Especially during past session
on May eighth
two thousand twenty one
between the hours of five and
six o'clock post meridiem.

Between three and four score years ago
the following poetic ill winds did blow
yours truly felt like carrion
repurposed courtesy black crow
decimated to bajillion pieces
analogous to deaf eat, viz bitter foe
where within bared mine soul

telltale toxin did glow
yes dear reader cumulative wrath – hello
synopsis I invite thee to know
why self esteem within me so low
lackluster love life accentuated
cuz yours truly
never kissed under mistletoe

Dreadful homelife upon
exiting early adolescence
no bed of roses parental
wrath did commence
me (especially after
graduating bottom 1%)

scorned as among lowlife
versus being among
productive vested gents
I withstood blistering, mortifying
withering howling offense
yours truly uttered nary a peep.

I dreaded every malevolent utterance
when father requested he speak
not about some choice topic dejure
brought a twinkle to my eye,
but that all to familiar monologue
finding me standing like stone wall
hearing, tuning out with equally
predictable trademark demurely meek
pose with hands crossed against

chest of the then easily intimidated guy
despite feeling effects of utter ennui
and fatigue attempted to stand tall
against the tsunami verbal typhoon
itching to drown out said battle creek
when asked capisce? comprende? farshtayst?
looked blankly at floor well nigh
or pretended to stare at something extreme
fascinating on the kitchen wall

for he may as well asked if I understand
in an unfamiliar language such as Greek
most likely getting successful results
yammering away at common house fly
possibly seething inside (p’raps
equally swatted) ready to lash out into a brawl
held back by fear plus
in comparison to me pop –
just a itty bitty pipsqueak,
who felt onrushing and overpowering

desire to collapse and cry
compounded by growing urge
to urinate from that natural urethral call
spoke nada word, nor gave hint
of hearing from loathsome blather that did reek
like decomposition of fetid of dead
living entity that began to putrefy
which offal to mine ears, tugged impetus
under warm blankets to crawl!

"hay lets be in a relationship..."
"no I'm good.."
"no really, we'd be so great together.."
"I'm sure you think that, but honestly, its not something..."
"no.. no listen, I think..."
"okay but I'm.. I'm not ready... I'm trying to get myself togeth...."
"no I've got this, we will be together and I will help you..."
"what??... I can't, I'm not well enough to commit to...."
"you don't have to, I will help you..."
"I know but I'm not well, mentally...  I'm not emotionally..."
"I understand you before you say anything, I will carry you, I will be your protection"
"I can't do this, its too heavy.."
"I will carry you"
"I'm scared..."
"and I will help you"
"I cant do this..."
"yes you can, I'm here for you"
"I've been through too much, I haven't healed, I need therap...."
"I will be your therapy, I understand you"
"I don't know...."
"think about it. I love you"
"I can't...."
"I have love enough for us both.."
"I don't, I'm not ready, I ..... I ...."
"I love you, you are wonderful"
"I'm not, I'm damaged, i feel broken.. inside.."
"I can fix you, help you, love you. Don't you want that?"
"...."
"......"
"I do but..."
"then lets give it a try, lets give us a try.. yes?"
"I'm not..."
"yes you are, you are ready, I love you..."
"you do?..."

and that's the story of how i became buggered past retrieval