some songs i will always like
others songs i have long lost use for

so there is no song for you
all these years later
a quarter of a century
is too many years for someone like you
even for someone like me

you looked like everything was catching up to you
as your face hung, stubble showing through
your make-up

did you ever try and leave this town
this small, expensive town
you never left it
well i did and sadly came back

it was raining
when you got off at the stop
in the bad neighborhood

probably the closest place to town you could afford
i wondered if you weren't doing well finacially
and smiled to myself
remembering you telling me i was so ugly
on many different occasions, a few times
as you burnt incense in your bedroom
making shapely hand guestures in the air,
playing and counting your many cassette tapes
as pictures of madonna looked down
her mole and redlipstick

still look down for you
because you were dressed
the same way you were dressed
in highschool

long black overcoat to slim yourself down
black creepers to add height
i stared out the window
into the look time decided on in your eyes
at you walking on to the only home you could afford
and it looked like something
very fair had finally happened

I work
I work for every I have ever wanted
I work 6 hours after school every day
I work every weekend
I work till I have blisters on my hands and feet

My hands are dry,
calloused, but strong

I'm sore,
but stronger

I may not know sleep and luxury like you
I may not know what its like to be finacially taken care of
but I know a different luxury

I know the luxury of freedom
the freedom to make my own money
my own choices
I know I can fall back on my strength

You have to rely on daddy's money
I rely on myself and my stamina

One day when you don't have daddy's money
and you wake up to the real world

I will be sitting here with
my saving
my home
my happy life
laughing because while I was working
you were dicking around
not knowing hard work

Construct.. Construct what?

We construct ourselves through out everlasting experiences.

Ever changing enviornments and never ending moments.

We grow older, wiser, but always just as confused.. always just as curious.

We construct ourselves emotionally,
socially, finacially...

We break down just as easily..

As water is to stone, life is to ourselves, eroding, constant, necessary..
Like buildings we are constructed..


And like buildings,  we fall.

i woke up today,
to find:
my husband still loves and
desires me,
my child still thinks, i am
wonderful,
my cat thinks, i control
the weather and is grateful
i made the sun shine.
i have a job i adore
and  it allows me to play
and in playing ignite
the creativity in young
and bright souls,
i still fit comfortably into
last years spring clothes,
i, with my husband own our
own home and are finacially
secure,
i and my family, are all
happy and healthy,
i am surrounded by friends
who value my worth
and whose worth and love, is of inestimable value to me,
i still love and desire my husband... and think my child wonderful,

and that,
some number of people, read my poetry
and enjoy it.....

i thank the gods,
for all of the above.....
but if honest,
the last is but icing
on the best tasting,
chocolate cake....
that is the rest of my life....