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There is stiffness in my chest as these words write themselves;
As my breathe creates the all too familiar fog on the glass of my windowpane.
These words come from a new place; they pour from me like honey.
Smoothed, pure, untouched; uncomplicated, unrehearsed, untainted.
The sensation; like a hollowness; not being filled but, being felt with acceptance.
My fingertips sway across these keys, in time to the beating of this broken heart.
This soul carries on to the predictible;
The changes in the weather,
The five cups of coffee,
The mind-numbing analysis,
The everyday mundane actions.
Sleeping at dawn,
living at dusk and tea and cakes when I’m feeling blue.
It’s just a routine.
A facade of monotny to keep my heart at bay.
My mind numb to the sting of remembrance...


So, what now?
I guess I’ll just drink another cup and wish that I knew how this will all pan out.
*I guess we will see... Won't we?
preston Jun 2020
Your beautiful heart's glow is so often hidden behind the clouds of stubborness--  your lack of ownership within pretty much everything that is about who it is that you truly are. You ride.. skirting on the edges, never truly committing to much of anything that is inside of you.. putting pieces of yourself out there, yet never truly taking ownership of much of anything that truly is of you. You may feel things in their fullness that is of you within certain, contained moments, but the glow of those glimpses into your own self is far too often short-lived-- within something in you that almost completely washes it all away..

The nearly predictible pendulum-swing now so far the other way, almost completely denying those very real moments of connectedness and inner clarity within you..

And I am not one to want to live and operate between the swing's extremes, as it is there at that place that you expect others to pick up all of these un-owned pieces for you, and it is there also at that place that you have a whole string of men-- now.. and in your past, who all tumble and orbit in your wake in their desire to put together for you things that were never theirs to put together..

They were always things for you to take ownership of and become accountable for, but you will have no part of that, and so here you now float within all of your unaccountability, and will continue to float- as long you continue in your choice to not fully engage within yourself.
.. And you go on and say that I do not care about your heart, but you do not own much of anything that is about that amazing heart that is within you,
so how would you even know?

You don't..  but even if you did,
it would all but become buried once again within all that is unowned within you.

Loving in to a system like that, is not a good stewardship of one's ability to love.. so if there is some remote form of goodbye embedded within these nearly indiscernible conveyances..
then I thank you in advance for its  gracious release. You are not getting any younger, my beautiful.. one day this beauty-laden, cloud to cloud game of hide and seek is no longer going to work quite so well


The reception's gotten fuzzy..
the delicate balance has shifted.
Put on your gloves and black pumps,
let's pretend the fog has lifted.
Now you see me, now you don't.
Now you say you love me
pretty soon you won't.
If we get our full three score and ten
we won't pass this way again..
so kiss me with your mouth open,
turn the tires toward the street

and stay sweet.
https://youtu.be/dL1TRk6Q0pE

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