Expectations of others still holding me at gunpoint.
Everyone and their mothers, I know I'll disapoint.
Not everyone can win if this internal battle continues.
But everyone could win if we stop the abuse.

The abuse of others, the society around,
Could become productive if we listened through the sound.
Listened to the people but not the words they say,
Because everyone communicates in their personal way.

If we listened to ourselves and followed what we feel,
Maybe everyone in this world could go home to a meal.
Maybe someday we will love and the fighting will cease,
and maybe someday we will be people of peace.

For now Im alone and considered slightly mad,
For straying from the norm apparently Ive gone bad.
Someday we will all stray from the norm.
We will all become "mad" rather than conform.

When that day comes the norm is gone for good.
People will be free and I will be understood.
With just a free spirit you can help to release,
A whole new world for the people of peace.

I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.

Please shove more violent words down my throat, driving me closer & closer to that black hearse. I never meant to disapoint you...with shakey fingers I etch out my goodbyes across the smooth cold tiles. That empty place in my chest, filled with sorrow. I wipe the makeup off my face, I don't want to meet God that way. I don't want to disapoint anyone else. They say the first 20 years are the hardest. But I know 40 year olds that never got up on their feet. I won't be like that...I won't be like that. And when you scream out, help me it echoes off these dungeon walls. Sobs come & go like the ocean tide, Ocean I'll miss you. And they say to grieve the living not the dead and most of those who never knew love and love I'll grieve you. It's a violent time this life, I can tell You how you'll make it. take a deep breath & fake it. But I cant, because I'm selfish. So don't grieve me when I'm gone, just walk the art galleries back home. You'll find me there...

I sand still.
your stare penatrates me.
It hurts sending a cold chill.
Your kiss is a drug it's the key.
how can i regain your trust?
i will do watever it takes.
ur body moves, i fill with such lust.
I'm tired of them ******* fakes.
who else dpes this disapoint?
just who are you?
tell them ******* go smoke a joint.
can i find anything you say to be true?
im lost and alone.
music is my serenity.
can you hear my tone?
i love you ******!
its the last time i can say it.

Evevry night in my bed i hug my pillow and i imagin that is you touching my face
I keep your picture near to me and oh i can,t take my eyes from you
I imagin you staying close to me watching at me and touching my hair
I almost can see the love in your eyes
My dear angel i want you with me for the restle of my life
You are the one what i love
In you,re armas i want to die
You,ll be the last thing what i,ll see
You change my life, now the sun is shining on my way
I know that you are with me no matter where i go or what i do
You know me better than anyone else, you know my heart, my mind
You create the love in me
You,ll never lose me
You have my heart, my love , my mind
You know who i am and what i am
You change my life, you change my heart, you put all the trust in me and i,ll never disapoint you, i,ll never hurt you again
My beautiful angel with blue eyes, i love you so much
Every morning i wake up with you in my mind, you are there all the time
No one will ever separate us no matter what they will do
You are my men and i,m you,re bride
Just like in a fairytale we,ll be together untill we,ll get older and die
I love you, i love you, i love you my beautiful sunshine.

This will always hurt
if it ever starts.
As we fake this time together
I'll wait for you to break my heart.

Sorry for the pain
all I've ever caused.
Shouldn't have been so selfish
forgive these many flaws.

I'll disapoint you if you let me
and let me you have done.
Piece together these shattered parts
to make the man i have become.

Now its me who feels like a ghost
its my life I miss the most.
Gave it up now it seems
for you to live your dreams.

Its this time of night that the temptation creeps in.
The curiosity of what a message would envoke.
What truths could be set free,
Or more realistically; what lies would continue.
Regaining composure, to remember
I wont grant you the power to disapoint me again.