"dissapoint" poems
you're smiling at me
is it pity?
it doesn't quite reach your eyes...
'they feel sorry for you'
you're laughing
is it real?
there is an edge to it...
'they don't find you funny'
you're telling me to be happy
but my voice is comming from your lips
"stop being sad, you're annoying when your sad"
'they want you to leave'
im doubting every expression you make
every word spoken turns against me
the world is no longer welcoming
'they are telling you what you already know'
"YOU DISSAPOINT ME"
"YOU NEVER LEARN"
'do it'
"WE DON"T NEED YOU"
"STOP BEING SAD"
"YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE SAD"
'do it'
"UGLY"
"FAT"
"STUPID"
"DEPRESSES"
'do it'
"IWILLNEVERLOVEYOUYOUWILLNEVERFITINALONELOOSERWHYCANTYOUJUSTBENORMALWHATISWRONGWITHYOUSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDJUSTGOAWAYWEAREBETTEROFFWITHOUTYOU"
'DO IT'
stop
please
just stop
but the words aren't yours
they're mine
Feb 22, 2019
Feb 22, 2019 at 2:25 PM UTC
-
All the eyes
Turn over here
There is something
Entertaining and Interesting that
Needs you to pay notice
To it , so
Invest some energy here
On something that will
Not dissapoint.
Apr 21, 2017
Apr 21, 2017 at 11:22 AM UTC
Scream into the darkness
Without a sound
Weakling
Powerless miscreant
Buried by ash
And trampled by a thousand footsteps
A thunderous roar rips through the night
My desire to reconnect is devoured
By my craving for...
Subterranean hedonism
Exhausted from the surface
I burrow into fantasies of sunken darkness
I have tried to blend into the world
But people continue to dissapoint me
Bones ground to ash and thrown to the wind
My last burials rites
I had hoped it wouldn't come to this
But there is no hope...there is only me
Jun 19, 2016
Jun 19, 2016 at 3:39 AM UTC
I've been planning to runaway for awhile now
I have the guts but I just don't know where to run
Because i'm fed up with everyone
Culmination of events that dissapoint you
Keeps on haunting you
And you no longer feel the love you want
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 12:28 AM UTC
what if i told you
i still count the clock until it hit 2
what if i told you
your ache still making me blue
what if i told you
your smile is giving me a clue
a clue that my soul is still longing for you
what if i told you
i still wait for the days to passed through
what if i told you
i almost fell for every i love yous
what if i told you
the pain didnt stop me from needing you
but what if i told you
you dissapoint me enough
enough to scare me away from running back to you
Mar 1, 2017
Mar 1, 2017 at 8:09 AM UTC
Last year, you were gracious
We sat attentively listening to your endless commentary
on the making of coffee and watched carefully as you used your two hundred dollar
coffee machine and grinder to munch up cooked beans and
make them into brown slightly oily bean juice
and so long as we were sufficiently impressed, we could partake.
This year, you gossip behind the scenes
approach people about what to do about me
drinking your coffee creamer, which is also special
and you stare at me with a look that seems to want
me to make your world flourish and grow and the sun to shine
on you every day and to renew your life with my heartfelt amazement
at your being
like a mother at her newborn child
And I am only trying to survive, and you have plenty of coffee creamer
so I can't even make it up to you, and I do not share your worry
that someday, you might open up the now crowded fridge and find nothing
I do not understand this kind of devastation
It seems petty and silly to someone like me who has woken up
to the blood and guts and body meat scattered around
her own life and had to scramble and fear and survive somehow
So when confronted, there's nothing I can do
but apologize, and I dissapoint again by not sharing things in common with you
and this angers you and you behave like an ignored child because I'm supposed
to share your world and interest and if not at least fake it because
that's what you need and I have the body of a mother
who is to give to the world who needs and needs
and that is supposed to be my job, my vocation
and my only wish in life
So I make my own bean juice and it's foul and rancid but I don't care
because the truth is, I never cared about your coffee
like a lover who is jaded and has given up, I was only faking it
Aug 26, 2012
Aug 26, 2012 at 1:40 PM UTC
“Why not?”
