Good morning my dears.
Good morning.
Do not rush to rise,
breakfast will wait a few sleepy seconds.

Come forward; grab a bite.
No, not of me, thank you.
Play nice.
Take a chew toy, we have time to play
with friends.

Please stop nuzzling.
No cuddling.
No purring.
No licking.
No tail-wagging, please.
stop loving me.
Just eat.

Eat more. Crunch as much kibble as your hearts desire, even if
your stomach protests. Enjoy.

No don't play with me.
Frolic with your real friends.
Go and eat and play and love and live and
****.
Back to bed everyone.
Lights out.
Farewell for now.
                                    no.                 stop whining.            stop. stop.
never be distraught by my departure.


Good morning my dears.
Good morning.
Do not rush to rise,
the day will keep a moment more.

Please, do not rush to me.
Please
take your time
slow down i'm begging--

This way, friends.
No, we play in another room today.
stop trusting me please.
This way. Through here.

Yes, everyone into the cage.
Hold on, I cannot play with everyone at once.
please stop fighting for my affection.
no don't come to me please. no.
not you. don't--
Very well. Let's go play.

No, I'll carry you.
stop purring please
your love is lost with me.
Onto the table.
Everything's going to be fine.
Everything is--

Yes.

It's what you think it is.
run please.
fight.
claw away from me.
resist me i'm begging you.
i'm begging you
i'm begging you
**** me **** me **** **** fuckfuckfuck
stop.

fight me.
do anything but give up.
do anything but burn into me with those sad, shiny little emerald eyes
and stab into me with wisps of wilted innocent love.
Such simple beauty is wasted on me.
It brings me pain where there should be pleasure.
See how lost I am.

at least show me
you hate me.
let me at least be innocent
of betrayal.
give me one crime to not be party to.

Oh.
Don't be sad little love.
This is just another sleep.
Your soul is safer than mine.

Today there was announced
the inauguration of a scholarship
in the name of my friend
and of my friend’s death

It’s at KCL. It’s for dentistry.

So if you want to know her name,
go and have a google
take a little look
and you’ll probably learn more about her than I
ever knew. It’s a Portuguese-y name
and a German-y surname -
you’ll know it when you see it.
I’m too ashamed to say it.

I – well, I have no idea why she has a German-y surname
I never knew she went to KCL
and had forgotten that she was a dentist
- assuming I knew.
surely I knew?

She was proud of her cakes
and generous in her making of them
for society events.
She was quiet in meetings
I think
or at least
I can’t remember a single contribution she made in them.
She was nice to me when I suggested I might run for president.
I found her kind of – well, nice. really nice. motherly.

and that’s about all I've got.

but I was ******* torn apart when she died
my world, it came away in shreds
nothing made sense
I had no idea how to move
let alone function
in my shredded, dissolving world

that was the tipping point, you see.
it was after that that I really stopped working
that leaving the house started to get too hard
and that I had to really
really concentrate to
keep my
hands mo
ving through th
e washin
g up

now
I work
I leave the house
and I wash up with ease
I wash up with aplomb
with pizazz
with an arrogant little swing of the hips to the music

But I am far too ashamed to go to the memorial to my Portuguese friend’s death.

I mourned her too much
or perhaps not at all.

She was very nice (I think)
and probably a very good dentist.
and I will let her friends grieve in peace