What's the point of healing ?
If I'm going to stay around toxic people and pretend like I'm doing fine ?
If I'm gonna stay at this place which breaks me ?

How am I gonna feel revealed with so much on my mind.
How do I feel like everything's going to be fine in my life ?
When all I do is cry at nights.

What's the point of all this ?
What's the meaning of living ?
Why am I even alive ?

They appreciate my smile but never see the pain in my eyes.
I just hate the fact that,
I'm just surrounded by the people with no hopes and dreams.
Just with the people, I don't even like.

Don't make me feel loved,
I'm not used to it.
I'm scared of getting all my broken pieces together,
just to get them broken again.
Aren't you scared of commitment ?
Are you sure you want to make promises ?
I'm still terrified.
So frightened that I can't even breathe in my own body.
I'm suffocating all the time.
I feel like, I''ll destroy you as my life already feels like void.

So, I've been wondering from a long time,
why do I always end up writing about sad things ?
I still wonder what makes it so enjoyable ?
It's not that I'm mentally ill or emotionally unstable.
No ! I'm absolutely fine !

I don't know what brings out my creative side.
I write because,
I like being lost so I can let my thoughts wander and set my mind free.
I like imagining myself in situations,
I just make things up in my head,
and pen it on a paper.
I like feeling others pain,
and I want readers to feel the same,
to make them realize what it's really like.

It's like I'm trying to be a sunflower but without sunlight.
A tree from spring surviving in the autumn season.
An infant with an adult's mind but with no use of it.
Maybe one day, I'll know the reason behind,
I'll know why I write.

Actually I do but one day,
my words will be capable enough to make you all understand,
what I've always had in my mind.
And this is why I write everyday.
To improve, to grow, to feel good about being alive.

Life, why have you been pretty harsh to me lately ?
O is it just me who have been harsh to myself ?
I don't know really.
I just have been ignoring my mental health totally.

But today, just for once,
I wanna be happy.
I wanna get the taste of happiness,
just a small brake from memories maybe ?

I've been through a lot of **,
but now, just for once,
I wanna feel free.
Am I escaping here ?
Yeah, maybe.

Well ! Let's try a face mask today,
or listen to something new.
Let's just forget there are problems in my life,
and dance under the moon.

I'll just count my blessings,
rather than trying to solve solutions to my mistakes.
Just for a day,
I should just let me become a child again.

Free from responsibilities to sleeping peacefully,
not caring about the way you look to not caring about anything around me.
Singing and dancing like no one's watching to being someone, I really am.

Just tell yourself everyday that,
it's okay to take rest days,
you're trying your best and that's great.
Stop stressing over small things becasue it's all gonna be okay !

I heard someone saying in a group,
" I'm going through so much,
and no one knows about it ! "
Well ! Now, everyone do !

Do you think the people you're stressing about or sharing your secrets with, really care about you ?
Because you never really know !
What if they make fun of you behind your back ?
Or make things up by using you ?
Just saying !

Be careful with who you call friends.
You think you're a priority ?
Do they really give a ** about you ?
You think your friends have got you back ?
Yeah maybe !
But what if they're fake ?
Ask yourself !
Are you ready to deal with this pain ?

It's okay if you're there for them,
in their bad days.
But do you think you'll have any of them in need ?

This may hurt you,
but this is the truth.
This one also may increase doubts,
but you just gotta be careful with who you choose /
Because not everyone have got a pure heart in this mean world !

It is what it is.
Just deal with it,
and go through it.
Maybe you need to,
to become a person you should be.
To survive and to live !

Burying it all inside everyday,
is killing me, more and more.
I don't know how to express,
who to talk to,
and how to deal with all of this anymore ?

Whenever I realize that,
I'm alone in all of this,
memories hit me hard.
Realizing that you've no one to talk to,
no shoulders to lean on.
And all you're supposed to do is,
pretend, lie about the way you feel and fake a smile.

" Is this what I deserve ?
Why is this happening to me ?
Why do I feel this way ? "
are the only thoughts I could think about.

Do I need help with all of this ?
" You're just overreacting ",
"Maybe it's just a phase ",
"Are you sure this isn't because of your periods ? "
"It's just sadness ",
that's what you're gonna say ?
But what if this feeling never goes away ?