Just a maths class led to an incomplete story,
maybe they were just not meant to be.
They had so much in their mind,
but didn't say a word.
They can't bear this pain,
how do they even explain ?
As their feelings were never conveyed,
and now all they do is regret,
because they can't see any hope.
They didn't express.

How do I explain that healing can be beautiful too ?
When for me,
it was just pain and,
now,
my heart is so cold that,
it feels like I've ice in my veins.

I've been through so much,
and now,
I'm just numb.
I try to cry,
but I can't.

I think something is wrong with my mind and my body.
My heart ?
It's not there,
there's nothing like feelings in it,
but it's just a piece of flesh as a part of my body.

I don't even know how I'm surviving,
I've no plans and,
I'm just dying a little more everyday.
Did I ever heal or am I just stuck in that phase and,
now, I'm so comfortable with my pain that,
I can't even recognize my real self.

Do you ever just sit back and think that how crazy our lives are ?
Or is it just me ?
Do you ever think of how precious a moment is, when you're actually enjoying it to the fullest ?
Or i it just me ?

I hope I'm not not the only one who gets hit by this wave of sadness from nowhere,
when I was doing fine two minutes before.
I hope you don't think of me as a stupid person,
just because everyone else thinks so.

Sometimes, I just feel like getting my life together at midnight,
but next day, I'll just be waking up with a sad face.
Sometimes, I can't stop myself from crying and just cry myself more to stop,
and on some days,
I'll try to let it all out with tears,
but my eyes will remain dry,
and the pressure in my head, just increases by.

Overthinking about what could happen or what would have happen because of that one thing,
but not having energy in my body to make things right,
or to bring my life back on track or to bring any peace.

I don't know how to feel, express or even talk about it.
I can't define this feeling in words,
but it's with me, all the time.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm numb,
but I do also feel crazy when my different 69 moods hits me, all at once.

Is this how all of this is supposed to be ?
This is how life goes ?
Or is it just my life.
which is messy ?

"Have you lost your brain?" is the only question they ask me most of the times.
"Yeah, i guess.But what am I supposed to do now?"is my only reply.
"You're just overreacting", they said.
And then, I just told my heart that,
maybe my feelings aren't valid.

After all of this,
I just became really silent.
I think a lot in my head but,
I'm not the same anymore.
Now, they ask me,"what's wrong?" and Ii replied
"You asked me to shut the ** up indirectly.So, thank you.I just haven't really felt anything since then."

Burying it all inside everyday,
is killing me, more and more.
I don't know how to express,
who to talk to,
and how to deal with all of this anymore ?

Whenever I realize that,
I'm alone in all of this,
memories hit me hard.
Realizing that you've no one to talk to,
no shoulders to lean on.
And all you're supposed to do is,
pretend, lie about the way you feel and fake a smile.

" Is this what I deserve ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why do I feel this way ? "
are the only thoughts I could think about.

Do I need help with all of this ?
" You're just overreacting ",
"Maybe it's just a phase ",
"Are you sure this isn't because of your periods ? "
"It's just sadness ",
that's what you're gonna say ?
But what if this feeling never goes away ?

Sometimes, somethings happen in your life,
and it just **s up everything.
You hit the rock bottom,
and feel like, you should die.

Something happened to me and it still haunts me.
The day of february seventeenth.

I put on my perfect black dress,
with my favourite red lipstick.
Loved myself more because I'd someone like him.
In the case of love,
he always seemed a perfectionist.

He arranged a beautiful date,
everything went well till he took me to room no. one hundred and sixteen.
We sat in that room,
and we got a little close,
and started feeling each other's body.
He threw me on the bed,
and it was all really romantic.

But then, I noticed lust in his actions,
and asked him to stop because it wasn't easy to adjust.
But guess who didn't listen to me for the first time ?
How could he not respect my decision ?
Overall, it was my body he was doing things to.

We were so deeply in love,
but when did he change to someone so rude ?
I was forced.
I tried to flee,
as I couldn't bear that pain.
The pain of losing love,
the pain of losing my virginity,
to who I thought, was right.

He was so irate that he left me laone,
I lied their wondering,
where did it all go wrong ?
I never saw him after that,
and I didn't even want to.

So, this was my worst night,
and it still gives me nightmares.
It feels like,
he's inside me.
His touch,
have poisoned me.
But then,
life changed and I decided not to abort you.
And choosed to give you a beautiful life.
You don't deserve to be punished for the mistakes your mother made,
at her young age.

