quick. slow & simple.
with a structure delicate
mammoth composures
wound warmly & fit perfectly.
effortlessly,
but, a strange wind slices
tearing strange ribbons
from themselves.
how could the small
inherit the earth &
fall asleep?

A liquid shark live in
my glass house. who
held these hands which built this?
searching for anger snarling,
quick to investigate &
release. there it's found,
eaten & realized.
this is not his home
& I am smothered.
Can I sav?
I ask again.
I am standing, straining
for air,
abrasive winds cutting
into my shoulders.
An image lost & a breath
swallowed.

& I.
& I retrieve one capital memory.
of fire dancing in my youth.
a flesh not mine searing.
& no flame genuine.

& I lie down.
on porcelain grains.
visions of smoke.
a stench.
a desire.
a dead circuit waking.
my brain knows defeat.

& you,
ask me,
if I soar?
beyond great lakes
& before steel corridors
above a muddy fortress
& below bell colored carriages.

there. above.
or below. but with me at least.
at last you rest.
at last you're warm.
they watch, they sing & I mourn.
I wake & we sleep.
on beds of white leather.

& I.
& I walk.
& I run.
& I see.
& I translate cosmic mysteries.
& I revere your pain.

with my fingernails growing,
searching for words,
the loud become soft &
my caged flex their teeth.
choruses of steel,
singing down our
warm corridors.
here & there.
a verse distant.
tempting a joyous song from
my cool lungs.
this is the golden wheat minute,
bathed in filtered sunlight,
smiles unseen & jokes of
discipline not unkind.
I am not alone in the only place.

I look out my window for you. In the night & often in the day. It's a foolish search, but this world is not so large. Do you see me? Traveling to town for onions, you sweat. The sun holding you hostage.

Run far. Run fast. Come home. I am waiting Kiko.



The colossus wears his mask & peace is restored.

Know this. If I go back tonight, will you love me less? Will you love me more? When will I see joy? If I go, will you show me true happiness?

Will you say, "Hey. Precious angel lay down, rest. I have waited a long time. I am still waiting & would continue to, in every time & place, for any time. On any plane. I love you, beautiful angel. I have & will continue to. Despite your pain. Weep softly, there is no shame with me. Roar loudly, I am not frightened. Take me. Ravish me. Relieved you would take comfort in me. Harm will not come to you being with me. Require me. Want me. Taste me, **** me. Need me, love me. I don't live with you gone. I choose Death before another heart."

How can you be in love? You are strong & you are weak. Let your no's be no's & your yes's be yes's.

If it will be good, I will go. If it will last, I will come.

If it is you, I want it.

No shadows. No husks of a former self. No fiery passions. No trapped desire.

Pure. You want me pure. I want you.

Once upon a time it was you I adored. You are beauty & I will join it.

Scotland lives!
yet I pass unnoticed.
with my ferns & cartons of smoke
in Virginia.
my grave is dug.
digging.
my tombstone carved upon
& my legacy floats eternally.
& my legacy spins idly.
until she,
or one like her,
walks & stumbles.
over my roots, yet below them,
I smile.
Death grabs her & she's nodding
softly,
"Yes.
I'm ready."

"I'll go alone."

decide who's not, yet always will.
they called

itself, her love is unmoving
desire traps them into quiet
corners, melting.
                 above her
children shriek & fidelity tests
the concrete unnoticed,
framing her
& her flame flickers cool
electricity
starving Athens.
among studies of future changes &
plans ancient.

their future lays infertile.
ahe wants & she fools
he,
waits impatiently & the nails
spiral into the walls severing
ancestral barriers & children
so young.

where the teenage queen fell,
& the ***** felt her spawn kick,
tentacles of hidden waste pulse,
above & within dormant homes,
sinning structures,
of grey matter folds
& pink flesh blossoming.

that's where I'll lie.
that's where I lie.
& paint my face,
& paint my face to contort
for all ages, among children
stripped of innocence
behind her watershed, yet
before the pearls & gold in heaven
not found among the soil & bone
here.

so here I am, in evening's day,
watching as lines draw importance among charts
erased, once holy.
my tools collapse, blood letting instruments
raising grave. terra firma,
influence for siblings & greed to rest.

