I think of a word  and then write it out, the

rope is now thrown up and over placed

just right, I write one more the noose is

nicely tightened up just right.

  

A word comes to mind, a thought

made on paper, can I guess

what will happen next.

  

So many words writtern, things

I have done to make this right, first

was the rope, the noose tightened

just right a word on paper

the rope drawn to that which will

hold it tight.

  

Words have been writtern the

time running out, as the last

one is on paper my time has run out.

  

The hang man is finished the note

writtern out, where once there was panic

and movment, I am the hang man silent, still

the noose drawn tightly no air to escape

in or out.

  

Peace now resides on this still

  calm face, as I am waiting to be  found

with my note explaning everything

neatly writtern out.

They claim they love you
Until your money through
Real friends are the furthest from you
And the closest
Are the ones who chill with us
Dont believe me
Check your history
Theres a reason they enemies
Stick closer than friends
Cuz in the end
Youll find your was by yourself
From begin
So take these words in
And let it marinate hopefully
It can create space
So enemies can embrace
Much pain to there brain
For tryna maintain
Their few minutes of fame
But they all in shame
Mad *** they aint doing ****
With there miserable life
It could be a husband or wife
Morals are long cuz society gone
Not connected to mother earth
Since the umbilical chord cut
We left with a bunch of what?
Questioning the answered?
And unanswered the questioning
They sayim complaining
When im just explaning
Wisdom that comes to me
At the darkest hours of the night
Who couldnt see me even with an Owls sight my might
Too **** strong watch me transform
On the scene with a new screen
Erasing sins and put an end
To the evil commission but then again
It'll only depart
Because most of us had no love
From.the very start

My feelings spark up and the words that want to form
are stuck behind the barrier at the end of my tongue.
...They are trapped.

The things I want to tell you, will never make sense in your world.
Because your world does not consist of 3am calls
from the past telling you that your futue will repeat history.

See my world has sarin rain.
And instead of breathing in oxygen,
I breathe in cynide.
So the next time you wonder why im choking on the words that will never form,
remember that im dying on the inside.
Dying to tell you that I melt from your touch.
Dying to tell you I miss you withought being to eager.
Dying to make things go back to the way they were
Cause even for a minute, just one minute when you told me you loved me,
I wanted not myself but for you to mean it.

Yet you do not love me.
You thought you loved me.
You knew how easy I would fall into your arms
and make every problem you ever had disapear
without there being any residue.
All it ever was, was that I was your worn out cloth only to be torn and used again and again and again.
So do not tell me you love me...because I will beleve you and lose myself all over again.

i live my life strung off anti anxiety meds just to get by
i live life on the edge
not risk taking
just on the edge
always on the edge always on the edge of letting go
not sure of what i’m letting go of i just know i want to let go
i wish
i wish i wasnt who i am mentally
i wish
i wish
i wish i didn’t live my life full of hallow fears that stop me from moving on to better highlights of happiness
im stuck in my ways
the mirror doesnt fulfill
it doesnt fulfill what i want
it doesnt give me what i want
nothing gives me what i want
i search for myself in empty promises
someone to hold on to when my days are dark
they all show me that i shouldnt look for happiness in others
sadly i cant find it within
within i, i find resentment
resentment because im not who i used to be
i was always scared of change but never was i scared to take a chance
now i second guess my every move
but give my all those who ask
give my heart only from a glance
where my heart on my sleeve and hand it over to who asks
i dont second guess that
im looking for acceptance in whoever offers the best price
im looking for acceptance
someone to look me in my eyes
not someone who i have to sell my soul to just to be forgotten after they blink and realize im not who they want in theyre life
im not like every other girl
im full of fear and regret
im full and anxiety im scared of being left
im scared of losing hope i gave it all to the man upstairs
i wonder if he believes in me
i wonder if he knows im scared
i dont want to grow up i want to be 20 forever
i dont want to grow up i want to be 16
i dont want to grow up i want to be 11
i dont want to grow up
i cant imagine being alone without someone to hold my hand
i cant be guided by the lost forever
i cant be guided
im trying im making that clear
im taking steps to clear the smoke
ive made a mess of myself a few times now im holding it in
the mess is my own
i wont tell anyone how i feel
it doesnt make sense to even myself
if i tell anyone they wont understand
and explaning it will just fill me with doubt
i walk around with a rain absorbed cloud on my head
when the sun goes down it pours
i think alot in the night
when the sun comes up my mask goes on
i cant have anyone knowing i feel alone
i dont make it obvious i dont think
i wont dare to tell a soul
i lay myself open
read me like a book
just dont ask questions
i wont tell the truth
i cant tell a soul that im broken
i feel everything
even when i shouldnt
even time someone leaves it hits like a bullet
leaves a scar

I read a lot of books these days,
explaning love and its beautiful ways.
I thought it could help me to understand
how to keep it warm, your soft, cold hand.

But all these words, written down in black,
trying to guide me on the perfect track.
But why should I follow, I guess I'll stay,
not following words and love you my way.