Oblivion calls my name
The unknown I will break upon
I answer in whispers
Riddled with moonlight
To know you
Is to feel the sun on my face
I miss the summer
I long for the love she bore

They will catch you
Find you, and put you away
And you wouldn't of even -
Known they were looking for you
I mean sure as hell
You were lost, but only -
In your own mind of foolishness
So it is so inexplicably rude
For reality to interupt
Things were fine -
They are always fine
And of course by fine
I mean that they couldn't -
Possibly, be more wrong
But that isn't at all unusual
Some of us live in eternal chaos
Created by those -
Who live off of chaos
So I'm a high functioning dysfunctional
And you found me in a place
That doesn't even exist
To bring me to a place
That I should never ever be

I’m too good for this
I was soft with you
My mistake

I don’t want to be here
To feel this

I don’t want
I only have, to lose
And so I give and I gave
Break myself into little pieces
To fill as much space as possible
In every place I’ve ever been

I was chosen
Not to be loved
But to absorb your violence

Dust of the earth rise
Stagnant you have lain
Steps awaken you
Not before your time
Earth is spinning as before
Days are meant for her
Us not so much
We are beneath all, beneath sky
Beneath what heaven would ask of us
Not beneath torment
That wanderer has not made her bed
We sleep in comfort we do not own
Fools live this way
We are fools
There is no remorse for us
Would knowledge of an ending change a beginning
God thought as much when he made the earth
Seven days, the end of all things
The in between is for us
We waste it more foolishly than he thought
It is wasted just the same
No matter how big the hands that hold us
We cling to fingers in hope we do not fall

Would you like to store your heart in this person?

Now.                     Never.                        Ask Me Later.

There is a twisted story of a broken artist
She wants to paint where her heart is
One delicate female skin
Make the brush dig deep within
Intricate ungentle lines
Slowly woven over time
Long and short deadly strokes
Painful enough to choke
Red drops so deep and dark
From the flesh torn apart
A monster within a human shell
Who would have thought you would tell
A secret to be kept alive
A way to live and way to thrive

I am the smell of sage
Comfort food in your mouth
I will not cleanse you
I fill your stomach
Your hands
What more will you ask of me
You cannot make yourself

I prophesied I would haunt you
Now I truly am your ghost
Abandon me of your shadow
As I released your soul
We are not bound to each other

How quickly we unravel
Skein of time slips into knots
I cut the cord
Wicks burn down to nubs
We are not bound to each other

Relinquished of your promises
I of my duty
I told you I had healers hands
You place yourself beyond reach
We are not bound to each other

Do not look for me in your dreams
Do not call for me in your sleep
I am not there
My spirit never had a place to rest
We are not bound to each other

Pray for closure, beg for it
Perhaps God will hear you
Perhaps he will care
There are no grudges here
We are not bound to each other

Said you would die for me
Now you are dead to me
Dig your grave, to lie in it
Surrogate funeral for your spirit
We are not bound to each other

I forgive you
Of your sins and lies
Time will fill your gap
Nothing will stead for me
We are not bound to each other

Do not seek me
When we are reborn
If you are healing
If you are well
There will be no reason for me

You saw the darkness coming
Though it had never found a home in you
The sweetness of his words
Did nothing to mask the bitternes of his heart
And a touch that was as unexpected as it was unwelcome

A little part of my heart is broken for you
Things things I have heard
Things I have seen
And those I have felt, for myself and for those I hold dear
Told with a courage that should not of had to be mustered
You are so brave
And my spirit goes out to you
That you would find comfort
Even as your will, that has  been acted upon by another
That has no right
No say
In the beauty of your spirit
Or the making of your mind

Darling
Do you feel
Naked, vulnerable
I will dress you
In my love
Clothe you
There is no need
To be ashamed

We don't need more memories
Or more ghosts

Just more glasses
For more drunk toasts

The woman in white was wailing at the gate
Her whisps wrapped around the iron bars
As though she was shackled in the earth
I asked her why
She did not hear me over the wind carrying her cries to my unfortunate ears

Is it the coins tinkling in death's pocket I hear
Is he coming or does he only watch whispering no words of caution

Broken glass is no good for bare feet
I find myself
Where I have not tread before
This road winds longer on the way down
The way up was so steep, yet not as eerie