I am here, head high.
images burrow into my core, burned I shiver,
waiting forthem to control this grey brain, requesting,
from that moment, I'll throw them into
her paper grave.

why? why has the dawn come again?
one decade,
I waited for night.
& minutes agone, I spat in morning's eye.
tomorrow's evening I'll curse,
praying with head held, that sunrise
will not forget me.

slipping into my grave.
stepping out politely,
to wave my hand & contort my mouth,
pressure my heart & tense my bones.

now I'm alone.
& these potential loves can not
cure
my continual wishing or
halt these searches.

tattered auras weave into purple thread.
tattoed ivory wraps Turkish gold.

here.
here I am,
fousing or nodding;

the heavy weight of ink's stroke,
drawing you,
farther away.

it hurts when I speak.
it wakes when I breathe.

I did not know the men from far.
each holding a clear mask as I was
driven down the now common road.
I knew the habits of souls like these.
impairing the land.
blameless in its lushness, these boys,
I learn now,
were hired to consume.
properly; with all items
& inhabitance spawned in desolation,
there are no mistakes made.
there could never be flared tempers,
or indignant stares, whispers of mutiny
or treason.
& a lack of profits are concepts
hoarded by other lands.

their tasks became habits
& tolerance replaces my strength
as an infection settled.

one
stretching my jaw,
piercing my tongue
& erecting fences inside my skull.
I learned to love the sloth
& loathe my confidence.

quickly beauty sets & confusion fades.
the road held nothing as did the scars,
laid down by special souls ages or seconds ago.

there is the final addition.
failing to grasp along the perfect bricks.
the drones below & emotion virginally injected.
a soul is born & a hate started.
quenched & fueled.
once just.
but the animator is gone away.
his cells drift now as snow through the cosmos.
ignored by Heaven's creator.
crying.
pleading
to their new God.
like children torn from platonic womb.
in the fury, logic flees.
dust settles & creation stops.
existence steps into frame.
watery eyes shift.
focusing on this figure so longed for.
so long before we breathed clay.
not defined by tranquility.
peace not standing.

In all my years as professor of Paleontology at Ublique University, I never thought I'd have a bad day. My life was a happy one. I had a car that was payed for. A cold refrigerator, full of food. New & improved gadgets & gizmos. A wife who would rub my back on request. & it all changed when I turned 42.

It was the morning of August 12th when things changed. An orange & cool, slightly windy day. The sun had a warmth that started as soon as I woke up. No heat. Just warmth. I woke up to find nobody at my bedside.

"Bacon." I quietly whispered in excitement.

If Sharon woke up before me that meant breakfast. & that meant coffee. I could use some. The night before, we had a party celebrating my 42nd birthday. A special one I think. Making it to 40 is a feat. Surviving the next year is an accomplishment. But, driving gracefully past 41 into a mature 42 is... smooth.

I stretch & roll out of bed. Squeezing into my slippers I noticed the bedroom is messier than usual. A few things are missing out of my drawers & the rest of my room. The bathroom is missing a few things as well. Soap, washcloths, towels &...

Oh dear, lipstick!

There's a lipstick message on the mirror in elegant cursive. "Goodbye" is all it says & needs to say. Sharon's left & taken my heart & soul with her. & the bacon.
"Alright, time to think." I keep repeating in my head. I'm thinking, but only one thought comes to mind.

"Why?"

Sharon's gone. I get up from the bed. My heart drops to the floor. That's not her handwriting. We've been robbed & she's been taken for ransom.



I sit down for a minute.
No!

Not for ransom!

It's a sicker crime. They only want her. For their own sick, twisted reasons.

"****, what should I do?" the only thing rushing through my body.

Again. Stop it.