To the girl from my maths class,
I sat on third seat and you were beside.
We never really talked,
but I wish I did.
Your eyes spoke a lot,
and I fell for that.
Oh yes, I did.
But after you left,
life changed.
I didn't feel like going to the class anymore.
I missed all that happiness I felt,
all of those scenarios in my head,
and all those moments I spent in your presence came,
to an end.
You were magical, I always tried making an eye contact,
but I couldn't afford it,
and I always failed miserably.
And now, I regret it.
It's been years but I still feel it.
No, I wasn't good enough for you but this conscious feeling,
in this undesirable situation,
leaves me with no hope.
But where did you even go ?
I don't know.
I want to feel every bit of me bouncing,
like it did,
when I saw you.
I wish I told you how I felt,
or maybe just a goodbye.
I'm writing this with aspirations,
I wanna make those scenarios come true.
If not true,
If not now,
then in eternity.
I'll meet you and let you know all about me.

I was 7 when I saw this dream and it still frets me.
I'm trying to connect dots and figure things out till today.
It's been years and I still can't get it out of my head.
So, what's the deal ?
Is that dream a message or just another nightmare ?
I go to sleep,
closing my eyes,
and watching myself falling down the stairs every night.
All of this can't be "just a dream",
I'm not a kid, I'm a teen.
What if there's a story ?
What if I unknown to a mystery ?

Everything that's going on around me ,
isn't what I want .
Things aren't going as planned ,
and all of this ***** ,
and ***** with my head .

I can't do this anymore ,
no ! not anymore !
I've got secrets ,
that makes me hold my breathe all the time .

It feels like I'm trapped ,
and this trap is my past ,
which is stopping me from moving forward .
There's something really wrong with me .

I don't know how to express ,
but keeping it all inside ,
hurts a lot sometimes .

Till now , I've just figured out one thing ,
for me , writing is a great release .
I don't know how to deal with all of this **** .
So , I put my feelings into my poetry .

To be honest , now ,I spend a lot of my time ,
playing with these words in my mind .
It don't feel the same anymore ,
no ! it's not easy but also , not that dark here ,
I think it's all getting better ,
because I can see the light .

I don't know if I've got my **** together or not ,
it's still heavy but I guess now I know how to carry it properly .

Well ! In between all of this ,
I've found a piece of me ,
and I guess that's the best thing .
I'm blessed to be here ,
and thankful for the person I'm becoming .

Not all scars can be seen ,
not all wounds can be healed .
You can never even imagine how a person ,
who's hurt actually feels .

Having a broken heart ,
is like , having something broken inside of you .
No one can see it ,
but deep down it kills you .

You never know the real story ,
behind something you get to see .
Things are different in reality ,
maybe not as beautiful as it seems .
Maybe it's more painful ,
and , full of sorrows and miseries .

Some people just keep everything to themselves ,
deal with their demons ,
and all the thoughts ,
in their mind .
Maybe they can't find proper words to define ,
or not the right person ,
who understands .

You'll learn the best lessons of your life ,
after you get hurt ,
after you experience different things ,
the ones you never thought you really need .

You'll get broken over some people and situations ,
but life goes on ,
what can you do ?
you've to deal !

Just don't give up on this life ,
because where are rainbows without a little rain ?
Get up ! Try harder !
Because isn't easy for anyone here .

And this isn't the end ,
as the best days of your life are waiting for you to come .
Go and prove yourself .
Because you can do this ,
and you don't need to stay broken .

What's the point of healing ?
If I'm going to stay around toxic people and pretend like I'm doing fine ?
If I'm gonna stay at this place which breaks me ?

How am I gonna feel revealed with so much on my mind.
How do I feel like everything's going to be fine in my life ?
When all I do is cry at nights.

What's the point of all this ?
What's the meaning of living ?
Why am I even alive ?

They appreciate my smile but never see the pain in my eyes.
I just hate the fact that,
I'm just surrounded by the people with no hopes and dreams.
Just with the people, I don't even like.

I don't wanna study,
but I don't wanna fail!
So,I sit with my books all the day.
I try so hard,
but I still can't satisfy my parents and teachers with my grades.
This education system ruined my teenage.
It controlled my day and night.
I spend all of my time,
studying maths and science.
I'm sorry but now,
I feel pressurized.
I'm sorry but I  can't study all the time.
I'm trying my best,
but still,I'm sorry,if you can't see my efforts.
You don't even know,
how many times I revise those,
derivations,principles and rules.
This *****!
And at this point of time,
I honestly have no clue,
I really don't know what to do.

