If you cannot love me in this lifetime
I will ask you in the next
Chasing your gentle soul
Across time’s expanding galaxies
My atoms will search for you

If you cannot bear to love me then
Wait, until I am reborn
Until I am reincarnated as water
Until you drink me from the river
Through cupped hands

For 3 eternities I held my breath
Baited this moment on your lips
Waiting to be devoured
Purge yourself of me while I am pure
Let me fill you, satiate your thirst

This is not my first life
Only my first time living
Consume me, gentle spirit
I am yours
I am alive

Your name sits
In the back of my throat
Like a pill I cannot swallow
I kissed you
Like I hated the taste of my own mouth
I need you like water
Pure and flowing
I feel vulnerable
Eve in the garden
Naked and sinful
And you
Forbidden fruit
Within reach
I pluck and pluck again
But you will never satisfy
You are not here to listen
When I call on the divine
Not one for keeping promises
Not one for telling lies
Simply rotting
Bitter and sour
I cannot wash you off my tongue

We tarnish for ourselves
Whatever we think we are not worthy of
If my love is too big for you
We will cut it down to size
Take something sharp to my fraying edges
So there is no chance of making you bleed
I bared my fragile heart
Showed you unconditional love
For you to name me liar
Staying was selfish
Leaving is too
But whatever you need
Whatever is best for you

When you ask for space
Know I will stand
Arms open wide
In the gap between
Tell me of your fears
And demons
Of how the darkness crawls towards you
In broad daylight
Tell me of how you faced it
It does not matter
If you were scared or brave
You are human
Bearing the burden
The great weight presses on your chest
Its face turns to yours
Whispers in your ear
It will never be light
This is not our first avalanche
Not our first burden
For you
I would hold up the sky
For you I would press my palms
Into the clouds
Feel the rain run down my arms
Like blood
And when I look the rain is red
It is no matter

Not everything is life or death
I hear it, but I don’t believe it
For me, it has been
Not living, surviving, scraping by
By my paper thin finger nails
I dug into you
It seems now
I dig my grave
To burry my grieving body
Of every sin she ever possessed
The smoke burns white
I am no saint
I fixed my eyes before me
The Isaiah crucifix ahead
I am not the first to burn
Pray I will be the last
Pray I am enough
Of an offering

When I split from this
I imagine being torn in half

Find me again
In the next lifetime

When I am pure
And we can keep our promises

I will love you then
As I adore you now

Like sweet dew
On morning grass

I am as I am
No greater no lesser
Part ghost
A one day angel
As the line before me thins
Into a gray and gold horizon
I am more gentle
I remember being weak
Hearing your voice call to me
When I was in the dark place
I climbed halfway up to heaven 
Only to turn around 
I was terrified 
Of the storms
More so 
Of the calm that would come after 
Are our souls so different now
Passing between worlds 
Or are we chasing stranger ghosts
Than the ones we name on earth