I run downstairs into the kitchen. Alright, i have a knife. I'm armed & dangerous. I run into the living room. My blood runs cold. They're still here. ****, ****, ****, ****, ****, ****.

I run back upstairs.

In a flash of white light the scenery changes.

I'm in a hospital.

"How did I get here?" I ask myself. My stomach hurts & my left arm & leg are wound in casts. There's a vibrant red lipstick stained kiss on my left foot with the words, "You knew all along" written in cursive along the bottom of the kiss. Before I can collect my thoughts, a sharp looking doctor walks in.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to run with scissors? Or rather, knives?" he asks.

She did & I musn't have listened. I had a hard time listening. Sharon! She almost slipped my mind.

"Doctor, I need to go home." I semi-ask.

He rebuttals with, "Nope, the wound in your stomach isn't life threatening, but we want to keep you here for a few days."

I bite my tongue ax logic kicks in.

"Okay." I say.

I'm going to escape.

I pull out the IV's in my arm & look for my clothes. Can't find them, so I settle for the guy's down the hall. They're a little loose on me, but the belt fits. The shoes however, do not. ****. How am I going to get past the guards?

Wait, there aren't guards in hospitals. Are there?

No.

Maybe.

No.

Definitely not.

I take the elevator down to the main floor & walk out the front door. It was easier than I thought to escape from a hospital.

I'm outside & no one is chasing me. I hail a cab & realize my wallet is back at the hospital. This whole thing is crazy, I know.

I arrive at home & pay the guy with some of Sharon's jewelry. Looking around, I realize the living room isn't trashed. & only Sharon's purse & shoes are missing downstairs. Maybe she wasn't taken for ransom.

Again, time to sit down & relax. Not relax, but think.

Last night. Something must have happened last night.

Okay, there was a party. It was a surprise party. Ron, Sue, Burgundi, Jon & a few people from the campus were there.

I'm not that guy who hates surprise parties. Or surprises for that matter. They're great. So, I remember walking in the door a spectacular Friday. All my students  wished me a happy birthday.

The house was dead dark when I walked in & then, KABOOM!

The place lit up. "Happy Birthday!" they all shouted & champagne is thrown my way. All was normal there. I talked to everyone. Had cake & opened my presents. My favorite was the pen/pencil combo.

Then I went outside to the backyard, lit a cigar & watched a silvery, grayish cat scurry along our wooden fence. Night had fallen & the moon was half full.

I can't believe I broke my leg, my arm & stabbed myself in the stomach. I walk back upstairs to change.

Wait.

There's no blood on the stairs. & who called 911?

It's quiet in the house. Too quiet. Someone's here. I'm three steps up the stairs, no point in turning around. The bedroom & office are safe. So are the closets. Under the bed as well.

Relax. Change clothes & relax. It's difficult getting into pants now, but I make it happen.

Back downstairs. The living room, kitchen & bathroom are safe. Okay. Either I don't bleed or something strange is going on. Maybe, Sharon came back & saw me.
But she couldn't be that heartless as to leave me in the hospital alone, could she? Oh no! Maybe she didn't come into the house. Maybe, she really has been kidnapped.

I'm staring at my hand. Noticing the deep & fine wrinkles along with my veins & cuticles. My palms look like satellite images of rivers & microscopic views of capillaries. There is a candy bar on the coffee table. I eat it & instantly feel better.

My head swings back & my body warms & tingles. I close my eyes & see my granpa showing me how to measure & cut wood to turn it into something useful. We're making forms for a concrete pathway from the house to the garden. A blooming garden with peas, onions, spinach & okra. I reach my hand to write my name in the wet concrete & a bee stings me. It hurts for a millisecond. Then the pain moves away. My granpa looks at me from in the garden. Then he hunches over to look at something in the ground. My arms goes numb as I walk towards him. I feel something pulling me back.

