be against or no one against us, no one to feel threatened by or depressed. If all things good were mandatory, obligatory and all things bad were kept in fictional stories. Horrors and terrors was only experienced in movies while bliss and happiness was all that was permitted.
But on the ground you feel close to what's high, so close yet at the same time so far. One feeling helps supply our faith and the other nullifies it. It's a turmoil we need to purify and the thought of the high gives of hope of it being beautified.

There are two sides to everything

Being high is the best and when we are we feel so passed blessed, we feel chosen. we feel we have a message to profess and manifest, it's a feeling that cannot be ever suppressed nor fully expressed. We're at our peak and no thing seams bleak. We might weep but it's out of happiness, and we might feel stressed to get rid of anything we detest, no matter how little.

We find the urge to get rid of all things that have or could bent and dent us. All things that have sent us to the depths we were at once..
When we're high sometimes we feel a superiority, we feel the need to direct whatever happens next. The feel to control is what needs to be assessed and corrected, it needs to be addressed and made ***** before it's possessed and infected with something not able to be mended. We start to get seemingly positive outcomes by using negatives, and that wasn't what was meant.. We get too high and don't notice how wet the ground is, and in our state of mind it's easy to slip and get wrecked. We get too high to remember what it's like down when we were swept off our feet and made to kneel. We get high enough to scoff at the fuss and to dismiss the idea to discuss our situation, our foreseeable yet unfathomable stump. We're too high to think we can be stumped, and when it happens to us we'll feel as if thought it has been dumped on us. We'll cry saying it isn't fair and though things might seem beyond repair we'll say we don't have a care because we still have that residue high, we still have that feeling of superiority and think nothing can go wrong anymore. The high helps yet it is suffocating, it can be put up to debate but the truth is we can't await for history to repeat itself. We can't let people imitate the wrong we need to educate and indicate them to where the facts have proven to be right. No need to obligate- a sound mind will always correlate and initiate collaboration.

We need balance and we need guidance, we need help and we need to learn how to seek it. Sometimes we'll find it in things we can and can't see, regardless, by doing so we might finally find inner and outer peace.
-d.***
Dánï Dec 2014
I have to learn how to do what I want, how to not care about the careless.
How to not pity the ones that destroy homes and make the least seem best.
How they ruin a world you thought was yours, a world you thought you had conquered but since then has been torched.
How they turn life into a cold, dark, bitter thing, a thing you think you can throw away with no consequence.
How can they turn something so grand into something so ominous?

How can I care about something that does more harm than good?
I want to learn how to spoil myself with soul food.
I want to be good, do good and spread the good,
I want to help the poor evil become someone congenial.
I want to do unto others what I want to to be done unto myself.
I want to be rich with an untouchable and unseeable wealth.
-d.***
Dánï Dec 2014
I heard overtime our body disposes of cells and develops new ones, how sublime.
My body last year isn't what it is now, and certainly not what it was when I was nine.
I guess scientifically you've never touched me.
You've never gripped my face in between your forefinger and thumb, never put your mouth, your thin upper lip and full bottom lip on my tightly closed one.
Apparently I was never forced to see.

See, I was too numb, too motionless to fight back and eventually turned emotionless.
Cause and affect

Never felt you push yourself on me or you openly inviting my hand to explore.
Never felt the dread I felt when you told me I was adored.
Never grazed my ear with your fingers as you pushed my hair back, telling me I was beautiful no matter how hard I tried not be, that in a sea full of girls there was no one else like me.
That out of all of them I was different, I was special, I couldn't be cloned.
I had a heart made of gold that wouldn't hurt anyone even if told.
I never had to feel your breath on my cheek or neck as you asked if I loved you, as you asked if I was alright. That if something was wrong I could go to you with no hesitation and like always you pried and I lied.

Maybe that's why I never believe anyone that has a mouth or fingers or eyes, just like you did, just like yours. I don't trust anyone that can form beautiful words, can't let them have the ability to make them retch worthy, too much at stake to let another one of your kind hurt me.
Cause and affect

I never felt a maleficent, fine blade on my own skin, slicing away the words I could never begin.
I never felt hot tears on my chin, dripping down into the deep pool made of a deep red. Making a color I'll never forget, nor perfect ever again.

I love that a part of me will forever be on that tile, on that floor. Because the whole of me has been long gone, just like my (hopefully soon) soul.

Yet, I'm still her, and she'll forever be me, that poor little nine year old girl that had to endure it all until she was pubescent, and then as if that wasn't enough, sickly got tortured and scarred some more while growing into a poor excuse of an adolescent- a traumitized, terrorized *adolescent.
-d.***
Dánï Jul 2014
Keep me in mind while you lose your mind,
Remember before I forget.
Take me anywhere except for granted,
Another you isn't hard to get.

Trust your instinct,
Don't let your pride get in the way.
Your toys will come and go
But I'm here to stay.

I'm not easy to comprehend,
I'm even harder to love,
But if you teach and show me how,
I'll be more than enough.

What you're close to throwing away,
Others are waiting to have.
I'm not cocky but I'm just saying.
They're hoping you mess up, they don't want us to last.

Think of how I make you feel,
How my voice soothes your aches.
And how anything I do,
Is all for your benefit.

Our minds and bodies were made for each other,
It's just my time and your place that's the bother.
-d.***
Dánï Jul 2014
You deserve the world on a broken platter,
You deserve to be fed with a wooden spoon.
I'm not at all bitter,
I just don't coincide with being played for a fool.
-d.***
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