My mother should be an author
She carves her soul into millions of pieces
Leaving it behind all of the family photos
When I see my mother
I see a woman
Who wants to hide her soul in a needle
Just so the screaming can stop in her mind,
These bottles are rattling in the living room
You see they have put shackles on her heart,
She can't love anymore
Without having ***** in her water bottle.

Where is she hiding her beer?
I feel like my mother is giving me a scavenger hunt
From the shards of glass that were left on the baseball fields
My mother used to take me to.

You know she always wasn't like this
She was strong minded and had a big heart
Tonight I will tell you the story of a woman
Who lost her soul to the Keystones to the Miller Lites
To the ****** Mary’s.
Let's rewind time
See ******* the soul in ten years

10- I look into my mother's eyes and I start to cry
Because I'm looking at a woman who I don't know anymore

9- I refused to bail her out of jail again
Because I'm afraid her kidney will fail if she drinks again

8- My mother staggered into the theater and disrupted the whole play,
My cast mates turned to me and asked, isn't that your mother?

7- I had to hold my mothers hand
Because she was throwing up the cocktail of drugs and alcohol

6- Daddy had to get mom out of jail she was drinking again

5- My mother throws the bottle across the room
And told me the reason why she drinks is because I'm Autistic

4- My mother overslept for my piano recital,
I didn't think it was a big deal
But I remember she spent the whole night crying
With a wine glass in her hand.

3- Mommy I didn't know your prescription came in a needle

2- Mommy the prescription say 2 pills a day
why are you taking 6?

1- My mother went to the doctor
Found out that she has Rheumatoid Arthritis
I don't know what that means,
But I know she will still be strong right?

0- She took me to a Dodger game for my birthday.
I remember Sammy Sosa hitting a home run that game
She told me that the only person that can **** your soul is yourself

Hey you
Can you grab a glass a water for me
Something is in my throat
tickling me like when you elbow my stomach
because I was tickling you too much under the soccer fields
the ones you played on as a kid

Can you grab me a glass of water
My throat feels like my heart is coming up my mouth
Twisting and squeezing and turning to escape my organs
Because my body, my mind, and my heart isn't good enough for you

Can you grab me a glass of water
I need to breath out all of the flames you created
Twisting my arm and shoving me in the room of sorrow
It's so dark in here because this battery you gave me is broken
You see you gave me more negatives than positives
Yet I still believed it would work
Because you said it would.

Can you grab me a glass of water
I need to wash my mouth
From all of the lies you have kissed in my mouth
Take it all back and shove it to all of the guys that you ****** for one night

Can you grab me a glass of water
So I can clear out any memories of you

Laughter Flows through the room
Like the clouds slithering across this glooming sky

It’s odd
The calendar on my wall says its December
But I feel so warm right now
With all of these people
With all of the memories framed up around my house

As the night drew to a close
My friends bid me their farewells
So they can go back to their homes
All I was left with was this house

And you

Yes you

You sat there are on my couch
I could see it in your eyes that something was on your mind
And you ask me greatest question to ever pop up
On this gloomy December night.

“ I cant seem to solve you, who are you really?”
I turn confused scratching my head like a busted CD
The question kept repeating in my mind
“What is their to know about me?”
“Well…
You are funny and all but that's not what you always are?”
I sat down next to her and I said

Wanna know who I am?

I am the person everyone wants me to be
I smile big in front school pictures
I smile bigger and bigger when I am in the center of attention.
I’m emotionless when a deer is dead on the road.
I cry when celebrities die
And not when 14 citizens die from another bomber.
I vote not knowing both sides of each issue.

I do what people tell me to do
When they ask me how I’m doing
I hold a big smile and say
I’m pretty good

I’m an ******* who scares everyone
Who tries to be close to me away
Because under all of this laughter and this smile,
I’m controlling.
I’m afraid that you will be just like the others and leave me alone
Who scrape my heart with your car
So I grab and I squeeze
I don't want you to be like every other person that has stumbled into my life.

But I don't say any of that
instead I just say
“I'm just some guy”

What if I told you
That when the going gets tough
You don't have to give up?
No **** Sherlock!

What if I told you
That you can hold onto something you care about?
Something that makes you crack a smile.
Cracked like dried skin

But all you do is brush it off
Because that is what makes you all sealed up.
Your x's give you a reason to lock up your house.
You shut the blinds to your beautiful mind and write poetry.

Well you keep writing poetry
Because that is way hot
Hotter than my skin temperature when I asked you on a date.

I feel for you pretty hard.
Hard like the diamonds that are scatted in your irises.
They glisten in the sun with your delicate hair
Getting in my mouth?

Baby I don't wanna have my way with you.
I wanna gain your trust
We would start with trust falls
Then move up to whispering in your ear
"There is a hair on your ****"

I wanna know what peeves you off
And where you are ticklish.
I wanna laugh our lives away

I wanna hold your hips
Under the street lights that scattered  downtown and say,
"I kind of like you miss, is it just me or am I ******* crazy."
Our ability to be spontaneous makes us feel alive.

