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Ottar Mar 2014
the rain falls and runs
over the black shield, not bullet proof,
       like a life, that is not mullet proof,
bad taste in personal care, bad taste in your mouth

so be aware, rain drops don't have legs but they
run anyway, across the umbrella,
and drip to the ground,
your heels kick up the spray of discarded raindrop corpses,

they bleed into your pants and the stain grows,
the further you try to walk away,
from the moving scene, of a crime,
but the clothes like all things, even drips dry overnight,

until it falls and runs again,
on a day, when the umbrella gets forgotten,
where the mullet meets its taker,
and the barber's chair and floor,

take on a texture change, as dead
pieces of hair fall and rearrange,
each time the door opens to the shop,
the unwelcome chill breeze sweeps in,

as the chair forms to the body of the voluntold,
striking the strop, blade raised, the barber stands behind,
a man who is getting old as his hair,
the living and the dead each strand

but the chemo is coming,
and it will take it, a requirement, a demand
anyway, may as well give it away,
cancer the disease takes, without saying please

here where the pole twirls and never stops,
the chatter of voices and murmurs in the shop,
good riddance to bad *******, he thinks
as the barber powders his neck and brushes,

any hairy evidence to the ground, they tumble and fall,
until night falls and runs, over the cityscape,
the pinpricks of light along the streets,
as he walks home alone, the umbrella he left

behind, closed up like the shop, the twirling candy cane pole stopped,
is far from his mind, for the rain falling will hide the tears,
he is not ready, he is unsteady, how will he hide the fears?
Soaking, in the night, pale against the dark future as it appears, like his hair...short
Fear - be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.
Faith and fear opposites which lead to each other.
Are they truly black and white or brothers from  another mother?
Since one can be afraid and led to faith or faithfully afraid of an eternity never ceasing to remain.
But no cause if you have faith why would you be afraid?
I ask myself this day by day
But somehow the idea of a life after life does not grant me peace
but rather a terror which never seems to cease
it crawls and creeps a path to my soul
and makes me wonder if my belief has a hole?
Is my declaration of trust just a grasping manifestation for something to believe
when in reality
with my fear of what’s to come I’m worse than an unbeliever
with no actual conviction or peace in a greater wisdom?
These thoughts and doubts swirl around till they threaten to consume me
but my face won’t show any signs of my inward agony
because if I the pastor’s daughter
a voluntold role model gave a glimpse
of my lack of faith will I cause others to falter?
These are the lies
the enemy compiles
to take over my heart
but NO I do not have to carry these burdens that is not my part!  
From a manger to cross and then an empty tomb
there’s one who chose to fight my battles and He always wins them too.
He won’t let my faith mold into fear
and he won’t let these thoughts draw me near. He’s shouldered these worries when I could not
and lifted my eyes when all seemed lost.
He picked me up even with all my burdens
and didn’t complain even when I hurt Him.
He didn’t give me a second chance no He gave me seventy seven.
While my patience with others wore thin
before we even got to ten
he said “wait haven’t I far surpassed eleven? Daughter, I forgave you, why will you not do the same?”
But even then He would not allow me to be overwhelmed by my shame.
Instead He lifted my sights and directed them towards the heavens
and said I’ll meet you there in paradise though you have so many transgressions
my eyes swam with tears as I asked Him a childish question
for I turned to Him and whispered one word which caused him to simply smile
for the word that escaped was simply “Why?” And His answer caused me to think for a while. He laid His hand on my head
and He didn’t shout but gently reminded me instead
“it’s not what you have done
but rather my mercy in sending my son.
For I love you as my daughter
and so gave everything for you so know I am your Heavenly Father
and I chose to make you new.”
Any of my fellow Christians feel this?

— The End —