Through sleepy nights and sun kissed days

through pastures green and fields of hay

pebbled beaches and windswept waves

sandy banks and rock covered pools

and nature at play we are no fools

we see each day the beauty of life

and nature at play magic lof life

so beautiful today and then the tide turns

and washes it away

sun goes to sleep and darkness hides it all away

at the end of another day

Over werk, over druk,
de overbemande,
uitgerokken, breedgespande,
spannen, spannende
doeken die ik
erom wind.
Ik heb lof nodig
ver lof
stof nodig
tot later, ooit of nooit meer
nadenken
in de auto
muziek te luid, om alles weg te spoelen
waar zijn ze gebleven
die kinderdromen, verrassingen?
Ze zijn gaan zweven, doelen,
om enkel een half uurtje
in het weekend
na te streven.

This is probably the last letter umma wite to you
But as I'm drafting this letter, I'm left with a lof of thoughts
And somehow, I feel like everyone is judging me
Everyone thinks I'm pretending
I don't know why, because

No one could understand the pain I feel
The tears I've held back
No one could understand the heartache
The confusion
The questions with no answers
The dissapointment in myself
In everyone else

No one understands the hate I feel
The rage burning inside my heart

I blame everyone
I blame the world
I blame myself

Busy thinking about my mom's prayer
She asked God why didn't He take us instead
Her biological children
Because maybe people wouldn't judge her so much
Maybe she would've felt like she was a better mother
Because to her it seemed like only the children she adopted were being taken away
Maybe I don't know
You know how much that broke my heart?
You know how much it hurt to hear that?
How much tears I had to hold back
It hurt worse because I understood

Your death got my extended family members branding my mother a bad mom
A witch, some a murderer
It on the upside showed me how much you were loved
How many people came to see you off
It showed me how much an angel you were to other people,
To your school mates, to your friends
It also showed me blood ain't ****
Showed me all the wolves in the family who were in sheep clothing
It devastated me more, revealing the person I trusted and loved the most, wasn't who I thought it was

But most of all it hurt my mom dearly
And hurt me dearly
I didn't expect the hurt would be gone in a week, but I didn't expect it would hurt even more each day

I know these are just words on a piece of paper, or a smartphone notepad
You probably won't see a thing
But I think this is my healing process
This is me trying to let you go
I might not know the right way to,
But believe me I'm trying

This somehow still feels like a dream
And I'm hoping I will wake up soon

But anyway
I'm letting you go now, but not letting you leave
For a part of me, you'll forever remain

Yours truly
Big Bro.

aphrodite's child
four horsemen

shiver...
running from my
feet,
toward my
left cranium...

rotting christ
               four horsemen;

capirote...
as some would like
to stage
it to be: ku ku klux...
the nazgûl
                      9 / 4...
forward the fiktion...

i'm talking to
mushroom people...
you know,
when a ******
person talks to a drunk...
and...
  the conversation
soon turns to ridicule?
i.e. with what
two drunks talk about?

and how...
the same stoners
will revel in...
outside the realm lof
conversation,
resorting to games
outside the realm
of chess,
sudoku,
        or mahjong?

  you didn't teach me spain,
the spain taught me
what was within
the "gravity" of the reconquista...

but i thought...
that jihad...
was not a tactic for conquest...
rather:
   a tactic for reclaiming...
then?

  who,
                            are,

                                   you?

disability-pay-check
misnomers...
         arabian diabetics....
sugar frenzy...
    
you know what
the prophet Muhammad
said of the
current, House of Saud...
he said:
he would come from
the east,
  and reign: in the house...
of gardens...
   Riyadh...

  it's constantly stressed:
came, from
the east...

what is east of Mecca?
Riyadh...
  isn't it?
   we're talking
about intra-nationalism,
not inter-nationalism...

  i have no need to
base my squirm of interest,
in arabic affairs...
the polish *****
can have their sway,
i am here,
for the pebbles,
and the height
of a mountain...

  Muhammad said:
what is east of Mecca?
Riyadh...                  

  ku klux ****...
   and the spanish: capirote...

to speak this tongue
among the arabs,
who would readily
invest
in the evil personified
via a foreign tongue.

i halve myself,
to heave, forth,
the current
    dileberation.