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Nat Lipstadt Apr 2016
sweet waters with mint fragrant hints,
memories flood me,
"walking back in time"
he describes it

of my early days of discovery,
this voyage upon the poetry ship,
with me, mere stowaway,
unfit by compare,
sailed to lands unimaginable,
friendships seeded in words,
sprouted like a field of summer sunflowers,
water weeping, for joy so joyous,
the mastery of his words
elevates, levitates,
the ashes of sadness now dispossessed,
floating on the Ganges

the drumming of my dreams,
of treasures of golden words,
in lungs undiscovered, unspoken,
leads me back to you,
Balachandran from Thiruvananthapuram

April 10, 2016

~~~

Jun 1, 2013

Balachandran


How I love to say your name,
Rolling waves over my tongue,
It is must be said out loud
Two or three times to feel its rhythm,
Two or three more just for the
Spiced pleasure it conveys.
Bala chan dran!

My name harsh, Germanic,
Like the Black Forest,
Where my ancestors dwelled,
Until a harsher people drove them away.

Balachandran!

Under the ground beneath the temple
Padmanabha Swamy,
A temple dedicated to
Vishnu,
In the state of
Kerala,
the original spice country.
South Western sea board of India,
where miracles never cease to happen,
A billion dollar treasure discovered.

A treasure of words and sounds,
A language musical, every word a poem
Of incroyable elegance.

I am so glad that you were not born in France.

Perhaps someday I will courage summon,
To spicy lands, explore, and even come to
Thiruvananthapuram.

For now, I must be satisfied with the
Poetical musicale program I attend,
When I say over and over again,
Balachandran from Thiruvananthapuram!
Dedicated to K Balachandran
Nat Lipstadt Jun 2013
Balachandran

How I love to say your name,
Rolling waves over my tongue,
It is must be said out loud
Two or three times to feel its rhythm,
Two or three more just for the
Spiced pleasure it conveys.
Bala chan dran!

My name harsh, Germanic,
Like the Black Forest,
Where my ancestors dwelled,
Until a harsher people drove them away.

Balachandran!

Under the ground beneath the temple
Padmanabha Swamy,
A temple dedicated to
Vishnu,
In the state of
Kerala,
the original spice country.
South Western sea board of India,
where miracles never cease to happen,
A billion dollar treasure discovered.

A treasure of words and sounds,
A language musical, every word a poem
Of incroyable elegance.

I am so glad that you were not born in France.

Perhaps someday I will courage summon,
To spicy lands, explore, and even come to
Thiruvananthapuram.

For now, I must be satisfied with the
Poetical musicale program I attend,
When I say over and over again,
**Balachandran from Thiruvananthapuram!
Dedicated to K Balachandran
Eines kaltes und schwach beleuchtetes Morgens,
wachte ich, oder so ich dachte,
zu nur einem neue unverfängliche Tag.

In Verlauf des Tages
wurde es mir schwer zu unterscheiden
zwischen Wach und Traum.
Eigentlich, jetzt dass ich dran denke,
mir scheinen sie noch die gleiche zu sein...

Die am beide
beginnen und enden
sind grenzlos und begrenzt
sind echt und Illusion
sind ganz und gar im Kopf.

In der Zwischenzeit dieses Traums
hatte ich irgendwie gelernt dass vor allem,
man muss lieben, was macht man froh.

Dann,
als ob 'ne Stimme
von hinten meinem Kopf:
"Mach schon, Junge; mach mehr davon!"

Dieser Morgen war heute Morgen.
Tja, vielleicht nicht wörtlich,
doch wahrlich sinnbildlich;

ich weiß es ist wahr
die Sonne hat noch zu setzen
auf meinem traumähnliche Tag
A familiar Dream

One cold and dimly lit morning,
I woke, or so I thought,
to just another unsuspecting day.

In the course of the day
it became difficult for me to differentiate
between waking and dream.
Actually, now that I think about it,
they still seem to be the same to me...

They both
begin and end
are infinite and finite
are real and illusion
are entirely in the head.

In the meantime of this dream
I had somehow learned that before all else,
one must love what makes one happy.

