I fear I am already lost to the void
Space expands
At the rate my consciousness collapses
This God in heaven
Knows the terrors in my mind
This God in heaven
Kmows we are only bound
By the mortal coils we tether ourselves to
We pass through existence
Ghosts of a former life
Is this why it feels so familiar
I was asleep before
But am I dreaming now
Time is picking up speed
So is panic
This is not suffering
Only the depths of confusion
Existential dread spreading its wings
Across the sun
We know the dark will come
But not one ******* inkling
Of what it will hold
Does this make everything useless
Does it give everything purpose
I have passed this way before
How long ago was that journey
How sweet the reminiscent death of bliss
I should of begged for ignorance when I could
It is too late now
That serves no purpose
No higher purpose
We know everything is made of atoms
Atoms are made of energy
Energy cannot be created or destroyed
I fear nothing more than death
I crave nothing more than death
Both sides of a coin
Endlessly spinning through space

it is women
who scrub dry blood
off cobblestone of streets
.
who stood for something here
who died

I miss when trust came easy
I miss life before you

When you ask me
How I like it better
How can I tell you
You'll never be perfect
I'll love you
Through your changing of seasons

On occasion,
When feeling particularly human
I sit in the rain
Let the sky come on to me

I loved you for you
When you wouldn't
Now I will love me for me
When you won't

We are such small foolish gods
Playing make believe with love
When all we know is anger

I wouldn't say I suffer from false sanity
Rather, glass sanity
Where in an emergency it is broken

There are unlived parts of me
I will bring them to light
Even if only for myself

I miss you, again

Though there is space in between

I always loved my friends best

Held them highest

Like young stars

Against the black of a thousand year old sky

Is this why

We are so low now

Perhaps I should not speak for you

I, am so low now

I pray, winter treats you kind

As, it has robbed me of all my kindness

Each snowflake is different, they say

This one is melting away

Before spring

May spring

Come to you again

There is sweetness
In the honeycomb caverns of my heart

How does one
Unburden the body of sins

Sadness, like hunger
Always returns

The wolf of yesterday
Coming to feast
On today's warm carcass

We
       s
          p
       i
          r
       a
           l

down
           d
             o
               w
                  n

back to our first beginning

   we were little more than f l i g h t l e s s birds then

so utterly humble
so infamously bleak
so lost in shambles
so unbearably weak

               did you name me then
with paper and ink words

               did you find joy sparking
in the solitude you heard

              are we no longer secrets
              sealed with the stamp of burdens
              we call names
              bringing each other up
              from the depths of ourselves
              that remain unfathomed

              why do you recoil at a certain name

     as if, when you you hear it, you've touched

                             a
                          l    m
      an open  f           e

     as if, when you say it,
     it's the first you've experienced shame

If I cannot write
I think I am broken
How terrible the plight
Of a flightless bird
This is my solemn resolution
Against the quiet of my mind
Where will my anger go now
How will I find peace
My lips unable to soldier on
Without words to mark their feats

The heart may know what it wants
It does not always know best
Organs are fickle instruments
No matter how deep
How resonating a melody they create
In the end, the crashing of the crescendo
The blood pumping in your veins
Music is a farce
Against the steady beat of mankind

I think I have outgrown myself

Idle thoughts make quick work of my security

Tonight,
I will call the light down from the stars
Ignite the tips of each of my ten fingers
It will not be enough
This is okay
Because the freckles on your skin in the dark
Are the only light I truly need

My heart loves kindness
And those slow to anger

When I hear your name
My heart suffers

Do not deny
You have reached into darkness
To take what you can get

How do the land of the living
And the land of the dead
Know of each other

Are not those who go between
Only dreams
Made of salt and shadow

We are
The architects of our own prison
The devil in the details
How intricate we are
In the wrought iron
Workings of our minds

Bury me shallow
Longing resurrect me
Bent on tasting you again
Soft lightyear kisses
Craving your indulgence
Warmth of forbidden eternity
In an eon of moments
I was careless with you yesterday
You will not fear that again
Forget doubt and pain
You are above them
Stratosphere of peace
Between you and I
Hold space for us
Before we too are dust

Undress my heart
Let her feel the cold chill
Of November midnight winds
The howl of the coyote
Is music to her rhythm

If you would have told me
The devil would come to me
Well dressed with empty pockets
I would not have believed you
When he did
I turned the fabric that lined my soul
Inside out
And he plucked
Every last penny and shiny coin
From the folds of my skies
Only to ask me
Where my stars had gone

Are you weary of this body yet
My falsehood
Was believing we were even
In belonging to one another
Or to even belong at all
Know if you can love me
I want you to
If such a thing
Is beyond your capabilities
Hold no doubt
That you should be rid of it
Hold not to the grafting of a heart
Over your chest
When your own beats
So steadily in your chest

I don't know what boundaries are
No one has ever respected mine

I'm never quite empty
Never quite full
Hollow, until the rain water fills me up
Just to seep it out
Just to sleep it out

Self care
Is the harmony of body
With the acknowledgment of soul
And the intentional wellness of both

When you lie
With your silver tongue
You devalue yourself
We are human
We are worth honesty

I'm not ready for the world
I still need to rest

When you speak
And I listen
Know your words
Are not more beautiful than my thoughts
How desperately I wish to cherish them

Are you here in this moment with me
The dew in the grass does not know your name
But it remembers you

Like the morning
I will be broken soon
Like the morning
I'll be going soon
Like the morning
I ache for you
Like the morning
I'll paint the sky
Like the morning
You're new to me
Like the morning
I wait for you
Like the morning
I am born a new

For you,
I hope the pain eases soon
I hope it is gentle suffering

I know I look
Like I carry
Nothing on my shoulders
But I like to think
Even Atlas gets used to
The weight of the sky

As I think
So I become

As I think
So I am

I wonder
As clouds in the sky often do
If the next girl will learn
Of my blood on you

As I learned of the one before
On your hands
It messy
It stains
It covers more surface area than I thought

Sometimes anger manifests itself at sadness
That's why my insides are screaming

I always wondered why you slept so much
I thought there was no rest for the wicked

You were the tension they called time
I the fool they named love

Show up for yourself today.

No one is comforting anymore

In the morning
I will be charming again
Convincing everyone, but myself
Of my alignment with the upright world

I am not a good friend

Now living by the virtues I so steadfastly preach
Crying alone in my room
'I'm an adult now, I'm responsible for healing from everything that hurt me'
We're not children anymore I'm accountable for what I do

Well it still ******* hurts, it still ******* hurts, it still ******* hurts

No one ******* taught me any different
And I'm sorry I just dont know

It
Still
*******
Hurts

Know if you wear
Your heart on your sleeve
There should be no surprise
When there is blood
On your hands

You may hate me
But you can't deny
I make you feel