sometimes I still choke on how much I love you

and the shower makes me cry

because I remember getting caught

in the rain with you

I'm sick of holding my breath

like I'm at the bottom of the Atlantic

and I'm waiting for you to love me again

for a while I found comfort

in losing my oxygen

but now I'm tired

of the way I love you unconditionally

and the fact that it's been months

since you last called me

my chest is so black and blue and bruised

and I will not be the kind of girl

to bend over backwards for you

if you ever want to find me

I will be standing ankle deep

in the Pacific

and breathing

there are heaps of clothes on my bedroom floor

but none of them are yours

and my mind is traveling horrifying distances

to a place here you stretch yourself over me

like skin does to our bones

i want you to crawl inside of me and live in my ribcage

i want you to taste the daylight in me

to take all of my darkness away

until we reach a hot, incandescent point of no return

the astronomy of our bodies contains supernovas when we collide

touch me and i'll burn

without you my fragmented and lifeless heart resembles dying stars

i will be as beautiful in my own descent

so you can make a wish on me

the coolness of the Atlantic hits us like an epiphany

you tuck a willow in my hair

as i taste summer in the air and insanity on your tongue

those nights when we felt like fireflies trapped in mason jars

and we watched all the others follow the lifeless lights of city streets

enduring the foggy-eyed mornings that follow with a blanket on the floor with you

a forest fire ripping through my head

(i loved you)

a bass drop of a song in the backseat of your friend’s car

my heart flutters like sparrows to the sound of thunder

and the sun trembles over the horizon

i know how this will end, just like i know you

but for now we are young

the wind hits our broken pieces and fills the holes

i count up all our mistakes and they seem beautiful

as we wait for the fiery effervescence of violent waves

i hope we remember how they sound when we get old

we let the meaning of everything cloud over us for a while

(i loved you)

broken air conditioners and laughing out loud for no one to hear

and we wonder if we exist at all and i think how strange this is

as phosphorescent waters swish and spill

i scream inside so there is no echo

my sleep took over slowly that night

i used up all my colored film on you

and i found the pictures in the glove compartment today

i love(d) you

I'm writing this poem,
As a reminder to some,
That I am just human,
You're not the only one.

I breathe and I sleep,
I eat and I drink,
I also have emotions,
So just stop and think.

The words that you say,
The thoughts that you share,
Will hit me in the face,
Oh, but you don't care.

I am young and I'm sensitive,
I can't handle too much,
But yet you talk about me,
Oh jeez, thanks a bunch.

The damage you have caused,
May not seem so obvious,
But inside I am aching,
And you'll still remain oblivious.

only dead boys hold insects like they're something
special
only a dead boy would let a mantis in his heart and
preying was always a better descriptor
because hymns burned in my throat and
i scratched a cross into my palm but i was never lucky enough to scar
but
oh, dead boy
bug lover
enduring a thousand lashes to save the soul of a beetle  -
i'll help you peel off all your scabs to make sure they scar
thick tissue skin memory sometimes you think scars are the closest you'll get
to a wedding ring
you're a suicide king i think a kingdom of hearts was never the safest place for you i
don't think you understand the way your subjects' hearts are strung because
entomology entomos everything you love is cut to bits
and on the fourteenth of february you told me
the only purpose of a flower
was to hold
a spider
inside
and i guess that was why you painted all your walls with roses i
hope your garden  smells as sweet
covered in your misfortunes
only a dead boy would let
a praying mantis so close
to his neck
oh, you freak. disgusting.
i ate the last one that let me this close.
you told me {if i die
leave my body
in the forest
by
an anthill}
maybe you don't realize we were doomed from the start or maybe you're just naïve but
honey you're a dead boy and
corpses don't fall in love.
[you're so genuine it hurts and i think
i could teach you how to be a fake -
nobody likes an honest man
i could teach you how to hate the world but you said

{the only one
i hate here
is me}]

freakish child.
all you see in every rorschach is mantes and
decapitations and
wedding rings you are an aberration,
suicide king entomologist your throne room
was full of termites.
with hallowed cheeks and hollowed churches,
i will assure that you scar
dead boy, if you die
i will put maggots
in your chest