क्रिएटिव राइटिंग का कोर्स था करना,
साइंस का नहीं,
पोएट्री का स्वाद था चखना !
गिरना है,
पर कुछ सीखना है उससे,
भागना है,
पर गति का ध्यान रखना है ।
संभालना है,
और हमेशा खुदका ध्यान रखना है ।
क्या मतलब जब में खुश नहीं हूं ?
क्या मतलब जब में इतना सेह रही हूं ?
चलो मान लिया कि सब ठीक है,
पर मुझे ऐसे नहीं जीना !
सब का मन्न रखते,
खुद को खोती जा रही हूं ।
डर लगता है कि कहीं इतनी गुम ना हो जाऊ,
की वापस ही ना लौट पाऊ ।
यह टूटे ख्वाब लेके में कहा जाऊ ?
इस धरती पे, किस पराए को अपना बनाऊ ?
सबको लगता है कि मेरी लाइफ तो सेट है क्यूंकि यह बंदी तो सबके सामने हस्ती है,
पर केसे बताऊ की ज़िन्दगी केसे कट रही है ?

यह दूसरो की बेटी को छेड़ के खुदको स्टड समझते है,
और खुदके घर की लड़कियों को पर्दे में रखते है ।
अपनी बहन का मुंह बंद कर,
खुदको रक्षक बताते है ।
क्या उसूल है इनका ?
हर लड़की पे मरते है,
पर फिर भी खुदको शरीफ बता रहे ।
जुठ बोल के,
फ़ालतू रेप्यूटेशन का रोना गाए जा रहे ।

यह वोह ही है जो " show me your ***** " वाला मेसेज भेंज,
चौराहे पे चार लोगो के साथ, रिप्लाइ का वेट कर रहे ।
अभी भी तेरे थरक की बात नहीं है ?
यह लोग तो हमेशा सही है ।
एक्साइट हुए तो लड़की के तन की गलती है,
यह भूल रहे है कि वैसे ही एक तन से निकल,
अपने मा का दूध पिके,
इस धरती पर चल रहे है ।
इनका एगो ना हर्ट हो जाए बस,
क्यूंकि फिर यह एसिड फेक,
डर और जोश दिखा रहे ।
अभी भी हम शांत रहेंगे ?
भाई तुम गलतफहमी में जी रहे ।

"क्या माल लग रही है यार वोह " यह बोलने में तू नई कतराया,
पर तेरे बहन को बोला गया तब तेरी केसे गान्ड फट गई और तू सिर चड गया ? वोह तूने नहीं बताया ।
तेरी **** कितनी hard,
यह बताने में लाज़ याद नहीं आयी ?
अब periods पे बात आ रही है तो तेरेको घिन आ गई ?

इनकी नीयत हराम है ।
नज़रे नहीं संभालती,
ना शरम आ रही है ।
देश के केसे हाल है ?
जब ऐसे इंसान है ?

इनका दिल कठोर और,
दिमाग में गंध है ।
उसकी चीख में दर्द में,
क्या रेप के पीछे एक सच्चा मर्द है ?
उसके कपड़ों में तकलीफ नहीं,
पर इनके दिमाग में खोट है ।
क्या सच में इन लोगो की इतनी गिरी हुई सोच है ?

खुदको राजा समझते है,
पर इनमें कुछ दम नहीं है ।
नामर्द है और धरती पे इसी का काम काज नहीं है ।
जीने के भी हकदार नहीं यह, टांगो न सालो को,
किस बात का डर है ?
आज फिरसे एक नन्ही परी की जान पे बात आई है,
और तुम्हे बस इस बात का खेद है ?

कोई एक्शन नहीं लेगा,
आवाज़ नहीं उठाएगा तो,
रोज एक रेपिस्ट जन्म लेगा ।
एक कदम बढ़ेगा और रेप होगा,
फिर कोन ज़िमेदार होगा ?

मेरे जज़्बात से वाकिफ मेरी कलम,
हमेशा मेरे सपनो को ही लिखती है ।
और मेरे सपनो का हिस्सा,
तुम भी हो ।
वैसे तो पत्तझड़ में गिरते पतो को कोन पूछता है ?
पर पता नहीं क्यू, में,
मेरा मन,
हमेशा तुमसे यह आशा करता है की,
बस तुम साथ देना ।

मंज़िल चाहे हो भी हो,
जैसी भी हो,
सफर बोहोत सुहाना होगा ।
जब मेरे हाथों में तुम्हारे हाथ,
तुम्हारी बाहों में मेरा बदन,
और दिल को इस बात की तस्सली की,
मेरे पास तुम्हारा साथ होगा ।
कुछ अासान नहीं होगा,
हर मोड़ पे तकलीफे होगी ।
एक पल में सब खो देने का डर तो होगा पर क्या फर्क पड़ता है ?
झेल लेंगे न,
क्यूंकि तुम्हारा साथ भी होगा ।


और अगर कठिन स्तिथि में तुम साथ हो,
तो अच्छे दिन भी जल्द ही आ जाएंगे ।
ज्यादा कुछ नहीं मांगा है,
क्यूंकि कठिनाईयां तो हर मोड़ पे है ।
में बस हर तकलीफ तुम्हारे साथ देखना चाहती हूं,
उससे लड़,
उससे बाहर आना चाहती हूं ।
हमेशा तुम्हारे साथ रहना चाहती हूं,
वोह हर लम्हा जब तक में यह पे हूं,
वोह तुम्हारे साथ जीना चाहती हूं ।

ज़िन्दगी है यह,
यहां कभी भी कुछ भी हो सकता है ।
एक कदम, एक गलती,
और सब खत्म हो सकता है,
पर शायद उस एक कदम से,
बोहोत कुछ बदल भी तो सकता है ।
आज जी रहे है,
कल शायद यहा सांस लेने को नहीं होंगे ।
इसलिए तुमसे पूछ रही हूं ।

जैसे भी रास्ते हो,
हर कदम में साथ दोगे ?
हर खुशी और गम में,
मेरे साथ रहोगे ?
तो क्या बोलते हो तुम ?
मेरे साथ जीना चाहोगे ?

