The thrumming clunk of shocked wheels
Eat up road worn smooth by big junking beasts
Smoking up crisp air
Hungry for a taste of stunted freedom
The rush of wind the pained panels
Pulling a mass of curls with sticky cold fingers
Raking across my scalp

Shaking in the silence
In wake of thought
The bass drum barking out a numbing melody
Sliding like thin blade into the back of my mind
Enhancing melodramatic mood
Touching my tender heart

Fresh from the lash of lonely
Bludgeoned by the deadpan distance between
My soul
Snack sized bit of flesh clinging to the slick walls  
Of reason
Hammering in my chest
Still riddled with the mark of your claiming
The imprint of my nails still bleeding
In refusal

But claim it you did
Snatched it up out of my chest
Trailing arteries and the copper stench of blood
Empty cavity
Filling up with dreams and the sweet taste of your breath
Leeching into my limbs and whispering love into my being

But this road is ceaseless
No matter how many times I visit
That long stretch of highway
Promising me  the Spector of your memory
The ghost of your touch
Warmth of love
Acceptance
Renewal of my existence

The green glint of freeway sign
Showing me where I would have found you
Down that dirt road
Swing hair pin turns hearing your laughter as it chases me closer to where you should be
Were you will always belong
Where I could have found you had life been kind

Your savage dissection of my soul keeps me yearning
Reaching out and grasping my independence hostage
Where you have become a necessity to whom I am
What I am
And who I will be
Hinges on your well being

Fading into nothing
Where I am defined by you
My angularity is tethered down
But the road yields no answer
Only the Spector
The sad shadow of memories that refuse to fade
Die instead of rotting
At least with death it can be buried
Living with the death of my heart
A tragedy I would not allow to part

Stuck in a dead in that I can never escape. Trying to hold on to air but forgetting to breathe. Realizing all the ******* **** you did to me. Realizing that pain is real and it's okay to hurt. But ******* I never thought my heart would hurt like this. I feel as if I'm falling into the abyss. An enteral slumber of the soul becoming a corporate junking. Becoming a heartless man who's been broken too many times to be fixed. Why why did it come to this? Is it the colors in my head that just don't mash right? Instead of making a rainbow they make an ink blot. Blacker than Tar and darker than sin, Wish to never feel again. I wish all this pain would just go away even for a single day. Instead I'll just push it down. Down. Down. To the very bottom of my stomach. Until the acid reflux hits and I ***** all the thoughts I've been thinking. Until I spew all the words from my head and leave you all baffled from what I said. You'll ask how can you be sad? You're so happy all the time. But I drain myself dry trying to make the world believe I can fly.

   Until that day comes I can look into a mirror and say I love you. To the only person that needs to hear it. I guess I'll be a member of a broken heart club and as a matter of fact I'm the leader of it.

Built to destroy.
A master switch, ready to deploy.
To seek a fatal destruction.
Laying there lifeless, without any ****** function.
Where time meets fate at it's very last junction.
Those final words I said, still haven't begun to sunk in.
Steadily jacking and still funk junking.
I am living in this nightmare I'm still stuck in.
Please dont try to wake me.
All my friends like the fake me.
Some days I pray to God and ask why he doesn't take me, but that would only hurt my pride with no work spent, I am just lazy.
My head kept up.
I don't let all these critics phase me.
I just trade in their assets and let my homies blaze me.
Some people say I'm just straight crazy but I tell them, i just like to get down like the young Patrick swayze.

Did you know
How much you
Would miss me
No tea to pour
With cream
Jokes making no
Sense at all
A scrabble game
After work
Junking after a
Very hard day of
Work
Praying out loud
Just driving around
Watching nature
At its finest
Tears we shared
Laughter and joy
Yes es and No's
And cool beans
Laughter and pain
Heartaches and tears
Snack foods and
Root beer floats
Scrabble again
And again
New words learned
Old words used
Will you move on
Or will you
Stay
Are we friends
I know I am
Did you