Can't really write about anything these days.
I'm wondering what's messing with my head.
No thoughts,
no expressions,
just numb to every emotion.
Dressing good to feel good,
but I'm sick of being in my own body,
or maybe this is just another stupid thought,
which isn't planning to go away.
I hate feeling this way,
I wanna let it all out and,
writing is the only way.
But I can't find the proper words to define,
what do I even say ?
I'm just waking up with,
"it's just another day".
No excitement and no hope,
and nothing is fun.
Why do I even feel this way these days ?

My biology teacher said this,
"Just because someone is able to tolerate something painful,
that doesn't make the pain any less ".
And that hits close to home.

It's a sunday evening and I can't go out because of lockdown.
So, I just decided to enjoy quarantine,
and make some coffee for me.
Just because I don't wanna feel like I'm alone,
and to avoid all the thoughts in my head.
I played my favourite song "anxiety" by Julia Michaels,
because I can totally relate to all the lines in it.

The coffee is already ready.
And now,
I'm just gonna sit in my balcony hearing to my favourite old world sparrow chirping.
Thinking about all the things,
I should be doing,
instead of crying because of social distancing.
And guess what ?
I can't stop thinking.

I could have been enjoying in LA right now !
Yeah, I've been trying to avoid this thought from the morning.
LA has been a dream forever.
And when I finally got a chance,
covid-19 ruined everything.

They say I'm an attention-seeker and always crave for playfulness and excitement.
I express leadership and I don't like feeling.
I don't even if all of this true,
just because my zodiac sign is leo.
Or maybe it is,
but my eyes just fail to see.

Someone said this,
"Don't be sad because nobody cares ".
"It's okay ti be sad,
just don't become more sad by expecting people to care about you.
It's your life.
It's your feelings.
People don't get to decide what you should be feeling ",
I corrected.

I grew up watching and listening to fairy tales ,
and movies of innocent love .
But things changed ,
when I entered my teenage .

I always learnt that real queens fix each other's crown ,
but today , when I look around ,
all I can see is ,
girls trying to put each other down .

I see boys having lust to cherish all the girl's body ,
rather than one's inner beauty .
Where are those caring prince charmings ,
who sticks to one girl ?

I see precocious children ,
the children whose mental attitude is developed beyond their ages .
The ones who treat the innocent ones acidly ,
all they fancy about is ,
how to ruin someone's life .
Where's kindness ? Where's humanity ?

Even home don't feel like sweet home .
And what all these kids feel is ,
loneliness and homelessness .
Why so ?
Where are those chuckles and laughter of family members in the home ?
Where's heartiness ?
Because all I get to see around is ,
parents behaving snappishly ,
and , ignoring their kids getting disconcerted by this .

I see brothers fighting like foes over the money of the people who whelped them .
Then , I see people censuring them ,
without having proper knowledge about the things going on .
I see people supporting tyranny with graces and glories .
They only do this for fun , right ?
But what about humbleness ?

This rage and brutish behavior will take this world nowhere .
So , I still sit under the sky of full of stars ,
and , glance furtively .
I try not to weep over trifles ,
I know this world is worn out ,
and thinking about all this ,
makes me feel woeful .

Sometimes , I groan ,
because I'm not valiant .
And my cowardice nature ,
don't let me blaze forth .
I think about making a change ,
I think about being a change .
But I don't know if I'm worth it ,
I don't know if it's necessary to have a poetic license for it .

I honestly don't know if I should adapt all this or ,
put on my gay dress to gallivant .
So , I walk , stumbling and timidly and with agitation , unwillingly , like an impassive child .
So , when someone will look around ,
and notice me ,
they'll just find me a crazy and daft child .

I really don't know what's going on right now !
Because I can't see anything beautiful happening ,
maybe this world is turning into something very different !

Through the inky, black morning sky,
I hear the call of a love duck,
stationed on the waters of the pond.
It's here that I find my solace,
as I see no light in these dark days.
I wake up everyday with no hope,
and demons chattering in my head.
No purpose, no satisfaction,
seems like,
happiness is only an illusion.
And again,
another day will turn into a bad memory like yesterday.
What's the point of fighting anyways ?
So, I'll let those demons win,
and make myself feel empty as surrender is the only way left, to peace.

Don't cut yourself ,
don't hurt yourself ,
stay safe and love yourself .
Stop trying to **** the thing in the inside ,
by using a blade on yourself from the outside .
Put that blade down ,
and breathe in and out .
Nowadays , teens are just living in vain ,
struggling with this pain .
But trust me ,
this isn't the right way ,
this isn't how you make it .
Keep going and one day,
you'll say ,
"Yes ! I made it ".

