2:00am Saturday Morning and his restlessness reclined on his mind
The room was immensely silent but held a forceful amount of chaos
His large feet plummeted to the cold floor; he roamed out of his beguiling room
*
His body was almost bare and every movement echoed through him
The empty foil tins from a takeaway he had eaten at 8:00pm casted a noticeable stare across the kitchen like a coin to a magpie
The fridge was only a couple strides away now; he prematurely stretched his arm ready to grasp the frigid handle
The fridges seal parted and a saintly yellow light radiated in front of him
He stared nonplussed into the fridge for about 3.5 seconds
Celery
Sitting there in the centre of the fridge appearing as tasteless as it would taste
Unappetising.
The light diminished as the door closed.

Late for dinner, once again, the dish is in the dog!
I thought my wife did the right thing, it looked an unappetising grey bog!

I missed my sons birthday, by just one day.
My wife let me know she wasn't happy in her own unique way.

I was late for our Wedding, only by an hour.
My Wifes Father had a face on him, really rather sour.

I'll be late for my own funeral, i'm feeling rather certain.
I will miss the note, when it is finally pinned to the back of that **** curtain.

I'm always running late and usually the wrong direction.
Always going against the flow, sometimes in a completely different section.

My Wife has acquired skills of personal detection
Over the years she has unearthed some embarrassing things
And therefore I find my name is put forth for Mayoral Election
Two weeks to go now  before i get my wings.

I predict my lateness to the ceremony to swear me in.
I guess i will just have to invest some public money in copious amounts of Gin.

Thank you for reading, please do not feel sorry.
I have to go I'm running late, this time down the pub for a curry.

I look down and my sadness
weighs on me
I am heavy with hunger
But it is nothing like the weight
that my body is forced to carry
that I am forced to carry
After years of
shovel hands
thunderous teeth
kilos slip from shoulders to waistline
Legs might be stronger
But my back breaks all the same
Wretched, ravenous
Abstinence makes the mind grow obsessive
But a four days of counting and
no dress for the occasion
without looking fit to burst
Hot flash of anger in the pan
Sizzling shame
My faults spilling out for all to see
How utterly unappetising
So when my mouth waters
I look down

i wouldn't have believed it -
had it not been for the past few days:
spending the past few days
in bed - wondering: what's wrong?
curling up into a foetal position -
then uncurling twinkling with
my toes...
              at first i said to myself:
could it be a depressive lethargy?
was i really losing the plot?
           could it possibly be akin to
that story of how an englishman visited
poland -
                admired the freedom marches
and the solidarity among
    "neo-****" slurs from outside sources
having to go back to england:
   disheartened?
          i tried to pin-point the reason...
i fasted for 2 days, having drank about
half a litre of milk and having
eaten a handful of grapes...
                        only to find myself
feeling my stomach curl up into a stone -
my mind being pulverised by:
     quasi-hallucinations while trying
to fall to sleep -
                    sharp incisions in my mind
as if: dreams waiting for my unconscious
to incubate them in a safe environment
sleep... but to no avail:
        every time i was so close to drifting
into the land of nod:
     i was jolsted jolsted back into
                a wake in horror & stupor...
so i broke the fast with much agony -
the dinner from two days ago:
  roast beef, baked potatoes &
     vegetables (carrots, peppers,
    parsley and butternut squash)
      glazed with honey, worcestershire sauce,
cumin and lemon juice...
       and i mean: it was painful to ingest
all it...
           plus i had the unappetising thought:
god... this roast beef is two days old...
if i microwave everything the beef will
have a texture of a piece of coardboard...
- so how do you revive a two day old
piece of beef?
            ha! you poach it!
             get some water on the boil and
drop the meat into...
                 and if you have two or three
thin slices... make sure to only take one
piece out, while keeping the rest still
poaching...
      but this is not about reviving a two day
old piece of roast...
    apparently i found it necessary to fast
since:
          sitting with a small cup of turkish tea
having lit a cigarette...
              how many cigarettes have
you smoked today? i asked myself -
  this will be my second one...
     and how many packets of 20 Marlboros
have you smoked in the past 4 days?
     i'm still working through this:
being the second one...
             ah... so you want to know why
you're feeling so ****...
     oh... well that explains why you can
end up smoking 40 a day having smoked
with the russians,
          and a packet a day of 20 was my norm
for almost 10 years...
      well? ****... withdrawl symptoms!
and the fact that you haven't written as much
as you have of recent?
   writing & smoking & drinking
     goes hand hand like peaches,
                         crème fraîche & honey...
but who would have thought that
    withdrawl symptoms from smoking
  cigarettes could ever be so debilitating.
      evidently fasting plays a big role...
as also the drinking of milk...
     and there i was thinking:
      there was some grand scheme of things.