the music stops
when you need it most
singing under your breath
out of tune
hoping for miracles
hoping
for miracles
soon

I call out
Not to disturb the quiet
But to give some substance
To the expanse
My voice.
She will return to me
Though not as she once was
And not the same as she left
For time will change her
Give her depth
Oh that she will teach me
All that has been sewn into her

I'll be your mirror
You my glass
Tossed in the shallows
Watching ships pass

Nothing is harder to force than the smile of someone who's trying and just doesn't feel like they're succeeding.

You used to lay with me, beside me
        And I dream of you now, as though you had never left

do you have more Pride than Honesty

You were a millennia of love
A passion I tasted
For but one lifetime of the moon
And as I held your hand
Against the eons
And you whispered unto my soul
Every secret bound within your immortality
To show me what it is
To give meaning to something
When you have had nothing
And could have everything under the sun
You gave up to me
All the ways you could die
Yet I find nothing but life
In the age of your expanse
And in the quiet of your touch
So pour into me
As I am spent out upon you
That we would make a spark
To be a momentary star
In the sky of the eternal

Not everything is life or death
I hear it, but I don’t believe it
For me, it has been
Not living, surviving, scraping by
By my paper thin finger nails
I dug into you
It seems now
I dig my grave
To burry my grieving body
Of every sin she ever possessed
The smoke burns white
I am no saint
I fixed my eyes before me
The Isaiah crucifix ahead
I am not the first to burn
Pray I will be the last
Pray I am enough
Of an offering

If I was an open book, would you stay up reading in the dark until the sun came up, just to get to the part where she is okay?
Because I'm still waiting


Can we wait together?

I am a nor'easter

Can you weather the storm?

Silent in the dark
Oh little one sleep
Faint not of heart
Tender mercies will come

Oh little one sleep
Faint not of heart
Tender mercies will come
Silent in the dark

Tender mercies will come
Silent in the dark
Oh little one sleep
Faint not of heart

Faint not of heart
Tender mercies will come
Silent in the dark
Oh little one sleep

I dare you

I dare you to hold it against me that I'm a caring person
I dare you to hold it against me that I am gentle and patient
I dare you to hold it against me that I am genuine and that I am caring
I dare you to hold it against me that I listen and that I love you so much
I dare you to hold it against me
As tightly as you used to hold my hand
I dare you to hold it against me as tightly as you used to hold me close to you

Because this is lukewarm *******

I can taste your bitterness
You never did cherish me
I was solid in your presence
Now you name me ghost
Hate and regret
Are cold hands to hold
I will warm my skin
With purer fire
Take a step back
Burning out, desire
I am a giver, a doer
Deep waters
Your shallows still and stagnant
With empty promises
I will harbor nothing against you
I am already in the water
I am beyond this

How fearful I am to ask
That your words be for me
No sooner do they leave your lips
Than they find my ears
On will they go
To find another
Sweeten their thoughts
Though you have never left mine
My fears for you
Is that your fingers find another
Whose hands are not cold
I hope only that the warmth of my heart in winter
Is a beat you will still hunger for in spring
My hope that time will make a mockery of these insecurities
Buds now, I hold my breath for her to bloom
Patience is a song unfamiliar to my fingers
A melody the ivory knows well
Will this be the music of the night
Or the song that you sing to wake me in the morning

You have a wanderers smile
The feet that have made a thousand memories
I see the twinkle in your eyes
I cannot help but wonder
If it used to be brighter
This day is overcast
So you have become such yourself
Weariness will follow you
Chase you, to nip at your heels
Is this why you go on?
To be just one step ahead of yesterday
Yet never home
Oh how humble the journey of a broken heart
With no one to kiss you goodbye
Every day a new open door
Yet a candlelight shadow
Whispers into your dreams
That you will never sleep
As you did next to the warmth of another body
Of one more fortunate that your own,
To the wishes of the world
Still you give and have given of yourself
Like pennies in a jar
A little bit at once
Though no less in your intentions
The day will come
As they always do
Just as the full moon rises
On the back of the sun
The day will come
When you will lay your head to rest
In the green of a field
Barren of troubles
Laid waste of trials
The day will come
Though she is not here yet

Be so genuinely kind
That everything bad they say about you turns to lies
What is patience without love

I have dug graves
In my own backyard
Burying bodies
Where flowers refuse to grow
I came to these shores
Long ago
Soil dreams in earthen pots
Petals looking for a new sun
Crave the light
Do not fear the darkness