Then,
as if a voice
in the back of my head:
"Come on, boy; make more of it!"

That morning was this morning,
Well, perhaps not literally,
but certainly symbolically;

I know it is true
the sun has yet to set
upon my dreamlike day.


--
Challenged myself to write in German, this is the result and my translation. Enjoy?
Souleater Dec 2017
Die Nerven liegen blank,
irgendwo draußen auf der Straße, ein Penner auf der Bank
Schau mich traurig um, alle gehen einfach weiter
sind egoistisch und schauen nur auf ihre Karriereleiter...

Irgendwo anders ein Schüler in der Klasse
er unterscheidet sich in mehr als nur Aussehen und Rasse
Oberflächlichkeit im Vordergrund,
viele Narben, im herzen der wunde Punkt
Egal ob Ignoranz, Brutalität oder Worte
das Messer trotzdem das Herz durchbohrte....

Referate, Arbeiten und Praktika stehen an
Angst und Stress gehen mit dir da dran
weißt selbst nicht mehr wo vorne und hinten ist
tust was du kannst, verlierst wer du bist

Wo anders ein Träumer
wohnt bei seiner Großmutter,
sie hat Krebs und reuma
hofft sie lebt noch lange
er gibt ihr zum Abschied immer einen Kuss auf die Wange
eines Tages wird sie gehen
dann wirst du alleine da stehen
doch hab keine Angst vor dem Tag
es gibt da draußen jemand der dich mag

Hinterm Fenster ein alter Mann
fragt sich:"was fang ich nur mit dieser Rente an?"
seine Frau bereits krank,
all seine Hoffnung liegt jetzt bei der Bank
die jedoch dankend ablehnt
und ihm nur den Rücken zudreht
Medikament zu teuer, keine Versicherung gegeben,
er will doch nur gemeinsam mit seiner Frau leben.
Die Möglichkeit zu klauen, um das Leben zu retten
könnte enden im Gefängnis mit Wetten....

Zwischen richtig und falsch entscheiden
lieber daheim sitzen oder reisen ?
Gedanken, Hintergründe und Gefühle verstehen
ist bereit dafür Fehler zu begehen
denn irgendwo zwischen Angst, Stress und Wut
findest du Leute, die Liebe zeigen und das tut gut
Sei stark und du selbst
es ist egal das du nicht jedem gefällst
Anushtha parmar Jun 2020
Zindagi ka saar h ,mehnat
Har byakti ka uddhar h, mehnat
Karne h gar tujhe sapne sakaar
To dena suru kar mehnat ko
aakar

Kai parishtithiyo m tujhe jhukna padega
Kai baar tujhe rukna padega
Kar ye dran nishchay tu apne man m
Nahi fasega tu moh-maya aur dhan m


Zindagi ka saar h mehnat
Har byakti ka uddhar h menhat 😇
It's my first poem... Plzz support me to step up in this field 😊
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2021
i never felt such a terrible pain in my heart...
until: this very day... the 27th August 2021...
the pain was so strong i felt a heart-attack was
imminent... what else?!
did someone die... was a second Napoleon born?!
it truly felt like a labour of sorts:
circa 9pm: through to circa 10pm...
who has been born? my heart ached...
i blamed it on the excesses of alcohol consumption primo...
but i reminded myself:
when you cycle into London
you're bound to come back to the suburbs with
grit on your forehead... that same grit
you breathe in...


to hell with happiness!
   zu hölle mit fröhlichkeit!
if i were happy: loose my northern inhibitions...
lose my melancholic outlook on life
i'd loose all curiosity for life!
ich würde alles neugierde für leben!
i don't want to be happy: by happiness i'd stretch
a synonym: content &... oblivious...
i want to be tinged with a layer of sadness...
why oh why? why o why?!
i'm mortal: aren't i?!
i'm not here for an indefinite purpose like: A...
most definitely: that's THE point!
those camel jockeys of Dubai are happy...
but look how stupid they are...
thinking themselves immortal...
running dry the dinosaur-juice...
all the Pakistanis abhor the Arabs...
