I'm floating in chub lake
Drowning myself because of life aches
Handfull of pills
Eye drops because of the cheap thrills
Loss of self respect
Already another regret
Handful please
I'm about to be pillshot
Don't know what I've got
Didn't mean to concern others who aren't truly there
Why should anyone care?
Pettiness everywhere
Not everythings about me I get that
I'm just tough on myself because none of ******* feel that
Try to wake up with my thoughts
Try me
I'm a pillshot myself in this lake
Handfull pilled the trigger
Where's my bottle of jack?
Ready for the "next life"
To hopefully get it all back

I woke up with some xanax. Realized I've got some more to text. What's next? I don't know, I'm already anxious asf time to go. Make my feels glow. Rightfully no. I just want to end it, this isn't healthy. What do you mean y'all care about me. I hate me. Zoloft, benzodiazepines, melatonin, SSRI's got me begging for a stronger dose what a surprise. Give me my bottle, bout to make me sleep see you tomorrow. I can't blame anyone else but myself. Struggling to stop but at the same time it's not helping. But atleast it's something. Hush Nellie stop talking. Swallow a depressant and stay silent. Nobody has to know. What can they even do? If they knew? What they're gonna hold you? Yeah right, no ones stuck around to watch you stick up and fight. You're close to losing life. Pill the trigger and commit to the pillshot.
Part three.....

Started off small, worked my way up. Was sick and tired of false love. Got some antidepressants just to chill. Needed a relief so I swallowed another pill. Mentally not okay, but physically fine. Washed my so called sins with the holly wine.  Gave up and put stronger alcohol in to my system. So much for wisdom. Pillshot with my eyes bloodshot. I can get use to this. If this feeling went away it'd be something i miss. All this addictions in high hope to stay alive. How ironic if I stopped i may say goodbye.
Part one....

You'll find my truck full of cans
Full of bottles
Full of harsh pills I swallowed
I wasted it all then made me swallow
Look at these empty bottles
Blacked out speeding
Pillshot with me feeding
Razor blades has me bleeding
I'm floating in chub lake
You too late
I already did break
Any stories like this can relate?
I was long gone before i knew it
**** to much
Now you'll never see my one motive because I've already drowned
literally
Now leaving spiritually
Not rightfully
I was vulnerable with no help
Whats new, now I've got zero health
I pilled that trigger and forgot
Eyes bloodshot
Weakness made me drop
This is my pillshot

Reality stronger than my dose,
I wanted to take something just as close.
One good handful is all I need. Leave the bottle alone with me. Eyes bloodshot, all the drinks and pills I've got. My securities drowning, no life jacket so now I'm hollow and floating. The amount I've consumed for my world to move slow, is it possible to really overdose?
SSRI's  talked to me softly, I'm yelling at myself to walk slowly. Heart begging violently. Oh you're triggered? Pill that trigger and bust out a shot. Cheers ***** that's a pillshot.

I'm a monster stalking my victims
I received a lot of criticism
This monster love to feed off of adrenaline
It's like fighting a brick wall
Nothing strikes back but you're only hurting yourself
"Tornado meets a valcano"
Well I'm a be fighting the flames while I go in circles
Deteriorate in lava
This monster use to be a liar
Man my now my pants got me fired
This monster would beg and plead
Then catches himself numbed up and made victims bleed
I guess he won't succeed
Just no approval
He was the only one at his funeral
Talk about a killshot
Got hit by a rock
I guess it's gonna be a pillshot
Bam dead
No proper roses beceuse bloods red
I can talk about my past like it was yesterday
But i need to walk forward but i keep fallin in to deep
Need a new shovel it's harder to breathe
I'm always that monster
Please don't cut me off when I'm trying to speak

All alone in the dark
Determined to fall apart
Waited till I crossed my heart
Tears formed and the agony is about to start
I straight up lost control
Don't even know where to go
Hands on a shovel
Digging a hole about to work on the double
Buried everything I've got to isolate
Suppressed my feelings hopefully no one's coming to my wake
Everything is so dark
Can't believe I broke my own heart
Since no one is near me
I begin to yell and scream
Sky's black, the weather matches the setting
I didn't want to be alone in the darkness
I'm currently living alone in the darkness
Feels like the world spin me around to fast
I'm dizzy and drinking out of the glass
With he bottle I never want to pass
Hands on a bottle, pills in a shot glass
About to hit it harder than my last
The sun's still down with my hands on the shovel
I will stay late, **** it I'll work the double
Not much for life just more debt to be in trouble
I'll slam this pillshot
Bury my sorrows with prayers for a better tomorrow
Whats light again? I forgot

With the reflection I can see eye to eye
Dissing myself with compliments till I lose my mind
No wonder I go mad
Tell me who's bad?
In this mirror I can see everything reflecting off of me
Can't tell if I'm disgusted or happy
Either way I argue with myself  but the opposite conciousness side of me can see eye to eye
Both of us saw me burried dead
What the ***** goin on in my head?
Mirrors don't lie
But doesn't also give you a highlight
Tell me I'm going crazy
Taunt me when I'm crying because that's all I've been doing lately
Ready to get angry and ready to put a fight
Give me something that's supposed to feel right
I wrote pillshot, i wrote darkside, and I wrote the note
I'm the creator or some more darker **** that's ghosted in a journal
Not many know me or what I am about to achieve
Soon this journal will be complete
To the ******* who think my writings cheap
**** y'all this is only the beginning

**** the rules
Give me more *****
Ready to lose
Y'all gotta move

I'm a bring back Nel
Y'all ready for some hell?
I'm a bit crazy
You ready to black out baby
No ******* sleep
Don't got **** to eat
Not that it matters
Don't kid yourself
Guess what hurts the most?
You know what who the **** cares I'm ready to be a ghost
Pill this trigger and load up for a pillshot
What happened last night? I already forgot
Retaliation
A little bit of a new destination
Where should i ******* go?
Load up a boat
Ready to drown the ******* regrets so I can float
Grab the *****
Ready to lose
Give me the recent news
If there is a foght going on I'll stay to finish it
Ready for some ****
Don't start with me
I'm ready for a blackout i don't think i can see
Help me I'm ready to panic
Load up on some xanax
Hopefully pass out
Maybe forgot my life for a bit
Honestly I'm ready to ****** quit

I've been so caught up
Felt like no one wanted to save me
But these temptations are stronger
I don't think my mind can save me
My heart screams just ignore me
Is this what you wanted?
A dose of poison to dual what I've been dealing with
Because surviving the pillshot wasn't enough
I don't think anyone is listening
These temptations are dragging me closer
I'm pleading and screaming but I'm losing
Thought I'd be stronger as I got older
But I'm beginning to careless
It's just that drinking isn't enough
Smoking just don't feel enough
I want something deeper than longcut
Just lost in my head
Ignore the motivation and **** what said
Temptations goes along way
Beyond the dead
A wish upon a comfort
But a sharp pain
I'm losing my mind
Feels like I'm going insane