I set fire to your lies
I burned the beauty in your eyes
I put rain in sunny skies
I sent all the spies

I put the break in your heart
I was the rope that pulled you apart
I am the broken wheel on your cart
I poisoned the sting on the dart

I led you to troubled water
I made you want her
I built the fire made it hotter
I took the blood from the slaughter

I put the beast in the beauty
I took the valor from your duty
I let you think that you used - me
I made you fell like you abused - me

I add the dark to the light
I hid the stars in the night
I put the scared in fright
I was the wind that blew your kite

I am the sand that you are sinking into
I did all this to prove I need you
I made this choices cause I couldn't get though
Not without you darling not without you - I do

Hush, your crying
Little one
It will be okay
I won't let you go

Big troubles
For a little heart
But such a big heart
For a cruel world

We have all
Cried our tears
Yours no more salty
Than the rest

Hush, little one
All things will be well
The night is here
But the sunrise will come

I have seen you
And I have glimpsed death
In life I have never known coincidences

Our shower talks
Remind me of confession
Someone behind the curtain, listening
The other speaking
Vulnerable
Trying to get clean
Feeling the heat
The pressure
Letting it wash away

I kissed you goodnight
But I didn't know we would ever see
Tomorrow's morning light
Because it was the dark that set you free

I want to write for you
But sometimes I have no words
To string together like lights
I have only this love

I shall add my existence
To the passing of this world
And intertwine my small hands
To the universe
Still unwoven in mystery
And clouded in shrouds
Of hope

The waters between.
The sky and earth.
The wind that races clouds.
Pushing pounding and burning.
Heat of sun on warm sand.
Nothing I cant handle nothing I cant stand.

I am wanted by none
What good is plump fruit on the vine
If none pick it from the tree
It just spoils in the heat of the sun
No matter how sweet

Because who wants a suicidal girlfriend?

Even in the chaos of my mind
I try to make peace with you

We must push through

It is all I have ever known
I place my palms against the drywall
Again
And again, and again
It is not finished
The powder fills the cracks in my skin
Nestles under my nails
My brow sweats
Still, I push
There is always resistance
After this wall
There will be another
As if my will power
Is trying to climb parallel
Through every floor
Of a skyscraper

Keep pushing

I will follow you to the ends of the earth
Even if we never get back again
I will chase the stars across the sky
As long as I am by your side

How can my words explain
The lost love and all the pain
How can my words say
That I wish I wasn't alive today
How can I show you me
Without you judging from what you see
How can you say my name
Without me remembering pain

How can my actions speak
Louder than words that are weak
How can I live for the future
When I can barely make it through today
How can I stop choking
And figure out what to say

How can my heart
Not feel so heavy in my chest
How can I give you part of me
When there is nothing left
How can a needle patch me back together
When I have been stabbed to many times
How can my nerves be strong as iron
When I have been beaten and broken
How can I turn my face to the sun
When all I see is blood

How can reason stand above emotion
When this is bigger than both of us
How can I not fall to my knees
When I am weak from lack of care
How someone love me
When they are never here
How can my tears grow a flower to blow
When all I remember is gloom

How can you smile to the sun
Why I cry under the moon
How can your eyes run dry
When I just start to cry
How can the paper get wet
When it isn't raining
How can the water leave
When it isn't draining

How can my word make sense to you
When they are all jumbled in my head
How can you face the day
While I hide in my bed
How can you rise out of the ashes
While I get whipped with so many lashes
How can a smile be so hard to bear
When not a single person can say they care

How can a candle still shine without air
When I know that this life is not fair
How can you chose me out of the others
When I try to hide in the crowd
How can you hear my voice
When everyone else is so loud

How do you see me on the ground
With a all the people milling around
How can you love me or is it just pity
When I cant break the chains or be free

How can you see me as beautiful
When all I show is a disguise
How can you say you care
When there is nothing there
How do you make me wonder at your light
Instead of crying throughout the night
How can you give my heart peace
Instead of trying to fight
How can you love a wretch
When I am not strong enough for one

How do you say I am the one
That makes you better
How can you write the songs
And I write the letters

You say I am the best that you could ever ask for
But I don't understand when you say you still want more
When I chose to turn a blind eye to your other loves
When its like being touched with care through burned gloves

Your other loves come around and its like I don't exist
When I see they way you look at them and feel like I got punched by a fist
This plot is way to cliché for it to have any meaning
And everything you do to me is far to demeaning

We've never known what it took for a relationship
Its like being unprepared for a painful trip

When your other loves are your only loves and I cease to matter
When you other loves cloud your vision and you cant see me
When your other loves get in my way and put me down

Then I shall cease to exist
But remember it is your choice

I have lived a whole lifetime today
and I think that is why it took kissing you drunk too learn how to love you sober

The stars are farther away tonight

Recent mistakes
And emotions

Drowned out in tears and 30.5% alcohol

Praying they will never re-submerge

I am burning
in a hell.

