I am as I am
No greater no lesser
Part ghost
A one day angel
As the line before me thins
Into a gray and gold horizon
I am more gentle
I remember being weak
Hearing your voice call to me
When I was in the dark place
I climbed halfway up to heaven 
Only to turn around 
I was terrified 
Of the storms
More so 
Of the calm that would come after 
Are our souls so different now
Passing between worlds 
Or are we chasing stranger ghosts
Than the ones we name on earth

I know I look
Like I carry
Nothing on my shoulders
But I like to think
Even Atlas gets used to
The weight of the sky

You would of wanted me
If you had needed something good in your life
You just wanted flowers with thorns
Because you were sold on the idea that roses were the most beautiful of flowers
You had never taken the time to smell sunflowers
Too busy plucking petals that can't even talk
She loves me
She loves me not
Crushing life with your hands
She loves me
She loves me not

Sometimes I think
Anxiety makes me a bad person
But I'm too depressed to fix it

I did something wrong once
I take that as a solidifying truth
For my abhorrence

Hell has developed quite the appetite

I am not afraid to close my eyes
It's just that
I'm scared when I do open them again
Maybe I will see something different
Something looking back at me

We can change nothing about yesterday
That is why we have tomorrow

As I think
So I become

As I think
So I am

Are you here in this moment with me
The dew in the grass does not know your name
But it remembers you

How does one
Unburden the body of sins

You black iced bandit
Silver tip tongued liar
When you sleep
Do your bones rot
In the shadow of your sins
Does guilt not crush you
Runner
Fool
I have no hate
To send out into the world against you
You took my kindness as weakness
Now I do not even have regret
Maybe once, the earth said to the sky
Why do you hold all the stars
The moon chimed in against the night
Someone must hold them back
For we are not all made of light
I could of made you a believer
You had no faith in yourself
The person I poured my love into
Never existed
I am a giver
And you, a taker
A leaver
But you burn small
And I am the meaning of a dancing flame
You will drown in the waters
As my spirit passes over
Safely to other shores
I will say nothing
When my tears have dried
I will do nothing
When you raise your arms against me
Except pray
And the splitting of my lips
Is a curtain torn
Find me on the hill
When the suns goes down
For the third time
We do not say goodbye
Know the veil will thin again
I care not to play God
Only to hear his voice
Soft in the tops of the trees
Your ears deaf
To the cry of a good heart
Your calluses rough
To the work of gentle hands
Your feet burning
When you stand before the throne
The only one to claim you
Before the end
Is the earth
The most impartial of lovers
She too tells me
When I lay with her in the sun
The grass tickling my neck
Of the lesions you burned into her skin
Of chasms carved into her surface
By your bleeding hands
Yet, her and I
We know of healing
Our roots run deep
We do not fear the storm
And you will be ash in the wind

Love was was not enough for us
Now we must face the music

I watched the glory of youth rippen
Meekly searching
For a young one
I thought I knew
I loved you then
Strange you seem to chasm eyes
Though no stronger
How fair
The lengthening of patience
And spine
Over the bridge, and with time
Plough through the fields
Of my doubting soul
The leaves of my midsummer mask
Crunch against the hand of time
Dawn has come
And I hasten to adore
The gentle glory of your awakening
Kindness and depths in your eyes
Deeper than before

No one is comforting anymore

Falling in love with pain
Is either an ending
Or beginning

You were moss thoughts - growing on the trees
In my mind - just a garden of weeds

In the morning
I will be charming again
Convincing everyone, but myself
Of my alignment with the upright world

Patient are leaves
Already fallen from the trees
Some cling to promises of the wind
Their trembling says much of oaken oaths
Stamina is a stem
This is your sap
Running dry in the forest
These paths no longer for me
A wanderer has no home
It is every place she goes
You will not return with me
This is a forethought and a promise
Barren is the bend in the road
You find shame in the journey unfinished
Will you not see the end
This fist holds nothing against you
Much can be hidden in branches that will not bow

It was the almost remorseful way you still held your hand around the hilt of the dagger that you stabbed into my back

Here we pass
Into the abyss
Not lovers, strangers, or friends
Unbound from selfish ties
Only one
Small inkling of humanity
You are broken again
I free
There is nothing
In the darkness
Only the faint shimmer
Of what once
Would soon be

We don't always keep friends
At the rate we change

Oh listen
With your heart
To a language your mouth cannot speak
My body will preach
Pouring out of my skin
Into the stars
Listen with your heart
Oh dreamer who is withheld from rest
That peace will find you
Where hope has left

I will never know your thoughts
And I take that as a gift
My thoughts are my own
And that is where I will dwell

Bury me shallow
Longing resurrect me
Bent on tasting you again
Soft lightyear kisses
Craving your indulgence
Warmth of forbidden eternity
In an eon of moments
I was careless with you yesterday
You will not fear that again
Forget doubt and pain
You are above them
Stratosphere of peace
Between you and I
Hold space for us
Before we too are dust