Feminism : " the belief that women should have same rights and opportunities as men " and not, "demoralizing other men in the society".
Equality is "situation in which everyone has the same rights and advantages" and not "the situation in which you put men down, just to get what you want".
Are you wondering why am I explaining these meanings of the words, that you hear everyday ?
I'm doing so because a lot of people don't get the concept properly but have a habit of talking ** and choose to practice fake feminism.
Now, what feminism is ?
Basically, an act of teaching what you don't even preach.
You can identify the people who follow this,
By looking at the people around you and noticing how they act different at different places and still manage to handle situations with ease,
Because they're fake feminists.

Who are feminists ?
People who support the act of feminism.
Someone who supports everyone out there and think before they speak about anyone's gender or sexuality.
Someone who fights for the rights,
Regardless of all the struggle and what they'll get because they're doing so, for everyone.
Someone who don't want attention,
Or your sympathy.
Someone who stands for females,
Not just in front of camera or when someone's watching,
But also, when noone's around to see.
Someone who are educated enough to believe that there's nothing wrong with women getting equality in every field.

There are people in the society who think that a girl shouldn't speak loudly because it's not good,
But what about the men of the same house who keep shouting, even when they're just talking.
People who don't want a daughter in law who have had relationships with someone else before,
Well ! What about your son playing Bangkok games ?
People who **** a girl child before she starts dreaming or before she's even welcomed on this Earth,
So what are you doing now ? Family planning ? Okay now, I see why you've 7 kids in your house.
People who think that girls should cover their bodies, And "Free the ******" is a topic of shame,
But what about those men who shows off their penises even when someone's not interested ?
People who think that girls can't have dreams and can't work, because they're physically weak and wasting all their money on their son is worth it.
People who think that girls are just a curse and shouldn't be given equal rights because they can't handle it,
Okay so what about your mom ? You think she's a superhero, right? But at the same time, you're just disrespecting all the females, including your mom, by thinking like this

Do you know why women don't get equal opportunities ?
Because people think they're weak and dumb.
And some of the people who support this kinda thinking,
Aren't even aware of the reason why they believe in this, so, who's smarter ?
Go to any classroom and you'll find a girl in the topper's list,
But why do men still have more seats in the election ?
Why can't we just choose the one who deserves to performs the duty ?
People think that women belong in the kitchen, well ! Just give them the power and you'll get to see.

I don't get it, why do we've to fight for our rights ? Why can't we just be treated equally?just because of people's sick mentality ?
It's sad how people think that,
Giving a girl what she wants is inversely proportional to their reputation in the society.
If god has made these different genders, with its own significance,
There's a reason !
Respect each and every person you meet, without thinking if they've ****** or a ****.
This fight is for standing together and not against, forward or backward.
I guess you all just misunderstood this whole act of feminism.

Why is it so hard to accept that it's okay to appreciate every opinion ?
It's not that hard to grow and glow together instead of pushing each other down and ykw ? It's better because we'll have more power and more ideas to share.
Don't judge someone or tell them what they should be doing after stepping out of their houses in order to be masculine or feminine.
Can't we just be who we're, No matter what we're doing ?
Can't we all just live together and support each other and not care about our genders ?
Can't we all just get over this concept of feminism by enjoying equal advantages together ?

बोहोत कुछ सीखा है मैने,
कुछ ज़िन्दगी है, मजबूरियां है ।
उसने गिराया, चलाया, भगाया, रुलाया,
और हम सीखते चले गए ।
ज़िंदगी के कई मोड़ पर,
खुद को अकेले भी पाया ।
भीड़ में भी अपनेपन का एहसास,
कोई ना करवा पाया ।
दर्द देखा, सेह लिया ।
बुरा लगा, संभाल लिया ।
को कितना साथ है, देख लिया ।
सच क्या है, मान लिया ।
मुश्किले है, सुलझाने का प्रण लिया ।
हार मानने से भी इंकार किया ।
बोहोत सिखाया मुझे ज़िन्दगी ने,
बोहोत गिराया है,
इसलिए बोहोत कुछ सीख लिया है मैने खुड्से ही ।
सीखना पड़ा ही, मजबूरियां थी ।
हार मानने का भी कभी इरादा नहीं,
क्यूंकि घर बैठी उस मां के इच्छाओं पर सवाल आया है ।
"कुछ कर दिखाना है सबको",
ऐसा नहीं सोचते अब ।
क्यूंकि काफी कुछ करते आए है,
आजतक किसने साथ निभाया है ?
दिखावे में अब हम मानते नहीं,
ना, वोह नहीं गवाया है ।
जो भी दिखाना है,
खुदको दिखाना है ।
जंग अब खुदसे है,
और आइने में खड़े उस इंसान को गर्व महसूस करवाना है ।

You've mistaken my words sometimes,
so, I'm writing this for correcting your misunderstandings.
I spent a while thinking that I'm not someone you want me to be,
and this will never make me a good child.
But after sometime, I realized,
you guys raised me, how can you hate me ?
Maybe, lack of communication and understanding,
made me feel so for a bit.

I know I hurted you several times,
but, not intentionally.
I would do anything to give you back all the love you've gave me,
but you know what ?
it won't be enough because,
even on my dark days,
you lightened up every moment.
You helped me writing the best chapters of my life,
when my life felt like blank pages.
I threw away my colors on a paper,
and you made it beautiful,
just with a touch.

Just wanted to say,
thank you for treating me like a princess and loving me more than anyone else.
I'm glad I've you guys to understand me,
thank you for holding me.
Nothing of this will ever go to waste,
and you'll never be in misery because of me.
I'm still your girl, just with a lot of dreams now and believe me,
you'll be proud of me one day.
You'll realize that I was a good decision and you raised me right.