that the whole world congregated onto London
i'm laughing at myself:
so... where's the part where i walk across
the Thames? the whole world's here!
it might: just might... be a pinch of salt
on old wounds: anyone reviving the flight
of zeppelins? just saying... the whole world is here...
something spectacular is supposed to happen:
i can feel it...
me... i stopped a 20 mile cycle route to St. Paul's
for a black coffee... a *******: h'americano...
some sugar... a sly 50ml of whiskey i dropped like
a bomb... read a few pages of a book...
lazed... looked... lion-esque: copper-neck that
i am... these few months of the year...
that it's sad that i have to beef up writing in no
introspective: self-critical for some... assurance of:
well someone ought to love me...
if no one's willing: best do it myself...
but i'm still stretching it to the love of the english
zunge...
if the Turkish ******* thinks i'm Ing-leash...
i must be... living on the other side of "wall"...
where the Germans and German-esque tribes begin...
and where the Slavs... cornered the Huns
and the Mongols into Crimea...
i guess living among the Ing-Leash: am i?
the whole world is here...
i look the part... then again: if you have a Turkish
barber... and **** a Turkish ******* from time
to time... who wouldn't: "look, the, part"?
grr... this language... it's a second fetish...
my first fetish being: the ancient one...
since i scribble it... methodologically in a way
that proves that: i can't speak it...
perhaps i just troll it...
    since... old habits die hard... historical inheritance
doesn't... ******* Schvabs... Krzyżak...
but thank **** for that...
for a minute there i thought i was living in Germany...
which is so bothersome to think
of the English as... Germanic peoples...
for the first time in my life i'm having
trouble in thinking the English are...
very closely related to... zee Germans...
some etymological starting points...
but... they're not... they're... not?!
like an Australian isn't a... because of his...
newly invented accent?!
there's nothing more insufferable than
a H'american accent...
           sorry... can't be done in my ear:
to my ear: sounds like...
an elephant stepping onto a clarinet...
squashing it... then aiming with the *******
rather than the trunk to play it...
exclaiming: look! saxophone works!
its "****" (the accent's quality) might have
an appeal on a man in... Iraq... or... Ukraine...
i hear a woman speak with that accent i'm like:
guess who...
no... really... it's that sing-along... (the) guess who...

reason with me: o gods...
   for this is how i acknowledge you
acknowledging me!
whenever you send me a dream!
like Hamlet i too could:
be bounded to a nutshell: perhaps
even in a nutshell...
i have no concern for being
a king of infinite space:
   just give unto me my complete self
eternally bound:
changeless - forever stone upon
stone placed...
were it not for bad dreams?!
how about dreams at all!
i'm starving from a lack of dreams:
am i not ambitious enough
am i too common to be graced with
clues in the form of dreams?!
how one's day unfolds when
one can recollect a dream for
an hour in the morning!
i woke into this glorious day
having dreamt of being
given... about a dozen if not more
types of apples by a most
agreeable woman...
she sliced each apple into
quarters...
i dream so rarely that it has started
to bother me: insurmountably!
summer is finally coming to a close...
i anticipate September:
like each year: in this most glorious
of lands... a September's Indian Summer
in England...
as a joke: since the children are going
back to school...
glorious land...
immeasurable land of depth and hope...
agreed! ol' saxon met
a ******* Frenchman...
it flows more freely... never mind...
ol' cousin... neighbour of the continent...

who wouldn't want to love living among
the Ing-Leash...
i'd want to: i want to live among these people
so much that i don't want to live with my...
ugh... "******" genetically same...
cousins of the Polacks...
i'm tired of hearing about the second world war...
i'm tired of being someone lodged in between
the Germans and the Russians...
making middle ground with the.... Lithuanians...
the left-over Jews...
the Estonians: who?
the Romanians... Bulgarians...
the rest of the Yugoslavs...
to hell with huddling together to bring up some...
wait... wasn't communism first implied as...
hijacking the 19th century romance
of pan-Slavism...
pancake the Germans tribes together...
one will speak Dutch... the other the phlegm
of Flemish... the other...