There is sweetness
In the honeycomb caverns of my heart

I sang softly under powdered sugar skies
To the man who only loved himself
I could not hold against you
Giving up guiding dreams
They will learn to find their own way
I am a pilgrim meant for wandering
My sleep no different, be I sinner or saint
My skin has saved the warmth of the sun
To lull you into slumber, cocoon you in affection
The sun cracking my skin as if she was dirt in the desert
Hollow me out, sinner in the canyon
Worship me in the shadows of the tallest rise
I thirst for you, in the valley of the sun
Let our flowers blossom, even when no water will quench their roots
Petals in a flower girl wind
Smell more ancient than salt in the sea
Petals joining sky, sand, and cactus spines
An earthen corpse
Sandy organs, a faint heartbeat drum
Dry air lungs, I hold my raspy breath
You sang John Mayer at seventy miles an hour
God made me sad, you made me cry
We withered up inside out, waiting to kiss in the rain

Sometimes anger manifests itself at sadness
That's why my insides are screaming

I have a four count pulse
South, East, West, North
My head never travels in one direction Thoughts spinning around like the head of an owl
While my heart echos, who?
The quiet is never loud enough
To drown out the sea of thoughts binding themselves together like atoms
They weren't the first one's to bite the fruit
I am to far fallen from the tree
Tree of life, with roots deep enough to dig down to hell
I'm burning a fever of embarrassment
Embers I cannot cool no matter how hard I huff and I puff
In the end the wolf always eats me up
I sit silent, in his stomach, a fetal position of agony
As my sins digest me
Face to face with the inside of monster
I now know has a heart
Red and pumping
I grasp onto organs
Holding out hope for a breath of fresh air
From lungs I have never breathed before

.                   .
                   i t
               c o m e s
           a n d       g o e s
      i n                   w a v e s


who will d
                    r
                      o
                 ­       w
                           n
    
         who will be  s a v e d

                    o                 a   e
who will l     v   the  w   t   R
                    e


and who wil take her  p  l  a  c  e

Those above
And those below
Some stay
Some never go

A hollow voice
She answers my call
Singing out
Into the night
Silence, my only companion
Has abandoned me
For those who do not curse their own name
I am the fool
In the forest
Moss between the bareness of my feet
Nothing but shame to cover my nakedness
I bite my tongue
The blood comes forth
Clenching my jaw
Will not warm my bones
The night carries me
As a wild river
I find no rest in the trees tonight

I'm never quite empty
Never quite full
Hollow, until the rain water fills me up
Just to seep it out
Just to sleep it out

White on black ink
Let it sink
In ****** skin
Life seeping out
Gold within
Hollow bones
Aching cold
Praying for
Hands to hold

Show up for yourself today.

Sinner, saint, martyr, man
He who is without sin
Casting stones in the desert
Until spears pierce skin

Tradition to cover my head
Practice what you preach
Stones words tumbling
Caught between teeth

Not heaven, not earth
Shallow graves and the ******
Seated at a table
Where sinners hold hands

A hungry man's prayer
On the lips of a priest
Ache of an empty stomach
Feed the head of the beast

Break body and bread
The last thing on the mind
Water in the glass
Dripping with wine

Turn tables and tricks
With righteous anger
Biting a bitter tongue
To keep out of danger

Saint's digging their graves
In the name of gospel words
Spitting out fire
Things God never heard

Hail Mary full of grace
Communion, crucifixion
Ye though I walk through the valley
I will fear no affliction

Nails in palm
Who would see heaven fall
Turning deaf ears
To a righteous call

Martyr's nailing
Paper sins to the cross
Casting lots for wages
Not knowing the cost

A man's sacrifice
Curtain splitting in two
A thorn crown
Biting like a tattoo

Holy of holies
Laid bare under heaven
Collecting in baskets
Body of man, unleavened

Who are the righteous
Who can know God

Tell me
Your fantasy of God
Of goodness
Kindness
Tell me of sinners
And death
Speak of angels

I am not a good friend

The centre; will not hold
We bear the weight
On the back of our shoulders
The beams they groan
The floorboards no longer creak
I am falling

Even if I never write
Anything great at all
Know that I have
Given my best
Know that I have
Said my all

Idle thoughts make quick work of my security

For you,
I hope the pain eases soon
I hope it is gentle suffering

Now living by the virtues I so steadfastly preach
Crying alone in my room
'I'm an adult now, I'm responsible for healing from everything that hurt me'
We're not children anymore I'm accountable for what I do

Well it still ******* hurts, it still ******* hurts, it still ******* hurts

No one ******* taught me any different
And I'm sorry I just dont know

It
Still
*******
Hurts

When you speak
And I listen
Know your words
Are not more beautiful than my thoughts
How desperately I wish to cherish them