It's friday night ,
got a lot of **** to do ,
but I'm tired .
I feel like ,
I should write .
But do I've any time for myself ?
No !
Because I'm fighting for a degree ,
that I don't even want for myself .
It feels like , I'm drowning ,
or maybe , just something like ,
slowly dying .

I say I'm fine ,
but I'm going insane .
I say I feel good ,
but I'm in pain .
I say it's nothing ,
but it's really a lot .
I  say I'm okay ,
but I'm **** not .
I want help ,
but don't ask me how I actually feel .
I'm hurt and this wound can't be healed .
I don't know what's wrong !
But I know that ,
these thoughts are very deep !
No one feels this way ,
and if I do ,
my feelings aren't valid .
Tell me what can I do if I feel so stupid ?

From strangers to friends,
Then, friends to something more,
And then, both of us just started to ignore.
as you shifted from frequently contacted to block list in my phone,
and everything we had between us,
just got vanished !

And now it's sad how we have nothing between us anymore.
I am seriously scared to catch feelings anymore !
I don't know if I am good enough for you.
Maybe you deserve someone better,
and not a mess like me.

No matter how hard I try,
memories play in my head on repeat.
I try to forget you,
but a part of me,
just don't let you go.
Youu moved on and I'm still standing here,
waiting for you to look back and say,
"are you ok my love ?"

Yes I was the one who ended it !
Because I was mad at myself,
and not at you.
Yes ! I miss you and I still love you.
But when you will come in front of me,
I'll just act like I am better off without you,
And I don't need you.

But it's really not true,
but I'll act so.
Because I accept that,
Whatever happened can't be undone.
So I'll take it as a lesson,
because you can't be forgave the forgot.

So, I've picked my pen up to write,
for this beautiful lady in my life,
on her birthday eve.
Her presence is everything,
and she's all mine,
because she's always there for me.
She's the reason why I'm still here,
she's the reason why I was born.
Yes ! I'm talking about my mom.

She's the reason why I look forward to life,
I would literally do anything for her smile.
I'd give my life for her, without any doubt, but I'll have to think of words,
well ! You know what ?
I'll never be able to express that,
how much I love her, ever.
Sometimes,
she won't be able to find that I'm not fine,
but it's alright,
as she never fails to comfort me.

Her rough palms,
give me a soft touch.
The hugs from her arms,
when I fall apart are priceless.
So satisfying,
more than those stupid love songs of yours.
Who needs those beds,
when you've your mom's lap ?

Her bubbly face,
with those beautiful brown eyes.
Oh god ! Her cheek shines bright.
She's so amiable.
She sounds more like a friend to me,
but with a motherly attitude.

"You look like your mom"is a forever favourite compliment for me,
as it suddenly starts making me feel good in my own body.
She always tried to do,
what's right for me.
But the age difference sometimes *****,
and mess things up !
But it's okay,
because I just have to make her laugh,
with my silly joke and everything comes back to normal again.

Yeah, I'm sorry for the fact that,
we fight sometimes.
But her importance in my life, can't be defined.
I can write a book on her,
because her struggle and love is,
inimical but inimitable.
So, I'll leave this here with :
Words will always fall short to describe her,
also my efforts and my actions,
but not my affection.

Those dark brown eyes,
looking into mine.
Wearing the lehanga she always liked.
Walking down that aisle.
And stepping and destroying all the scenarios,
I always created in my mind.
She looks beautiful,
just like she did when she was 16 and left the city,
breaking my heart into pieces.
Life's crummy right now,
because I never confessed my feelings.
But who knew that the girl of my dreams will be marrying a firrangi.
And I'll be standing here regretting all of my actions,
at her wedding.

I showed you my wounds when I was bleeding.
I showed you my scars when I was healing.
I kept wondering,
why is it taking so long ?
Not knowing, you're the one causing all this pain that I'm dealing with.

Tired of this everyday *,
oh god ! Get me a life to live.
This feels like a rat race.
I don't even wanna fight to win.

Giving up but ugh I can't !
Jeopardizing my future,
just going away from my happiness,
where the * is this path going to take me ?

Not wanting to get out of my bed,
not on week days but also not on weekends.
But still doing what's destroying me,
because this is how life's supposed to be.

There's a reason behind all this,
not my real purpose,
not what I dreamed of,
but something really close to it.

Living with a hope that it's all worth it,
even tho it makes me feel like I'm dying.
I'm just ** it all up by taking bad decisions,
there's no going back.