Gall... and G'ah-Ul... stating: came the Romans
came Charlemagne...
elder scrolls with the Scandinavian roots...
i'll sooner pretend to be German than...
ha ha! ally myself with the ******* goat-*******
that the Russians are...

let's reimagine... an urban Pakistani
shop-owner... i'm so indistinguishable from him...
i'm almost gagging to ask him:
so... you're an anglophile?
i would ask the same question: thoroughly...
before the altar of the bereft would-be Jihadi wowing-rho-
rhinos...

perhaps a medley of lyrics in: alt schvabe might
aid my little project:
i'm content with sadness:
it allows me to reiterate...
long gone this past forever refreshed: arrived at:
rekindled:

nun erst lebe ich mir werde
       sit min sundic ouge siht...
das reine land und auch die erde

die eisenfaust am lanzenschaft...
   hey'ah hey'ah...
              so klingt uns seine kunde!

ich: halbherz...
          
             wir sind des Geyers schwarzen haufen..
hi-y'ah! ***!
und wollen mit tyrannem raufen; hi-yah: ah: **!
spieß voran, drauf und dran
               setztz auf klosterdach den roten hahn...

looking for angry young men:
perhaps also: ha-ha-ite?!

    not much fan of a Hamlet.... but please...
point me to the aisle where
Macbeth is sitting...

das reine land und auch die erde...
der man so viel der ehren giht...
mir is geschehen: worum ich stets bat...

Niemy człowiek...
niema mowa: gotów...
    
schöne länder ***** und herrlich...

perhaps the Ing-Leash don't moind...
to hell with the Ing-Leash...
they have their own...
African-bonanza to... mind...

among the Turkish prostitutes i look
English... among the English i look
H'American...
among the Germans i look:
Germany...
among my own folk i look...
i don't really care for my own genetically
****** folk...
hello Calypso...
               among the English...
come to think of it...
perhaps i spent too much time with
the Brits... with the Scots... the Welsh...
to care... what the supposed mainstream...
dictates?! aren't the Irish a separate / separatist
"plague" of people?

i just ask because... oh sure... me... local...
me local goes as far as...
ha ha ha: Cornwall! comfy retirement!
vide cor meum!
i'm here on a loan...
one can almost forget the Irish...
romancing the German tongue...
when one is pretending it to come out...
"it": post-Germanic... Saxophone-Pomeranian...
best felt choke joke among the Celts..
yo... Yuri... Gaga... the Brit?
Ing... so.. no IRA leash?
because... the Welsh... oh... right... they still
keep their tongue... no?

on these isles... one tends to...
forget... the anglo-saxon ambivalence
of: strutting it straight: yo...
this peudo-first: Berliner....
                   scoop up the Scots & call 'em
baron.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2021
i never felt such a terrible pain in my heart...
until: this very day... the 27th August 2021...
the pain was so strong i felt a heart-attack was
imminent... what else?!
did someone die... was a second Napoleon born?!
it truly felt like a labour of sorts:
circa 9pm: through to circa 10pm...
who has been born? my heart ached...
i blamed it on the excesses of alcohol consumption primo...
but i reminded myself:
when you cycle into London
you're bound to come back to the suburbs with
grit on your forehead... that same grit
you breathe in...


to hell with happiness!
   zu hölle mit fröhlichkeit!
if i were happy: loose my northern inhibitions...
lose my melancholic outlook on life
i'd loose all curiosity for life!
ich würde alles neugierde für leben!
i don't want to be happy: by happiness i'd stretch
a synonym: content &... oblivious...
i want to be tinged with a layer of sadness...
why oh why? why o why?!
i'm mortal: aren't i?!
i'm not here for an indefinite purpose like: A...
most definitely: that's THE point!
those camel jockeys of Dubai are happy...
but look how stupid they are...
thinking themselves immortal...
running dry the dinosaur-juice...
all the Pakistanis abhor the Arabs...
that the whole world congregated onto London
i'm laughing at myself:
so... where's the part where i walk across
the Thames? the whole world's here!
it might: just might... be a pinch of salt
on old wounds: anyone reviving the flight
of zeppelins? just saying... the whole world is here...
something spectacular is supposed to happen:
i can feel it...
