I don't know how many times I have to say it, it's so close now
"You have to slow down, I'm worried about you"
That is the last thing I want to hear from you
You don't have the ******* right
I will die and be forgotten
You won't read this.
Feb 23, 2015
Feb 23, 2015 at 1:57 AM UTC
People understand that I'm "insecure"
People understand that I don't take complements well
People understand that if you ask me what my strengths are I will struggle to give you a response
But what people don't understand is the utter hatred and loathing I have for myself as a person
If it wouldn't dissapoint someone I would rather be dead in a heart beat
I hate the life that Ive had and the life I forsee for myself and I know that all of it is my fault
Everything is my fault.
I am a bad person, and some how in my making the lines between riteous and evil where blurred infinitely
There is nothing good about me and nothing of value and I itterly disgust myself
So when people yell at me or critize me I often come off as arrogant by my lack of defensiveness and or solution because I am already so vividly and fully aware of the piece of **** **** that I am
I think if people really got that I would make a lot more sense to them and I could get away with a lot more
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 3:53 AM UTC
Rocking has become a big part of my life now
If I sit still for two long my joints with lock up, and I will become brittle like the death that I am
But If I stay fluid and in motion
My stress will keep me awake
Im having a harder and harder time telling whats really happening to me and whats not
Sometimes at 4 in the morning, Ill drive through parts of town very fast
Because when it's so dark, and so quiet, and no one knows your gone
You have to run
Dec 15, 2014
Dec 15, 2014 at 1:40 PM UTC
I'm dying I can feel it
My body is decaying
I don't have the *** appeal I did at 15
I'm a ghost
And you're getting bored
Don't defebd yourself don't tell me you're not
Because you are
And after I'm dead you won't remember how you were getting tired of me
You won't remember trying to leave early
You'll remember our kisses and how I touched your face
But the truth is that im dying
And soon i will put myself out
But if somehow you should read this after the fact
Know that I loved you so much
I loved you more than anyone
More than the other lovers
More than my love of bone
I loved you like God
I always claimed to be an athiest
But darling you were divine intervention
And I thank the saints and the heavens
For giving you to me
If only for a while
Oct 22, 2014
Oct 22, 2014 at 11:06 AM UTC
Can It exist in this sense
How can the feeling of rope and stars be so wrong
There won't be unspeakable grief
Just nothing
I want to be forgotten
I will be forgotten
Sep 30, 2014
Sep 30, 2014 at 12:30 PM UTC
Pursuit to be fragile and small
Pursuit to break
Oh god these constant ******* tears are the only consistent truth that I hold
Because time after time, delusion and trance
clears
and what's left is the ******* reality that there is nothing here
God i hate this body
I hate my words
I hate my regrets
so many ******* regrets
can't stop bleeding
bleeding
"Can I still get into heaven if I **** myself?"
Sep 30, 2014
Sep 30, 2014 at 12:26 PM UTC
Your love just isn't enough
These pills just aren't enough
My screams aren't loud enough
There's just not enough
I'm too tired to bide time anymore
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 11:08 PM UTC
I saw you yesterday
First in my own face shrinking in the mirror
Like I do every morning
Then in your garage
We smoked until it hurt
Until we were tired
Until we could talk about that night without grieving
"I'd give anything to go back to that night, just that night"
The night we hurt each other
The night we gave each other something that no one else could understand
I lit your cigarette hazily in the backyard because your hands were covered in gasoline
I forget what we talked about
What I do remember was the expression on his face when he showed up unannounced
hurt
angry
I don't know why I stayed
Maybe because I couldn't move
Maybe because I was scared for you
He was screaming so loudly, and I heard your plants break
Then he came outside
"let me ask you one question"
I laughed at him
I told him I wouldn't go
That he was dangerous
Crazy
I proclaimed your innocence
But you came outside
With tears in your eyes and your throat bright red
You asked me to leave
So I did
Sep 17, 2014
Sep 17, 2014 at 1:41 PM UTC
And so do funerals
You ******* witch how did you do this to me
I'm grieving over you so much, I can't stop screaming
And these ******* tears won't stop beaming in the moonlight
The moonlight that's tried to wipe your kisses off my cheek night after night
Tried to absolve me from the smell of your hair
I could write about your eyes, but I know you hate that
I could right about the cracks in your skin, but you'd probably like that
Evil poisonous girl
You've ruined me
Sep 14, 2014
Sep 14, 2014 at 7:34 AM UTC
You drive your hands so deep into my throat
And oh how I ache from head to toe
And oh the colors on my freshly marked skin
I am livestock, and you brand me with kisses and lust
Your hands up my skirt, brushing over my lace, while your god is watching you fall away from glory and inside of me
We taste like sin
And oh how sweet it tasted going down my throat
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 9:47 PM UTC