You ******, exotic,
Beautiful creature.
I could not be more intrigued by you.
I drove,
46 miles,
just to meet you,
you screamed at me for being late.
I wasn't.
I just live farther from your perspective than you can imagine.
I saw your face,
then I saw your eagerness,
Then I played this game,
Where I googled every word you said,
became an expert on it.
Throwing back refferences to things
i've never seen.
When I rolled in with my cigarette lit,
Sporting my badboy leather jacket,
you asumed I was this rebel.
This dangerous,
adventurous,
amazing creature.
Dropped onto this earth to entertain you.
Today.
That's exactlly what I am.
I'm 46 miles away from my home town.
My foam swords,
magic the gathering cards,
Dungeon and dragons playing self
Packaged tightly in the lockbox at my bedroom door.
The daddy, I became years ago
because I wanted too.
The lover I was raised to be,
watching nothing but romantic comedies my entire childhood
like some sort of propaganda to be the perfect boyfriend.
Tucked crisply into my bed.
My smolder is a gas mask.
you are the poison gas.
It was invented specifically for me to survive when I'm in the trenches with you.
My attitude is an army.
I hold myself like a commander shouting orders at my mind like it needs a leader.
“Stop calling her beautiful, maggot! She wants you to take charge.”
“Sir, yes sir!”
...So uh...
What do you wanna do today?
“What do you think you're doing?
Don't give her options!
Tell her where you're going!”
“Sir, yes, sir”
We're getting coffee.
We go to her favorite coffee house, I guessed.
She gets a nutella mocha.
I get a 16oz almond milk maple syrup latte
She calls me a hipster,
I laugh, I don't disagree.
I give her the radio,
“You pick the music”
“What do you think you're doing maggot!?”
“trust me,
we need to find out what music she likes before I play my music.
It's very important.”
I can pull brilliance out of any genre,
bands she's never heard of, but she'll fall in love with.
She plays show tunes.
Oh...
... Jackpot!
I start the conversation, you ever heard of Rocky Horror?
You ever hear of
Doctor Horribles Sing Along Blog?
You ever hear of
Little Shop of Horrors?
You ever hear of
Repo, The Genetic Opera?
You ever hear of
Hedwig and The Angry Inch?
She has.
All of it.
Every last word.
And she knows all of the words.
In fact,
every song I sing,
she sings along.
Word for word.
I crack the whip,
you ever heard of Bo Burnham?
She has.
This girl might be the one.
“What do you think you're doing maggot?
Don't fall in love with this girl already,
Don't fall in love with this girl at all.”
“Sir, yes, sir”
We walk the beach,
Singing,
Dancing.
Every word of every song either of us start the other knows all the words.
She's breathtaking.
I can't believe it happened myself.
We chase each other in the sand.
I confess.
“You're actually the first person i've seen in real life from tinder...
I hear all these stories of couples meeting people for threesomes online and then murdering them.
I was half expecting you to **** me.”
She says:
“Well we didn't get to the end of the beach yet.”
I laugh.... wait... is she serious?
She laughs. “No really, i'm a sociopath.
My boyfriends waiting at the rocks down there and when we
Start to **** he's gonna jump out and slit your throat.
The redness of your blood spilling on the rocks is going to make me so,
*******,
Wet.”
This sounds like a great Idea.
She texts her boyfriend and asks if it's okay to kiss me.
When he doesn't reply she spams him.
Babe.
Babe.
C'mon Babe.
Really, Babe.
Babe.
Babe.
Babe.
It starts to rain,
We stay and get soaked together,
We don't care that we're wet, we keep singing.
The rain stops.
We get in my car.
I drive her to portland,
We park in the parking garage,
because i don't understand...
Signs...
I buy her dinner,
Not because it's the polite, gentlemanly thing to do,
I'd do that without the leather jacket, no.
because her sugar was low
she was having a panic attack
her boyfriend and her were probably breaking up and I felt bad.
Her boyfriend finally texts her back.
“Yeah, do what you want.”
I kiss her.
She asked me too before he gave permission, and my colonel said to do it
But I've been on the otherside of that text messege.
And even knowing what she wanted, I was waiting for that reply.
I don't know that boy.
But he deserved that
We go back to the parking garage, and she does not waste time,
My belt undone,
Her mouth eager,
Did I mention that this was the mission?
After awhile She asks to go to the back.
We do.
She removes the leather jacket.
this is her chance to wear
The leather jacket.
I make her ***,
I have this brief thought that maybe she faked it for me, but then
I can taste the truth,
I'm proud.
“Good job, maggot.”
“Sir, thank you, sir”
I drive the 46 miles back to kennebunk to drop her off.
She keeps my shirt.
I get home and find her phone charger in my backseat.
“Looks like we have a second date,"
I text her. “you forgot something, beautiful.
And I think you might want it.”
A true Story.