"Who am I and why I wanna run away from this **ed up society ?"
"Just a girl from a middle class family who got big dreams and notices a lot of little things."
"Working hard for my dreams,
because I don't wanna die regretting !"
"I'm here to make a mark,
instead of caring about people's opinions on my activities."

Corrupted officers and ministers making big promises,
but disappearing after they win,
so, who will take the responsibility ?
Little kids at the orphanage center,
have no authority.
People living outside living railway stations and on streets,
got no food to eat.
These people believe in making money,
wasting it on useless materialistic things,
but bother when it comes to donating.

Kids of private schools aren't happy because they're having depression and anxiety.
Mental health awareness ?
No one talks about it, in this society.
And government school kids are just dying,
because there are no facilities.

Girls getting married before getting their college degree.
Guys living on their parent's money at the age of 30.
If you like something that's out of their understanding,
the, you should be focusing on studies.
So many people, undiscovered.
So much of talent, still hidden in the streets.
Suppressed dreams, dysfunctional families,
there is so much more in the story,
that you hear. sitting with aunties.
So many people being judgy and living with a sick mentality.
Welcome to then dark side of the society.


I noticed all this and that's why I don't settle for less than my capability,
and I'm not gonna lower my standards to adjust in this society.

Relationship with him wasn't fun anymore .
I wonder when , why and where did it all go .
So many questions and he's not here to answer anymore .
"What happened exactly?"
His voice stopped exciting me ,
seeing him didn't make my heart skip a beat ,
he didn't make me happy like he did before ,
that smile I passed right from my heart when I looked at him ,
I don't do that anymore and now ,
here I'm faking smiles to the people I don't even know .
And sadly,
I realized that ,
there are no feelings left to feel .
I ended it but why ?
No one to make me feel fine and hold me tight .
Should I go back to him ?
Nah ! I'm just hurting ,
his heart and my feelings .
I knew I'm a mess ,
and couldn't hold onto relationships .
Maybe he just gave up too ,
because the future of "us" wasn't clear to him .
What's wrong with me ?
My heart ?
It's just a piece of flesh .
Just another part of my body but it have a beat .
A beat that have a rhythm ,
and speaks that :
if I'd the courage to quit ,
maybe we can heal,fight against my stupidities .
By making efforts ,
to get through this .

Life's like a roller coaster ride.
Sp many ups and downs,
but we still choose to continue to enjoy.
And those who don't,
are cowards ? no !
They're tired and done with everything.
So, they choose to quit.
But this isn't how it is supposed to be.
We all have reasons to be here,
we just need to find them while we're riding.
Giving up is like end of the game,
it isn't the answer,
to all the questions, that we've been searching.
To pull out the sounds like demons from our heads,
which are high pitched and negative,
effecting everything and making it all so hard,
that a body can't bear.
Asking to quit and one is falling apart but we need to,
learn to fall and shine like a star,
no matter what happens,
don't let anyone dull your spark.

Through the inky, black morning sky,
I hear the call of a love duck,
stationed on the waters of the pond.
It's here that I find my solace,
as I see no light in these dark days.
I wake up everyday with no hope,
and demons chattering in my head.
No purpose, no satisfaction,
seems like,
happiness is only an illusion.
And again,
another day will turn into a bad memory like yesterday.
What's the point of fighting anyways ?
So, I'll let those demons win,
and make myself feel empty as surrender is the only way left, to peace.

Th dark night,
full of stars shining bright.
Maybe these stars wants to tell me a story,
and want me to connect all these stars and,
come up with something chaotic.
These crazy thoughts are wandering in my mind,
when all I'm doing is,
sitting under the sky.
This feels like the end of the world and I'm lost but in the next minute,
I realized,
a guy with these ocean blue eyes and a soft touch,
is holding my hand real tight.
I feel like I'm floating in the sky,
on a cloud,
with lilies all around.
His fingers feels like petals wrapping my hands and,
his touch is like a beautiful bracelet in my hand,
oh ! he's my ornament.
Then, I look into his eyes and find love for insecure heart of mine.
What a pleasure this is,
I can't stop smiling and he won't stop admiring my beauty.
It's more lovely because there are no sounds around but just me and him,
making love under the big fat cloud.

A lot of events occur in our lives.
Some are happy and enjoyable but some are sad and traumatic.
You lose hope,
and you notice differences in people's behaviour towards you.
And that's how you learn to bear with all the ache.
When you choose to prioritize yourself first,
when you take your own decisions and when you don't care about people's opinions,
a lot of things change.
Make replacements.
And get rid of the negative people and love the ones who encourage you instead.
It's hard but it's crucial,
so you've to do it,
and you know what ?
The less you care,
the more they hate.
This change is necessary as depending on people for emotional support isn't good,
because you never know about people's intentions.
To cope with loss,
you become stronger.
So strong that you don't need anyone else.
Just believe that if everything's falling apart right now,
it will fall into place too soon.
Just have faith in your actions fall for the person you've became after these turns and obstacles in this life's stage.

(Quotes into turning
"I know I'm losing many but I'm loving the person life's turning me into ."
-Nitya Prakash
~
"One of the most crucial but hardest things yo do as a part of turning your life around is to get rid of all the negative people around you and replace them who encourage you instead."
-Neal Boortz )

I'm a soft, brown teddy bear sitting on the couch.
I see this guy wondering why he's apposite for this society.
I see him sleeping every night.
I soak all his tears when he cries.
He don't accept that he hugs me tight,
when he don't feel fine.
Because that makes him "weak" and "gay",
as he's supposed to be "strong" like a real boy.

I was 7 when I saw this dream and it still frets me.
I'm trying to connect dots and figure things out till today.
It's been years and I still can't get it out of my head.
So, what's the deal ?
Is that dream a message or just another nightmare ?
I go to sleep,
closing my eyes,
and watching myself falling down the stairs every night.
All of this can't be "just a dream",
I'm not a kid, I'm a teen.
What if there's a story ?
What if I unknown to a mystery ?