Either live with what you've created,
or live with a regret that you didn't create what you thought you deserved.
Currently laughing at myself for being a fool,
what about you ?

I'm a soft, brown teddy bear sitting on the couch.
I see this guy wondering why he's apposite for this society.
I see him sleeping every night.
I soak all his tears when he cries.
He don't accept that he hugs me tight,
when he don't feel fine.
Because that makes him "weak" and "gay",
as he's supposed to be "strong" like a real boy.

We all are lost,
and our real selves are hidden in some dark place.
Maybe we don't wanna be found,
or maybe it's just because of the environment around.
Just wanna get away from everything because something feels wrong.
Even tho it's something you've always wanted ?
The life of your dreams ?
Still not satisfied.
There are no good times honestly.
Life's more like a dark room,
which gets lightened up only in the daytime.
Or like, that one favorite fruit of yours,
in the stinky plate of salad.
Or just black coloured piece of cloth,
in your big wardrobe.
Our lives are just series of bad moments,
with little happiness sprinkled on everything,
only if we notice.
Only if we enjoy everything with a smile.
No matter if it's a good thing,
or something that's going to turn into just another bad memory.

I sit in a really dark room,
With no sounds around.
I let my thoughts take over me,
And crush me down.
Because everytime I fall down while feeling weak,
I get up with a new energy.
I sit in this room's corner,
Crying and sobbing,
From nothing to everything.
I can hear myself breathing heavily,
And demons in my head, talking to me.
My head hurts a lot because there's a lot going on in it right now,
But I just feel numb in the other second.
What's happening to me ?
How do I escape from all this ?
The only thing that comes into my mind,
Is to pick my pen up and a piece of paper,
And write.
This blank paper looks more like,
Amazing opportunities to me.
My pen's ink is black and dark,
And so are my thoughts.
Let's see what can I write to feel a little relieved.
Do I really need to think about why I always end up writing about sad things ?

I heard someone saying in a group,
" I'm going through so much,
and no one knows about it ! "
Well ! Now, everyone do !

Do you think the people you're stressing about or sharing your secrets with, really care about you ?
Because you never really know !
What if they make fun of you behind your back ?
Or make things up by using you ?
Just saying !

Be careful with who you call friends.
You think you're a priority ?
Do they really give a ** about you ?
You think your friends have got you back ?
Yeah maybe !
But what if they're fake ?
Ask yourself !
Are you ready to deal with this pain ?

It's okay if you're there for them,
in their bad days.
But do you think you'll have any of them in need ?

This may hurt you,
but this is the truth.
This one also may increase doubts,
but you just gotta be careful with who you choose /
Because not everyone have got a pure heart in this mean world !

It is what it is.
Just deal with it,
and go through it.
Maybe you need to,
to become a person you should be.
To survive and to live !

So, this year is ending,
and I've already dealt with a lot in a past two years.
No ! I'm absolutely fine,
because I'm just becoming stronger.
Let's talk about the last seven days of this decade.

25th December, 2019 :
Realizing that it's the last Wednesday of the year.
But oh ! It's Christmas today.
It don't feel like it though,
but it's okay !
I just feel dead inside everyday,
the only feeling that stayed with me haha,
and I still can't see it going away.

26th December, 2019 :
Just one day to the weekend and then, hurray !
I should plan something as it's the last weekend of the decade haha.

27th December, 2019 :
And yayy ! Today's Friday.
Little misconvenience happened this morning,
and I'm planning on getting a haircut done today.
Should I cut them like, really really short ?
Get bangs ?
Or just die them purple ?
Oh no ! Shut up ! Stupid head.

28th December, 2019 :
Waking up with a positive mind,
realizing that I feel absolutely fine.
That good feeling,
when you know that,
there are only positive thoughts around.
You feel pretty and glow different,
with new hair and soft shaved skin,
under the blanket.

29th December, 2019 :
So, my friends are asking me about my new year plans.
I don't know who to go with,
and how to celebrate.
It's been two years since I've not stepped out of my house, on new year's event.

30th December, 2019 :
Realizing that how amazing people I've met,
all the memories I've made,
it will stay with me forever.
But also, thinking of so many people I've lost,
because of my decisions and mistakes.

31st December, 2019 :
Finally this week, this month, this year, this decade, have come to an end.
Got any plans for new year ?
Nah ! Gonna sleep after watching a movie and wishing my parents.
I know that new year's not gonna change anything in my life,
till I do something to make things happen.
But still,
let's be positive and hope for the best,
may 2020 be nice to me and all of us.
Aah ! I honestly feel so blessed for everything that happened.
Bye 2019, now let's welcome this new decade.

