Relationship with him wasn't fun anymore .
I wonder when , why and where did it all go .
So many questions and he's not here to answer anymore .
"What happened exactly?"
His voice stopped exciting me ,
seeing him didn't make my heart skip a beat ,
he didn't make me happy like he did before ,
that smile I passed right from my heart when I looked at him ,
I don't do that anymore and now ,
here I'm faking smiles to the people I don't even know .
And sadly,
I realized that ,
there are no feelings left to feel .
I ended it but why ?
No one to make me feel fine and hold me tight .
Should I go back to him ?
Nah ! I'm just hurting ,
his heart and my feelings .
I knew I'm a mess ,
and couldn't hold onto relationships .
Maybe he just gave up too ,
because the future of "us" wasn't clear to him .
What's wrong with me ?
My heart ?
It's just a piece of flesh .
Just another part of my body but it have a beat .
A beat that have a rhythm ,
and speaks that :
if I'd the courage to quit ,
maybe we can heal,fight against my stupidities .
By making efforts ,
to get through this .

Life's like a roller coaster ride.
Sp many ups and downs,
but we still choose to continue to enjoy.
And those who don't,
are cowards ? no !
They're tired and done with everything.
So, they choose to quit.
But this isn't how it is supposed to be.
We all have reasons to be here,
we just need to find them while we're riding.
Giving up is like end of the game,
it isn't the answer,
to all the questions, that we've been searching.
To pull out the sounds like demons from our heads,
which are high pitched and negative,
effecting everything and making it all so hard,
that a body can't bear.
Asking to quit and one is falling apart but we need to,
learn to fall and shine like a star,
no matter what happens,
don't let anyone dull your spark.

Through the inky, black morning sky,
I hear the call of a love duck,
stationed on the waters of the pond.
It's here that I find my solace,
as I see no light in these dark days.
I wake up everyday with no hope,
and demons chattering in my head.
No purpose, no satisfaction,
seems like,
happiness is only an illusion.
And again,
another day will turn into a bad memory like yesterday.
What's the point of fighting anyways ?
So, I'll let those demons win,
and make myself feel empty as surrender is the only way left, to peace.

Th dark night,
full of stars shining bright.
Maybe these stars wants to tell me a story,
and want me to connect all these stars and,
come up with something chaotic.
These crazy thoughts are wandering in my mind,
when all I'm doing is,
sitting under the sky.
This feels like the end of the world and I'm lost but in the next minute,
I realized,
a guy with these ocean blue eyes and a soft touch,
is holding my hand real tight.
I feel like I'm floating in the sky,
on a cloud,
with lilies all around.
His fingers feels like petals wrapping my hands and,
his touch is like a beautiful bracelet in my hand,
oh ! he's my ornament.
Then, I look into his eyes and find love for insecure heart of mine.
What a pleasure this is,
I can't stop smiling and he won't stop admiring my beauty.
It's more lovely because there are no sounds around but just me and him,
making love under the big fat cloud.

A lot of events occur in our lives.
Some are happy and enjoyable but some are sad and traumatic.
You lose hope,
and you notice differences in people's behaviour towards you.
And that's how you learn to bear with all the ache.
When you choose to prioritize yourself first,
when you take your own decisions and when you don't care about people's opinions,
a lot of things change.
Make replacements.
And get rid of the negative people and love the ones who encourage you instead.
It's hard but it's crucial,
so you've to do it,
and you know what ?
The less you care,
the more they hate.
This change is necessary as depending on people for emotional support isn't good,
because you never know about people's intentions.
To cope with loss,
you become stronger.
So strong that you don't need anyone else.
Just believe that if everything's falling apart right now,
it will fall into place too soon.
Just have faith in your actions fall for the person you've became after these turns and obstacles in this life's stage.

(Quotes into turning
"I know I'm losing many but I'm loving the person life's turning me into ."
-Nitya Prakash
~
"One of the most crucial but hardest things yo do as a part of turning your life around is to get rid of all the negative people around you and replace them who encourage you instead."
-Neal Boortz )

I'm a soft, brown teddy bear sitting on the couch.
I see this guy wondering why he's apposite for this society.
I see him sleeping every night.
I soak all his tears when he cries.
He don't accept that he hugs me tight,
when he don't feel fine.
Because that makes him "weak" and "gay",
as he's supposed to be "strong" like a real boy.

I was 7 when I saw this dream and it still frets me.
I'm trying to connect dots and figure things out till today.
It's been years and I still can't get it out of my head.
So, what's the deal ?
Is that dream a message or just another nightmare ?
I go to sleep,
closing my eyes,
and watching myself falling down the stairs every night.
All of this can't be "just a dream",
I'm not a kid, I'm a teen.
What if there's a story ?
What if I unknown to a mystery ?