I know how easy it is to give up
But the simple act isn't so fun.
I know you are going to hate this
But I’m not going anywhere
I’m not giving up like all of the ghosts surrounding your heart.

I'm going to be that one guy
That will picket outside your house
So you can open those blinds
And come outside

Now let’s kick back, relax
And let’s find out.
How on earth did you get those diamonds in your eyes?

She
She is a *****
no, no not the dog kind
but the one that makes it hard to breath when she is around

She is the reason why I don't tell people who I am
because she uses oil as lipstick
you see my secrets seem to slip out of her mouth
and land in front of people that I don't even know

“ I did not know you were a bad kisser”
Do I, know you?

She is the reason why kids are afraid of monsters in their closets
I remind them not to get close to them
Or they will **** all of the skeletons out of your closet
Show everyone who they really are.

She haunted my nights
Staring at photos that now mean Jack

Then I got this funny feeling
Whenever I see you
Smiling
Looking
Down
ON ME?

You had these eyes
They sang me a beautiful song in a strange language
Telling me that everything will be okay.

We fogged up the car one night
Not because we were having ***
But it was because we were trading music to each other
You sit with me in a book store for three hours
And never look at the time
Because time was on our side

Whenever I'm with you I see time slowing down for us
And our kisses pass stories of embarrassing moments
Religious beliefs
And the brief story of your adventures in Europe.

Every kiss taught me that You are such a keeper
We are like grade school kids
Completely innocent to the slime
That modern dating has become.

She noticed us
She didn't like You and you know what
She was sad because She couldn't pull my strings anymore.
Whenever I saw She
She would be jealous
And you know what
Good, let She!

I see you in class
Yeah you
With the brown hair
It was the 3rd grade
And I was speechless

In class I would dream
That I would share my PB and J with you.
You passed me a note in math class
Asking me if you could meet me at the flag pole
You wanted to give me a surprise.

A surprise?
A surprise!
What could it possibly be?
A kiss?
A PB and J?

I had to find out,
So after math class
I skipped across the halls
My eyes were glued to the flag pole

Where is she?
My breaths were taken away from the thought of you.
Tall 5th graders' shadows started to walk towards me
They have the eyes that told me to run.
I dropped my lunch box and ran
Into a 5th grader.
More started to come out of the evening shadows
These boys were out for blood tonight.
They started to push me around
Like the words that were being thrown around
Punches and dirt thrown in my face
Reminded me that I fell for a girl
I didn't even know
I wish I could have told you how I really felt.

These boys held me down,
Stripped everything that kept me sane
And crucified me on the flag pole.
The place I thought would change my 8 year old life.

Is this what Jesus felt like?
The feeling that I'm going to heaven
Were my corps would decay on the flagpole
This flagpole

After what felt like forever
These boys left me to the hounds called the night time
I want to barge out of my shackles
And scream "why, god!"
I start to cry away,
Away from here.

It's 2am
I'm staring in my bedroom mirror
I pray to the mirror
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Why have you made me mute after all?
The mirror just sits there in horror
Reflecting the mess I have become.

I start to look at my face
I see my red demonic eyes
Caused by the concoction of tears and dirt being kicked
I feel the cuts that burn from the lies
I told myself

I look at my frail hands
And see my ****** nails from fighting back.
I noticed my wrists were ****** from the crucifixion
I wonder to myself why didn't they **** me?
Just finish me off and let my prayers be answered.

Then I look at my chest
I see cuts and bruises
Scattering around me like the feeling of loneliness

I press ******* my cuts
I want to feel something
My soul was extracted
By boys who lost it
From a closed fist from a angry father.

I look at the mirror and realized
I am ashamed of who I am.

Moonshine on your eyes
My watch tells me lies
Laying down on this truck bed
There is no way it is 4am
Because I feel so refreshed
Like a new day
Another time to see you.

The moonshine drips off my tears
When you tell me that you are not going anywhere
You see, I've hidden what makes me,me
I believed in the make believe
My dreams become reality.
Fairy tales do exist.

The moonshine reflects your soul
You see, it's a little bruised for the skeletons
These ******* skeletons left the fruit flies and the beetles
Caressing your wounded heart.
Your wounded heart stumbles through battle
The dead bodies are the lies
Disney princesses taught you
I want to stop ask
Do you want to come live in my arms?

The moonshine drips out my thoughts
I love you so **** much
Oh **** I didn't mean to do that
Yet you silenced me with the kisses, kisses
That fit with my lips in an ironic way.

The moonshine at 4am feels so new
I can't take my eyes off of you
Your dimples pop up when I tell you
Your response feels like harps playing this songs
A song that makes the cold melt
The moonshine is telling me something.
It's telling me what your lips and your dimples are saying.
I love you.

Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.