TW: graphic imagery

I bled watercolors
And you cared only for the art
For pain you did not feel on your own you made no empathy for

You told me about my bleeding
That it was a beautiful way to adorn the walls
So I dug my nails into my palms
Raked them along my arms,
where you used to write your love,
And let the paint pour out
Let the pain pour out
Down my wrists it ran
My fingertips coated like brushes dipped to deep into a ***

I smeared my hands along the walls
And I ran among the hallways
My palms leaving a wake
Still the tide, it did not go out

I wandered on
Like a ghost in my own house
Pouring myself out
Onto all the walls I had built up
In a way I tore them down
And in a way they broke me
I slammed my fists against them
Every door I had locked shook
And I put my hand on the handle
Praying that they would open
It seems no matter how strongly I feel
Nothing gives way

I sat on the floor
Everything beneath me splintering into my soul
My breathing was heavy and labored
Though my heartbeat was weaning away
My palms open now to the sky
And I pressed handprints into the wall
Pushing everything away
As you had pushed me so many times

So I feel to much
Say to little
And have no wanderings I can journey home from

But still you tell me
There is beauty in the bleeding
You.
Are the beauty in the bleeding

Can one heart be longer than another as a sentence is in my language
Do you speak love or merely write it on my arms

Hey!

You.

I don't know what you are thinking about.

But if it's self destructive, please don't.

Why?

Because I've been there, and I know that is the darkest pit of all, and it seems as though you can never get out.

But I'm still here, and I think you should stay.

I am here for you, even if no one else is.

Bless you my friend.

Xoxo

Look at me when you say goodbye
Not the red-fire approaching end
This was just a dream
Now you are my memory of love

A day will pass
Another lifetime in its rising
Ropes they are cut with scissors and heartbreak
Endings are sewn into your pockets and the backs of your hands
And such as today is just a whisper to tickle your ear
So tomorrow will call like the dream you slept beneath as it rings the planet in its honesty

go ahead and read, and then go ahead and write
put down your words, before you forget them tonight
don't keep them in your head, let them bleed into paper
write them down, and breathe them life from their maker
let the poets curse do it's work, and let it take rage
and the words let loose, boom across each fragile page
keep your words in fear ,of the hungry flames
don't let them know your lovers endless names
plural singularities and gentle rebukes
you dare not share them lest they learn refute
bind them, a slave, to a dreamer's soul
find them split and make them whole
learn their true names and wield the power
to read the poems, until the last dark hour

You only loved me when the tide was out.

Just another note higher than the rest
Just another cry trying to find a nest

I cannot ask for love
But the question sits
Like a loaded gun
Behind my teeth

The pine scent in your hair is a gift from the muse in the forest
These trees are ancient
They hold no ache that the sweetness of their sap running in the awakening will not sweeten beyond memory

There are different ways to live

And different ways to die

But between them both

You will feel **alive

You gave names to the stars
As if they danced upon your own tongue
Plucking syllables from between your teeth
The sky is chords of a guitar
Pluck away
Heavens ears miss this sound

The oldest trick in the book
Is to look over there

But why would I do that
When you are right here

I want what is real
And what's in front of me

Stay the night
And hold my hand

And in the morning
Help me stand

Mine will be a child's poems
About kings and mice and cheese
Asking for a book to help me along
I was going to make a copy
Of a story I once heard
But these words are from my own mouth
Reading the words off the screen
As the music fills my ears
Hope and nothing?
Hope and stars?
Really?

Is there more to come?
Could I make it mean something?
About God or life or dreams
Questioning each word as it appears before me
With furrowed brow and small smile twixt chin and nose
Now that you explain
Do I understand?
Oh my soul

My heart is bargaining
With the gods for you
They raise the wage
It is no matter
I will pay the price

I'm not mad at you
I am just sad at you

There is no guarantee that this life is easy

She who is first and last of her name
Cries out!
She is lain in the earth, whom has longed to hold her again
As quickly as she is put to rest
Enveloped in her first love
How sweet is morning
When you know death will come

So maybe there is this
And I still see that I am nothing
But a vessel
And as such I am -infinitely nothing
So fill me up

I didn't know gravity could be so painful

It pulls me to earth

And none reach to lift me up

The books and words

Weigh down my back

And I cannot resist

This heavy atmosphere

I am not Newton's apple

Not even an apple

I am green

New to this world

But it pulls me so close

So tight

But it is suffocating

I thought I stole your heart
But you just tore me apart

I was left with bruises
But you just used your brain

I thought I leave a mark forever
But now I'm called insane

You only kissed me once
But I'm still a child

I cry tears in the dark
But they are all in vain

I thought I'd be happy
Not trapped in troubled pain

I spoke from my heart
But you didn't listen

I told you the truth
But you didn't hear

I thought I would hold you
But you were never there

I am still a child
But innocent no more

I am left standing behind
A heavily shut door

I need a reason to go on
Not a past to cry about

I am just a child
Hiding in the dark

***** you emotionally
Because you ******* me physically

Bang you with a hammer
Because you did the same to me

******* and your life
Because you ****** up mine

Sleep all alone
Like you never let me sleep

Another man's bread
Has nothing to do with how you set your own table

Cuz when there is no water I am still wet
But we haven't finished, yet

And then my soul
Will sing again
I will sing
About love and men
And then my heart
Will remember love
Remember you
And figure out what do
And then my mind
Will be clear
So don't you fear