Life, why have you been pretty harsh to me lately ?
O is it just me who have been harsh to myself ?
I don't know really.
I just have been ignoring my mental health totally.

But today, just for once,
I wanna be happy.
I wanna get the taste of happiness,
just a small brake from memories maybe ?

I've been through a lot of **,
but now, just for once,
I wanna feel free.
Am I escaping here ?
Yeah, maybe.

Well ! Let's try a face mask today,
or listen to something new.
Let's just forget there are problems in my life,
and dance under the moon.

I'll just count my blessings,
rather than trying to solve solutions to my mistakes.
Just for a day,
I should just let me become a child again.

Free from responsibilities to sleeping peacefully,
not caring about the way you look to not caring about anything around me.
Singing and dancing like no one's watching to being someone, I really am.

Just tell yourself everyday that,
it's okay to take rest days,
you're trying your best and that's great.
Stop stressing over small things becasue it's all gonna be okay !

Do you ever ask yourself if you're happy with your life ?
Do you even know how to live ?
Or just survive ?
Are you doing what you love ?
Because that's the only way to be truly satisfied .

No one can ever tell you or decide for you ,
because there's a voice inside of you ,
that speaks all day long and tells you what's right and what's wrong .

Try listening to it ,
just don't let it suffocate .
Don't ever let it die .

We all are puppets in this world ,
and we spend a big patch of our lives ,
doing what our parents , teachers , friends , preachers , want us to do ,
but not ourselves .

But one day ,
responsibilities will come to us ,
we won't know what we're supposed to do ,
because we never did .
Then ? What will you do ?

So , you still have time !
Just stop being inefficient ,
because now , you've to decide .
It's never too late to make things right ,
don't just sit their and wait .

Listen to your heart ,
and that voice held inside .
Stop being a puppet ,
and learn to lead your own life , own your own .

Sitting in my home all the day,
and going on the terrace is the only fun thing to do.
Yes, I'm an introvert and I don't want this to be over.
I was tired of tired of "a new day with same activities" anyways.
All of the pain I felt ?
Where did it go ?
It just got vanished away ?
I'm beery but what if all of the ache comes back when this is over ?
What if everything gets back to normal ?
And I'll have no time for myself,
in my schedule.

The list of things that I wanna do with him,
the situations I wanna be in,
the scenarios I've created in my head,
all of it,
it's huge.
But trust me, it's cute.
I wanna adore him,
like I adore god for sending him on this planet.
I wanna be around him,
always,
like that bracelet in his hand.
I wanna hug him,
like the beach does,
to the sand.
I wanna be a part of him,
like the sun becomes,
of the river,
at dusk.
I wanna make love with him,
but with good intentions and purity.
I wanna love him,
till my soul leaves my body.
I wanna give it all for him,
and live with him till my last breathe.
But what if he's not upto all this ?
What if he don't wanna do the things,
that I wanna do ?
What if god have just sent him to give me another heartbreak ?

No matter how hard you try,
you'll never become a perfect person for a wrong guy.
You'll meet so many people before you find that one,
maybe not your true love,
but just an attraction.
You may feel like a person is going to stay in your life forever,
but it's not true,
for all the times.
Just wrong timing,
may make you feel so,
for a while.
Don't force your feelings,
also not someone else"s.
You won't have to fight or be confused,
when it's real.
You'll just know,
and feel that special connection.
It won't ask for ****** interaction,
it will just make every bit of your body jump,
with their eyes.
True love will never make you think your decisions twice,
it will just happen and you'll realize,
when you find the right guy.
Just don't pressurize yourself,
and give yourself time.

The dark night, full of stars shining bright.
I look into his eyes and find love for insecure heart of mine.
I was lost,
and in the next minute,
I realized,
he's holding my hand real tight.
It's like I'm floating in the sky,
on a cloud.
With lilies all around.
What a pleasure this is,
I'm smiling and he's admiring my beauty.
It's more lovely because there are no sounds around but just me and him,
making love under the big fat cloud.