I look behind me & see myself unraveling. The threads of my shirt & cast are being unwound like thread from a spool. In a few steps, I'm naked. I keep walking as my granpa shouts my name. I see his mouth moving, but can't hear him. My body feels lighter with every step. I look at my bee wound & find that my hand is unraveling along with my arm & the rest of me. Layer by layer I'm being unwound. I'm down to my nervous system, brain & eyeballs when I open them & see my granpa's face. he's smiling. I'm down to my eyes when I start to look at what my granpa sees.

Time slows & my eyeballs unravel,
leaving me in complete & silent darkness.

Gazing, feeling nothing.
Their hums were working.
Now they hibernate.
Searched for laurels.
Waters from Japan bit my chest.
I bled & discolored the waters.
From blue to white.
I fear the charm has left.
Bereft of red strings.
There was a dream.
You said,
I had a dream.
Of my animals &
sharp objects.
Now,
she says now & I?
I was familiar with later,
tell me how to lose & I
I'll start changing you.

I shaved off the rest of my heart today. It was a slow, painful process that did nothing to soothe the deep, savage wounds left by you. Now I'm with a brain that fires slowly & a frame that aches for nothing. I started walking again. I stood at the edge of our cliff for a time unknown & felt nothing but a small ember in this peppered air. My lungs expand & collapse swiftly then violently. It's morning as I remove another rib to form a likeness of you. Another failed attempt accepted. No lesson learned. No love lost. \\4-24-2011

Three hours until I'll fall in love again.

Drive through the river black. Crawl home & ask "Would?" to all strangers with foreign coin. A royal breath to understand this sadness. Steel risk sets a new face for this journey.

Lover, a hole opens in the universe & we step lightly to the side. Heavens pour forth, searching for this true love. Rapture is born & we taste it's clean purity.

Monstrous fumes bellow, their source, a simple treasure chest. Inside, the flame still burns. Sun-scarred eyes. Love steals the rot from my bones, a simple frame keeps me here.

Take in this amazing night.

Three hours until I fall in love again.
Ask my dearest where they've been.
Travel & drink with the torn.
I'm coming home.
Oh Virginia.
Finish my castle to understand those sweaty nights.
Driving with tanks in my stomach.

I ask myself for death.
A final breath & fear quickens.
Rescue lives in this agony.

& so, I write these words on the flesh of your back.

I pick at the scars in my heart.

Again.

I feel the twitch in your fragile hands.

You just need to think this through.

Throwing down your veins.

They're empty, useless & you're hurt.

I pick at the scars in my heart.

Again.

I feel the twitch in your fragile hands.

You just need to think this through.

Throwing down your veins.

They're empty, useless & you're hurt.

& when I sleep at night, my window opens.

Winter creeps in & steals the warmth of your memory.

Smothering only hope & rewriting my repose,

My hollow form, now torn, twisted.

I am man again.

All the same.

I'm not the threads scarring your dreams.

Sensibly I seek strength.

& hover towards that lonesome window.

& bolt it's cold steel latch.

& stumble.

Through the frosted pane.

Into deep liquid night, my eyes close.

I taste rapture in your lips & feel nirvana flood our spines.

A stack of bone lit fire & this day ends, today I should try,
to see into the future,
something waits for you inside, reach in & find your comfort.
Drink heavy & dance, a warm nose carving mistakes into your once supple face.

Leave it alone & cry. Leave it alone for my sake.
Call me from the basement's line.

Save the words

& a change of tone.

a change of pace.

_Oh, dear gods,

we came so close & stand so far,
from that glorious fountain,
from that glorious superstructure of
love & tainted fate.

Stay close & I'll recite gorgeous tales of defeat.
I will
paint your face with the shame of those forgotten,
not in a lonely way
& this is not
the only way to stop these rhymes
of

once again

hearts torn,

one heart torn, turning forever
sleeping on the floor,
wishing your blood flowed through me.

open veins to shreds.
grab me, taste me.
bound by chains.

once undone,
these thoughts shouldn't be should so heavy,
moving my fingers in time with you.

whisper, oh I'm crazy.

