Goodmorning death, I know you watch me as I sleep creeping ever closer from faults of my own. For most people you're scary but you just dont scare me anymore, maybe that's because you've never allowed me to be hurt, you've just taken away the ones who couldnt bear the pain anymore...

I woke up this morning and daydreamed about you, but in my dreams you're nothing like everyone pictures you, beautiful and glowing with calming yellow light surrounding, something told me I would never see your face until the day I do not wake but something else keeps telling me that day is not too far now...

You see: yesterday night I downed some pills and went for a run just to see what would happen, nothing, while my love was high as a kite I felt nothing and was craving the cold metal against my skin again, I talked with my best friend who I love like a sister and in the beginning I'd planned that to be the last time and it didnt hurt anymore, I told her more of my story and more of my dreams, and had to walk back to my steps to see my him fast asleep and had to put my love in the house because even as a grown man hes not strong enough to control himself half as well as me, so I told my sister (best friend) I'd be back, at this point I couldnt lie to her, shed allready woken up her parent and told me to come over when I hadn't been over in months because of this **** virus, I muted her and in the silence of the dark early morning I carved my thighs, wrist, and stomach and watched as the blood trickled down until the voice that echoes in my head told me that it was enough and I felt a wave of calm... after I got back yesterday, away from my sister and her family I just slept, I'd wake up and movement was too painful so I slept... I wake up this morning next to the man I call love and saw his sleeping face and he'll never know how I stroked his beard as I cried, because now, I'm sitting on the edge of a tub, with tears streaming my face because I dont wanna die but death seems so inviting, and i dont wanna live because life seems so terrifying.

I'm wrighting this because I'm not sure if it'll be the last thing I Wright, I doubt it,  I mean, even when people notice when I'm messed up all I can say is "dont worry, I'll get through it, I allways do right?" But after watching people you love die, losing countless homes, being ***** by an unbelievable number of men, going through years of physical and then mental abuse,and knowing I drive everyone I love away because of my illnesses...  I'm scared that I'll have to leave everyone I love behind, because that's the only reason I try anymore, I keep hearing people telling me to live for me but no one seems to understand how hard that can be when the only person/thing you dont care about is yourself...




I doubt anyone will read all of this, but just know that if you do, and this is my last wrighting, I want you to do this for me: LIVE.
To those being touched against your will, even if you aren't PHSYCALLY fighting back: That man/woman who touches you that terrifys you, **** telling family, **** telling friend, call 911 and tell them you're scared, I guarantee they'll protect you.
To those stuck in abusive family's: I know you love them sweetie but sometimes loving someone isnt allways enough to make them change, talk to another relative youd be comfortable staying with or take it directly to the police, it's not worth it to stay until you're 18 just to make them happy .

To those going through dealing with a friend/family member dying: I know it hurts baby but you're strong and you can do this, live for them and strive to keep their memory alive, and for those of you who feel as if they should feel something but dont (in relation to close people to you dying) dont feel guilty, everyone copes with things differently, but when you eventually have that moment of grief, dont hold onto it, breathe through it, scream, cry, just let it out, let it move through you and move on with your life.

To those of you with mental illness effecting your life in drastic ways or that just need someone to talk to: you can do it. I usually dont do this but theres going to be a user name for an Instagram account in the notes of this poem, that will be set up today, you're never alone, I promise. This will be a safe place for everyone who needs it, and it wont just be me replying, all the time, if youd rather talk to a female say so, if youd rather talk to a Male, say so, no matter what we will be here to help in any way we can, even if that is just being a ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

No matter what happens to me, this page will remain up. There will allways be SOMEONE here for you, were not therapists, were not doctors, were just people like you who at some point wished we had someone who would listen and lift our spirits.


I know I dont know you, but I'm here for you. Now and forever, all you have to do is reach out.

Love you guys! Till we meet in this world or the next, or connect through wrighting.

I AM BEAUTIFUL
Wed, 07/27/2016 - 15:27 -- Poetic Judy Emery
I am beautiful
but my heart is locked
from the pains of yesterdays
in knowledge I do have
the good and the bad
I get happy and sad
I get overwhelmed with emotionsa
of feelings that cut so deep within me
oh, how my heart bleeds out in ink
for all to read about me
what it is that I feel
and what isn't seen on the eyes of hate
of my own hatters
I stand up for who I am
no matter the pain that comes my way
I am Beautiful within my soul
I am elegante yet brave
but at times I am afraid
I am a woman of knowlege
I know I have so much more to learn
as this life keeps on turnning
I will keep doing what it is I love
even when I am aging with time
I will keep on wrighting and fighting for me
while the old pen bleeds the ink of me .