Th dark night,
full of stars shining bright.
Maybe these stars wants to tell me a story,
and want me to connect all these stars and,
come up with something chaotic.
These crazy thoughts are wandering in my mind,
when all I'm doing is,
sitting under the sky.
This feels like the end of the world and I'm lost but in the next minute,
I realized,
a guy with these ocean blue eyes and a soft touch,
is holding my hand real tight.
I feel like I'm floating in the sky,
on a cloud,
with lilies all around.
His fingers feels like petals wrapping my hands and,
his touch is like a beautiful bracelet in my hand,
oh ! he's my ornament.
Then, I look into his eyes and find love for insecure heart of mine.
What a pleasure this is,
I can't stop smiling and he won't stop admiring my beauty.
It's more lovely because there are no sounds around but just me and him,
making love under the big fat cloud.

If you don't love yourself,
you'll live with a thought of love.
You'll never be able to fill that hole in yourself,
if you keep searching for putty of affection in others,
and not yourself.

But this isn't how it works.
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
Why is it so hard to accept who you really are ?
Why to hate the emotions that stir within you ?

Why do you crave for perfection ?
Don't you know that it comes from being the real you.
Embrace the beauty of your heart,
because that's a valid point to care about.
Instead of caring about your looks,
or the attention you get from people.

Why to be so harsh on yourself ?
Why to hate yourself ?
It's okay to take your time.
You'll heal and,
you'll grow from all the hate you've towards yourself.

Accept your flaws,
it makes you unique.
Your body,
it carries you through life.
Your failures,
it creates a room for improvement.
Your purpose,
it matters and your reason to live, everyday.

You'll keep trying to get someone to love you,
and you'll keep getting tricked.
This searching is going to take you nowhere,
but just to a heartbreak.
Try walking in the journey of self-love,
because that path will take you places.
Work on loving yourself.
otherwise,
your every relationship and task will fail.

Prioritize yourself first.
Take a minute everyday to tell yourself that :
"I'm good enough and I don't need to compare myself with anyone else".
Try falling in love with yourself because when you'll do that,
all the monsters in your head will go away.
You'll be okay with all your flaws and your real self,
when you stop doubting your worth and believe that you're perfect in your own ways.

Currently at a point of life ,
where I'm already dead inside .
But let's just pretend that we're fine ,
because nobody cares anyway .

So , tell me , how's life ?
Great ! Right ?
But we know ,
we both are lying .

I'm not suicidal ,
I'm just tired and numb and ,
I don't feel this pain and ,
I don't even know what it's like to be okay .

It's just like ,
I'm surviving but not living ,
physically present here but lost somewhere ,
around so many people but still alone ,
no peace or no one ,
feels like home .

It's just that ,
I try to escape from my mind  everyday .
Everyday just passes by and I wonder ,
what's wrong with me.
I try to find the answer ,
but unfortunately , I fail .

I'm sad, I'm scared,
I'm broke, I'm hurt,
I'm an introvert.

If I'm so bad,
then why I'm not dead yet ?
I try my best,
but still I ruin the rest.

I'm a problem that can't be fixed,
it's difficult to heal,
when you don't know,
what's the deal.

I close my eyes,
but there's no sleep.
I open my eyes,
still there's no peace.

This is how it feels like,
the monsters in my head,
the darkness in my heart.

I feel empty,
I feel dumb.
Numb to emotions,
numb to love.

3 AM on a school night,
and I'm crying because,
I'm holding onto these emotions from too long !
I try to sleep,
But I'm failing from last 7 nights !
And now, I feel like,
I again failed today !

You get mad at me and say that,
I'm acting different from yesterday.
But why don't you understand that,
I'm not okay !
And I just don't have energy to pretend anything today !

My parents arguing over little things at home,
these bullies locking me in the washroom at school.
And that man,
following me and,
trying to attack me on my way back home.

That fear of losing everything,
but not even having a place to call my own.
I don't even know what I owe,
or who I'm anymore !

My heart aches while thinking about all this alone,
and you don't even know what can you do to help.
So, you just choose to ignore.

Dreams come true if you try your best.
But what if you mess things up ?
What if you fail ?
Is there any hope ? a chance ?
to make things right again .
Yes ! But only if you've the courage .

But what if you're anxious because of what happened every time you tried ?
What if you're scared this time ?
You're so much than all of this ,
don't you know that ?

I don't know.
I don't understand.
Because  when I was confident ,
I wasn't right in their eyes .
I was hated and treated in a way ,
I didn't like .

Am I on the wrong path ?
I don't know anymore.
Because when I did ,
did they let me decide ?
No ! My decision didn't matter ,
it didn't make any change .

So, who knows the correct road for me anyways ?
I'm lost and can't move further ,
or maybe , just stuck ,
because I can't even find my way back .

I don't know if I should just give up ,
or just give myself another chance .
But I know my words aren't valued here ,
so , I learned to write poetry .

