i used to lie awake
smitten. enamored. giddy.
itemizing your sweet details
fondly reminiscing
the thought of you was too delectable to trade for sleep.

sleep is still elusive
you are still the cause
but the thought of you is sour to taste.
you unfailingly pervade my thoughts.
memories are tainted
exacerbated by the comparative sweetness they (you) once promised

i wish i could just collar you and make you hear all the things i tell myself i'd say.
until then, insomnia's got me clutched in its pitiless talons.

Then his wife said to him, “Do you still persist in your integrity?
Curse God, and die.”
— Job 2:9

Job was a rich man
who, in a trial of divine justice,
was dismantled of all he owned
by a fire that fell from heaven.
Sick and God-blinded, he repented.

But who speaks of his wife’s suffering?
Perhaps she was a woman who took great joy
in things and possessions and luxuries.
Perhaps she sat on heaps of soot,
itemizing the absolute sum of her loss,
calling out to God in argument, crying:

“In whom can I have faith
when the Giver takes that which is given?
And when the love of that
which is loved, and given, and taken,
is instilled in me by the Lover,
the Giver, the Taker?

“Now, I live for nothing.
I long for death, but it does not come.
And yet You have ensured
I survived to tell You this.”

.nietzsche once wrote: imagine the uncomfortable position, of having to speak for the whole of humanity... that's what i think of, in terms ever bothering to read an English philosopher; after reading Leviathan by Hobbes, i was so put off by English thought, that i became a recluse among the Germans... i still can't explain why i dislike English philosophy, but then again, i do: it's so... so... politicized! all of English philosophy is endeared by its culmination in Darwin, that... i rather look at an individual, rather than the entire schematic stratum of society, of human organization... if an individual can organize himself to fit an already rigid social structure, a seemingly predetermined social structural "pathos"... i don't think i will ever be convinced.

Kant among the ancients Greeks...
it's a simple schematic:

    a priori (prior)                    a posteriori (after)
the skeptic,                                  the stoic,
the cynic,                                      the Epicurean...

sometimes... language requires
a momentary borrowing from the simple
abstract of mathematics -
well, arithmetic...
                                 2 x 2 = 4...
the cynic's inclination to believe...
can only have an a priori ontological
orientation, leading up to experience...
hence the a posteriori realm...
wasn't Descartes the prime
example of skepticism?
                     cynicism is skepticism
whereby an inclination to believe
is replaced with a determination to doubt...

now the divide...
knowledge...
                a priori there is no knowledge
to be spoken of lightly...
instead... there's intuition...
or... der instinkt... hey, i still don't
know which definite article is
required for a certain expression in
German... it could also be das instinkt
or die instinkt... never mind...

i settled on this Kantian backwards
and forwards for some "strange" reason...
well... it's niche...
   and doesn't attract mobs...
it's not the sort of "problem" you'd
really see in life,
other than in the leisure time
you could ascribe to periods of prolonged
thinking, or not thinking,
reflecting, rather than itemizing
thought: as an insatiable reflex of
consciousness...
  that dreaded persistence of narration...
bundled together with
empirical bombardment via
the senses...