Sitting in my home all the day,
and going on the terrace is the only fun thing to do.
Yes, I'm an introvert and I don't want this to be over.
I was tired of tired of "a new day with same activities" anyways.
All of the pain I felt ?
Where did it go ?
It just got vanished away ?
I'm beery but what if all of the ache comes back when this is over ?
What if everything gets back to normal ?
And I'll have no time for myself,
in my schedule.

Those dark brown eyes,
looking into mine.
Wearing the lehanga she always liked.
Walking down that aisle.
And stepping and destroying all the scenarios,
I always created in my mind.
She looks beautiful,
just like she did when she was 16 and left the city,
breaking my heart into pieces.
Life's crummy right now,
because I never confessed my feelings.
But who knew that the girl of my dreams will be marrying a firrangi.
And I'll be standing here regretting all of my actions,
at her wedding.

Today, I choose bright blue sky,
over the sleepless dark nights.
Smile over tears.
Staying alone over fake people.
Simplicity over extraordinary.
Self-respect over attitude.
Satisfaction over guilts.
Happiness over people's opinions.
Today,
I decide to write my own story,
over all these judgements and expectations.
Today,
I decide to search for my purpose,
to search what I was made for
Today,
I choose life !
I know I'm getting a lot of hate,
to do things in this way.
Ii know this path seems dark and hard,
but if needed,
I'll become the light !
And, I' promise, I'll come back,
shining even more bright.

Unrequited love hurts ?
But for me,
it's a pleasure to sit and waste all my time, counting to infinity,
and wait to get the love back that I've been giving.
Waiting to be destroyed by the betrayal from a person who don't even know that I exist.
But does that mean I'll stop loving ?
No, because it's hard to love again,
if you truly felt affection towards someone.
Doesn't matter if there's any love left,
but just pain.
When you let someone go,
you lose a part of yourself and I'm not ready to feel a blank space inside of me so I'll stay.
I want to feel like someone's holding me,
or I'll fall down.
I need something to keep me going,
or my life will be miserable,
and more like hell.
I'm just another star but I still believe in happy endings because my love is true.
I can't leave you behind,
and move forward in my life.
Because I've already convinced myself that one day,
you'll be mine.
What if I'm nothing without you ?
Just a thought of you is so magical,
It feels like home.
I wander all the time,
but still, end up coming back to you.
I've done things I won't ever do,
just because I've you.
I'm not in your life,
but you're all that I look forward to.

Writing this in 2020,
when we're going through a global pandemic.
Everything's closed and,
we're staying at our homes.
I know I'll be fine if I take all the precautions,
but life takes turns and we don't know what's coming next.
And no one is immortal,
so, I don't know if I'll be here in upcoming years,
but I really want my words to stay alive.

So many deaths all around the world,
and we still don't have a vaccine to cure this disease.
We all are fighting against this together,
even though we all are struggling.
So many people don't have food to eat or places to stay in,
some of them lost their loved ones and some don't have access to medical facilities even when they're effected.
Social distancing is the only activity we can practice to save our lives,
and survive in this hard time.

W all are trying to stay safe but has anyone thought "why so many problems?"
We all hurt our mother nature everyday,
without even knowing it.
Have you not noticed the change in the environment these days ?
The sky is so clear and our surroundings are so clean,
just because people are staying in.
It's all our fault because we are needy and selfish.
If this isn't an apocalypse,
then, I hope this condition teaches everyone a lesson.

Life's like a roller coaster ride.
Sp many ups and downs,
but we still choose to continue to enjoy.
And those who don't,
are cowards ? no !
They're tired and done with everything.
So, they choose to quit.
But this isn't how it is supposed to be.
We all have reasons to be here,
we just need to find them while we're riding.
Giving up is like end of the game,
it isn't the answer,
to all the questions, that we've been searching.
To pull out the sounds like demons from our heads.
Learn to fall and shine like a star,
no matter what happens,
don't let anyone dull your sparkle.

The dark night, full of stars shining bright.
I look into his eyes and find love for insecure heart of mine.
I was lost,
and in the next minute,
I realized,
he's holding my hand real tight.
It's like I'm floating in the sky,
on a cloud.
With lilies all around.
What a pleasure this is,
I'm smiling and he's admiring my beauty.
It's more lovely because there are no sounds around but just me and him,
making love under the big fat cloud.

Both of them missed, cried and talked about each-other to the moon.
Love failed in the eyes of the world that day,
but moon knew they were meant to be.
Because only the moon,
witnessed both side of the story.
And all the love they'd in their in their hearts for each other.

She've a heart of gold,
and her attitude is pretty bold.
She's not what she looks like,
she's a lot more than she shows.
She's more like stories written in a book or,
secrets wrapped in diaries.
Her smile have a charm,
and her eyes have a spark like stars.

She can be the kindest,
but also, cold-hearted sometimes.
She got no bad intentions towards anyone,
but she just have been hurt a lot of times.
She've been belittled,
but how can someone not listen to the melody when she talks,
and how she sprinkles love with every footstep when she walks.
It's sad how noone reads her eyes and,
notices the pain in her eyes.

She can be moody,
but also, carries a lot of dreams in her mind.
She've oddity when it comes to her beliefs.
But trust me,
she's more amazing than you get to see and it's hard to define her beauty.
She's better than all the lies and images she've created in people's mind.
I genuinely feel bad for the people,
who can't see the reality.

If you don't love yourself,
you'll live with a thought of love.
You'll never be able to fill that hole in yourself,
if you keep searching for putty of affection in others,
and not yourself.

But this isn't how it works.
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
Why is it so hard to accept who you really are ?
Why to hate the emotions that stir within you ?

