I don't like initiating every single conversation
hangout
text
It's not that I don't have friends
It's just that they have friends
other friends
more important friends
It's not that I don't to people
It's just that they only talk to me because they see me
five times a week
It's not that I spend friday nights alone
curled up watching netflix
I still keep my phone by my side waiting for an invitation
Because it's not like I haven't tried
I'm just not the friend you invite to a party
to hangout
to eat
And it's not like that doesn't hurt
finding ways to mask the excuse of always being along
introvertism can only go so far.
It's not like I don't ask to be included
I'm just not a part of the core group
the group chat
the skype call
Look, I understand. I get it, I really do
You have other friends, priorities, drama,
and I just fade into the background
Maybe I'm too independent or laid back
Maybe I'm not engaging enough and don't text back
It's not that I'm lonely
It's not that I don't try
I've just learned not to have to charge my phone over night
I've just learned to expect a phone call from my parents
or a text from my sister
I'm not in a friend group, but I have friends
I'm not in the group message,
the skype call
the table in the mess hall
And I would be okay with that
If I didn't know
But you let slip, without warning,
the meme that someone posted in the group
something funny someone said during lunch
the craziness of friday night
But I know
And I care