The hell of my body.

I rot from inside.

And find not one, single,

place where I can **hide.

Wisdom is nothing when your lips part without regret

If you put a gun to my face
I would wrap my mouth
Around the barrel
Look you dead in the eyes
Tell you, to pull the trigger
Only when I am starving
Will I eat my words

Don't leave any little piece  of me behind
Because the littlest *pieces are the hardest to find

Close your eyes
It is okay to go
It has been a long life

Close your eyes
I will sing to you
Humming gentle melodies

Close your eyes
The music will go with you
Where I cannot follow

Close your eyes
It is time
The angel’s will carry on the harmony

Do you know how to write a love letter
I mean, you never wrote them to me
But you must know how, it is in you
Write out your heart, for me to read

I don't believe any life is a mistake
But I know I've made plenty in life
Just wanted to be your, and you mine in turn
Didn't meant to make any trouble, or cause strife

My skin burned red, when you were pulled away
A forever so much shorter than I ever imagined
So many memories crowded up in my head
Something though I wonder, if they really happened

I was lost, I loved, I lost,  I lost my love
So many words and all of these hurting hearts
Like trying to hard to make a snake dance
I thought I was a duet, I was left playing all the parts

My friend,

Does your heart feel
Like it's coming apart at the seams

Does it feel
Like the pain seeps in in-between

Have you noticed the thread
Clutched in my hand

I am trying to sew you
But it's not working like I planned

Until the darkest hour
I stitch and I sew

Even if I can't seal it
I'll never let you go

Your heart isn't a pillow
Its a comforter

To keep us safe
You are my comforter

The warmth you hide
Is okay to show

And if you trust me
I'll let you know

When your blood drips
Down your arms

I'll remind you my friend
That only hate harms

I can try so hard
To hold your heart

I will always love you
Even when you fall apart

You tears are mine
Like the oceans current

And we each know
The other is heaven sent

You look for me in the dark
And in the dark you find

All of the little pieces
That you left behind

I keep all my love
Inside my heart

So your memory
Will never be far apart

Your eyes see
Into my very soul

And you know
That I am not whole

We bide our time
And make many scars

We hurt ourselves
And bend many bars

Alone in our minds
We seek a way

To know this earth
And try to stay

Promises that say
Together we are alive

We still try to look
For a way to thrive

Hands clasped in hope
Never to let another go

For when we are one
Then we start to grow

I have been absorbing darkness
For a long time
Painting my burning rays
Across where you could not see
Do you feel lighter
Now that you are illuminated
I was not hungry
But I have swallowed up your sins
Spit them out as blessings
For you to feast
It hurts to heal
But I will not make it
Any harder than it has to be
I am here for your journey
You will never know
The role you play in mine
I could find you
Blind and mute in the dark
I would not even struggle
I only wonder
Why you lost me to begin with
There is no grievance between us
I will seek you
Until you are whole again
I am all the broken pieces
Of anyone I have ever loved
I am all your pain and your guilt
I am your fears and bitter truth
I am the voice of reason
Telling you, you are worthy
Taking your pitiful currency
As gold
I am the temple
The offering
I am the unburdened
Go, and be light
You are free
Even of me

When I bit the inside of my cheek
I expected the taste of anger
To pour into my mouth and down my throat
I didn't know the pain that would also coat my tongue
And catch in my throat

I hated it
I hated this

But this taste,
Oh that I could spit it out
Or wash it down
Yet no matter how hard I tried
It burned
Oh it burned
The whole way down
To think, to know
And remember

Everything that you said was a blow to the face
Still I turn the other cheek

Hope still, as I would
But you would never know what it is to be gentle, or kind

I suppose the difference between us was so simple
That you need look no further than our hands
Mine, within each other, clammy and clamped together, like every word that I bit back
Yours, a fist in your pocket and a fist behind your back, and oh how you loved to hurt me

I seldom put my ghosts to sleep
They are the spiderwebs of my consciousness
The martyrs in the back of my mind
Even they, in their dead wisdom
Don't want me to wake up

What is our existence degraded to?

