Silver sparkles
Lost in a sea of purple fabric
Hair singed straight
Face painted
Laces stealing my breath away

Bittersweet, the hug
From an oft-absent father
The sinking feeling, unsatisfied
Without a clue as to why
Dread mounting, anxiety shouting

“You’ll be the prettiest girl at Prom”

Matte black
Broken by a silver bowtie
Hair combed back
Neat and orderly, obscuring
The sea of butterflies I hide

Euphoric, the hug
From the lady I’ll escort
Bright flashes in my eyes
Thumps of congratulations, I am
The lucky man to take the prettiest girl to the ball

“May I have this dance?”

You know, my mother never forgave my father, either
Though he did not leave us for the darkness of eternal slumber
Instead, for the heat and stink and sand and sulfur of a special piece of hell on Earth.
And his name, too, was locked away, but for the times it was aired out to dry
Like ***** laundry.

And when he dared to show himself
My mother, too, could not lose her frown.
No whiskey on his breath, but eyes that begged to forget
A cheek that dared to stubble and scrape as we’d waltz
And knock the paintings from the walls.

Away again he’d go, taking all the warmth, to leave us in that blue-black cold.
My mother got up to early, to iron our clothes and turn on the stove
But no warmth could splinter the chronic anger left in the loneliness.
No one ever thanked her, either.
What did I know?

When the nights grow dim and the shadows grow longer
I can't help my mind but to wander
And I find myself remembering the nights I spent with you
Did we ever even had a chance?
I know we thought we had it all
It was nothing but a cold winter romance
Warmer than the air until the sun began to shine

And I suppose I could have told you I could never be your girlfriend
But its hard when I hadn't even told myself
And I suppose you can make it all my fault
When we never even had a chance
And I can take the pain from this broken heart
But I can't shoulder the blame all alone
Do you even remember the same things I do?

You talk of the love we used to share
If that is love, do I really want a part of it?
It often felt more like hate to me
There was never even a chance
So I learn to take a breath
And learn to love myself
And maybe now, I will have a chance.

Family of Trans

Talons raised, like an eagle ready to strike
Strength within surging, searching for an outlet
Feeling invincible, needing to shout from a high place
Shouting look at me, see all that i am and have become

We will not be kept down, or be trampled under foot
We are proud of our uniqueness, proud of our completeness
Our strength shines bright, knowing we are beautiful
Our genders shift, flow, reverse from what our bodies tell us

And we shine, we are the diamonds of Trans, stars so bright
We blind many, with our gifts, our skills and passion
Our hearts are open to all that will see, deep and full of love
We are the stars in the sky at night, the sparkle of the seas

We are the family of Trans, we are beautiful and strong.

by Lj Mark, 2015

Hell
You threaten me with… hell?

Do you not realize, I am already living it?

Every stab, every slap in the face
As I am told I am not worthy,
Because of how I was born

As I am told who I am, by a complete stranger
As I am held back, because of things I can’t change
And I wouldn’t, if I could

Where my love is wrong
Where, I tell you, I am he,
And you say, no, you are she

Where I live in fear,
I flinch at every sound,
With the memory of HIS hands around my throat?

I live in pain,
My body betrays me,
As if my anguish wasn’t enough

And you think to threaten me,
With hell?

Mirror Mirror on the wall

                                                     *******!

Why do you show me these things?
Every flaw
Every piece of me I wish I never had?

Showing me this, or that
That makes me the woman I NEVER WAS
That makes me want to give up
Question myself
Hate myself
Die

All you are


Is a false reflection noitcelfer eslaf a sI


My eyes, deceiving me
                Trained
                               By the voices
                                                       Of a thousand doubters

Mirror Mirror on the wall

                                             I REJECT YOU!


I vow to see myself
                                Not in the reflection of ingrained hatred

                                        *But through the eyes of someone who loves me

Sink
Into the center of your soul
Open
The eyes that do not see
Feel
The flow of the air around you
Be
One with the world at large
Sing
With the melody that cannot be heard
Scream
Until all the pain is let out
Dance
Upon the winds of change
Dream
A dream of a better place

And in all of this,
You will learn to fly
You will learn to listen,
And learn to cry

There is a world out there,
Bigger than you know
With beings of love,
Waiting with arms wide open.