Perhaps it is only now
I am discovering
the depths of my brokenness
go beyond border, barrier,
core, and atmosphere…
that I am out there, scattered
to make a universe
of dust and fire, shattered debris
stretched light-years across darkness
burning glimpses through the distance,
pacing heavy circles ‘round myself
to find a center so far from the heartland.
But I can bring
only so much order
to my chaos, reason
so well with madmen,
my method is a shadow
of the sweet wisdom torn
to pieces by too much of one’s own company.
I am separated to fill void with void,
a noise-induced silence, song of songs,
I am attempting to cancel myself out
of all in one that will never again be All And One,
I will atrophy every part until my stars are numb
and the sense comes that I was Never
and None.
My mind is a web made of
mirrors that reflect the mysteries
of what is now history, that
distort the present and come to
blind me with flashes of
all the could-be’s, would-be’s
and all the could-have-been’s
I am a damsel living
in a world that is not
quite fit for me, but I’m
afraid there is no choice
but to Let It Be, and
though perfection is
unattainable, happiness
might not be so far
I am a recovering perfectionist
and I am trying to learn the
beauty of a land where not
everything aligns, where one
man’s flaw is another’s design
I passed the new york in your eyes notriously
before ever really speaking the language that they shrieked
the rigourus dimensions
the pale fingers speak
send your signals to me
fly seas
dance in breeze
remember the ****** when in her blackened tongue she speaks
fragility giving birth to her gritty skeletons
came to me one night and begged me to breathe
poetically told me it was me the universe seeks
not who they said I was
but to shed the hiding technique
the ill and sly words in my tongue raging to leak
the ordained freak and the memories
laying in the back of my mind somewhere,
those
those real antiques
to my side I kick those ordinary bullies
and now Im watching them burn in the lowest average of these cities
I let my hair grow
wear bright colors
and dance the dance of the gipsies
I take life back further than the fifties
then further then the thirties
I run to the cemetary and mingle with that one zombie
the one who I let go of
and let him explain to me the details of my hidden worries
he tells me to let them go
I shoot the fatigued oldness in the heart with the spine of my arrow
I make loves to all my shadows
I hallow in my very mellow
state of mind
my intrinsic phsyco
my cronic rainbow
I dont need your superfiality
because as human I have won the mental lotto