But in this world,
in this
dear,
sweet
perfect world,
where you & I
sit
& sing
& commit your face to memory.
Holding on to you.
in you, my flame burns bright,
this pace grows dark as the wet woods cry in rhythm,
thinking of me,
old,
their hearts still racing for me.
their souls transport all loss &
their souls transports heat.

If only I was your source.

If I was your only source,
of light

of shadow & pain

of a perfect metronomic

never ending sometimes;

you'd pass happy.
you'd know defeat,
victory & all forms in between.

& looking back I sense there are words sealed tight,
dates forgotten & stories sans ink.
sometimes,
oh my sweet beautiful muse.
There is a shadow & there is a child
& there is a window
& there is a lord to call upon
when nightmares grab tight
& bullets fly close to this heart
desperation glides across these strings
& a voice is born,
snuffed,
buried
& forgotten in all but me.
killing the self,
waiting for the bars to bend
& waiting for the structure to dissolve.

A ghetto grown & producing
infinite
words &
mistakes.

Clear up my past,
discontinue
& continue to
work on these studies,
take all in stride,
a slow,
pain filled walk.

As mentioned, we came so far,
so close
& retired our passions.

So we ask
how do we die?

& when will we know?

& this change of tone brings

a change of pace.

I feel alive,
I behold what's in it,
what's grabbing
& shaking my soul,
which is,
listening to this power.

With split wrists & a frail frame I search for God in this endless sea of white. Feeling the sun on occasion. Holding her hand & she's sparing me the pain. Feeling lighter. Moving closer to that cherished throne. Wrapping wrists & I feel smarter. There was a day when I was happy. It's still here. Your picture still rests there & we'll start over. Making a mistake. I feel her warmth. Her laughing lips. Her potent ears. Her hair shines through the glass. I tap & she sees me. This time, seeing me. No more gazes.


So why does it always seem, that when I bleed, such weight is lifted?

Grind your lips, save yourself from total atrophy.

I smell **** in the alley of my heart's apartment.
Lush velvet footsteps.
Concrete torn spines.

The echoes of last year pierce my chest.

In her pool I make contact.

One burst of velvet.
A taste of electricity.
Dead from above & the water closes my throat.

Three days & I'm born again.
I'm found, forever inside.

The future favors me.

A grave new Hesperian devil.

I feel the words come all, reap what the freedom yields.
Hold a grey machine warm and soft. Born to a world in color.
As below I am dying. Draw beyond the seasons, behind the thin vale.
Atmosphere fades & they walk bold yet quiet.
Fed my bones.
Witching true homes manufactured.
Taste rapture in her.
Graze wrists across teeth.

Sweet muse, I elevate.

My withered volumes are melting.
Seventeen scars brand defeat.
Moons glare in peace.
A refrain earned.

Hold tight to the ember of your rope.
Jaw swells from anticipation.

May I find peace & thwart disaster.
Every time, miscounted.
Love, who knows me as I flicker.
& through black masks I'm shouting.
Already, I've lost you.
We fold time & plant fear.
Hold my grace & think death through.
Dreams burn & still she nears.
Take my souls & face true lust.
Slip Eros sans repartee.
Carnal prayers my angel thrusts.
Midnight's sultry air stirs through me.
In the valley of surrender.
Breathe my carnal savior.

Before soft steel & flesh come tender.
Swim beneath not after.

& with her heart thoroughly ravished,
I slide into this wet night.
It's cold there, I understand.

Half of a whole.
Who else but me understands?
I should keep walking.
With a sweet smile,
I should hold this flame close.

Rose formed mountains.
Your blood's legacy below.
My burning bed
& three oily candles.

Am I still?
Gazing, feeling nothing?

With let veins, weight is lifted.
With me, eternity rests & shifts.

Holding you.

watching with little interest
you,
fevered & mad on the mountain.
bruised & shredded dancers smiling,
nearing his chambers of death.
noting you with little interest
gaze
into me with great interest.