I felt the push and I ignored the pull
Before I even arrived
My pulse will thrum and my chest struggle to fill itself with air
If only my wisdom ran as deep as my fear

The other woman will come, stand in the window
A man will stand beside her, blood on his hands
The lights may never stop playing tricks on my eyes
They will find in my dreams tonight
Let this be the extent of my worries
The mutterings of my prayers will not be in vain

I sound like a broken record
Turning over
I miss you
And I love you
Greatest hits of the century
My boomerang love
Comes back to me

My tongue can taste the moisture in the air
It is thick with longing for the nightfall
But my bones are dry and brittle
The will break soon, and my heart with it
Still I will carry myself into the dying of the sun

Kale eyes
Still waters run deep
Seaweed sentiments
The tide will go out
Waiting
Still and quiet
At the edge of the sea
The earth will not find me

I hope
I am not
Perceiving chaos for calmness
Again

I can vent my soul in words but it still hurts

Separate your things from mine
We'll leave the rest behind
Only you and I understand
It is strange to live in this world
Imagine if we were truly free
Floating through galaxies
As little dandelion fuzz
How small we seem
To ancient skies
I fear when new horizons dawn
We will not remember
Much of anything we forgot
Our hands cupping memory like water
When we pass on, maybe through, perhaps up
Your memory will abandon you
But know you had my love

There is no reason
To look out your windows here

Unless I think you are home

In another life
I watched the snow fall
I could return to that place
No one would be there.

My head has been in the clouds
I am waiting
For it to come back down

I have been saying goodbye
For so long
My head has been in the clouds

By demand, we give
The softest parts of ourselves away
Am I truly tender?
In all my hard places

Am I?

Come
Down to my reasoning
Down to the bottom
The atoms.
Find simplicity in my complexity.
Come down darling.

.

Calm down
Darling
I can listen again
Do you hear me?
I went to the place
I could only see
I could not speak, or hear

How beautiful
To hear your voice again

Heavy thoughts
For such a light pen

Between day and night I thrive
Trying to find a way to feel alive

I will not let
Fear make its home in me
Energy is flowing
Anxiety through me
River of life
Carry this on
All trouble is liquid
Let it move on
My power comes to me
Under earth and sky
The night will keep me
Safe from your cry
So it is written
So it is done
One with the earth
Under the sun
So mote it be

I feel for you
Stuck in the in-between
Feet planted in a world of ill written reality
Loose soil and empty words
Head floating in gray clouds
Of insecurity and confusion
Mental health handcuffs
Strapped to thoughts of happiness and emotional liberation
Bound to a ghost body
Walking through muscle memory motions
To tired to undo
Muttering threats to ourselves
Superego of resentment
Pitted against id and prefrontal cortex alike
Aching in our minds eye
Confined to unmade beds
Pulling ourselves out of cold sweat insomnia sheets
Into a shower of warm water on icy skin
Holding our own arms
Trying to keep everything in
Burdens we are unable to alleviate ourselves of
Waking up day after day
To a head storm of rain clouds
When the forecast is sunshine
Sunny and seventy-five friends
Who hold our hands for five minutes a year
Making promises to always be there
Yet we are the flaky ones
Shoving off at sight of sun
Remembering a younger self
Brighter days on a gloomy horizon
To tired to walk ourselves into
Taste of watery oatmeal
Coating our mouths
Biting skin on our lips
A sprinkle of dying kisses
Confined to a casket of memories
Burying itself in trauma soil
We miss the love we had
Before out hearts ever knew what breaking was
An introduction we would give so much to unmake
Time passes slowly when the clocks don't count
Stirring spoons in uncountable cups of coffee
Masking a long dry night in sips of caffeine
Zoning out when we drive
Getting to where we wanted to be
Only to drive all the way home
Sitting alone in the dark
Our only true comfort
That strips us bare of personality and humor
A blank white paper stare meeting sandpaper colored walls
Peeling away layer of an onion mind
That only brings tears
Pushing feelings and emotions around
Soggy cereal in a bowl
Watching the same three am show
Knowing how every episode goes
Hoping for a sound of music
That will fill even an inch of ***** water
In a deep well of a broken hearted hole

