You texted me saying that if you called me tonight, it was because you were drinking and that was it, no other reason.
But I thought back to all of the times I called you drunk, and it wasn’t because I was bored.
You are your truest self when you become enveloped in liquor, and my truest self craved you and your trustest self needed me.
But I know things are different now, and I know if you call it won’t be like before, I tell myself this until the words sound funny.
I close my eyes and wish away the hole in my heart, but not before I turn my phone ringer all the way up.

Autumn

the third season of the year, when crops and fruits are gathered and leaves fall.

Change.
The world is full of change .
Every few months a new scene takes over and clouds my brain
My heart fully visible to the masses
But only one can could catch my eye as I I watch the feelings spread like rashes
All over my body in the trustest way
Until I resort to isolation when I’m not okay
But I do miss the beginning
The hot days and cold nights, the first night we kissed my emotional guard is thining
I hate change but this types always feels good a first
You feel every emotion till you swing your way back around towards hurt
And remember there was a point where you were alone
And days you dreaded the walk back home
I wanna go slow but tf is a talking stage
As if the emotions were locked away in a cage
Dreaming for escape
Because they were never meant to relate
Or maybe . Maybe it’s me .
Cause the self sabotage takes it all I see

I’ll count all the moments you can stay away
and how you couldn’t care about me
And especially how you showed it in May
Still in April June I was down for you
How I looked like a clown but I was down to bruise
I could take it all to have you in the end
Couldn’t bear to have you close but far still take you as a friend

So you don’t like change huh
Neither do I .
So I have to ask from spring to summer to autumn
Did your heart move at the same pace as mine