The question seems so silly—childish even—and yet it is the single question we most likely will fail to answer. Why not let me have one more candy? Surely that candy would not be the fast demise of my teeth, sending me to the dentists with rotted roots and gums. Why not dance in the rain? The clothes will dry as the sun will rise and merry memories will have been collected. Why not allow yourself to open your heart?
Ah, the ever-slippery question: why not love? Even more slippery still, the answer; but though it is well known that love is great and powerful, power and greatness leave in their wake fear and destruction—for to give unto another so wholly and completely is to lose some of yourself for the sake of the other; essentially, an emotional diffusion. Perhaps it is this fear that we are losing ourselves at our own hand but for another that terrifies us.
Or maybe it is the fear that others will dissapoint us that has made this generation the lonely and sorrowed. Often, I find myself listening to the people around me put their self worth into the way another person perceives them—and only ever do they find morose disappointment. When ever do people live up to the expectations we bequeath them? The answer is never. We always expect too much; and because mind-reading is not yet a feasible science—we are washed each day with frustration and confusion. Why doesn’t he understand how I feel? Why not?
We’ve begun to whine and self-pity our mouths dry.
It’s time that we realize that it isn’t a question of “Why not?” but a question of, “Why not yet?” For we have so much potential brewing beneath us; we have literally moved mountains and charted the stars. Our virtual realities which have so often robbed us of true interaction need to stand aside as real world action and self providing takes place.
Because why not?
Nov 26, 2012
Nov 26, 2012 at 3:56 AM UTC
They say,
You could do so much better.
Shoot for the stars not the clouds.
The thing is, what if I want to shoot for the clouds and the birds in life?
What if I'm scared to death of failure?
I can't even handle the idea of failing.
People don't understand that I am okay with mediocre.
I don't care if I am the very best.
I just want to be good enough.
I don't ask a lot of myself because I always dissapoint.
So now when they say
You could do so much better.
I will reply
Yes I know, but I don't want better.
Dec 28, 2014
Dec 28, 2014 at 9:48 AM UTC
to think
that at one point I was perfect
for you.
that I actually made you happy.
but now all I ever hear
is myself telling me every time I dissapoint you
and how much I messed up.
I try
everything in my power
to commend you and your feelings.
but now I feel like I have completely failed
both you and I.
so once again
ill apologize for my wrongs
and watch you walk away
just as easily as I watched myself
mess up once again.
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 9:19 PM UTC
i am not like the others;
with fluent words,
freely flowing from within,
like the rain so effortlessly falls.
i am part of the few that stop;
overthink because i may be wrong.
work up a cloud
of worry in my mind
that everything may crumble and fall.
will i succeed?
will i dissapoint?
the thought of speaking to others
is a storm within me;
my heart overwhemled by dominant cracks of thunder.
- j.m.d.
Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 5:07 PM UTC
Sometimes I feel like crying,
Or even extremely, just dying,
Other times, people just be lying,
And I’m buying.
Is it fair to say I’m sad,
When I could just as easily get mad,
Because I know I am bad,
And my soul mate doesn’t love me, not even a tad.
Maybe it’s best to give up,
Give in while you still can, before you become a puppet.
But for her, the girl I keep in my heart’s not so treasured locket,
It wouldn’t be so bad, or would it?
If you’ve never felt happy,
Can you know what makes you completely,
And resolutely,
Lovely?
Now I’m going to change up the lines,
And maybe they won’t rhyme,
Because my heart is bumping faster and sadder,
I’m looking in a dark room, immortalized my
Blank heart, consumed by it’s own ruby red desires
Proving to be strong for any woman to sire,
As I push more and more people away,
And isolate myself behind a mask of foolishness
I live for your laughter, make fun of me please
I enjoy this disaster for it’s the only feeling that’s me
Ain’t no superman, no man inside,
Me but please give me a chance,
I’ll dissapoint, and at last
My task will be completed
And my casket my future, present, past.