hence i lean toward stoicism and toward
the Epicurean side of things...
needless to say...
if i can know anything, anything at all...
it cannot exactly come from...
oh wait... yeah... knowledge
does exist a priori,
simply put: history repeats itself...
so you can learn from the past...
****...
                     well, the statement was
about to become hyperbolic anyway...
point being: that knowledge is
of a collectivist nature...
  to my understanding at least...
to generalities,
to succumbing to other people's
"realities"...
                        a pseudo-universal
knowledge of...
  but even if that is so...
having knowledge of the past /
a priori, from what came prior...
implies that you can't have knowledge
of the future!
you can have speculation,
you can take to gambling,
you can guess...
             and you can also hope (for the best)...
but...
a priori knowledge is exclusive
with regards to a posteriori knowledge,
they're not mutually inclusive,
they're mutually exclusive...
oddly enough, this is not a paradox,
but the ontology of... zeit-wissen...
time-knowledge...
                       space... oddly enough,
without being attached to time in
a relativism is... a bit like photographic
memory... when orientating yourself
in a new city, for the weekend...
tall buildings as compass pivots...
yet knowledge a priori
       (instinct, intuition,
    "knowing" how to throw a ball
a certain way
   cannot translate into a posteriori
knowledge through... whatever it is
that allows to make the transition...
instinct and intuition are prone
to the fault of mortality...
i.e. an aging baseball player will not
throw the same ball 30 years apart,
a priori "knowledge" is mostly
associated with a gift...
an inheritance, such knowledge is
nothing more than an inheritance...
   it's an ontological phenomenon per se,
but the knowledge isn't learned
as such... it it inherent, inherent,
   particular to the instance of its expression,
and unlike the a priori knowledge
of the expression: history repeats itself,
we can learn from the past...
it is unique, particular, not universally
viable, it's not collectivist...

a posteriori knowledge... well...
trial & error...
   empiricism...
              with no knowledge prior,
having some sort of empirical experience
provides a mostly new knowledge,
all of science is tinged
with an a posteriori methodology...
it is accumulative knowledge,
on the collective sense...
on the individual grounding...
wisdom...
        to not repeat the same mistakes
twice, which then, "magically"
is supported by cynicism...
    once a person has grasped a glimpse
of human nature,
   and concludes that self-interest
is the prime motivation...
he learns to respect his fellow beings...
in that, said trust...
is a cautionary standard for further
interactions...

all in all...
        a priori knowledge cannot
peer into a posteriori knowledge...
   on a personal level,
  a mere hyphen helps...
i.e.
             a priori can only peer
   into a- posteriori realm;
i.e. (a-) without an after...
  while, likewise,
   a posteriori can only peer into
a- priori realm,
  i.e. (a-) without a prior...
why?
well in the first instance,
whatever was known prior...
is what is known without an after...
likewise in the second instance,
whatever is known after,
has already discredited what was known
prior...

a posteriori knowledge is accumulative,
but it is also erasive in nature...
i.e. it erases preconceptions,
   and all that is a priori...

a priori knowledge is inherent,
but it is also tied, subtly with empiricism,
in that... if thinking was a sense,
a sense of sight... e.g.
   then we would call thinking:
intuition, instinct...
or rather the absence of thought,
and a synchronicity of all the senses...
given that the existence of thought:
cannot be categorized by
the synchronicity of all our five senses,
at the same time...
   the existence of thought is
predicated on 5 - 1 = 4...
at least one sense needs to be absent
from what the remaining senses
synchronize...
i.e.
        i see this text, i hear this music
(chant of the templars),
       i feel this keyboard and the clothes
on me...
but... i can't exactly smell anything
specific,
    or taste anything specific either...
saliva like water... doesn't exactly
have a taste;
ergo: i can think of something akin to this.

this spider wraps its acquaintances
into easy packages
constructing webs around observation

its foundation catches prey
automatically
it bites the heads
off its mates

but it loves most
those who defy these expectations
cannot be contained
or predicted

at first they're an adversary
but that maintains a purpose
which this spider chooses to uphold

what truly engages this spider challenges its livelihood
escapes its method
not for strength or validation
but to reveal its routine was not purposeful at all

Apple blossom
Gutter rhyme
Misplaced memory
Loving pine

Another time
A quick dime
Recipes for two
Mistook me for you

I'm alone here
There it is
Pressed' sun
Hanging moon

An outcasts eye
Fresh shepherds pie
Gain share logic
No money in my pocket

Locket lost
Sea farers woes
A little in lace
Distracted pace

Hunter blitz
Lover's kiss
Spellbound in time
A witches cry

Un-absolute love
Cold bed sheets
Milky white sky
Scarlet tied lie

Beer in the morning
Beer in the afternoon
A lover's quarrel
A single man croons

Six pillows in the month of July
Fraternity politics
A shaping of a coup
Take the tooth