Why do you crave for perfection ?
Don't you know that it comes from being the real you.
Embrace the beauty of your heart,
because that's a valid point to care about.
Instead of caring about your looks,
or the attention you get from people.

Why to be so harsh on yourself ?
Why to hate yourself ?
It's okay to take your time.
You'll heal and,
you'll grow from all the hate you've towards yourself.

Accept your flaws,
it makes you unique.
Your body,
it carries you through life.
Your failures,
it creates a room for improvement.
Your purpose,
it matters and your reason to live, everyday.

You'll keep trying to get someone to love you,
and you'll keep getting tricked.
This searching is going to take you nowhere,
but just to a heartbreak.
Try walking in the journey of self-love,
because that path will take you places.
Work on loving yourself.
otherwise,
your every relationship and task will fail.

Prioritize yourself first.
Take a minute everyday to tell yourself that :
"I'm good enough and I don't need to compare myself with anyone else".
Try falling in love with yourself because when you'll do that,
all the monsters in your head will go away.
You'll be okay with all your flaws and your real self,
when you stop doubting your worth and believe that you're perfect in your own ways.

Sometimes, somethings happen in your life,
and it just **s up everything.
You hit the rock bottom,
and feel like, you should die.

Something happened to me and it still haunts me.
The day of february seventeenth.

I put on my perfect black dress,
with my favourite red lipstick.
Loved myself more because I'd someone like him.
In the case of love,
he always seemed a perfectionist.

He arranged a beautiful date,
everything went well till he took me to room no. one hundred and sixteen.
We sat in that room,
and we got a little close,
and started feeling each other's body.
He threw me on the bed,
and it was all really romantic.

But then, I noticed lust in his actions,
and asked him to stop because it wasn't easy to adjust.
But guess who didn't listen to me for the first time ?
How could he not respect my decision ?
Overall, it was my body he was doing things to.

We were so deeply in love,
but when did he change to someone so rude ?
I was forced.
I tried to flee,
as I couldn't bear that pain.
The pain of losing love,
the pain of losing my virginity,
to who I thought, was right.

He was so irate that he left me laone,
I lied their wondering,
where did it all go wrong ?
I never saw him after that,
and I didn't even want to.

So, this was my worst night,
and it still gives me nightmares.
It feels like,
he's inside me.
His touch,
have poisoned me.
But then,
life changed and I decided not to abort you.
And choosed to give you a beautiful life.
You don't deserve to be punished for the mistakes your mother made,
at her young age.

I've days when I hold back my tears,
because I've to.
I've to act like I'm fine,
even when I don't want to.
I wish I could live my life,
in the ways I've always wanted to.
But sadly,
life ***** and I still try to find reasons to feel okay.
But I don't even know if I'm in my body anymore.
I'm out of my mind.
This world is spinning,
and in simple words,
I'm dying.
I'm aware that I've lost myself again.
But it's hard to accept that how my first thought in morning is,
I wish I was dead.

Hiding behind screens,
crying to sleep.
Cool on instagram,
fool in reality.
This is what our generation is ?
Social media is everything,
so doing anything for likes and views,
from the people we don't even know, existed before this.
Connecting with people from different corners of the world,
but not making an effort to talk to the person sitting next to us.
What's the point of living in the same house ?
when we can just see each other's status on facebook ?
Swearing, bullying, blackmailing and hacking people online,
but being nice and acting all fine, in reality.
Blocking and unfollowing people we don't like,
deleting their pictures from our device.
But how do we block the memories ?
The moments we've spend with them,
how to clear this data from our minds ?
Faking **,
and living a lie.
Just pretending to be alright,
as no one really have the courage to get self-loathed,
by accepting the truth.
But what about self-discovery ?

Life, why have you been pretty harsh to me recently ?
Or is it just me who have been harsh to myself ?
I don't know really.
I don't feel like I understand what's going on lately.

What's the meaning of life ?
How do I understand it ?
Who's gonna help me ?
No one ? Really ?

How do I even define it when I don't understand the concept, clearly ?
It's more like a dark room,
which gets lightened up only in the day time.
Or like that one favourite fruit of yours,
in the stinky plate of salad.
It's more about little things,
I think I should stop making it a big deal.

Our lives are just a series of bad moments,
with the little happiness sprinkled on everything.
Only if we notice and enjoy everything.
Only if we smile through our glories,
but also, miseries.
Because we never know,
if something is going to to be a good thing or turn into just another bad memory.

"You don't sleep at nights ?
Are you sleep deprived ?
Who are you talking to ?
Binge watching ?
What's the matter inside your mind ?
I don't understand that why I've to clarify that,
it's not my phone that keep me up late at nights,
or someone special in my life.
Just my dreams,
makes me lose my sleep.
I always knew that I'm not gonna waste any of my time,
when I know what I've on my mind.
I knew that I needed to think about my happiness first,
because others come at second.
But even after all this,
I just feel like I'm trapped,
because people's opinions,
still effects my plans.
Even though,
I know that,
they don't make any sense.
I just don't understand,
how can I trust anyone ?
How to believe that,
they're my well wishers ?
Because they all seem so sketchy,
at different points of life.
What's this deal?
How do I decide ?
I hate being inefficient,
but I just can't see the truth, with my eyes.
Because everyone here,
is presenting painted lies.

No matter how hard you try,
you'll never become a perfect person for a wrong guy.
You'll meet so many people before you find that one,
maybe not your true love,
but just an attraction.
You may feel like a person is going to stay in your life forever,
but it's not true,
for all the times.
Just wrong timing,
may make you feel so,
for a while.
Don't force your feelings,
also not someone else"s.
You won't have to fight or be confused,
when it's real.
You'll just know,
and feel that special connection.
It won't ask for ****** interaction,
it will just make every bit of your body jump,
with their eyes.
True love will never make you think your decisions twice,
it will just happen and you'll realize,
when you find the right guy.
Just don't pressurize yourself,
and give yourself time.