May 14, 2010
May 14, 2010 at 7:03 PM UTC
People understand that I'm "insecure"
People understand that I don't take complements well
People understand that if you ask me what my strengths are I will struggle to give you a response
But what people don't understand is the utter hatred and loathing I have for myself as a person
If it wouldn't dissapoint someone I would rather be dead in a heart beat
I hate the life that Ive had and the life I forsee for myself and I know that all of it is my fault
Everything is my fault.
I am a bad person, and some how in my making the lines between riteous and evil where blurred infinitely
There is nothing good about me and nothing of value and I itterly disgust myself
So when people yell at me or critize me I often come off as arrogant by my lack of defensiveness and or solution because I am already so vividly and fully aware of the piece of **** **** that I am
I think if people really got that I would make a lot more sense to them and I could get away with a lot more
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 3:53 AM UTC
I am my harshest critic,
And I dissapoint myself everyday.
But you never judge me,
You love me regardless.
And maybe I won't get a job with a desk,
Maybe I won't have holidays abroad,
Or a marriage and a house.
Maybe it will always be me,
And always you.
But I can throw this ball
I can do it all day.
'cause maybe I can't make myself happy,
But I can make you happy.
And you always cheer me up.
You're my Buddy.
Apr 10, 2013
Apr 10, 2013 at 12:27 PM UTC
In the mean time
while it's raining in my head
I will blanket the only stars that lit in your sleep at night
beacause in my nights were restless in all my troubled worries of your burning sun
In the mean time
I will hide what I could not hold back from you all these times
... love
Where I can bring my worth up to strangrh
turn the pages and scibble about some kind of "grattitude" and other beautiful things that I can find
other than scribbling about heart aches and heart breaks of you
In the mean time
I will keep on going on with a weary head dugg down in the gutter somewhere wishing you can suffer all emotions suffered and transffer them unto you
In the meant time I will do the ******* do's and throw away the do nots so I may be at peace with myself
In the mean time when you search for me again like you normal had done before my gesture will change about you in that time
In the meant time I will hate in order to love again
but not for you
In the mean time men will swander compliment of taste of me while I suffer loyalty of mind, body, thought, and heart of you
In the mean time I will dissapoint God by doing my own will as to drowning in strong drink just to have the strength to finally drop you
In the mean time I will confide in air and space to cry and ache and toss and turn to cure this desease
which is you
In the mean time I will learn to forgive how you laughed at me because "I ain't **** and for threatning to get another ***** at me.. **what?!! just for ******* loving you?**
so in the meant time...
in the mean time
I pray that God will help me through this burn
because I am so tired
of loving you.
© S.T. Rebel of Eden
Sep 29, 2014
Sep 29, 2014 at 6:54 PM UTC
The universe and it's provisions make
The worst situations great
A friend told me once to have faith,
sitting with that puts me in the right space
Knowing that things will be ok
Makes getting up easier each day
The root of all suffering is expectations,
worth tolerating for some relations
BUT, people will ultimately dissapoint,
Time for a glass or maybe a joint?
May 4, 2015
May 4, 2015 at 12:15 AM UTC
Why am I having a breakdown now
I really needed to sleep tonight
I keep on thinking that everyone here
are the nicest people I've ever met
that they actually care about me
un the same minute
i think these people treat me like a piece if ****
That they could care less what happens to me
That if i left they would cheer
**** its hard to right ]
im sobbing
i need help so bad
therapist appointments are to far apart
no help left for those like me
maybe they are being nice
pitying the piece of **** i am
maybe everyone sees threw me
all the ******* hair-brained schemes
all the lies and manipulations
they see threw it all don't they
they are mocking me behind my back
they are just pretending to care
i know they are
who would ever want to care for a monster
a waste of space
its only a matter of time before i fail out of this program
and dissapoint my parents like i always knew i would
Oct 13, 2015
Oct 13, 2015 at 1:10 AM UTC
I dont know how to escape this numb feeling,
Will I be able to break free from this ?