Breast feeding young
Red swollen tongue
Naked rings on frail fingers
Death doth linger

Marshmallow hiccups
Grass fed nightmares
Grandma was forgotten
The lights must be turned off

Ice on the walls
Earth on the move
People here
People everywhere

Sin in sentences
Breathtaking passages
History hovers over us
Grave are always

Too large

Itemizing life
Cataloguing it all
One more prize
Before the great fall

Sequence of smiles
Remedy my memory
Pluck my eyelids
Take away my pride

Quieted down
Sleeping through the day
Seeing the future
She can't stay

In tune
Harmony
Of
Three

What else is
There
To do but
Be?

cosy (title): modo+ (body), for a 502 error bypass... otherwise, the original text:

alrerst quichp: which is a googlewhack, i need to nod off, seriously... people, in general, are not worth my seriousness, not enough to begin with; all is done on a whim, on a... m'eh .

i cry at this mere thought,
the crucified one of Golgotha didn't die for
my "sins"...
what were we, gentiles, even the Greeks
among us, without knowledge of the "father"?
haunted by the depths of Siberia,
having left the welcoming Raj & its mangos...

he didn't die for my sins, or anyone's sins...
the secretive nature of the Hebrews:
exposed, came in a fully formed revelation
via one man's suffering under:
preposterous conditions:
that never, will never, match up...
even if Socrates was an old man...
he was implored to drink poison:
but never would he have been tortured prior
to an execution that became a second torture...

dearest brother... what you endured...
to give other men insight into your deity,
that swallowed up the minor deities
of the Canaanites... how Beelzebub became
an angel... almost like: faux pas...
the ugliness of Michael being demoted from
status of angel to a saint,
or fisherman Peter becoming a saint...
men on equal grounding with angels...
men without ambitions to be gods?!
what horrors in the metaphysical realm
must have unfolded in the past 2000 years...

but it's clear as sight allows...
as light beckons, as shadows swallow said light,
we have been illuminated...
tell me another story, one more fiction
than history,
a history where Charlemagne took interest
in literacy... no, you will not...
there have been other famous leaders
who bypassed stressing the need
for literacy, not the genius: not Sejong...
the world doesn't celebrate him enough...
the myths are true!
he lived in the prosperity of what could
be deciphered as "modern" times...
1400s circa, i don't remember the exact dates...
but Sejong gave the Koreans
their Hangul... their written script...

of all the eastern texts, beside the Sanskrit...
Hangul matches up to Katakana,
unlike Ezra Pound:
i'm not fascinated by Chinese ideograms...
the European counterpart
of emoticons, borrowed from
Egyptian hieroglyphs have already
explained the route, the story for me, enough...

but the Hebrew deity is:
such a spectacular phonetic environment to
meditate in, esp. since it was so benevolent
to not undermine the Latin script...
the Latin alphabet survived,
more! it became armed with diacritical markers:
excluding those who only speak English...
truly... you can hide the already pre-prepared surd
of an H attached to the S in English
via the caron: more than / less than pointing
south... Engliš... hell... you could intoxicate yourself
further, to break down the words to atoms
within the confines of phonetics...
you could make N a surd too!

  by?  attributing the E with a tail,
a cedilla most associated with the French C...
which makes it a sigma...
i.e. Ęgliš... it ought to be a well established
knowledge that the Hebrews hide their
vowels, even though, Aleph is a sort of vowel...
use the prefix and suffix guise un-entanglement
of the Greek: alpha becomes a-lpha...
beta becomes b-eta...
   omicron becomes: o-micron...

the crucifixion of hey-zeus only gave the gentiles
access to the Hebrew deity...
is the deity such a horrible deity,
did the "father" do less damage to the deities of
lesser Semites than the "son" that sowed
havoc among the pagan traditions,
gone an Odin, bowing,
gone the Zeus, bowing...

