If I cannot write
I think I am broken
How terrible the plight
Of a flightless bird
This is my solemn resolution
Against the quiet of my mind
Where will my anger go now
How will I find peace
My lips unable to soldier on
Without words to mark their feats

You made love to her
While your love bites
Were not yet faded
On my skin

I will turn you into poetry
Because that's the only way
I know how to cope
Every word seems to seal my fate
It is to late for us
I never deserved you
Nothing I do
Will ever earn your love
I'm sorry
~
I wondered for the longest time
If you had died
If your family would tell me
I know that's a horrible motivation
~
Now I wonder
When I passs
If you will remember my soul
As it was with you
Or how terribly dark
It is without
~
Only one of us
Will be burdened
With 'what ifs'
In the end


------------------------
'In the end
As we fade into the night
Who will tell
The story of our life'
-Andy Black

I look to you
As my guiding light
As if
You were the only star in the sky

I empath off of you
Hands plunged into freezing water
Running over the banks
Flood my valley
Drown me out

I was just a hotel for your emotions

Check in.
Check out.

You may hate me
But you can't deny
I make you feel

Never thought I'd be the one
With my feet on the ground
Can't lie about the view though
I love watching you
With your head in the clouds

The anger
It steamed out of my mouth
As screams in the night

Silence is broken
But I needed her
She was my sanity

A bitter trial
Leaves the taste of grass
On the tip of my tongue

The earth will one day
Cleave herself in two
Not until then will I make my choice

I am foolish today
I know naught of tomorrow
But I hope she will make me wiser

I didn't want you to blame me
When I passed out from holding my breath
I was just trying to be lighter on the inside
Walking is really hard these days
I keep forgetting how to talk
Even when I know too many words
I'm panicking, existential discomfort
I can make up a name for my feelings
They flow through me the same
Hold me now
So I don't let go of myself
You are not an anchor
You are a bridge
I am burning
It's my fault
You whisper through my hair
Into the hollow of my hear
Whispers in my head, tread softly
"It will be okay, baby."
I clutch the solid fabric of your shirt
Between the concrete fingers of my hand
Linger with me
Like you promised

We wait
For growing pains
To cease fire
I am not
Who I was once
I am new
I do not remember myself

Your name sits
In the back of my throat
Like a pill I cannot swallow
I kissed you
Like I hated the taste of my own mouth
I need you like water
Pure and flowing
I feel vulnerable
Eve in the garden
Naked and sinful
And you
Forbidden fruit
Within reach
I pluck and pluck again
But you will never satisfy
You are not here to listen
When I call on the divine
Not one for keeping promises
Not one for telling lies
Simply rotting
Bitter and sour
I cannot wash you off my tongue

I want to be such light
That even long after my dying
I will brighten up worlds
To be as the life
With the stars in the dead sky

I'm starting to feel,  again
And I've never loathed, anything
Like I do, this headspace, here, now

The truth and liqour
They are both hard to swallow
Neither go down easy
It is not fair for one to bring the other out

As bad as it was when you left
It was foolish for me to stay

If only you had been as obsessed with the truth as you had been with telling me how honest you are

Sigh

Allow me
To chew
My anger
Up for you
Spit it
Into your mouth

When you finally
Bite into it
It will fill you up
As it has eaten me
From the inside out
For so long

A devouring hole
I am not able to quench
I have hungered, ached
Starved for affection

You call me
To your own table
Refuse to feed me
Shaming me
For my watering mouth
I drip, saliva
You, sweet milk and honey

When I tell you
I have no kindness
Left in me
You stab your knife
Into the table
Carving up
Mahogany inhibitions

And I
Who once stood
Tall, as an oak
Proud as a pine
Begin falling
Earth of roots
Hold me again

A tree falls
In the forest
No one hears it
Did it still fall

The man
With the axe
Is deaf
I am kindling now

Hunger, thirst
Your breadcrumb trails
Bait me
Crumbs of life
Through the hourglass
Digesting your wonderment
All to quickly

Anger is a hot and cold flavor
Slip down smoothly
Only to flood
Into my fingertips
Fists of famine
Devouring

