I don't like initiating every single conversation
                                                            hangout
                                                            text
It's not that I don't have friends
It's just that they have friends
                                        other friends
                                         more important friends
It's not that I don't to people
It's just that they only talk to me because they see me
five times a week

It's not that I spend friday nights alone
curled up watching netflix
I still keep my phone by my side waiting for an invitation

Because it's not like I haven't tried
I'm just not the friend you invite to a party
                                                          to hangout
                                                          to eat
And it's not like that doesn't hurt
finding ways to mask the excuse of always being along
introvertism can only go so far.

It's not like I don't ask to be included
I'm just not a part of the core group
                                           the group chat
                                           the skype call

Look, I understand. I get it, I really do
You have other friends, priorities, drama,
and I just fade into the background

Maybe I'm too independent or laid back
Maybe I'm not engaging enough and don't text back

It's not that I'm lonely
It's not that I don't try
I've just learned not to have to charge my phone over night
I've just learned to expect a phone call from my parents
or a text from my sister

I'm not in a friend group, but I have friends
I'm not in the group message,
                  the skype call
                  the table in the mess hall
And I would be okay with that

If I didn't know

But you let slip, without warning,
the meme that someone posted in the group
something funny someone said during lunch
the craziness of friday night

But I know
And I care