in the beginning was the word,
und: am anfang da war das wort...
   nichts anders! lasst uns: rückkehr...
bezahlen unser fällig huldigung!

we have been invited through suffering...
such a deity as the tetragrammatom...
H to H... rugby posts...
W for an M for... trigonometry...
cosine and sine...
Y for for serpent's tongue, split,
bilingual, schizoid or?
the corner of a cube...

my interpretation is in "Latin"... it must be...
but look at what happened to cuneiform!

now Islam appeals through violence,
through terror, it will never appeal to my sensibilities,
nor the past of the people i inherited the present
with... Islam is a horrid plagiarism of Judaism...
i'll just break down the deity's denote:
all?! ah!
if only that was a relief...
god of the scythe moon and the supposed star
of the planet Venus in the guise, fakery...
Islam will never appeal to me...
Islam can burn in the abyss...
even the story of the fall of Satan...
if (i hallucinate the word dajjal while
writing this) Satan didn't bow before
Adam upon Adam's creation...
if i were Adam... i'd tease Satan's vanity...
i'd bow before him...
why? it would spare me having to keep him
in the back of my mind, resurrect him
with horror images of the inferno...
then again... if i didn't draw pictures
of dragons in the medieval period of my late
infancy... could i have later found...
dinosaur remains, or would i be merely satiated
by the remaining lizards on this earth?

for ****'s sake, why are the minorities so
******* offended?

why are all the racial minorities so, *******,
sensitive...
everyone is either racist or sexist...
at work...

you hear something equivalent to:
i don't know how i managed to watch the women's
world cup in football....
a black woman retorts: you're sexist...
what an a priori distinction to make:
no... they're tinier in size...
if they managed to get a girl,...
that might also play volleyball in goal...
what' the point explaining...
i'm sexist, i'm racist: de facto...
**** the minorities...
to hell with them!
then again... i'm a ****** living in
England, oh, right, i'm a white male...
i can't possibly be... **** the minorities!

i, am, tired... of living, with, these, people,
so, much, more... arguing, with, them...
let, them, ****, let them, experience,
"superiority" complexes...
i, am, not, DNA... investing... *******!
brighten up your tomorrow
by giving sensitivity classes to...
oh... wait... only the supposed minorities left...
well: ******* well done!
sensitive bunch of *******-****** Pakis;
ooh... ooh... hurt feelings...
thank the flying **** my ***** wasn't part
of the post-colonial project that England's now
part of... i guess something was reiterated...
look how the Polish-Lithuanian
Commonwealth dissolved...
**** me... these aren't my girls getting ****** in
the ***...
sure... as a steward... at an event...
but... what are the chances that the Manchester bombing
could have been prevented...
if some of the stewards...
if all of the stewards didn't have
racial affiliations to the bombers?!

none... none... whatsoever, best sacrifice your
daughter than fear of being labelled a racist...
fair enough... bell's at toll, or, rather: counting
the tally of your... mistakes...
ahem... "sensibilities": oh, but you must mind
them as also being towed!

either a PIGS or a WASP...
is that how the world functions?
****'s sake...
        then... i don't want to bring any
children of my own into this.. ****-show...
no... i'm fine....
  the world can go **** itself silly...

- did i dream up the term: Pakistan?
i don't think i have, or had...
Asian Dub Foundation have the lyrics:
no Iraqi ever called me a ****..
****-? oh, the hyphen is required reading,
it denotes the term ****
as a prefix...
i'm with the English, i'm sort of,
rather than: i am sort of: lazy...
when speaking, i sometimes mumble,
although i shouldn't: should not...
ha ha ha...
you wouldn't call (would not)
call an Afghani / Afghan an... Afghanistani...
would you?
or an Iraqi an Iraqistani?
would you?!
ooh... sensitive little creatures...
perhaps creatures, perhaps nothing more than
caricatures... perhaps just...
lesser tans of ****...
****** variations of cinnamon,
or cumin or... em... coriander powder?!
maybe all three? pack-up-the-****...
i want to sharpen my teeth on something...
but that load of **** i don't want
to bite... n'ah... i rather pair up
with a dog's canine...
this sort of *******
i'd rather sink down a toilet...