Do you ever just sit back and think that how crazy our lives are ?
Or is it just me ?
Do you ever think of how precious a moment is, when you're actually enjoying it to the fullest ?
Or i it just me ?

I hope I'm not not the only one who gets hit by this wave of sadness from nowhere,
when I was doing fine two minutes before.
I hope you don't think of me as a stupid person,
just because everyone else thinks so.

Sometimes, I just feel like getting my life together at midnight,
but next day, I'll just be waking up with a sad face.
Sometimes, I can't stop myself from crying and just cry myself more to stop,
and on some days,
I'll try to let it all out with tears,
but my eyes will remain dry,
and the pressure in my head, just increases by.

Overthinking about what could happen or what would have happen because of that one thing,
but not having energy in my body to make things right,
or to bring my life back on track or to bring any peace.

I don't know how to feel, express or even talk about it.
I can't define this feeling in words,
but it's with me, all the time.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm numb,
but I do also feel crazy when my different 69 moods hits me, all at once.

Is this how all of this is supposed to be ?
This is how life goes ?
Or is it just my life.
which is messy ?

"Have you lost your brain?" is the only question they ask me most of the times.
"Yeah, i guess.But what am I supposed to do now?"is my only reply.
"You're just overreacting", they said.
And then, I just told my heart that,
maybe my feelings aren't valid.

After all of this,
I just became really silent.
I think a lot in my head but,
I'm not the same anymore.
Now, they ask me,"what's wrong?" and Ii replied
"You asked me to shut the ** up indirectly.So, thank you.I just haven't really felt anything since then."

Just another wednesday morning,
going to school, with that same backpack,
and wearing the uniform that I hate,
along with that fake face again.

Witnessing so many stories,
along with these tails.
Realizing that I'm lowkey, living in vain.

Going to the bus stop alone,
realizing no one will ever walk with me,
in this life's journey.

Sitting in that bus,
full of people,
and I see a story in everybody.
But nobody else really like that.
So, maybe it's just me,
making up characters in my head.

Walking in the school,
with so many artists around me.
They're here to make their dreams,
their reality.
But am I doing right to myself ?
Because I feel like I don't even belong here,
I feel like I should quit.

They say "the sun shines bright today",
but they don't know what it's like,
to not to be okay any day.

They try making us understand that how precious time is,
but they don't understand that,
that's the only thing I'm regretting.
How do I tell them that I'm clueless,
how do I explain that all of this,
just don't feel right !
So, I'l just shut up,
because I don't wanna be annoying.

These kids, they talk about each-other,
and every other drama.
But I don't understand why no one talks about life, thoughts and dreams.

It feels like I'm just wasting my time,
and my bad manners are eating me up from inside.
I feel like I'm at a wrong place,
but I can't even escape.

I used to cry over my grades.
As the pressure was too much,
And it was affecting my mental health.
So, I started writing to escape.
But now,
The things that broke me,
Words that killed me,
Actions that made me simp,
All of that,
Have changed with time.
Now,
I just laugh when I fail.
Because I know my worth,
My plans.
I know that I'll make my upcoming days better than today.

How do I explain that healing can be beautiful too ?
When for me,
it was just pain and,
now,
my heart is so cold that,
it feels like I've ice in my veins.

I've been through so much,
and now,
I'm just numb.
I try to cry,
but I can't.

I think something is wrong with my mind and my body.
My heart ?
It's not there,
there's nothing like feelings in it,
but it's just a piece of flesh as a part of my body.

I don't even know how I'm surviving,
I've no plans and,
I'm just dying a little more everyday.
Did I ever heal or am I just stuck in that phase and,
now, I'm so comfortable with my pain that,
I can't even recognize my real self.

I showed you my wounds when I was bleeding.
I showed you my scars when I was healing.
I kept wondering,
why is it taking so long ?
Not knowing, you're the one causing all this pain that I'm dealing with.

"Why do you write" will always be a hard question to answer.
But I'll try to answer it.
And define my feelings to explain what it's like.
To pour our hearts out on a paper and cry through words everytime,
I write.

I write when I feel unheard,
because people around me only label my thoughts as "chatter".
I write because,
I don't like bothering people who love me,
no matter how much I'm hurting inside.
I write to let all the lava (made up of my thoughts) out,
and sometimes, to relive a few memories.
Or to express how my imagination can go wild and how I can bring life to scenarios in my head,
like it's actually happening in real life.

Whatever I write today,
I believe that someone out there will relate with my words.
And learn from the mistakes I've made.
And realize how beautiful life could be,
and find what they're missing out on.
And fight for what they deserve,
to get what they really like.

And one day, I'll be gone,
but my words will always remain alive.
And I'm sure it will matter,
and read by upcoming generations.
Maybe people won't remember my name,
but my words ill influence their minds.
And what else do I really need ?

It's a sweet addiction,
because you feel relieved.
And when I sit to write,
I don't really care about the fact that,
"writers don't earn enough".
Because I win people's heart.
It brings me happiness,
which can't be bought by money or any other materialistic things.

It's a sunday evening and I can't go out because of lockdown.
So, I just decided to enjoy quarantine,
and make some coffee for me.
Just because I don't wanna feel like I'm alone,
and to avoid all the thoughts in my head.
I played my favourite song "anxiety" by Julia Michaels,
because I can totally relate to all the lines in it.

The coffee is already ready.
And now,
I'm just gonna sit in my balcony hearing to my favourite old world sparrow chirping.
Thinking about all the things,
I should be doing,
instead of crying because of social distancing.
And guess what ?
I can't stop thinking.

I could have been enjoying in LA right now !
Yeah, I've been trying to avoid this thought from the morning.
LA has been a dream forever.
And when I finally got a chance,
covid-19 ruined everything.

They say I'm an attention-seeker and always crave for playfulness and excitement.
I express leadership and I don't like feeling.
I don't even if all of this true,
just because my zodiac sign is leo.
Or maybe it is,
but my eyes just fail to see.