I'm watching you measure
Distance between us
It sounds like it should be painful
When we are this way
I have already lived my penance
Yours will come
Welcome it when it is here
I cannot speak for another journey
My feet belong to my path
Your heart to another
We are not strangers
Strands between us a delicate web
You could have loved me once
Could have passed closer to the sun
Yet your dark side turns
We eclipse
When the heavens allow
There is nothing more for me here
I have light for the whole solar system
Do not diminish
What you will not place
At the center of your orbit

These hands were for you
They had never made love before
I was picking up colors
To make you a rainbow
I did not run out of shades of green
Maybe you will love me back
When you see this in the sky
It comforts the heavens of her tears
My hope is the same for you

I lay myself to rest every night
Inside my memories of you sleeping next to me
Hoping that you will fill the empty space that is left behind
All these memories gather together like storm clouds in your wake
And I am left with such
A head to full
And a heart to empty
To have any rest at all

I wish that you were here to hold me tight
Or even that I could cling to you
Something to anchor me in the ungodly hours of the night
I have naught but dreams and they are such a tragedy
When you are such a beautiful thought and not to bad in reality

These sheets twist and twine around me
Such as our bodies used to do
I would even take the quiet of your breathing
In place of these haunting dreams creeping in my ears
I writhe in my sleep, almost like I am seeking
For a someone or a something that is not there
If I had three wishes I would ask for such
My hand to be held in yours
For sleep as sweet as the dew on the grass in the morning
And that I would wake up next to you just as I fell asleep so many nights

So little it may seem, and little it may be
I just want to sleep with you next to me

I want to stab a ball point pen into the soft part of my wrist
Pull it upwards through my arm until it hits the shoulder
I feel the urge
The need to let something out
I want to feel open

You're words have moved me
My soul is shifted
Stability is wanting
And I have no fulfillment

Tell me you can see it in my eyes
I cannot bare to ask for help
Yet I beg, big blue saucers to your moon
We will never say goodbye
It doesn’t make us any less separate

I am an old an ancient galaxy
Traverse me at the speed of light
Still you will only see me as I was
Never as I am
Who’s time is it now in the dark

God knew we would be sinners
He saw us turn our backs
Like it was our last day in the garden
Now we rage against him
It will not be our final war

You pour your anger out
Liquid fire spilling across your lips
Not what I imagined
When I asked for passion
When I prayed for peace

You must go
We are no good for each other
It isn’t safe here
We aren’t human anymore
We never were

You were so beautiful, I wished you were something I had written
But I do not think I could ever love something I had made this much

Do you remember the bygone seasons
When I was winter
When you were spring

Are you budding again
Like awakened trees
Are you opening your eyes
To sunlight melting the freeze

My words have gone asleep and away
We each buried our dead
Stacked the rocks
Mourned, grieved
I felt for you, maybe not the right things
I hope you are gentle on yourself again
We both know I could forgive anyone's harshness but my own

I did not know
You would haunt me still
Beyond that
I did not know
I would expect it
Eyes, always perceived to be watching
Steps, not truly fading away
We were not what God intended
Not good or righteous or pure
We were worse
Two terrible ends of a spectrum
Colliding in the off center
If I asked you
Would you leave me
You would make me beg
So I seal my sinners lips together
Dark blood dripping
Out the corners of my mouth
Silence better than rejection
Shadows better than permanence

Whisper me as a breath
To an unborn world
Kiss me to the stratosphere
Then lay me in the river,
winding through the mountains
Still, as the dawn in its rising
Still, I find my way
Back to you

My soul is non-binary.

I carry this weight
As if it were the whole world

Individuals
Who create when they are sad
Are special

It was the worst being with you
Even near you


Still I feel like I got off easy

The saltiness in my bed
Between these crisps
My tears
And everything in my head
It's almost the flavor of an ocean

I find no comfort
In the muteness of my thoughts
Silence goes before me
Bringing nothing back
Are my words
No longer my own
Soft at a fresh day
With not a single light shone

When you wake
In the morning
Face the struggle
And the sun of the day
Know when the gray creeps in
That you need only muster
Strength for one day

Typically, when intoxicated
You call me
Tell me
You love me
That I will be
Your wife

Typically.

Reckless to a fault
At least I am living

There is nothing more beautiful
Than to give of yourself
To someone who has never been shown love before

I stood in the cold today
So my breathe could freeze in my mouth
I knew if I cried
My glass tears would shatter on the ground
I know
What it is like
To be breaking

I'm just holding my breath for Spring

Do you feel
As I have felt

With a mind
Lacking thoughts

Like an empty tomb
Buried in the earth