My dreams crumbled one day,
but I saved them in a jar,
to let them fly later, like fireflies.
I never lost hope,
and I never gave up.
Because I believe that I'll get what I want,
and why won't I ?
I know what I deserve.
I'm not here to whine about the consequences to my decisions,
because I've learnt to adjust,
to live with this regret.
I don't cry about my pain in my poetry,
I just pour my heart out on a paper.
My ink is my sword to fight with the reality of life,
and my words give me strength,
and always make me feel like,
everything is going to be fine.
This is something that I'm not dependent on people or materialistic things to be happy,
like the other teens in our society.
I've big dreams,
and I'm ready to achieve a lot of things.
I'm ready to risk it all,
and do what's meant for me.
You can put an halt to my efforts towards it,
but how do you **** a feeling ?
It's my thought process and it works in it's own way,
and it don't even beg for liberty.
As it's already free.
No boundations and no limits,
when it comes to my mentality.
I'm just gonna continue to write more everyday,
for everyone who's suffering.
I'm here to fulfill my dreams,
working on it,
ready to edify and influence the world, with my story.

I hold your hand to feel safe,
but you make me feel trapped.
I don't know why you stalk me all the time,
but act like a good guy.

It feels like you are just wrapping your over possessive behaviour,
by calling yourself protective.
I am sorry but I feel like you are acting totally fake,
because whatever you do,
makes you look like a detective.

You know what ?
because of you,
I started questioning my own existence.
"Why am I like this ?"
"Why am I a girl ?"

You can provide me everything,
but you can't buy love and affection,
from my heart for you.
Because you never set me free.
I wish you understood the fact that,
"A golden cage is still just a cage."

I think now this is my turn,
this is the time to turn the page.
Before you come at me,
look at yourself first.
I think you should just mind your own business and stop interferring in mine.

Why do you always get mad at me when I do things in my way ?
Why would I fit ?
If I was born to standout !
You're no one to decide for me,
that what is right and what is wrong.

This is my life,
and I am my own queen.
I have right on my life,
because you don't own me.
Yes I'm getting up to fight for my rights.
As a girl, I'll step up and take pride.
No ! I won't listen to you this time,
just do me a favour,
and leave me alone.
Go get a life you a

So , I noticed this guy ,
while coming back from school .
I think I've a crush on him ,
he's kinda cute !

I hope he's more brave than me ,
we can become friends maybe .
I searched for him everywhere ,
instagram , snapchat ,twitter and facebook .
But what's his name ?
Should I go and talk to him ?
um..no ! lame .

But what if he's waiting for me to talk to him ,
and I'm waiting for him to talk to me ?

Let's do this now !
Let's practice some lines to start a conversation .
Suddenly a notification appears on my phone ,
and , oh my god !
This guy texted me saying "hi" !

The butterflies in my stomach ,
fear in my head ,
and redness on my cheeks.

Conversations started ,
we talked for minutes ,
then hours ,
and then , all day long ,
texting , snapping ,every ******* thing .

Not just a friend but he became someone special to me.
And somewhere , we started feeling same things .
Because texts changed from "nothing much" to "thinking about you",
and , ''wassup" to "open the gate,I'm coming to pick you".

Things changed even more between us ,
I don't feel shy but ,
comfortable around him .
These vibes are keeping me alive .

He calls me "babygirl" when I'm sick ,
and , I don't know why he things that he's just a ******* .

He's the most caring person ,
I ever came across !
He's not like everyone else ,
and this , melts my heart .

Life's hard ,
but he held my hand tight in good and bad times .
I slapped him ,
he kissed me ,
and that's when I knew ,
he's the only one for me .

So, I've been wondering from a long time,
why do I always end up writing about sad things ?
I still wonder what makes it so enjoyable ?
It's not that I'm mentally ill or emotionally unstable.
No ! I'm absolutely fine !

I don't know what brings out my creative side.
I write because,
I like being lost so I can let my thoughts wander and set my mind free.
I like imagining myself in situations,
I just make things up in my head,
and pen it on a paper.
I like feeling others pain,
and I want readers to feel the same,
to make them realize what it's really like.

It's like I'm trying to be a sunflower but without sunlight.
A tree from spring surviving in the autumn season.
An infant with an adult's mind but with no use of it.
Maybe one day, I'll know the reason behind,
I'll know why I write.

Actually I do but one day,
my words will be capable enough to make you all understand,
what I've always had in my mind.
And this is why I write everyday.
To improve, to grow, to feel good about being alive.