- sure, call me milk toast etc.
i'm not the one being overtly sensitive over
words that people of racial minorities
don't own, since they didn't invent them!

too drunk to see the letters....
too drunk to mind the barriers....
to begin with,
long be gone the despotism of minor
and minorities...
for the majority rule,
for the majority are tantamount:
for future, for preservation,
for, tactic...

no one mentioned the Rotherham gangs
of the ultimate PAK... do they?
prefix distinction missing, or sonrthing?
you will never say Afghan
when stating Afghanistan, will you?
YOU WILL STATE: AFGHANISTANI...

curiously defect, curiously: WEAK PAKIs...
term red: red...
    you might asd well recite:
Bengali... Bengal (people)
when citing: Bangladesh...
why...  add Bangladeshi... is there a suffic
-stan to be invoked...
lazily... ****... because i don't feel like
expressing the fuller: -stani!
savvy? no... with these people there is no
******* "savvy"...

there's either a foot in the face,
or there's a... shove their face in my aas
and take a sniff...
your skin colour almost resembles the hue
of the **** i **** out...
how's that?!

it takes two to tango... how's this tango?
******* whiplash... you sorted,
the proper imam squidgy plush?

sensitive little creatures...
can **** little white girls...
but can't stand being called a ****-,
note the hyphen, so it denotes
a prefix...
what a load of insensible little people
that will crowd the earth with
their little ideas...
what a glorified reinvention
of the gods... some of us must have become
too smart for the gods to jest...
i have to see it that way...
the dodo project...
wee became too smart,
too individualistic...
no one, except me:
invited the existence of the demigod Solipsism:
Sisyphus... Solipssus...
except me...
       no, this art, this architecture...
my own doesn't exactly matter, why should
i leverage a back-log of paintings/ ideas?!
let it burn, let it burn!
let's revise... we need to revise...
we've become too complacent...
to begin with...
i think it's necessary, mind you...
all the white girls are expecting a ***** flick of
itemizing phallus sizes...
if they're not... probably *****... or ignored...
thirdly: i stopped caring...
do i, own her? do i, pay for her?
well, none of the stressed above...
she sees chocolate whenever and however she pleases...
why bother?

the lowest in the IQ spectrum will inherit the earth...
let them! i don't mind...
to hell with high IQ people...
listen, your work is done...
there's  no need to continue the agony...
let the people who can best be cloned endure...
let people who enjoy *** the most: endure...
let people be their own sort of people...
personally, i don't want to be part of this
sack of swinging *******...
do i care that Europe will become
a Reconquista 2.0 Project... eh... no...
**** it... let the idiots reproduce...
i'm sort of going to appreciate their universal
suffering... it always comes...
regardless of their shelf-life /
shelf-alloction... suffering is almost a pre-condition
of the human experiences....
funny, though... it will be made easier
knowing that some categorical synonym
is missing...
all the better... like all the better for me, now...
that i should be deemed undesirable
by them and my own elites...

my hands are open... my heart is freed...
such lesser creatures require such lesser concerns
that only enable them to preserve:
preserving themselves...
hardly any original idea / narrative will ever
be allowed to be shared by them...
i thank myself: for not having
to agonise my children with a lack of
the said above...
thank god, i was smart enough to not
replicate mistakes...
my mistakes are my own...
they will never belong to my child...

grace, by the gratefulness to be:
alone, and only alone to
replicate: its comfortability...
                  my heart: that i allow to sink...
when dropped into a mirror
of a lake...
oh! the splendour! rich or poor,
near or far apart!
what measure, that equates them
as equal "apart"...
          my "little" Hebrew deity of measure...
blind me: i will still see more clearly!