Will time heal all of it?
Or will another love replace this broken heart of mine?
Or will I just go on not needing any of these.
Time please dont let me down.
Hope please dont dissapoint me.
I am counting on you, mind.
May 2, 2016
May 2, 2016 at 3:01 PM UTC
People dissapoint, they scrub your skin with words
I don't want to turn to stone, too many things hurt
I want to be like the soft curve of a pillow
But I must join the earth, to be as standing and un-upset as rock
Rock does not hurt, it doesn't injure, but I do.
I feel the constant chilling burn of depression, and the prodding of a razor, and if that isn't enough then the occasional punch in the stomach from a few words now and then.
Mar 26, 2016
Mar 26, 2016 at 4:19 PM UTC
Sitting in the white room
In front of a white Mac
Typing text in a chat room
Black text on a white screen
Reaching out
Don't know any women in real life
These conversations online
They dissapoint me
Or they end
Where have all the people gone?
Where are meaningful conversations
And good friendships?
In the white room
All I get is this computer
And chats
Chats with women
Searching and searching
For attractive and intelligent
For dominant and **** women
They fulfill a great need
Giving my **** a hard stroke
Ahhhhh
This ******* white room!!!!!!!
Is so fulfilling
Once I had a therapist
She was kind and loving
She left me
That was not moral
Now I'm in this white room
Typing on my computer
I feel close to this computer
All the hours I spend on this computer
**** **** **** **** me
This life can be
Full of misery
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 3:36 PM UTC
lovely little life
who am i kidding
all i want is for someone to ****** me
so i dont have to dissapoint my family with a left behind suicide note
Feb 12, 2018
Feb 12, 2018 at 10:24 AM UTC
Demensed, reminenced to the incidence
Stuck on my chest
With the rest of the depressed
Cartridge packed with gun powder speaks
Louder than the words of this script
Candle dripped on the side, hardened from
The kind weakness of the departed
When their love runs out
No doubt the sprout denies its bloom
Consumed to doom
When there's good evil grows
When good fears, evil surrounds
The lack of oxygen prevents the flame,
Compressed with shame,
Maybe we should try another strain
Too much good
Not enough evil
How about stop good and bad
Chop off the fingers that point
For many that would dissapoint
Gossiping little brats
With bats instead if hearts
Dusted and rusted infected demented
Dissected fraklinected
Evilly mended stop pretendin,
And turning attempting the discerning
Blinded minded no denyin the lack of kinded
Destroys the shinin.
Nov 21, 2017
Nov 21, 2017 at 3:52 AM UTC
I am tired of being your disgusting disappointment
I am never going to meet your expectations
I am removing myself from your claustrophobic shelf
I am choosing to escape to be another runaway
I will not dissapoint you again
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 7:22 AM UTC
Thinking she might say the L word
Not wanting to say it myself
Thinking there was a small chance that she might say
That she loved me as a friend
It didn't happen
I'm not surprised
I'm thankful
And content with how she shared
How she thanked me for being honest
But I've learned its not good
To grow too attached to people
Just love Jesus
He is consistent
And His love is the greatest of all
At least I have my podcasts
People will dissapoint
Podcasts don't
Neither does earth mother
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 6:58 PM UTC
How amazing
The trust you have for me
Even after I dissapoint
How incredible
The love you have for me
Especially in my angriest moments
How lovely
The way you hold on to me
When my attention is miles away from you
The way you get under my skin
The way your actions graze my nerves
With every little thing you do
The way you touch my heart
The way I beam with pride
With every small progress you make
The way I struggle
The way I gather patience
With each button you push
How fulfilling it is
To achieve that progress
In the smallest measure
In the largest proportion
It's not just love
But unconditional love
It's not just commitment
But undying commitment
May 17, 2019
May 17, 2019 at 3:25 AM UTC