And then my soul
Will sing again
And then in you
I will have one friend
And then my heart
Will know its place
And remember your face
And then my lungs
Will breathe clean air
When you are there

And then my soul
Will sing again
And dust the ashes
Off of my wings
And then my soul
Will know its place
And it will love
With so much grace
And then my soul
Will sing again
Cause in you
I have a friend

If you took all the books in the world
And stacked them up in a tower
It would still, be shorter than my desperation
I am a weakened flower

I search all the pages for answers
And I cannot find your face
I would tear the world apart
To put you in your rightful place

Next to me, inside my heart
To dance in my veins
Draw on the walls of your prison
And drown out all the names

Desperate times call for desperate measures
I ladled in to much worry and doubt
And my hopes would rise
I loaf around in search of a way out

Time is of the urgency
This clock ticks to fast, to slow
I crawl inside my mind
For it is the only place I know

I have no friends hidden in there
Yet am not completely alone
I can speak my own mind
Without worry to condone

Thoughts of mine drift past
As sharp as shards of glass
I think to grab them
But they cut their way past

A ****** hand sometimes
A ****** heart always
Hooks are not the answer
To put a fire in full blazes

My grasp, you so easily evade
Do I really seek to catch you
So desperate in my own ways
But you always seem to slip through

Strong am I? Never strong enough
Of all the lovers in the world
I have the worst of all the luck
To be drawn to you, with fingers unfurled

You dance to fast
And I sing much to slow
But you pull me tight
And I cannot let go

I search for you and find
To see your beautiful face
In the mirror next to mine
That is the best place

A morning good
A night less than bad
If this moment was
The best we ever had

It would be enough
It would have to suffice
Or be thrown to the wind
And scattered like rice

The wind can have it
My heart deserves better
I give it your worlds
Ever heartfelt letter

Desperate I am
And a child I was
But a girl knows better
Than to dance with love

The world would be a different place if we let boys cry.

The dents you made in my perfectly made bed
The cracks you left in my China cup
The tears your left to fall down my face
The dreams you left to be watered

The scars I made along my arms

You left your marks and I left mine
But which ones will withstand time

If I had a voice I would tell you tales
Of cities that rose and fell
If I could talk I would tell you stories
Of my brothers and sisters that were felled
If I could cry out aloud I should share
About the children that climbed me
And the ones that cried against my trunk
If I could shout I would yell aloud
At the birds in the sky that come to visit my leafy boughs
If you knew my stories that I gathered through the years
That number almost as many as my leaves
I could tell you of the sun and how its shadow speaks
And all the stories the moon gave to my by the stream
I cannot walk upon legs I simply stand and grow instead
For my branches are strong and my trunk is long

But if I were not a tree I would wish to be
Someone that had a dream to set them free

For someone who could of passed as Christ
I've never seen anyone act less like God

I am a house
That has been broken into
A hundred times

My windows smashed
Doors ripped from there hinges
Gutted
Ransacked

But I am not a house
I am human

Still paying the mortgage
For a property
That others strip of its value
Any chance they can get

I look for your body
In a bed you do not sleep in
I long for you
As spring does
For summer to follow
I look for you
Constellations in a night sky
You waited for me
I am wise now

I think the most troublesome thing to me is the fact that not everyone is like me inside their mind, and that is sometimes the worst thing in the world to realize and the hardest thing I wish I could change, and at other times it the best possible thing to happen

Swept out of the womb
Towards a shore of freedom
Eyes hungrily seeking
A brave new world
Pilgrims and pirates set sail
For a land of untold riches
Finding shores of desolate sand
And fields of maize

Mother calls you home
"Come back to me" she cries
The gentle ears of a new country
Ignore the ringing call

Rebuke comes
Followed by armies of red coats
Thirteen fingers reaching
For the freedom within its grasp
Thirteen toes digging
Into soil it wishes so keep

Pain in the chest
And love in the heart
Don't tear this new country apart
England, fair well
Do drop in for tea
But not in Boston
Because the tax isn't free

gray and gay
black to black
white and tie
purple and pearl
pink on ink
yellow so mellow
green like dream
all lost in the sea

I just didn't know how to convince you that you were beautiful
So I just kept telling you
Every day
As the sun shines, so do you

If you were a church
Oh the sins I would commit
To find a reason
To come to you

If my heart were lighter then my wings wouldn't have to work so heard
My broken arms are bent in exhausted unnatural formations
The lines on my face are deep etched scars
And the heaviness in my steps leave a sodden trail
The tears from my eyes are heavy drops of lead
My shoulders slumped in defeat of this life
A tired neck arched to a delicate broken brow
An accursed face with no joy only sorrow
Just another moonbeam waiting for tomorrow