me... i stopped a 20 mile cycle route to St. Paul's
for a black coffee... a *******: h'americano...
some sugar... a sly 50ml of whiskey i dropped like
a bomb... read a few pages of a book...
lazed... looked... lion-esque: copper-neck that
i am... these few months of the year...
that it's sad that i have to beef up writing in no
introspective: self-critical for some... assurance of:
well someone ought to love me...
if no one's willing: best do it myself...
but i'm still stretching it to the love of the english
zunge...
if the Turkish ******* thinks i'm Ing-leash...
i must be... living on the other side of "wall"...
where the Germans and German-esque tribes begin...
and where the Slavs... cornered the Huns
and the Mongols into Crimea...
i guess living among the Ing-Leash: am i?
the whole world is here...
i look the part... then again: if you have a Turkish
barber... and **** a Turkish ******* from time
to time... who wouldn't: "look, the, part"?
grr... this language... it's a second fetish...
my first fetish being: the ancient one...
since i scribble it... methodologically in a way
that proves that: i can't speak it...
perhaps i just troll it...
    since... old habits die hard... historical inheritance
doesn't... ******* Schvabs... Krzyżak...
but thank **** for that...
for a minute there i thought i was living in Germany...
which is so bothersome to think
of the English as... Germanic peoples...
for the first time in my life i'm having
trouble in thinking the English are...
very closely related to... zee Germans...
some etymological starting points...
but... they're not... they're... not?!
like an Australian isn't a... because of his...
newly invented accent?!
there's nothing more insufferable than
a H'american accent...
           sorry... can't be done in my ear:
to my ear: sounds like...
an elephant stepping onto a clarinet...
squashing it... then aiming with the *******
rather than the trunk to play it...
exclaiming: look! saxophone works!
its "****" (the accent's quality) might have
an appeal on a man in... Iraq... or... Ukraine...
i hear a woman speak with that accent i'm like:
guess who...
no... really... it's that sing-along... (the) guess who...

reason with me: o gods...
   for this is how i acknowledge you
acknowledging me!
whenever you send me a dream!
like Hamlet i too could:
be bounded to a nutshell: perhaps
even in a nutshell...
i have no concern for being
a king of infinite space:
   just give unto me my complete self
eternally bound:
changeless - forever stone upon
stone placed...
were it not for bad dreams?!
how about dreams at all!
i'm starving from a lack of dreams:
am i not ambitious enough
am i too common to be graced with
clues in the form of dreams?!
how one's day unfolds when
one can recollect a dream for
an hour in the morning!
i woke into this glorious day
having dreamt of being
given... about a dozen if not more
types of apples by a most
agreeable woman...
she sliced each apple into
quarters...
i dream so rarely that it has started
to bother me: insurmountably!
summer is finally coming to a close...
i anticipate September:
like each year: in this most glorious
of lands... a September's Indian Summer
in England...
as a joke: since the children are going
back to school...
glorious land...
immeasurable land of depth and hope...
agreed! ol' saxon met
a ******* Frenchman...
it flows more freely... never mind...
ol' cousin... neighbour of the continent...

who wouldn't want to love living among
the Ing-Leash...
i'd want to: i want to live among these people
so much that i don't want to live with my...
ugh... "******" genetically same...
cousins of the Polacks...
i'm tired of hearing about the second world war...
i'm tired of being someone lodged in between
the Germans and the Russians...
making middle ground with the.... Lithuanians...
the left-over Jews...
the Estonians: who?
the Romanians... Bulgarians...
the rest of the Yugoslavs...
to hell with huddling together to bring up some...
wait... wasn't communism first implied as...
hijacking the 19th century romance
of pan-Slavism...
pancake the Germans tribes together...
one will speak Dutch... the other the phlegm
of Flemish... the other...
Gall... and G'ah-Ul... stating: came the Romans
came Charlemagne...
elder scrolls with the Scandinavian roots...
i'll sooner pretend to be German than...
ha ha! ally myself with the ******* goat-*******
that the Russians are...

let's reimagine... an urban Pakistani
shop-owner... i'm so indistinguishable from him...
i'm almost gagging to ask him:
so... you're an anglophile?
i would ask the same question: thoroughly...
before the altar of the bereft would-be Jihadi wowing-rho-
rhinos...