I looked to the stars
And said
I am your student
Teach me of death

You were the tension they called time
I the fool they named love

My heart loves kindness
And those slow to anger

When I hear your name
My heart suffers

Do not deny
You have reached into darkness
To take what you can get

How do the land of the living
And the land of the dead
Know of each other

Are not those who go between
Only dreams
Made of salt and shadow

Flower carcasses hanging on opaque walls
Ego death coffin doors slammed shut
Thinly veiled ghosts of love
Hanging between whisps of curtains
Moon light refuses to touch
Paper dolls scattered
Open window breezes
Sit in the quiet, listen in the dark
Hear faintly beating
The silence of my heart

Three is a crowd
I'm still so ******* lonely
It's a long night
When you have a full head
If only I was open
But I'm afraid of coming unhinged

I thought
When my body went out to the forest
It would become one with the soil
Rotting and rotting
Decomposing every ache and blunder it has ever held
Intricately blended into Earth's webbing
Finally, I am soft

Here I am doing both
Living and writing
Healing and grieving
The multidimensional complexity that life holds
All wrapped up in the swirls if my palms
My body holds so much time
Lived out
Not every scar is sad
My white lines like the layers of a tree
You can see the growth

It wouldn't **** me
If you left
I wouldn't die
If you moved on
The thought of it
Is torture
But I refuse to be
A prisoner of war

Like the morning
I will be broken soon
Like the morning
I'll be going soon
Like the morning
I ache for you
Like the morning
I'll paint the sky
Like the morning
You're new to me
Like the morning
I wait for you
Like the morning
I am born a new

We are
The architects of our own prison
The devil in the details
How intricate we are
In the wrought iron
Workings of our minds

The Muse
She is is fickle
Like a river in it's course
But tonight
She is with me
So I will let her say her piece
That she may carry on down stream
To the next weary soul

Found him, floating
In the river

That's two

There is no reason
To look out your windows here

Unless I think you are home

In another life
I watched the snow fall
I could return to that place
No one would be there.

My head has been in the clouds
I am waiting
For it to come back down

I have been saying goodbye
For so long
My head has been in the clouds

By demand, we give
The softest parts of ourselves away
Am I truly tender?
In all my hard places

Am I?

Come
Down to my reasoning
Down to the bottom
The atoms.
Find simplicity in my complexity.
Come down darling.

.

Calm down
Darling
I can listen again
Do you hear me?
I went to the place
I could only see
I could not speak, or hear

How beautiful
To hear your voice again

Stop worrying about who's going go visit your grave
You're not in it yet
There is time between now and then for a million things to change

You'll feel better when you're leaving
I am empty in the morning
Remembering, sonder
How full I was the night before
We lit candles in the basement
Here we are burning out
Faster than daylight in the winter
Our solstice stealing sun from the sky
To give one more star to the night
Now my days are parting
Hours staying, hours passing
Maybe I hate
That we can never be strangers again
I knew you once, not enough
Already too much
We drown in a single thought
I can't see past your smile anymore
These are the tears of a one night love
The day could not carry on
You whistle on your way out the door
I'm not sure I ever knew before
What music was for

I want to tell you the truth
But I fear you will not listen

I want you to understand
But I'm not sure it matters

I can't unfuck the timeline
I can't even unfuck myself

You paint me as the wild one
So you can be the calmest man in the room
Calling yourself natural sunshine
So I can be portrayed as gloom

Noun, a place or state of great happiness; an unspoiled paradise.

We carry our tension on the tops of our forearms
The wrinkles in between our eyes
And the right side of our sternum to even out the ache in our chest
I age as quickly as the sun can kiss me
Let her bathe me in all her light

Our perceptions are flawed in this
That we will look with our eyes
Listen with our ears, for even the quietest whisper
Yet we do not do the same with our hearts
To find colors in words spoken with a trembling breath
With the sobs hidden in the laughter we so quickly discard
Oh dreamer, let your pride pass
That you would see all things come to pass

It is good to cry
But not when you have forgotten how to laugh

Your blood
Is on the same hands
You promised rings too

You told me you like beer
I think you drink it because you want your mouth to have something to do
Your hands to have something to hold

I shudder to think
Yet that is all I do

You ache
Pain is a death demanding and unforgiving
Hoping the shadow of a cigarette
Will veil this agony again
Smoke lungs breathe roses
Black thorns for a restless night
I dare not walk this way again, not alone
Simply forgotten