Click clack went her heels,
When she tried to hurry inside.
Splish Splash went all the drinks,
When she pushed the waiter aside.

“Did you hear, did you hear?”
She said, her breath catching up with her.
“Oh dear, what happened,”
Said Mrs. Ellsworth, whilst brushing her fur.

“Diana Cowden, queen of the pies,
Was found dead in her yard.
Oh lord oh lord, the worst’s yet to come,
The bake-off is in a week, how could she die?”

“Yes sweetheart, her death is all about you,”
Said Lady Brownlowe in a calming, soothing tone.
“Please tell us how it happened, how did she die.”
“And skip the gory details, I don’t want to get ***** on my ****.”

The crowd screeched to a halt,
As Mrs. Thornberry prepared herself for the story.
There was pin-drop silence in the room,
Except for Mrs. Ackerman, who was hungry, really not her fault.

“A gunshot wound to her head,
Rake marks across her face.
The poor darling, she couldn’t get away from it all,
Her family, such a disgrace.”

“It still isn’t clear how it all happened,
No signs of struggle, no pain at all.
It’s as if she knew what was coming,
Such a brave heart, and such a fall.”

It still isn’t clear who tried to **** the brave soul,
The police is just as dumbfounded.
Her office’s a mess and so is the kitchen,
Her yard was all clean, except the portion where she was found dead.

“Still, who could have committed, such an atrocity?”
Said Lady Brownlowe, tears welling up in her eyes.
“We were such good friends, we had picnic plans in May,”
Said Mrs. Ackerman, her mouth, stuffed with pie.

“Was anything taken from the office?”
Asked Mrs. Ellsworth, finally opening up.
“It’s strange that you ask that, it really is.
Her prized recipe for Butterscotch Custard has now gone with the wind.”

“She cherished the recipe,
And kept it so close to the heart.
I’d hate for something bad to happen to her,
Even more for her recipes.”

“She was known for being the most charismatic baker,
Her book full of secrets.
A fallen comrade, a fallen hero.
Now, a moment of silence, let’s pay our respects.”

As everyone bowed their heads in respect,
Two heads stayed still.
One with a mysterious smirk,
The other one, scared of smirk, gave out a scream so shrill.

“What’s wrong Betty, is everything okay?”
Asked Lady Brownlowe, stroking Mrs. Thornberry’s hair.
Filled with fear she looked around the room,
The murderer she thought who was gone, stood right over there.

She took her index finger and brushed it over her lips,
A silent “Shush” came out, and then she left.
“Nothing, nothing” shouted out Mrs. Thornberry,
“I must’ve seen a spider, a big menacing one.”

“It’s alright, calm down.” Mrs. Ackerman said,
“There’s no need to worry, they waiters have readied their brooms.”
Lady Brownlowe sat back and smiled,
“Well, at least we know who’ll win this time.”

“Susan? Susan where’d you go”
The cries had started to echo.
“Oh wait,” said Mrs. Ackerman, “don’t you remember?”
“Mr. Ellsworth is coming back home from Westchester!

If you don't want to have kids then you're a selfish person. If you have a baby you're either irresponsible or didn't do enough in life beforehand. Not being a ****** means you're boring as for losing your virginity means you're disgusting wait until marriage. If you're not stick thin you're too large so lose some weight.

You're too thin eat a little more you want to be a model don't you? You only have eyes for one girl. That means she's controlling you bro maybe you should get out of there. Now that you've cheated on   you're a *******.

Who wants to hang out with someone who drinks and does drugs? That makes them look like a loser although not doing it makes you completely boring. You're beautiful the way you are dear but have you tried contouring your face?

You're nose is too big you look like Nigel Thornberry. Eww why would you get plastic surgery? that's so unnatural, you're a horrible role model to young girls. Your clothes are too revealing cover up and be modest and dull.

Boy your pants sag to too much pull them up and be more classier. I like a man who dresses classy. What are you dressed for a wedding? I'm not marrying you! I like a bad boy with tattoos and piercings.

Pay attention to me you're always working, I'm leaving you because you're too clingy. You didn't have *** with me so I'm out of here! Now that we had *** I'm still leaving you and moving onto other things. I'd like it if you changed for me, now that you changed I don't feel the same for you anymore. Goodbye!

You spank your child! You're an abusive parent I hope they get taken away from you. Your child acts like a little brat, this is what happens when you don't discipline them. You should be responsible for the kid you raise.

Who do you want us to be? We're not perfect and cannot achieve everything at once. Our lives do not matter to the opinion of a stranger nor society itself.