perhaps a medley of lyrics in: alt schvabe might
aid my little project:
i'm content with sadness:
it allows me to reiterate...
long gone this past forever refreshed: arrived at:
rekindled:

nun erst lebe ich mir werde
       sit min sundic ouge siht...
das reine land und auch die erde

die eisenfaust am lanzenschaft...
   hey'ah hey'ah...
              so klingt uns seine kunde!

ich: halbherz...
          
             wir sind des Geyers schwarzen haufen..
hi-y'ah! ***!
und wollen mit tyrannem raufen; hi-yah: ah: **!
spieß voran, drauf und dran
               setztz auf klosterdach den roten hahn...

looking for angry young men:
perhaps also: ha-ha-ite?!

    not much fan of a Hamlet.... but please...
point me to the aisle where
Macbeth is sitting...

das reine land und auch die erde...
der man so viel der ehren giht...
mir is geschehen: worum ich stets bat...

Niemy człowiek...
niema mowa: gotów...
    
schöne länder ***** und herrlich...

perhaps the Ing-Leash don't moind...
to hell with the Ing-Leash...
they have their own...
African-bonanza to... mind...

among the Turkish prostitutes i look
English... among the English i look
H'American...
among the Germans i look:
Germany...
among my own folk i look...
i don't really care for my own genetically
****** folk...
hello Calypso...
               among the English...
come to think of it...
perhaps i spent too much time with
the Brits... with the Scots... the Welsh...
to care... what the supposed mainstream...
dictates?! aren't the Irish a separate / separatist
"plague" of people?

i just ask because... oh sure... me... local...
me local goes as far as...
ha ha ha: Cornwall! comfy retirement!
vide cor meum!
i'm here on a loan...
one can almost forget the Irish...
romancing the German tongue...
when one is pretending it to come out...
"it": post-Germanic... Saxophone-Pomeranian...
best felt choke joke among the Celts..
yo... Yuri... Gaga... the Brit?
Ing... so.. no IRA leash?
because... the Welsh... oh... right... they still
keep their tongue... no?

on these isles... one tends to...
forget... the anglo-saxon ambivalence
of: strutting it straight: yo...
this peudo-first: Berliner....
                   scoop up the Scots & call 'em
baron.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2021
what can i possibly write about, when i have absolutely
nothing to write about?
perhaps i just write enough... until i reach an automaton
mechanism... nothing will be specified,
there will be no plot, no characters,
i'll just latch onto one rubric after an another...
i'll comes across a revision of atoms:
i.e. of letters... perhaps i might... perhaps i might not...
i'll most certainly prey upon the whimsical,
on the easily ignored sort of material...

i should have become a monk, i would have
gladly entered the ranks of the Taizé brotherhood...
i wish i could fall in love as easily as i once did
when i was 18, 19, 20, 21...
the last serious relationship lasted only a few months...
she invited me back to Russia...
i saw St. Petersburg, Metallica in Moscow,
Novgorod... the riches of little men
and the puddles of poverty of a great people...

*** was hardly the compensation:
since i was giving her... i asked... is that 7 multiple
******* in this one night?
sure... she introduced me to in Extremo
and Bulgakov...
apparently on her period... *** starved on the trip...
apparently ******* helps if she's on
her period, ****** on...
in the bath.... flaky skin residues from
*******... but i had to implore...
she was spinning another plate...
her ex... a boy... boy...
who's father was high up in some dept...

she presented her mother as her sister...
her grandmother as her mother...
silly little Siberian ****...
i liked her grandmother...
i ate orange caviar and some Ukrainian borsch...
beetroots and all...
her grandmother said:
seek a man's heart in his stomach...

i know this part of writing...
i've let go...
the *** was so good...
it only took me 13 years later
to find a Turkish ******* to make competition...
then i knew...
it would take a miracle for my now aged
heart to turn to such, naive sentimentality...
mein hertz: diese kleinstein!
it's so horrible when you have passed
people in your life, that absorbed your powers
to engage in naive: trust, love... friendship...
how cautious you must become...
how defensive...

