It seethes and it cries
This animal contained inside

Gnawing so rabidly at raw, scathing wounds
Howling so desparatley to the unattainable full moon
Snarling, screaming-- dying, dreaming
The beast snarles from out its cage
Clawing away its tears of rage

Hidden fragments of a feeble human mind
Buried in the morals left so far behind
Condemned to fury, a degenerate of its race
Manifested into the form of a calm human face

Im confused.
I can not allow myself to be happy,
To feel loved.
And when it is expressed to me,
I brush it off my shoulder.
As though it ment nothing.
And that's the problem.
It does mean something,
But im not sure what.
Maybe smiles,
Laughter,
Squinted eyes,
And rosy cheeks.
Those memories
And good feelings I give you,
You are now trying to express back to me.
But maybe you have different memories.
You do see the laughter and smiles,
But maybe a pretty girl,
With bright eyes
Appeared first.
A warm, cozy feeling wraps you,
As it did for me.
Or maybe you think nothing.
And these over analyzing of thoughts,
Leads me down a dark road.
A lonely memory,
An old way of life
Flashes back.
Dispare,
Awkwardness,
Shyness,
Agravation,
Self- loathing feelings
Raindown apon me.
So I can't think of the positve you see in me.
Even when you tell me to love you,
And show me with open arms
That it's okay,
I just can't.
I'm broken.
Maybe you can't see,
But I cannot accept-
The love that i so desperately want,
The friendship that I need to establish,
Affection,
Attention,
That I crave with every fiber of my being.
But I can't show it.
So I've built an invisible bulletproof wall.
You, my friend may not see it,
But I can tell you sense it's presence.
And that fact alone,
Kills me.
I so desparatley want to tear it down,
Too feel your warm presence,
But it's for your own good,
        my own good.
Because if I show my friendship,
And express my love,
And give you everything I've been holding back
For so long,
...
It's simply too much.
Im too much for you to bare.
       For anyone to bare.
So I'd rather go completely numb to the world,
Than loose sight of you.
And that is already in progress.
I know I'm just another,
But I'm different.
And thar's why I'm confused.
I train myself to think like everyone else,
But I have a different perspective.
So I keep my distance,
Which slowly breaks our bond,
Along with my weary heart.
But it 's for the best.
I'd rather be eased off into loneliness,
than having the whole world one day,
And loosing it the next.
Because that has happened.
And I can not go on if history repeat itself.
So here I sit.
In the corner,
Watching everyone dance to the music.
And then I think,
Maybe your confused too.

Life changes fast.
You may think,
Youve reached the end of the story.
But little did you know
A new book comes out,
Adding more to the elaborate plot.
You may think,
Where you stand is forever,
But one minute your on the gound,
And the next your paramount.

Three hours.
Three hours is how fast,
The rollercoaster I'm on goes.
And hes the conductor.
And when i finially thought ,
I have gained control,
I go through a loop,
And my mind is twisted.

I don't understand,
The feelings you have.
And you need to understand,
You don't know mine.
If you could only see,
How desparatley ive been trying,
How much I've been shuned,
What I went throught.
Then maybe,
Just maybe,
You can make a conclusion.
Talk to me.
Just talk.
Why don't we talk.
If your just as confused as i am,
If everything i thought,
My wildest dreams,
Are in fact today true,
Why does your face show a different story?
Can you change at the drop of a hat?
Like i can.
Can you change if you read my book?
Have you tried?

I know there was electricity,
That i thought was dead.
Maybe theres a spark left.
But the one who i trust most
Cut our conection.
Can we fix it?
Thats what i want-
thats what i NEED
to know.
You have loved ,
As i have loved you.
Can we go back?
Why are you,
Broken too?