These nights
Seem odd
Relaxing but out of place
Maybe I am out of place
I came to the conclusion
I think about the future and past too Much
I have forgotten the art of
Enjoying the day
How?
Slipped right out of my  fingers
Perphaps it's my fault
I may have had "fun"
But I fell behind a bit
Now I'm catching up

******* why does society
Make me have to speed of my life up

Why can't I just live off the land
Enjoy the companie  of nature
And the sky

For the remainder of my life

How sad

perphaps what's really missing
is the satisfaction
i get when writing
anything
anything at all
anything that my brain wants to say
the dire need is rewarding
once the deed is done its
alarming
how much my brain
needs a moment
to write
and I wander if I knew
i was charming
and I could forget the fear
clamering
and mandering
with my real life world

Would you dare?

If you were offered the taste of the most exquisite fruit would you dare?
If you place it upon your lips know that nothing else will ever compare.
For what was once colorful will now become grey.
The memory will taught you, tease you and soon feel like it was only a dream.
But you will convince yourself that it was real no matter what others say.
Perphaps you should have passed and remain unchanged.
But opportunities like that don't reveal themselves everyday.
Perphaps be glad for the taste even though it now feels estranged.
So was it all worth it, a second of utopia for a lifetime on consulations?
But a memory of perfection that can never be tarnished.
So I ask again. Would you dare?

There was a time when I would run to your door so wholeheartedly with sincerity as my bread offering along side a red wine full of my clearest intention to simply see you smile and be more confident in your own beauty

I would melt  like a small chubby stick of butter and feel like perhaps in those chairs we sat we all melted and became yellow viscosity –inseparable

There was a time when I foolishly saw my mothers eyes in you, her broken unhealthy relationship cloaked the room perphaps more present than the music-even you were clocked with it. In my mind, If you were my mother leaving my father, I would be the lover who showed up with open arms to offer a new safe shoulder

What heavy cloak that was. What an illusion. How I thought perhaps life was calling to stand for my love regardless of what others thought. This heavy cloak came off the day that love did not stand for up for me.

this cloak was so thick so heavy and when it came off and I could see by the non stop crying  and rapid way in which my eyes reddened around the lids and pupils
that I was wrong

that I was a truly alone in a place so far
But still my life in MY hands