It does not matter how I got here
Only that I cannot leave

I was given the most beautiful compliment today
The one twenty four in the morning girl told me
That I was God's ******* to Satan

Amen

I hope
I am not
Perceiving chaos for calmness
Again

There is a twisted story of a broken artist
She wants to paint where her heart is
One delicate female skin
Make the brush dig deep within
Intricate ungentle lines
Slowly woven over time
Long and short deadly strokes
Painful enough to choke
Red drops so deep and dark
From the flesh torn apart
A monster within a human shell
Who would have thought you would tell
A secret to be kept alive
A way to live and way to thrive

I used to hold
The sun in my hand
The day you left
I listened to Frank Sinatra
Trying to lull myself to sleep
I wonder
If the weight
Of the diamond
In your pocket
Holds you down
I pour my tears
Into a singing bowl
An unexpected sore throat
Crying hoarse tears
Over miles of separation
I hate silence
I miss being
Quiet with you
I miss being
With you
I am full of shame
In the same dark in which
You used to fill
Me with love
My dreams don't chase you
I wake up breathless
With no one to catch me
Screaming inside of my head
PLEASE
Please don't let me go
Time is slower now
I don't like myself anymore
You asked me
To visit you
In your dreams tonight
How could I refuse
Steps towards you
The easiest I have ever taken
The softest hello
Ever tasted on my lips
The last thing I taste
Your sweet kiss
My arms don't defy gravity
As well as yours do
I try to mimic
The way they weighed on me
It's never the same
I wait patiently
For the smell of comfort to return
Dripping life from your lips

I was chosen
Not to be loved
But to absorb your violence

Separate your things from mine
We'll leave the rest behind
Only you and I understand
It is strange to live in this world
Imagine if we were truly free
Floating through galaxies
As little dandelion fuzz
How small we seem
To ancient skies
I fear when new horizons dawn
We will not remember
Much of anything we forgot
Our hands cupping memory like water
When we pass on, maybe through, perhaps up
Your memory will abandon you
But know you had my love

When it is hard
Then I know
I have chosen the right path
The universe does not
Need to teach me this lesson again
I learned
I am listening still
To jagged words
My eyes do not betray me
Ghosts of a past life
Permiating
I am a gentle sinner
Do not bring violence among us
Leave space between us
I am not bitter or angry or burdened
Do not threaten my peace
I fear the screams in the night
Will one day be shuttled
From my own throat
Worse beyond that
I fear they will be silenced
I loved the quiet once
She is tension now
Tension between now and tomorrow

I can vent my soul in words but it still hurts

We strive, trying to much
In a world that rewards broken hearts
With broken promises
As a final kiss
On the lips of a coffin slumber

Darling I am sorry
If I ever make loving you
Sound like a chore
It is a job
I have begged for
Labored for
I will sweat my brow
For just one of your kisses
There is no labor of love
Too large
Take my hours
My rough hands
It is not too much
You could never be
More than enough

Through the realms we go, to hell
Places that do not kiss and tell
Secret river, in hades realm
Bough to stern, a rocking helm
Deeper to a buring core
The fire of life burning ore
Specter, spirit, who can know
The darker way we go

I sound like a broken record
Turning over
I miss you
And I love you
Greatest hits of the century
My boomerang love
Comes back to me

My tongue can taste the moisture in the air
It is thick with longing for the nightfall
But my bones are dry and brittle
The will break soon, and my heart with it
Still I will carry myself into the dying of the sun

I feel for you
Stuck in the in-between
Feet planted in a world of ill written reality
Loose soil and empty words
Head floating in gray clouds
Of insecurity and confusion
Mental health handcuffs
Strapped to thoughts of happiness and emotional liberation
Bound to a ghost body
Walking through muscle memory motions
To tired to undo
Muttering threats to ourselves
Superego of resentment
Pitted against id and prefrontal cortex alike
Aching in our minds eye
Confined to unmade beds
Pulling ourselves out of cold sweat insomnia sheets
Into a shower of warm water on icy skin
Holding our own arms
Trying to keep everything in
Burdens we are unable to alleviate ourselves of
Waking up day after day
To a head storm of rain clouds
When the forecast is sunshine
Sunny and seventy-five friends
Who hold our hands for five minutes a year
Making promises to always be there
Yet we are the flaky ones
Shoving off at sight of sun
Remembering a younger self
Brighter days on a gloomy horizon
To tired to walk ourselves into
Taste of watery oatmeal
Coating our mouths
Biting skin on our lips
A sprinkle of dying kisses
Confined to a casket of memories
Burying itself in trauma soil
We miss the love we had
Before out hearts ever knew what breaking was
An introduction we would give so much to unmake
Time passes slowly when the clocks don't count
Stirring spoons in uncountable cups of coffee
Masking a long dry night in sips of caffeine
Zoning out when we drive
Getting to where we wanted to be
Only to drive all the way home
Sitting alone in the dark
Our only true comfort
That strips us bare of personality and humor
A blank white paper stare meeting sandpaper colored walls
Peeling away layer of an onion mind
That only brings tears
Pushing feelings and emotions around
Soggy cereal in a bowl
Watching the same three am show
Knowing how every episode goes
Hoping for a sound of music
That will fill even an inch of ***** water
In a deep well of a broken hearted hole

We went up in smoke
As most young souls do

Darling
Do you feel
Naked, vulnerable
I will dress you
In my love
Clothe you
There is no need
To be ashamed

I will not let
Fear make its home in me
Energy is flowing
Anxiety through me
River of life
Carry this on
All trouble is liquid
Let it move on
My power comes to me
Under earth and sky
The night will keep me
Safe from your cry
So it is written
So it is done
One with the earth
Under the sun
So mote it be