Sun ! It's beautiful, right ?!
Not because it looks good in pictures,
or,
because it feels like you're in magical genre's book.
No ! It's beautiful because,
it gives us the best lessons of our lives.
Only if you notice,
only if you're good at observing.
What I learnt from sunset is that,
no matter how many times you fall,
you're not a failure.
Where are rainbows without a little rain ?
Get up !
Try harder ! Because,
life isn't easy for anyone here.
Sun sets in the evening,
but still rises on the next day.
And from this,
I learnt that,
I should stop waiting for moments !
And start to make my present,
the moment I wanna live in,
the one I carve for.
No matter how many times you feel low,
you can still shine bright,
and, hurt people's eyes.
We can't escape from reality,
so, how can we forget about clouds ?
There will be days when the sun won't shine bright,
because of some dark clouds.
But the sun always try to come out of darkness and shine.
This is what exactly happens in real life, right ?
People will let you down, and,
throw you in dark days.
Don't let them affect you,
you can still shine bright like sunshine !
We all learn new lessons,
on a new day.
So, believe in yourself,
keep learning and,
don't give up because of some stupid dark clouds,
okay ?

Protest **** ?
What's the first thing that comes to your mind after reading
these two phrases.
Candle march ?
Asking for protection ?
Crying and shouting in front of media to get attention ?
And then, get back to home,
and call girls "*" because of her clothes ?

So, this is a society that we live in ?
If yes,
then, sorry I can't stay.
But where do I even go if I run away ?
There are no safe places,
we've a monster in every corner,
with a desperate *,
dying for some satisfaction.
Why don't you try ******* ?
Because women aren't here to fulfill your dreams of ****** interaction.

Asking your sister to not go out because it's not safe,
while telling your girl about how will you've *** ?
Why are you sexually assaulting your daughter,
in the name of love ?
Don't you know that it's a crime, uncle ?
Stop * your wife every night,
if she's not fine with it.
Your marriage don't give you a right to go against her will.

Try shutting your ****** fantasies,
when you meet a girl.
It's her body,
not a **** movie for your entertainment,
you * !
Watch your eyes and your ***** mind, please.
It was never our fault,
we're not offering blow jobs to you all.
You can't control your ****** desires,
and that's not our responsibility.
You should know how to respect,
I wish you did.
Because this lack of education is leading to crimes and life-long trauma,
so many innocent girls have to suffer because of such mother**s.

This is life,
you'll have nights,
when you won't let your body fight,
and you won't sleep tight.
You'll have days,
when you'll try to escape,
but just don't hate.
This isn't a bad life,
but just a bad day.
This is life,
and you'll be in pain,
just keep fighting with the monsters in your brain.
Things will get tough,
but so are you my darling.
You'll never ever give up, okay?
Just keep learning.
Now wake your soul up and listen,
You're here for a reason,
stop waiting for seasons.
This is your time,
get out of your comfort zone,
because you're strong,
stronger than you know.

The list of things that I wanna do with him,
the situations I wanna be in,
the scenarios I've created in my head,
all of it,
it's huge.
But trust me, it's cute.
I wanna adore him,
like I adore god for sending him on this planet.
I wanna be around him,
always,
like that bracelet in his hand.
I wanna hug him,
like the beach does,
to the sand.
I wanna be a part of him,
like the sun becomes,
of the river,
at dusk.
I wanna make love with him,
but with good intentions and purity.
I wanna love him,
till my soul leaves my body.
I wanna give it all for him,
and live with him till my last breathe.
But what if he's not upto all this ?
What if he don't wanna do the things,
that I wanna do ?
What if god have just sent him to give me another heartbreak ?

Be a flower to the people as spines,
because only want you to shine.
They're not faking anything,
they're just trying to disguise.
Because they don't wanna bother you with their love in their heart for you.
They just have their ways to be affectionate.

So, I've picked my pen up to write,
for this beautiful lady in my life,
on her birthday eve.
Her presence is everything,
and she's all mine,
because she's always there for me.
She's the reason why I'm still here,
she's the reason why I was born.
Yes ! I'm talking about my mom.

She's the reason why I look forward to life,
I would literally do anything for her smile.
I'd give my life for her, without any doubt, but I'll have to think of words,
well ! You know what ?
I'll never be able to express that,
how much I love her, ever.
Sometimes,
she won't be able to find that I'm not fine,
but it's alright,
as she never fails to comfort me.

Her rough palms,
give me a soft touch.
The hugs from her arms,
when I fall apart are priceless.
So satisfying,
more than those stupid love songs of yours.
Who needs those beds,
when you've your mom's lap ?

Her bubbly face,
with those beautiful brown eyes.
Oh god ! Her cheek shines bright.
She's so amiable.
She sounds more like a friend to me,
but with a motherly attitude.

"You look like your mom"is a forever favourite compliment for me,
as it suddenly starts making me feel good in my own body.
She always tried to do,
what's right for me.
But the age difference sometimes *****,
and mess things up !
But it's okay,
because I just have to make her laugh,
with my silly joke and everything comes back to normal again.

Yeah, I'm sorry for the fact that,
we fight sometimes.
But her importance in my life, can't be defined.
I can write a book on her,
because her struggle and love is,
inimical but inimitable.
So, I'll leave this here with :
Words will always fall short to describe her,
also my efforts and my actions,
but not my affection.

This is to that stranger,
I've loved the most.
We still cross paths,
but it's just not the same.
I hope you're doing okay.
I'll always pray for you,
regardless of the things,
that have changed.
You left,
but memories will always stay.
I gave you my heart in love,
but I don't understand why you returned it to me into pieces.

Remember when I said that,
I'll always be there for you ?
Yeah, I meant it.
So, you can still come to me,
and expect me to act gentle.
No harsh feelings, no hate.
Well ! I don't wanna bother you with my words or my presence.
Anyways, take care.

