Uh oh.
Mommy's mad.
Uh oh.
She is in
an abusive mood
Shut up little girl
Don't say a word
You'll just make it worse

Uh oh.
She threw
The food at you
Told you your garbage
Uh oh.
Go to your room
Don't speak
Don't you dare cry

Your delusions will save you
In the end

But say anything
Because
It won't change a thing

I sewed myself up
so my secrets
would be kept inside
I sewed myself up
and all the threads tangled
so  I couldn't stay alive

such beautiful imagery
you cast like a spell
and these words in my heart
you know them all to well

whilst the world decides
whether it be awake or asleep
I lye twixt your heart and soul
together we gently weep

you twinkle like a star
and shine bright within my soul
you found me bound and broken
yet you left me whole

ne'er will I ever be alone
in your beautiful memory
for whenever my heart cries out
you run to comfort me

and yet these thoughts run
down the corridors of my mind
but still every time I fall
you lift me up, in kind

you I have neglected
in the brightst of the days
and you the sun shone upon
with all it's glorious rays

you I have forgeten
when you I stood before
and you have I shut
like a heavy oaken door

you I will remember
for many days yet longer
and you I cannot erase
be  I weaker or stronger

you I will drown
in sweetest of memories
and I will be smokened
from the fire in the breeze

you I will set in grace
upon the shores of the blest
and you have earned your time
and much needed rest

you will depart
in the days yet coming
and you will return
I will watch for you running

you I will see
as you sprint across the sand
for you always remind me
life isn't planned

my body
is a network of scars
memories crisscrossing along my legs
up and down my spine
many histories dance
my arms are
stained in tears
my wrist adorned
with  bracelets of agony
my sides are braced
with a corset of lies
my hands hidden
in gloves of pain
my head are wreathed
in a crown of doubt
my feet are souled
in thorns and briars
my face masked
in much disarray
my shoulders armored
with yesterday
my back is whipped
from many slaves
my chest weighted
with all the rage
my fingers ringed
in wedded vows
my calves born
into beds of blood
my thighs trapped beneath
an expanse of strangling sheets
my eyes scarred
by all that they meet*

So many secrets
I wonder how
They all got out?

My life is like a wind tunnel
But instead of wind
It is fear, howling all around me

fly away little bird
sing a song, to be heard
little wings flap on by
soaring up to the sky
I watch from below
but you will never know
the brightness of your colors
on the ocean plains

I just realized that
I have started lying to you
Not with words
But with my voice
And how my heart sings
A little less vibrantly
I will not apologize
Because
You have already
Tuned me out
Along with
The rest of the world.

never mind
it's not important
I'm not important
it's okay*

it's not okay.

A week ago I would have said I loved you
Now
I do not even pretend to know you

I can't talk
And I don't know why
If I would dare
To speak my mind
Would my heart
Even understand?

Some days I won't have any words
But on days like these
It seems I have to many
I cannot even say them
For is not silence
Better than a storm
A storm I fear
For it I cannot weather
The flashbacks
And the tears
And these nights
Made of fears
So I will leave you
To do what you wish
With my heart
My mind
And my body
But you do not even
Come close
I cannot feel
Your heart beating
So I must question
If it is even there
But it is okay
I will close my eyes
And return to my world
Where I think
I am a mermaid
Or a unicorn
Sometimes a dragon
Or a fairy
Depending on the day
Either way
I will not
Have to worry
About boys
Or shoes or makeup
Or what to say
For I run free
Or swim
Somedays I can fly
Always I sing
But never alone
It would seem to me
The curtain fell
Before we even began
Our duet
I think
In my heart
That is a waste
Not of talent of gift
But of love and time
For I will always question
Yes
Was it?
A waste?
Of my time
I think not
But yet
I cannot help but wonder
If dreams do fade
Into the horizon
Because the sun
Is shining down
And as awake as I am
And as dead as I feel
I do not even know
The difference between
Alive
And unreal
These visions I create
They are not monsters
Nor are they friend
They simply exist
To help me along
These guides in my mind
Show me the way
For if
I stay
In one place
For to long
So many things
Will start to go wrong
And stuff I do
And stuff I say
Always seem to get in the way
You rocked the boat
And I fell over
And the waves claimed me
It was a chance
It was a dive
And I never thought
Dying
Could make me feel
So alive
But my vision is clouded
My judgement is poor
And all I hear
Is a knock at the door
You call me out
On everything that I am
And I cannot find the strength to stand
You were my crutch
Lifting me enough
But on my own
I am not nearly enough
I am wet and tired
Cold and afraid
And I am alone
In the darkest glade
I think in the dark
That I am an elf
But I took those feelings
And put them on a shelf
They do not belong
Inside of me
I do not need them
Oh let me be!
Alone.
Alone.
Alone.
Singular
And monotone
It is enough
To breathe in air
Even if
You never care
Emotions I hide
In visions so red
And keep them there
Inside of my head
They are strung up
Like Christmas lights
And they give me comfort
In the night
These green walls
They bleed so fast
And all to quickly
Then they pass
I lay here
Upon the floor
The carpet smells of vanilla
I sit here
In this room
My mind all a mess
And I dance in my head
And cry in my heart
And wonder where
It all went wrong
I cannot go back
Afraid to look ahead
And so I lay here
With my hand on my head
And I whisper promises
I cannot hold
But still I cling to them
As if they were gold
I will walk
The streets at night
And look to the moon
For a source of light
And as I raise
My tears to the expanse
I wonder if
This is my chance
I could soar
On wings of skin
And never feel
To fat or to thin
I could feel the wind
As it kissed my face
I would know
This was my place
But no,
It is not to be
I sit here
And start to bleed
As long as this marker
Stains me red
I will return
To your bed
I will crawl
Into your arms
Though you don't love
The girl who self harms
There are a few
Who have seen
The soul that was forged
But many yet
Who walk on by
And they will never learn
What it is
To see ice and fire
As they steam
Higher and higher
To fill the sky
With her love
So it reaches
Much further above
This world could not contain
All her love and all her pain
She never slept inside her mind
It was just a mask
That she hid behind
She says 'Goodnight'
And she whispers 'Goodbye'
And it is sad
That she might die
But still she clings to slivers
Of stabbing hope
A chance for a 'better'
A chance to cope
On a wire I stand
I might yet fall
In the noise I listen
And I hear you call
My name.
And the way you say it
Like a prayer
When my skin is asleep
And my heart is awake
And I wonder
How much more can I take?
So I crawl
Into my cage
To hide myself
From mine own rage
And I kiss my hands
And all their scars
I wonder a little
If I took it to far
So I breathe in
And let you out
Of my heart
It was not your place
Nor was it mine
It was not
The right time
I place my hand
Upon your cheek
And ask you
If in your memory
I could sleep?