it's a silly project: silly in that...
there's no return...
the *** was great... but: mein gott!
i was so: MI-SE-RA-BLE!
she had the audacity to propose to me...
she even chose an engagement ring
for herself...
after all... a lot did pass since
i was only a visitor to her land...
a slap in the face for:
visiting my grandparents:
i know she cheated: apparently i did too...
she didn't cheat?
while i was drinking ***** with her
ex? while her nephew was hanging around
with a face that read:
oh... it read a mile's worth of depth...
it was a face of melancholy...

but... i did win the haggle on the opera...
we did see la bohème
we didn't see madam butterfly...
i... I! made sure of that...
she might have known some music...
but not this sort of music...
i shed a silent tear during the performance...
beauty agonises me...
tears come as a relief when beauty
is staged... the sort of beauty that
requires an answer...

no... i don't exactly remember her...
it's me! i can't love like that anymore!
like a 21 year old Adonis...
whoever that was...
going mad... spending the years from
being aged 21 through to... circa 35...
the hermit... the monk...
i missed on movements having been
established...
now, resurrected,
working with people:
how... refreshing...
part of a team... focal points of strict
language usage...

only recently i talked with this girl
about the paradox of memory vs. forgetfulness...
cycling...
swimming... the grey area...
once you have learned to ride a bicycle...
once you have learned to swim...
do you remember how to swim?
do you remember how to ride a bicycle?
no... not really...
you don't remember it...
by extension: do you think about it?
no... not really...
can you forget about your ability to swim?
can you forget about your ability
to ride a bicycle?
can you forget to breathe?!
can you forget to blink?
take a ****?!

ha! but you also don't need to remember
such acts... for that matter:
"think" about them...
tattooed deeds...
massively grey...
   i can remember how i loved...
i can remember that i loved...
but... i also can forget how i loved,
that i loved...
or what love is per se...

i ought to have been a monk in that French community...
i still only **** like a Teutonic knight might...
once half a decade...
should the bonsai tiger i'm grooming suddenly
raise up her hind and expose her ****...
then i'll go to the brothel...
but... even if exposed to an insomnia
of libido polarised by mini-skirts and the exposition
of flesh, thighs...
budge me: if you want...
or don the niqab... either way...

i comfort myself by drinking and listening, humming,
later i will learn the words
to... schwäbischkrieglieder!

example:

wir sind geyers schwarzer haufen
hi(gh)-ah: oho...
und woll'n mit tyrannen raufen
hi(gh)-ah, oho...

spiess vor an drauf un dran,
setzt aufs klosterdach den rotehn hahn!

i remember: how i once loved,
how i cannot love, likewise,
in the same way...
the psychopaths have exposed my weakness...
oh sure, now they're left comfortable:
we're just the ones with the scars...
they little idiotic pomps & circumstances
of youth...
i think if was young, once, too...
do i get a second chance?!
ah ha ha ha!

the collective graves of the German soldirs
in the vicinity of Ypres...
a robin will grace the silence...
but, no, single, *******, bird... at the graves
of the allies... no collective graves at the sight
of the allies... ha... "allies"...
but there was a robin in the grave silence
of the collective graves of the Shvabs...
totem riddle... i'm with these guys...

after supposedly being prescribed seeking love...
i found an alternative...
being part of something that might resemble
the army...
a work ethic... i don't want to love...
i want to be competent within the confines
of what i'm supposed to do...
i don't want to love:
i don't want to be a lost teenager...
i loved, once upon a time... such times are over...
i'm not going to love in a way
teenager might...

i might care, for my bonsai tigers...
for ****'s sake: they're not merely cats...
dog lovers *******!
i hate dog lovers... their ******* routines,
their leashes, their muzzles...
their toys of throw... i hate people who glorify
dog ownership above that of bonsai tigers...
annoying little *****...
children prone... i don't mind children...
but not like this... for ****'s sake...

if only i could fall in love as easily as i once did...
father experience taught me otherwise...
oh well... time to move forward...

no chance, i never will... nor that i must,
either.

— The End —