Poetic Judy Emery (c)
This poem is about:
Me

Use your hands and choke me, till I turn blue in the face, till I can't speak, till I'm a gasping mess on my knees at your feet, at your mercy, choke me till I faint and watch the life drain out of my eyes before you let go, I'll sign over my life in wrighting if you'd like to take it, I want you to break me down till the barest most raw parts of my soul are visible at first glance, I want you to shake me and tell me I can't hide within myself anymore, tear me apart and ruin me and rebuild me to everything you want me to be, let me be perfect In your eyes, its all I want in life..... I don't want to be perfect but I want to be perfect to you.... So choke me so my words aren't the only thing keeping me from breathing, choke me so that knot in my throat melts little.... Choke me till I pass out so I can finally stop thinking about how no one could ever love me.....

Oh you dont know me? then let me explain something real quick. Stand the **** up, or sit down, i dont give a ****, im game. Dont bring **** to my house, or i will stand up. Im am from the skum, of the skum at the bottom of the sea. My last name represents me i am a williams as you see.

By the way this is the york in me, do not **** with thee. crazy ******* wrighting this you see.............

I have been a ***, i have sat on my thumb i am a fan of neither one. Keep running your mouth? i am from the south. I will put you in the ground...

May we all rest sound, for the women an children are safe an home bound. Do not worry for me, i am safe as well.  satisfied that i sent you to hell, ive been there an back sevral times.

Take me with you homie, for i am down to ride. Live or die ******* its time you deside.

Wait a moment. Wait for all the grand illumination.
Wait and look for all the resignation.
Let it not be
Let us see
Let us look
Look and see. The grass underfoot
The grass bends heavy
Heavy under foot.
Weight of thee.

But see the sea of green

Cancel Julian course.
Cancer calendar
Cut And be
Cut and run the course is thwart

So is true
So Are we

The water clock
Mock mock
Mock mock

Semper Fi

Tick tock
Tick tock

Tick tock

And free

Worry nought the time expense on this your stock in life. The giving up the ghost.
The wrighting of a soul.
The bleeding made to stay.

The fear
  The dimming day.

Wrighting for me has become frightening...
Like the Inkheart of silver tounges
I'm longing ...
I'm longing..
for the big moment taking the normal one step forward and two steps back..

Is backwards the way I choose to go ?

Where am I now ?
if not me am I too supposed to be younger ?

Am I growing old because I've yet to reach my destination?

Is time itself a made up reality?
If told that you couldn't fly why does a child draw a angel with feathers?
You see i Gather the contrast, theme and descriptive metaphor while constructively criticizing every detail I can until it's my own fault I live of such loneliness...

I can describe repeated blows threw the skulls skill to protect with waves unrecognizable as threats to the brain.
my acts of judgements that flood over my personal thoughts that which have beauty and meanings full of joyful suspense and conception of colors having *** without lust in it's detail the formulas combination of touch explodes like a theory on life.


It rains ideas like opening statements and hightens Senses with sent messages past smells of wet ground and rain while sounds of other memories play violin's like crickets drum,  
The man whistles like birds chirping, or grass whispering
Wildly to the feilds in waving motion of fans at a football stadium burning with passion for the next big play
With faces painted like warriors protecting there village until the final sound of thought can exit my mind and I can watch as words and arranged letters pair in a paragraph parading like a Paradise in a party I've partaked in only to say...
I'll never forget how to write or what my goals in life are there's just always to much to do.. and to much to say.
Maybe not enough time my enourmous instant seconds..
Thoughts of a whole story in moments I think gone as fast as a flash , or a car going buy hearing it's music for a split second and connection to how many in the car what color clothes they wear and how fast they're going,
Leaving my body actively still sitting reading what I've wrote the split second it's written amazed by myself and it's instant gratification holding on to life as if it's the most important thing ..
Forgetting what it was that made me what I am today because of all of the strength to never give up what I lost to learn love and miss hate like being taught what was at stake when only examples of Martyrs are whats left to bring back to date.

Unorthodox methods
Set to Iraqs clocks
We need to save our planet together and ****** the flocks of people..
Paradox

Airlocks closed I'm going into the frozen snow why is the water higher putting more weight on the surface below to wobble and volcano
Wiskey on the rocks
Cheers from the
Mountain top we speak different in Earth's
Musical box
I bet in at least within a decades shift someone will see that we new way to much for alot to be dumb.