I am the smell of sage
Comfort food in your mouth
I will not cleanse you
I fill your stomach
Your hands
What more will you ask of me
You cannot make yourself

Kale eyes
Still waters run deep
Seaweed sentiments
The tide will go out
Waiting
Still and quiet
At the edge of the sea
The earth will not find me

This rubber band around my wrist
Tightens like an emotional noose around my neck
It stings of memories against my wrist
And marks like a thousand thoughts, though much more shallow in its rendering
These were bold wishes and they did not belong
Only a means to survive in a world that did not want me as I was
Still I am to stubborn to change
I could pay in soul and stamina
When all you wanted was money and memoirs
I have been folded, like steel and copper into the darkness of the night
Over and over again like a blacksmith trying to beat my temperment into place
Would that I could bury myself in the earth
That she would open her mountainous  arms and swallow me whole
She would not relinquish the taste of salty tears
Oh that the sky would take me, the stars pluck out my eyes to shine among them
Then I would serve such a purpose
All these wishes are futile
And I am feeble
Resolve has abandoend me to a hollow shell as this
Lay me in the river
She takes all in time and with a grain of salt
She will move me on unto the next
World or wonder whatever it may be

This is not that time
I feel no different
I didn't make myself like this
I have not made much of myself at all

Come home with me
Back to the woods
To the village
To the house
On the side of the hill
To the sound of the birds
After the silent screams
To the snow falling
To the ground where it settles

I hope you see why I love it
I hope you see why I left

A name, a word
Unfamiliar in nature
The dark told you of me
I was afraid before I heard it
Now my hands reach through memories
For an unfamiliar grasp
Tether me to my daughter tongue
Lips unsavory
Chapped and dry
Here you made me
I am born
Here you bade me
I am torn
Hot wax on the edge of knife
We are sealed
As one with our lies
You make a new truth
With the face in the mirror
Stamping into your skin
Fate's seal
Only death can break her
Only life would dare
She has not come yet
We wait, we yearn
Here we are
Across the room
Her eyes are blue

These men are ghosts
Repossessing my body

The last words to say

The best ones to keep

The brightest in the sky

The deepest of the purples

Are *I love you

I was still dripping my ichor into the only ancient I had found as old as myself
Life seeps through the cracks in my skull, it seems the hum of my prayers has found you with its melodies in the dark
What would you taste that my words could not satisfy
What touch would bring you peace
That the eons in my mind have not already lain you to sleep and tucked you in
What is the edge, when this wanderer has only known falling, grasping for the stars all the way down
It seems to even the foolish that this love be undying in its shallows
As you swim from shore to shoal, that depths would make themselves known to you
With the ache of the earth and all her tears to comfort you
Oh skyline where you meet earth I will find you
This sacrifice has bought us sweet hours on the back of your silence
Coaxing fire from your lungs when I have been so calm
As your storm struggles to find its footing
These are the prints in the sand, these are the whispers for the wind
I will sing them to you, oh keeper of days still behind the lock

On a scale of 1 to 10
Its a 9.7
On a scale of now to later
Its an almost in heaven

What good
Does the heart of a lion do me
When I have no claws
To love so large
With such small hands

Do you mistake me for your mother
A body
A house you can crawl back into
Begging on all fours

I am raw
Heart in hand
Planting my seeds in rocky soil
Barren of love

I'm begging you
Wait as long as you can
To fall in love with me
Tread slowly

I am not a drop
I am deep water
Gentle depths
Pouring into you

I was a fool
When I asked to feel something
God couldn’t you have chosen
Anything, but this
Anyone, but me

Do not tell me of my strength
My resilience
My stamina

She is a strong tower
She is a mighty fortress
I run to her
I run from you
I run

the only thing I saw hiding under my nose

          were your soft lips

I couldn't see you mouth goodbye

As the wings of the birds so cut the sky

So must our hands did the graves that die

These embers can only be relit so many times
Who will keep you warm when I am gone
Oh the irony to die out by these ashes
When this is where we have lived the brightest nights of our lives
I became a coal in your mouth
When my only desire was to warm your heart
You can no longer stomach me
It is my own light that will fade
The char of my existence ground into the earth
When you cremate my final memory
I will be nothing
Until you smell smoke
This is the remembrance of me
I will not be put out so easily

Pin my body against the earth
Iron blood dripping on my wrists
Skeleton of ivory temptation
Relinquish me of doubt
That you could find love
For another, more ancient than I
Kiss into ashy lips
Promises the stars ache to know
But could never dare to hold
Tell me of when the sky was young
Before I was known
When you were alone
When the dark was nameless, void
The light untouched by sound
When the aching began
For affection
Then I came
With the first sun
And you knew
How dark the dark had been
How there is light
When you have a friend
May you never again learn different

The weakness is spreading
Like water from the Nile in spring
The soil is dark like bark under moss covered trees
Are you lost here
Releasing your strength into the atmosphere
Fixate on me
The tension between us taught
Suspension of the earth in its own gravity
We are moving in our own orbit
Everything beyond us mythology
Everything behind us history
This moment piercing, rushing
It feels like salvation
Have you felt this way before
The fluid energy of humanity
Ripe fruit in the garden
Would not draw me in like you
Would not fortify
My chest rises, stamina falls
Hyperventilate
Yet, I am calm
If I stayed in this moment
Separate it from my other thoughts
Bitter vinegar taste pickling my tongue
Consumed
Will you wonder with me
As the world ages
We sit here young and younger
Heat stamps on the hill in the dark

I came to your table with clean hands
But a ***** mouth
Still you would not feed me

lean in to me
seal my mouth
with your wax kiss
I will not part
promising nothing
to these days
though they expect much
of my unrefined soul

Where do the gentle go
When they are weary
I have been here far too long