You are beautiful
You are loved
You are a gift
From above

Nothing will make you less
For you are already plenty
You are enough
No matter your destiny

You are a joy
You have a beautiful smile
Though sometimes I know
It might take a while

Every word you say
I hear in my heart
No matter how close
Or far apart

You I do not know
Your face is a stranger
But I have you in my heart
Soul brothers and sisters

Did I just break the silence?

Before we became
As alive as we should be
I killed us
And took the air away
So that it would hurt less
Especially for you
Because I already know
What it is like
To not be allowed
To breathe
For you it would be painful
And fresh at that
So I never
Let us get there
For me it would be less
Because my lungs
Are already deprived
I do not seek
For your gratitude
And you
Do not ever
Have to acknowledge
Me again
So move on by
With your working lungs
It's okay not to finish
Everything you have begun

I will tell you in my own way
Which isn't really saying it at all
But it is okay
I will never blame you
Because it is my fault anyway

I swear if you ever left
I would care
If you died
I might not know you
But I have felt your pain
I would care
If you gave up
I would understand
And I would also cry
For I was not able
To give you my strength
So you could keep on breathing
I would
I swear
I would
I will
Always care <3

you laid me to rest forever
under the light of the moon
you put me in my own box
and buried me under the willows

and you and the trees wept alike

I hope you are having a sweet night
with all the sweetest dreams
because today I take your fear
and banish it far away
I give you instead
all the love
that is in my heart
so that you may rest
easy in the arms of sleep
I will lay beside you
to watch over you
and no matter how dark
I will still be here
though you cannot see me
I know you can hear
my gentle whispers
and the beat of my heart
so cling to me
as I cling to you
and we shall cling together
until the sun comes through

I was left on the steps
and I walked these streets
but they weren't made for me
so I walked the sidewalks

for the longest time
I looked and I searched
for a place to call home
and I found your heart

it was open and warm
and oh so inviting
I thought I could stay
for just a little while

but after just a few moments
I knew
that I could never leave
for this is my place

your warm heart
is the perfect home
for my cold hands
you keep me warm

your solid strength
is the right place
for my weakened frame
you keep me strong

I will never be thrown out
I will always have a spot
you are always home
to sing me to sleep

you watch over me
oh my guardian angel
for your heart
is my one true home

I can't tell you now**

I was planning on it
Really I was
but
Something got in the way
Either the stove was left on
The door wasn't shut
Your breathing wasn't even

As little as it was
It made all the difference
And so quietly
I will bleed

look at this heart
and feel it beating
see the time
and how it is fleeting

we have made
the sweetest of worlds
so many we forge
beautifully swirled

what did you think
would happen this time
it was better than before
but still so far to go

your words gurgle out
like a brook in the spring
and they spill over
into my thoughts

when I was like that
what did you think
was going to happen,
what did you expect?

I thought I should tell you
even though its been days
it not a cry for help
just a bandaid over wounds

wounds that are better left still
still and unremembered
for they are like dust
let it settle in layers

because once disturbed
your lungs would choke
and the balance would be broken
and I would be uneven

so gently tilt me
to the right angle
so I stand a little straighter
when you ignore me

You have the dream
But do you have the guts?

these little breezes tell me
in the whispers of your voice
that you come riding
I must only wait
for when the some comes up
it will not be alone
if I make it through the night
I will have you tomorrow
I lost my dignity
a long time ago
but I know no matter what
you will always lift me up

If it is one or the other,
I chose you <3

I rise above
All that there was before

Maybe one day
I will be okay

Pretty don't mean ****.

I hope you never meet anyone as messed up as me.
Good luck in life, I hope yours is sweeter than mine.
I'll just stay here, with my friends:
Anxiety, Depression and Mr. Pity Party.
I'll talk to you later

as soon as I say yes
do you realize
how fast this will go
how quickly it will die
and so I am afraid
to even begin to try

I am sorry for everything
this life didn't **** me
as quickly as I wanted it to
so I apologize, sincerely
for any inconvenience

but

I am going to stick around
just to see
the sunrise
and how it sparkles
when reflected
in your eyes
xoxo

if this was
my last breath
you would be
my last wish

but you make it so
tomorrow I will wake
from this terrible
and morbid nightmare

you are not my sun
but give source to its light
I see you in my future
hold me during your night

give me gentle
kisses on my forehead
take this pain
and give me peace instead

we parted like a kiss
and all I wanted was a taste
of your sweet lips

we separated like two shores
and all I wanted was to reach
for your perfect hands

we cling together
for we are far apart
and I may never see

the sun rise again

I am wedged in, between the crack in reality

Hold me so tight
I cannot even breathe
So when I pass out
I'll know you didn't leave