Just because you love him
Doesn't mean that he is good for you
Sometimes looking for something better
Is finding yourself

This may be an unwelcome opinion
But
I hope you are proud of yourself, proud of your personality, proud of who you are, proud of what you've been through even if you don't like the way you went through it
And if you aren't, if you are ashamed, then I hope you have the guts to change it

Because you deserve to love yourself

I begin to pull away
Like a hand from the heat of a stove
Afraid of getting burned
It's not you
It's my past creeping into my mind
Grabbing the reigns
Even though I put the cart before the horse
So pull me back from the edge

I want to run
Want to jump
But it's to late to turn back

I want you
I want to be with you
Why am I like this

A fool
And a foolish one at that

I miss our grocery store kisses
I miss your wandering hands
The butterflies in my stomach are hibernating
Now that you are gone

My mind is filled with the hum of the universe
In the 2am hour
When the souls forget their troubles they carry through the day

As gentle as I go into the night
It is not good
And whence I return from such a depth
Cast off and abandoned from all I foolishly hold dear
Everything next to my heart is ripped away
Leaving me to be bound in agony
For all that is good is tangible
Still I cannot touch it
And all that has worth is so quickly spent out on fools and folly alike

She is a dream
And a fool all at once
Bound to the same stars as many souls before her
Like rockets set into space her mind wanders
And such as the sun shines so is she light
But there is more inside her than has been felt in the whole world
Compact and thoughtful
Overflowing and lacking all at once

He is a nightmare and a dragon
Breathing fire and flame to the wick of a candle soul
He is bitter and salty, a handful of the bottom of the ocean
You could drink and drink and your thirst never be quenched,
but you savor the taste in your mouth and you dare not spit it out
Just a kiss, to save the world
Just a hand, to lift up the sky
Just a heart to beat again, if you can find it bound within your chest
A mystery is this; if such a thing still remains
To long it has been left cold
To long, to long

Still the night calls
The twinkle of the stars enticing Though who can touch the celestials
Gentle she calls and gentle she is
Though strength has not abandoned her

I do not know what restful sleep is

I have to many memories that dance through my hair like little devils and climb into my ears to stab away at my mind during the quiet of the night when the moon is full

The radiance of the light shines into the sockets of my head and into the hollows of my heart, only to cast shadows in an empty cage that has grown cold in the absence of light

When I am awake my mind is like a pencil with nothing to put to paper only scratches of graphite so vain in there writing, so I do not know that as quickly as the sun sets a waterfall of feelings floods through my veins and bleeds onto the wallpaper in my head and down the walls

The tossing and the turning that my body does, a marathon of running, to get away from all that is chasing me and trying to peg me to a board of doubts and dreams, a torture rack of sorts

But, when I sleep next to you and my eyes pop open in the middle of the night and my hands shake with anxiety, when I turn over in the darkness and feel your body next to me, I have something to cling to besides the darkness eating away at me, just a little bit of light to get through the cracks in my facade

So I can close my eyes again, take a breath and sleep, and know that everything will be okay

I will always remind you that you are worth it
Because there is nothing you would ever do
That would ever
ever
Stop you from being worth it.

You are worthy of the whole world, that's why it was made for you

Please do not forget this
Please do not forget me
Please do not doubt your worth

Even dollars broken into change have value
And such as you are broken
You are not spent out

I don't live to make you regret everything
I live to make sure I don't regret anything

Maybe it is selfish.
To miss who you used to be,
when you loved me.

Do it for the satisfaction in the action, not just the reaction.

You have such a happy smile to carry such a sad heart
I have such a beautiful laugh to spend so much time drowning in depression

I am an artist.
And, Waiting?
She is my canvas.

Such as the sun
Clings to the sky
At the end of the day
So am I
Trying to hold to you
You are my light
Like no other
I am not afraid
Of the darkness
Nor any that she holds
It is the time I fear
I am so impatient
To see you again

My problem is; my ghosts are alive.

I thought I would feel,
feel something
I expected to feel to much,
per usual
There was no rush of adrenaline
No hot breath rising in my chest
My heart was a calm steady beat
I felt cheated of passion
Am I a broken clock?
Right twice a day
Just ticking away
I thought I wanted this,
wanted you
Now I am not so secure
In this desire
I feel a fool,
per usual
I feel empty
So busy overthinking
I turn you over in my head
Like a piece of food in my mouth
But I do not savor the flavor
So I swallow my pride
If that is what you call it
I cannot have my cake and eat it to

Some things seem more appealing behind the glass
Once you take a bite you remember, the taste of disappointment

I'm pretty messed up
More than I let on
I don't understand why
I pretend to be okay
When I am everything else
My sorrows taste of salt
At the bottom of the barrel
And it is dark inside my mind
Darker than the night
I shut my mouth to scream
Trap it between my teeth
Swallow it back
Into my beating heart

I remember so much
I forget to little

I just want everything to be okay

With baited breathe I stand
On the pinnacle of uncertainty

Will I ride the wave
Or will it push me under
I have dreams without drive
And still I do not sleep

Oh that you would choose me above all else
When I have chosen you above myself

I am nothing now
And I have been the whole world
I am made of fire and bandaids
How can you call me beautiful

Your sweet thoughts
I would purchase by the bakers dozen
If only they were for sale
If only I could afford such a thing as love

I catch my breath within my throat
And stifle it between my hands
It grows stale
And I bite my tongue
Foolish words frozen
In the palm of my hand

is there anything good left in me

I survived the fire
And the flames
The embers are still warm
But soon
I will burn out like the stars

I hear more than I let on
I see more than you know

Some fear the fire
Others are the flame

Some people are worth waiting for
And others
They are worth waiting with

How
Young
Do
The
Good
Die

Memories resemble tangible things in this way
Some waste away and become worthless with age waiting to be discarded
Others increase their value with every recollection
Like an antique, loved and cherished waiting to be passed on

I am everything at once
Hot and cold
Fire and ice

I have winter in my bones
Marrow made of snow

I have summer in my hands
Warmth and strength in my fingertips

I have fall in my head and hair
Hair like leaves, all fallen down

I have Spring in my heart
Still the promise of growth, she beats

I am everything at once
Sun and moon
Earth and wind

I hate tent rug sales

You are special in this way:
Unlike the rest of the world.
If a piece of wood breaks it is useless
But you, even though you are broken-
Love like you have never been hurt

Words are chains and locks
...but also keys and bandaids

there is truth in all things
even lies
the truth is not the lie
it is in the lie
if you look for it

it makes it's home with depth
nestled in the layers of my skin
there is no warmth or comfort
to be found in such a barren place
people take and people touch
and to you what is consent

you know and learn and teach alike
I see and watch and burn in light
I try not to lose myself
in all that you are and become
and that which I wish to be
you waste nothing
not time or emotion
while I scavenge for scraps of love
among the nothing that I am

it weaves it's secrets into my hair
just as it traces sweetened memories
into the swirls of my fingers and toes
so that it shall remain a part of me
even after long in it's leaving
though I pray it never leaves me

she is silence
she is fear
but more than that
she is afraid