I was chosen
Not to be loved
But to absorb your violence

I prophesied I would haunt you
Now I truly am your ghost
Abandon me of your shadow
As I released your soul
We are not bound to each other

How quickly we unravel
Skein of time slips into knots
I cut the cord
Wicks burn down to nubs
We are not bound to each other

Relinquished of your promises
I of my duty
I told you I had healers hands
You place yourself beyond reach
We are not bound to each other

Do not look for me in your dreams
Do not call for me in your sleep
I am not there
My spirit never had a place to rest
We are not bound to each other

Pray for closure, beg for it
Perhaps God will hear you
Perhaps he will care
There are no grudges here
We are not bound to each other

Said you would die for me
Now you are dead to me
Dig your grave, to lie in it
Surrogate funeral for your spirit
We are not bound to each other

I forgive you
Of your sins and lies
Time will fill your gap
Nothing will stead for me
We are not bound to each other

Do not seek me
When we are reborn
If you are healing
If you are well
There will be no reason for me

The halfway angels are speaking again
You do not need ears to hear them
They are a sight to behold
I have been lingering
In the silent place for many eons
I cannot name what baited me
Or what kept me for so long
Invisible burdens
Live by gravity’s promise
I have quietly wondered
If you would whisper in my ear again
I would not beg plea or ask
What have I made of time
The same human foolishness as before
You beg for change
That you will not see through
Heaven does not laugh or cry at our plight
Only looking down in wonder
As the journey marches on
Will you take me to the river
Wash me clean
Of this tarnish rusting up my skin
Baptist me until I am pure
Until we are white lights
Against the Milky Way

I was a fool
When I asked to feel something
God couldn’t you have chosen
Anything, but this
Anyone, but me

Do not tell me of my strength
My resilience
My stamina

She is a strong tower
She is a mighty fortress
I run to her
I run from you
I run

There is still dirt under my nails
From digging
In damp soil
It fills in the little crevices on my palms
Small rivers between my pores

Today I feel terribly human
Is anything else so bitter sweet?
I could stare into the sun for a moment
Let his rays penetrate into my skull
Permeate my thoughts
Brighten them, enrich, soften, melt

I suppose any thought after would feel
Utterly dark
Like the soil clenched in my fist

The water was quieter than expected
     Though fast in its flowing
There is a silent beauty in death
     Not knowing where she is going
Have you swam in dark water before
     How foolish of me to ask
Holding your breath before barking dogs
     This was never meant to last
I did not expect to hear your laugh
     The sound less permeable
Than your ghosting form
     Are we already irreparable
The boat draws near
     Bone like fingers on oars
Denari clink in your shallow pockets
     Like skulls knocking on doors

I am ready

I did not know
You would haunt me still
Beyond that
I did not know
I would expect it
Eyes, always perceived to be watching
Steps, not truly fading away
We were not what God intended
Not good or righteous or pure
We were worse
Two terrible ends of a spectrum
Colliding in the off center
If I asked you
Would you leave me
You would make me beg
So I seal my sinners lips together
Dark blood dripping
Out the corners of my mouth
Silence better than rejection
Shadows better than permanence