A door is closed.
Oh there were years lived in your leaving

The mind goes
And the husk, it follows

Like the smoke, still stinging my eyes
And the coolness of the harvest air fresh upon my tongue
You fill my senses
As only a full moon can

Time.
She bids no words come forth
If my chest split open
Let my screams swallow me
Yet the Eternals
Would find shame in my humanity
For they have no part
In the drying of tears
Or bones that knock together

The number of days I have lived
As a foreigner in my own way
My own place
And the days I hold in my heart
That I could count upon one hand

What happens in our lives
And what changes us in our lives
Both a weight, and a measure, though neither sit upon the scale

The call in the night has fangs
She has sunk her teeth into me before,
I am soft
And my flesh is but an offering and a sacrifice
Still you bite the hand that feeds you
With your own fingers twisted together behind your back
Yet the clasps that contain my soul
You reach for them with your fingers
Sad you did not know the sun had warmed them
And now you will not touch me
For fear of being burned

You who have shared sheets and bread alike with me
Still you do not know what is the fire lighting in my belly
Yet you curse me for the flames on my tongue
All will be well
The weight will lift
With the fog in the morning
My mountains will sing me another hope
And I will bind it upon my chest
To be one with a promise
If it is broken
So it breaks me

You were not meant to carry my burdens
Though if you knew of them you so scarcely gave it second thought before stacking them on your shoulders
You were not meant for this weight
Were you not told
Even Angel's long to look into these things
They have wings
Bird's have hollow bones
You and I are heavy and full and soft
Or we were before
Now we are separate
And not the same

I wonder
As clouds in the sky often do
If the next girl will learn
Of my blood on you

As I learned of the one before
On your hands
It messy
It stains
It covers more surface area than I thought

it is cold in Nowhere
the candles are all lost
it is dark in Nowhere
the moon is on vacation
it is peaceful in Nowhere
the war is all behind
I am trapped in Nowhere
don't try to get me out
the cage is fake
and all the bars

I tried to suffocate the pain inside the shell that is my body
but it choked my lifeless instead
so now inside my messed up head
all my cells are dead

Tell me what it is like
To have a father
One who comes when you call
One who’s voice you recognize
At whisper and not anger
Tell me what it is like
To be sheltered by strong hands
Before you go out into the world
Tell me what it is like
To learn strength from example
And not necessity

I do not know you
Because of who you are
Rather, the parts of you
I see in myself
If they were not so familiar
I would tear them out

I wish you had healed, for yourself
And for me
But there are no shooting stars
No second chances

I am further from you now
It doesn’t not matter
If we are a thousand leagues apart
When under the same roof
I was as inconsequential
Blood and strangers
Father and daughter

Tell me what it is like
To carry a burden
That weighs nothing to you
Tell me what it is like
Not to stumble
Under the shadow
Of your heavy fist

I do not care
If you are proud of me in secret
You do not know me
I do not care to be know

Do you remember when I was little?
I had a nightmare the whole house
Came down around us
It was terribly dark in the rubble
Once.
You comforted me
Once.

I am not dreaming now
The house has come down
Not from the rafters
From the foundation
It was not strong
Not solid
Not able

Tell me what it is like
To pour your anger out
Like water into the cups of children
Tell me what it is like
When you cannot quench their thirst
Tell me you will change
Tell me you are sorry
Tell me you can do better
Tell me I was worth being good for
Every time I counted my pennies
I come up short changed

I would not know
The man who says these things
He is not my father.

You called it grief
I will not name it differently

It gets worse with every word


The beats of my heart that are not heard


Walk away and I will sleep


And pray the lord my soul to keep

Heartbreak drives a black car
I see it everywhere I am
Watching, waiting
What a strange ghost
I fear the familiar
Never the unknown
I should have left you alone
On the street where I found you
How will I protect my peace now
I gave it away
I am giving up
I would rather bear your burdens
Than my own
It is the most dangerous thing to love
I would not call this brave

I watch you pace in front of your window

The way you move when you walk

The way you float above the ground

Like an angle when you fly

Like a butterfly in the sky