A name, a word
Unfamiliar in nature
The dark told you of me
I was afraid before I heard it
Now my hands reach through memories
For an unfamiliar grasp
Tether me to my daughter tongue
Lips unsavory
Chapped and dry
Here you made me
I am born
Here you bade me
I am torn
Hot wax on the edge of knife
We are sealed
As one with our lies
You make a new truth
With the face in the mirror
Stamping into your skin
Fate's seal
Only death can break her
Only life would dare
She has not come yet
We wait, we yearn
Here we are
Across the room
Her eyes are blue

I used to hold
The sun in my hand
The day you left
I listened to Frank Sinatra
Trying to lull myself to sleep
I wonder
If the weight
Of the diamond
In your pocket
Holds you down
I pour my tears
Into a singing bowl
An unexpected sore throat
Crying hoarse tears
Over miles of separation
I hate silence
I miss being
Quiet with you
I miss being
With you
I am full of shame
In the same dark in which
You used to fill
Me with love
My dreams don't chase you
I wake up breathless
With no one to catch me
Screaming inside of my head
PLEASE
Please don't let me go
Time is slower now
I don't like myself anymore
You asked me
To visit you
In your dreams tonight
How could I refuse
Steps towards you
The easiest I have ever taken
The softest hello
Ever tasted on my lips
The last thing I taste
Your sweet kiss
My arms don't defy gravity
As well as yours do
I try to mimic
The way they weighed on me
It's never the same
I wait patiently
For the smell of comfort to return
Dripping life from your lips

When it is hard
Then I know
I have chosen the right path
The universe does not
Need to teach me this lesson again
I learned
I am listening still
To jagged words
My eyes do not betray me
Ghosts of a past life
Permiating
I am a gentle sinner
Do not bring violence among us
Leave space between us
I am not bitter or angry or burdened
Do not threaten my peace
I fear the screams in the night
Will one day be shuttled
From my own throat
Worse beyond that
I fear they will be silenced
I loved the quiet once
She is tension now
Tension between now and tomorrow

Pin my body against the earth
Iron blood dripping on my wrists
Skeleton of ivory temptation
Relinquish me of doubt
That you could find love
For another, more ancient than I
Kiss into ashy lips
Promises the stars ache to know
But could never dare to hold
Tell me of when the sky was young
Before I was known
When you were alone
When the dark was nameless, void
The light untouched by sound
When the aching began
For affection
Then I came
With the first sun
And you knew
How dark the dark had been
How there is light
When you have a friend
May you never again learn different

We strive, trying to much
In a world that rewards broken hearts
With broken promises
As a final kiss
On the lips of a coffin slumber

I was given the most beautiful compliment today
The one twenty four in the morning girl told me
That I was God's ******* to Satan

Amen

Where do the gentle go
When they are weary
I have been here far too long

We went up in smoke
As most young souls do

These men are ghosts
Repossessing my body

I asked you
To trust me
Not knowing
You would be
The one
To teach me
What trust was
Neutral tyrants
Drink themselves
To the bottom
Of the glass
I pray only
That the well
Will not run
Dry

I want to throw unripened avacados at the patriarchy, screaming
Stop making my sisters cry

The music was right
Time is a dark

The weakness is spreading
Like water from the Nile in spring
The soil is dark like bark under moss covered trees
Are you lost here
Releasing your strength into the atmosphere
Fixate on me
The tension between us taught
Suspension of the earth in its own gravity
We are moving in our own orbit
Everything beyond us mythology
Everything behind us history
This moment piercing, rushing
It feels like salvation
Have you felt this way before
The fluid energy of humanity
Ripe fruit in the garden
Would not draw me in like you
Would not fortify
My chest rises, stamina falls
Hyperventilate
Yet, I am calm
If I stayed in this moment
Separate it from my other thoughts
Bitter vinegar taste pickling my tongue
Consumed
Will you wonder with me
As the world ages
We sit here young and younger
Heat stamps on the hill in the dark

I was a fool
When I asked to feel something
God couldn’t you have chosen
Anything, but this
Anyone, but me

Do not tell me of my strength
My resilience
My stamina

She is a strong tower
She is a mighty fortress
I run to her
I run from you
I run