Anyways more of me lol, OK I grew up with a mum and dad good Christian parents though both went off the path!¡ mum is ex. Well still alcoholic but don't drink once addict always one as they say.. I saved her life many times from getting killed .. Me mother is mine soulmate no not sexually. She's mine best friend in this world if I lost her I'd lose me really in a way.. Dad is ex pill addict currently still is. Though he gets quote legal pills for back pain herniated disk) he is part of reason I got into a 22 people drug bust... I was originally charged in drug bust with trafficking oxy  contins meaning ( an felony 2) meaning trafficking in drugs. And got charged with trafficking ******* up to and ounce between two deals I made to a guy who set me up between two Thursdays....I knew this guy from school back in day so you all know.. He wore wire on me. Had police phone I used to call me dealer which police listened and sit right out side me apts.... Anyways I got on probation continued to use drugs was blessed... Those charges I told u were dropped to aggravate
Possession of drugs from the two oxys for me in me pocket... Lawyer knew I did these deals not for money but pills... So yes messed up probation so sent to crc prison for four months than to pickaway prison right across the street which used to be an old army base than in the thirties was a mental ward for people who had demons.... So yeah in prison people could find out I sang... I became the singer of the prison I did their talent shows. I spoke out against gangs killing gangs in there knowing I'd be ridiculed from gangs sitting and watching me but I got respect singing to whole crowd and I got good respect from all people.  Because I believe in loving all people. Not war. Not hate not anger or hate but love conquers all evils.... If humañs would only understand that. Oh more u don't know I also played for the ex mayor at age sixteen for a drug Free thing I use to be in called 3d ironically was a hypocrite using drugs at time . anyways played at ballroom of Toledo art museum in front of a crowd of the mayors.. Also played at  a high school in Cleveland Ohio doing me own music two songs ... There were 350 eyes on me which felt amazing.... And did a show at a private school for girls and boys and had news people from wtol news there in Toledo.... So yes I need to get back into music I miss it alot .?. I've been poet along time can't tell u really how long?!? I can communicate with spirits literally I hear them in me home . I see their orbs . me and mum both. We got pics of them and sound recordings though try to stay away from that *** we don't always know if good or evil demons are coming in... I've been scratched by them... Broke out in rashes from them touching me. Can feel cold from them when their near... Hear them speak in me ear so only I hear or out loud where me and mum hear both *** me and her are in tune spiritually big time... Dad also hears like me and mum footsteps in house or in addict in apt. Yet have Christ to protect me in bad... And when I pray to Christ those DEMON'S leave. They hate christ!!!!!No more natious feeling that they cause no more depression when they leave.... They are real  for u who don't believe.... Also I usualy wear long hair but cut whenever I need to even it up.... I had friends in past yet due to their drug use still they all left me after mine bust showing me not real friends.... So mums me best friend so is many others on here I'm close with .. You have all showed me soo much love I've never felt... God bless u all . I thank u to me soul....I love to cook to.. I also love giving back massages and whole body massages.. I love brushing ones hair to and rubbing their eyes lids temples.... Also with one I love pulling her hair stroking fingers in it to help her relax on back of her head... And massaging her... Using candles to relax her and I love incense.. Sage and Christ is for the demons lol.... But I love cooking for a woman ... And making her a bath to relax... And I am a true hopeless romantic......

Not done more coming wait to see (;

You told me you fell
And that you hit your head
You said to leave you alone
And that you just wanted to lay in bed

But I can't help myself
I care about you
It's just in my nature
So there's nothing I can do

I sit here
And worry
And worry
And think
And worry
And wonder
And my heart starts to sink

Does she have a concussion?
A herniated disk?
A fractured skull?
Could she have broken her spine?
Then logic interjects,
"She's probably fine"
But my imagination
That beautiful beast
Drowns out my logic
And the worry won't cease
Oh God.
What if she's deceased!?
What if she's dead!?
No
What am I saying?
I know she's alive
She has to be.
She just has to.
Oh God
I hope she's ok.

I roll in stolen moments
no deep contemplative hours avail me
an immovable watch, snatched and dashed by phone
or lipstick honed prose shopping for scandal
I am
the broken hands of faith offering naught but a vagrant malediction
where, but for a few chatty fists further, they remain below the none
in the unbound knots of shallow ruin
black
boxed
and cut into catastrophe
a unified cleave of impoverished woe

“immoveable?” say I

“I may chance sleep if it were in the hands of one beyond where ill goaded geometry is gone
Immaterial
come already danced, implacable
and I were vitreous to their bacterial digestion”

such chatty cracks may answer above their unleashed wish but…  

“but what?”

…but the chiral sun lies on its back smoking those hooves which have waited all day
the eternal don’t offer  faith in my diorama
so I own them
my own
my own scars that burn nicely enough
without your fire to iterate the bones

a few more herniated throats might join us yet
for a conveniently flagged final rebuke
each with a semi-toned profanity
as precocious coda
aged and offered with ******* down your maddening throat

picking up, if I may, where I left off yesterday,
before you so rudely walked away
or was it a year or so before?

I remain bored with these gods
twice removed from the approval ratings
their open mouthed statute holds no limitation
to my ambition
let me see those waves which are racked beyond recall
much like your neck should be
through jawed ears and briny tongue
a muffled centrepiece fetid
save for recalcitrant  sinew

I shall be the sky in which your virtuoso limbs must swing
swing
spastic in their envoi

now, serpent spat, pin-grinned, how is this sleep pain in the mirrored wide-why?

Books with spines curved like gymnasts
are my favorite to own.
They're frail, aged and loose;
they've been worn to the bone
and have no strength to close themselves up
without being stacked tall
between other broken spines.

Like old men, they've endured time's unforgiving trial.
Books like these tell stories outside their pages.

At 21, my pride sliced open my spine
spattering out herniated fluid down its arches,
shooting fireworks down my legs.

I know about damage and battered bodies.
I learned eternity, as the suffering reminds me
through the dark, cold night and tiresome day,
that I won't escape this body
until my eyes fall shut one last time
and I learn eternity again in sleep.

I'm battered, broken and chewed to the bone.
But, unlike Tithonus in ashes and endless life,
I will one day rest without suffering.

A Meditative Attempt At Comforting

You are my synapses,
My consciousness,
My chemistry  
And everyone’s.
I have no ‘my’,
I have no say.
We are combined and mixed as one.
We are a kind of moon and sun.
That being so,
One has to rest and be at ease
In seeming ****** catastrophes:
Ageing’s ills and strains unbidden.
Youth’s robustness to bed-ridden
Impotence that needs to ask for each and every  
Life’s dependency.
This, for a friend ‘who sees an end,
And for another with the bother
Of a herniated rupture.
This, a meditative scripture
On attempts to see things are they are;
As they really, really are,
Have been and will be ever.

A Meditative Attempt At Comforting 9.4.2018 God Book II; The Processes: Creative, Thinking, Meditative II; Arlene Nover Corwin

The weight was too much for me
I could never hold on to this for too long
I tried my best,
but I just couldn't.
I held my breath
hoping to even see a glimpse of hope
but it seemed pointless
my muscle weakened
and at that moment
I knew
I've been herniated.

as if I’m stairs caked in ice
someone didn’t shovel
as if I’m a schoolgirl
going for detention for making trouble
as if I’m a herniated disk
bearing pain
or pretty in pink when
you’re laid-off again
and I'd slip out of it
as if I'm an undergarment
you pull on after the pantyhose
but I haven't