Can't really write about anything these days.
I'm wondering what's messing with my head.
No thoughts,
no expressions,
just numb to every emotion.
Dressing good to feel good,
but I'm sick of being in my own body,
or maybe this is just another stupid thought,
which isn't planning to go away.
I hate feeling this way,
I wanna let it all out and,
writing is the only way.
But I can't find the proper words to define,
what do I even say ?
I'm just waking up with,
"it's just another day".
No excitement and no hope,
and nothing is fun.
Why do I even feel this way these days ?

My dreams crumbled one day,
but I saved them in a jar,
to let them fly later, like fireflies.
I never lost hope,
and I never gave up.
Because I believe that I'll get what I want,
and why won't I ?
I know what I deserve.
I'm not here to whine about the consequences to my decisions,
because I've learnt to adjust,
to live with this regret.
I don't cry about my pain in my poetry,
I just pour my heart out on a paper.
My ink is my sword to fight with the reality of life,
and my words give me strength,
and always make me feel like,
everything is going to be fine.
This is something that I'm not dependent on people or materialistic things to be happy,
like the other teens in our society.
I've big dreams,
and I'm ready to achieve a lot of things.
I'm ready to risk it all,
and do what's meant for me.
You can put an halt to my efforts towards it,
but how do you **** a feeling ?
It's my thought process and it works in it's own way,
and it don't even beg for liberty.
As it's already free.
No boundations and no limits,
when it comes to my mentality.
I'm just gonna continue to write more everyday,
for everyone who's suffering.
I'm here to fulfill my dreams,
working on it,
ready to edify and influence the world, with my story.

I don't contemplate you as my friend,
because you do a lot of things which aren't acceptable.
But still, expect me to be fine with it.

Putting me on your insta stories or writing me paragraphs,
don't mean a thing,
if you really don't respect me.

Using me for attention and popularity only,
and sticking around me,
because you think I'm cool ?
Yeah ! that idea is absolutely *ty.

Are you even a good friend if you just talk * about me,
behind my back.
Because, bro ! what about loyalty ?

Telling people wrong things about me,
and judging my character,
when Ii told you something,
because I thought you were trustworthy !

Bringing me flowers when I'm sick,
but making fun of my insecurities.

Saying that you wanna make me feel loved but how ?
Because I can't see you doing anything effective,
but just hurting me because I don't expect you to be mean to me.

Using words to express that you care,
but what about actions ?
Well ! you don't even make me feel good in my bad times.
What's your point ?

Not supporting me with anything,
even when I always hype you up,
when you're about to do something terrible.
Because I know that you won't listen to my advices.

Coming to me,
only when you've no one,
is nothing but just selfieshness.
Because you were never there for me.

Hurting my feelings but still calling me your best friend,
as if I'm a backup plan or just "nobody" when you don't need me.

Your toxic traits,
are ** up my living because you're nothing but,
just someone like a trashing machine and,
one of the mistakes that I've made.
Because you're destroying a lot of things, with your toxicity.

I'm used to all this but it's all just so unhealthy,
that I can't even tolerate.
I wish I could unmeet you and,
remove everything we had.

"Wearing a bralette ?
Too **** for your age "
"Over sized clothes ?
You look like a man "
"This makeup ? This look ?
What are you even trying to prove ?"
"I want a girl with a big *, thick thighs but skinny waist,
well ! nevermind !
But tell me n,
what's your bra size ?"
"Ethnic wear all the time ?
You're acting too old and your fashion sense is zero "
No matter what we wear,
or how we carry ourselves,
some people will always be bothered.

But it's shocking how you allow them to make you feel insecure and bad about yourself.
You don't like what you see in the mirror ?
Because you feel disgusted in your own skin,
and it hurts to see those picture perfect beauties.
But inner beauty do matter, right ?
I don't understand,
why do you starve yourself or just overeat,
just because you don't like what you see.
"I'm too skinny ",
"I'm too fat",
"I hate my body and I wish I looked like her ",
are the only thoughts in these girls head.

I know it's hard to believe that your body is just perfect and,
you don't need to change a thing.
Ii wish I could give you my pair of eyes so you can learn to appreciate,
the beauty that I see.
Don't let anyone effect your moods,
just wear whatever you want.
Because it's your body,
so you get to choose.
Th way you wanna carry yourself,
is all upto you.
Nothing looks inappropriate or ugly,
if you style in the way you like.
People will still comment against you,
but just say this to yourself at that moment,
"* this society because I'm more than what they get to see ",
and move forward because you're pretty.

We all are lost,
and our real selves are hidden in some dark place.
Maybe we don't wanna be found,
or maybe it's just because of the environment around.
Just wanna get away from everything because something feels wrong.
Even tho it's something you've always wanted ?
The life of your dreams ?
Still not satisfied.
There are no good times honestly.
Life's more like a dark room,
which gets lightened up only in the daytime.
Or like, that one favorite fruit of yours,
in the stinky plate of salad.
Or just black coloured piece of cloth,
in your big wardrobe.
Our lives are just series of bad moments,
with little happiness sprinkled on everything,
only if we notice.
Only if we enjoy everything with a smile.
No matter if it's a good thing,
or something that's going to turn into just another bad memory.

I believe that every person is created by god and has inherent personal strength.
We all have the ability to impact the world in a unique way.
We all have so many opportunities to make choices that will positively affect others.
I've a desire to impact the world for good by reaching out to others in love and service.
Let's strive to instill right values,
to motivate someone's actions.
Let's seek genuine concern for others,
let's enter god's gates,
with joy and grace !
Let's thank him for everything we've today !
And with thanksgiving in our hearts,
let's enter his courts with praise.
Let us thank you dear god,
I feel so blessed for everything I've today,
thank you for giving me strength everyday.
I promise I won't complaint anymore,
thank you for everything you've gave.
Now, let blessings flow and find it's way !