(Stupid)

I give people feelings in my music Christopher Columbus had when he explored on ships looking through hourglasses giggling about English slaughter there bout to embark in the name of the business lay claim and hand out free books on forgiveness,
hand out the others too,
religions need to be specific
that's Y sum
calm some
violent but all of them
say defend faith
lets watch them loose,
they ain't even got space views,
funny truth just have to stay

(Quiet)
Woo

I'm hype on the mic like hope for the white but nice And tight when I write to be precise,
Nobody my type inside they lied, and try ways i describe my expertise as i flyby like contracts at my feet soon to try and complete the
compete between whos the next money making machine,
Cha ching  
I exercise brushing my teeth,
In-between being beast and marked by Elites who speak about cash flow to see if I'm worth assassinating or will die out in a week.

(Awaken)

Slept and kept the
next day up
I'm a shine in the dark like a claim of light during a fight of runestones ripped up during a rainy mudslide left alone
My mind's better with metaphors then doors that swing on my accord and cars that line up to wait like slaves to go around in a circle,
(Explain)
I make circles around these rappers and MCs like reruns on TV with shops they can visit and make footprints that fossil analyst can't see,
Geussing it's need but never the feeling of mutual need, spiritual healing, never capturing the smell in it's memories thats aroma leaves lingering..
Like leftover energies,
(Giant)

I just know things,
I try no picture folds or 2 inforce my horns when limmericks Carol
Just a talented individual that can
Scribble the whole pencil until portal ripples ramble
randomly rallying lyrics for
Anthems and battling,
Anteing between personalities next flow
riddles pickles and pent up old notes
Poetic
Miracles worth scattering little
Giggles in crowds of people laughing,
All descriptional witnesses
Say it's cool
Fits sick has Confidence and brush strokes randomly concealed until
Intentions of
New inventions
in socialism with new record hits,
Is a serious position
Homosapien bait being marketed
In trends and picks,

still alarming like tense press
struggling to get to the biggest Mansions that compel him with thick thought process till he's wrighting on walls with his fingernails after all the letters meshed through 5 color pens overlapping with different wordin written in description that isnt legible even with the skeleton left from his frustration and drawings calling whispers know to be his voice hauntin
All around distances never distinguish or proven

(Deep)

Into the Forrest I walk blindfolded and pulled,
Aliens, cults, and shadows speaking words,
It's more fun to write a story thats suspenseful then one with no worth,
I work in folk lores and each word sounds like armies pulling swords,
I'm Golden like going panning where nobody's sighting as someone from the distance describes colors of lightning,
I require carrots the way I hip hop and attack starving Marvin like Martian toon ****** loon Roger the framed Grammy with smee and the princess with brother Luigi .. see
I'm just pretty with lyrically challenging wording warming in warnings during my warping and corpse ring I'm ordering when ripping vividly remembering mixing up tricky performing and never missing munipulating the weakening of cheeky speak easys that chant ceremonies
Like churches and voting for leaders under there policies,
I can make all poets and wrighters wish they could say

(UnorthodoxMethods)

To me violently

and be the next to be engrained in there memories,
Like Jesus Christ and Wars that accomplished thing we don't see,
Just structured invisibility with others testimony spreading like wildfire getting wispers from a breeze,
Organized perfectly till everybodys in slavery and celebraties and presidency means king,
Looking at the black and white heavy and thin, light and dark with whatever's out to get in,
i try to spark a light in a dark world where
copycat/clone and new lower steeps,
I search and creep
Take a peak,
and render
the sly speach to be obsolete
so we can reach into the peak of Atlantians Mars
Daily reports of the week.  
I want the book of secrets we pretending it's real like the Vaticans hidden Histories aren't a big deal,
And these unorthodox methods are real
Savage

The one wrighting this has been many others ,
He is her first thought, and his last imagine. I wish I could rid there pain.. and save there future.
I forgive you but I'll always hold a grudge from the torture..
It's not because I want to see you fail I just can't find a way to win by the way you used betrayal to compel me to see your beautiful.. knowing everything I know now im sure she probably has no idea.. and for that I should wear your skin and embarrass your mother..

But I'm stronger then you now..
because It's now that he will need to work twice as hard so she can digress.  Is this what you do to the people you love ? I would hate to see you for real.. I mean it's true... we all know your home is a mess ...but I do see you.. I see you more then ever .. I bet your never home.. I bet the problem still persists the same.. but now.. your alone.
Still broke and hating him because it's how you cope... Plus every once in awhile saying the devil's full name to fire up some smoke...
Let it smolder and watch a rant flow...
I know your lines in and out.. the lies that grow and those that don't. I forgive you. I hate you. I miss you. I never new other then my children... I could love someone as much as I hate about you.